Advice for PNMs: Not getting a bid to your 1st choice.
 

Also: Remember that we don't know what the future holds. Had I not accepted Alpha Chi's bid, there's a number of things that wouldn't have happened:

1) I wouldn't have taken a leadership position within my freshman year
2) I wouldn't have gotten involved in Student Government
3) I wouldn't be blessed with the incredible women I am proud to call "sister"
4) I would not have seen the confirmation of one of my favorite quotes: "It is good to know that the things that are meant to be, will be, in the long run."

Stick it out- don't be that girl who drops her bid like a hot potato. That doesn't mean you have to go through initiation- just go through at least part of the new member program.

Agree with all above. Well said!

Can't emphasize this point enough:
If you do not receive your first choice, do NOT cry, pout, huff, mourn, languish, expire, sigh, sob, sniffle, glare, or otherwise louse up Bid Day for your new sisters.

If you receive your second or third or fifth choice on Bid Day and want to give it a chance, then step up to the plate and do it with style and grace. See it as an opportunity to show your character. You may be disappointed, even crushed, but the actives are thrilled to welcome the new members and most of the new members are thrilled to be there. No matter how much people might sympathize with your situation, if you create drama or stand aloof from the celebration, you will appear childish and rude. Besides, the girl next to you who is beaming and being gracious to all may be suffering the same pangs as you. She is just wise enough to keep it to herself.

Resist the temptation to tell your new sisters that they are not your first choice. This is information you don't want to share. Our experience teaches us that most people become reconciled, even pleased or thrilled with their situation over time. You may discover that your "second choice" is the best thing that happens to you in college.

But people have long memories, and long after you have moved on emotionally and are proudly running for Secretary or Recruitment Chair or Queen of the May, your sisters may well remember you as the one who REALLY wanted to be a Gamma Gamma Poo and spent the first three weeks of New Member Ed in a snit--and vote accordingly. (Have seen several elections lost this way)

The truth is, you spend 3 or 4 years as an active and maybe 40-50 years or more as an alum. All of the sororities have excellent values, core beliefs, philanthropies, leadership training and social activities. They all have active alumni organizations with more opportunities than you can take advantage of. They all have nice jewelry. They all have pretty colors, crests and mottos. They all have a proud history. They all have famous or not so famous members. They all have chapters that are the hottest of the hot on campus and chapters that are about to fold. Once you are out of school, none of the tiers, social status or other nonsense matters one iota. (or beta, for that matter)

Also, know that if you accept a bid card that is not your first choice, you are in very good company. Most women do not have a perfect rush. Many women do not join the sorority they dreamed of prior to recruitment, but most of them find a beloved home despite that.

All great advice. THanks for starting this thread KSU.

One thing that I would add: do not feel/complain that the group that you did not receive a bid from was "fake," "led you on," "lied to you," etc. It is very, very likely that the women whom you met during recruitment *did* like you and *did* want you to be a part of their chapter. However, virtually all of the PNMs in a pref party have the same situation. Everyone attending the pref party likely has a group of members pulling for them.

Only a specified number can receive bids, but everyone at the pref party is somewhere on the bid list. You were genuinely liked by the group, as evidenced by receiving an invitation to the pref party.

It is also likely that the members that you met do not know where you fell on the list and may be thinking that you turned them down! Keep your head high, and run to the chapter that bid you with grace and dignity. Your new sisters will be so excited to see you!

I'd take this even a step further and keep in mind all during recruitment that you represent your future chapter and people will judge the strength of your pledge class based on impressions that you make other places. Be sincere and as positive as you can throughout the process, and your eventual chapter will be better for it.

I couldn't have said that any better, but I'd like to tack on a suggestion:

Your first week in your chapter is when you should know that you know that you know what being discreet is all about; what to say about your new sorority to others, what you say to your new sisters, how you handle your own feelings. It's not just warm fuzzies, it's growing up!

Such a great post! I didn't get my first choice and I was devastated at first. I was SURE I was going to get my first choice, and just couldn't believe I didn't.

Then I went to my Bid Day events, met some great girls and decided to give it a chance. It was the best thing I ever did. I met some of my closest friends in the world, was a leader in my pledge class, on my exec board and on my university's Panhellenic board. I was usually a walking billboard for my sorority. :eek: I know I would not have gotten the experiences and opportunities I had had I joined another chapter. Turns out, I am still very close friends with girls from my "first choice," and I lived with a few of them after college, but I know that I ended up where I was supposed to be. I am so glad that I joined the house I did--of course the other sorority is a wonderful organization and I would have been proud to be a member. But for who I was in college and who I am now, I know it worked out like it was supposed to.

I absolutely agree. LITB :)

I didn't get my first choice either and wasn't thrilled by my 2nd choice. But I went with an open mind and was willing to give them a shot. I kept telling myself "These are the girls who wanted ME!" My 1st choice didn't want me enough, so why should I boo-hoo over a group that doesn't want me? It was their loss and my 2nd choices gain. :)

I look back now nearly 25 years later and know without a shadow of a doubt that it really did turn out for the best.

I love your thought process and that is exactly how I look at things^^

ITA! I went through recruitment with BabyPink_FL, and we experienced a rush of emotions together. I distinctly remember telling a friend I'd rather vomit than join my second choice. Needless to say, I ended up getting a bid to my 2nd choice, and wasn't totally excited about it. But at the bid revelation process, when I saw my new sisters ready to welcome me with open arms, I knew I needed to give them a chance.

And it still felt uncomfortable during my new member process, considering a great deal of friends and my roommate were members of my 1st choice. But from about halfway through my new member period on, it just clicked and I knew that I ended up where I was supposed to. And I was able to partake in amazing experiences with my chapter and make even more amazing friends all over the Greek community!

If my experience hadn't happened, I would not have traveled for my National Organization after graduation, served my chapter or our Greek community as heavily as I did or been able to find such support and mentorship amongst so many of my sisters as I began my career. ABSOLUTELY worth it all. And my friend still gives it to me about the vomit comment - something I can laugh about now, I guess...:rolleyes:

All of this is so true! While I didn't receive a bid to my first choice, I stuck with my second choice and now that I have spent the year with my chapter, I know that while I have difficulties with my sister(s), that there is no better place for me. Would I have done well with my first choice? Probably. However, for whatever reason, they didn't want me then and my sorority did.

Your sorority cannot make your experience the best without your own effort. ACTUAL EFFORT! Also, I have met some of the most amazing women who are alum and I am so blessed to have found them. Sororities are bigger than just your campus, they are nation wide (for non-locals that is) and there is so much you can do with that!

This is a great point for new members who received bids to their 2nd (or 3rd) choice to remember. On Bid Day, our VP Membership would always meet with us before the new members got their bids to announce who we "got." After the list was read, we would always start thinking, "What happened to Susie Rushee? We didn't get her...she must have liked XYZ better. Bummer!" It didn't really occur to us that some of those girls must have been ranked low on our bid list. If a sorority invites you to a Pref party, the girls in that chapter would have been proud to have you as a sister. At my school, only the VP Membership and an advisor knew how everyone was ranked, and I never heard of an instance where that information was leaked.

When I went through recruitment, I just knew there was only one house that I would click with. I was fortunate and received a bid to that chapter, but as I look back on it now, I realize that I really could have been happy with any of the chapters on my campus. Almost any sorority is going to have a mix of interesting, great girls. Embrace this opportunity that you have been given and remember that YOU will soon be a full member of your sorority and have the chance to make it what you want it to be.

I did get my first choice, but I still have some advice.

I rushed as a junior with a not-so-hot GPA (although it was on it's way up!)

I knew from day one, that had my #1 dropped me for whatever reason, I would join whomever would give me a bid. Not because I wanted to join ANY sorority, but because

A) My second option were an amazing group of girls

B)I knew that my chances were not so hot and was VERY realistic about my expectations for being dropped.

and

C) THEY would have still wanted ME!

I did set out to be in a particular sorority (not always the best game plane at rush), but I knew I wanted to be Greek even if that didn't work out. That was more important. I also knew I would never rush again as a senior.

As a member of Panhellenic I saw girls that didn't even deal with basic hygiene swear that they had to be a member of #1sororityoncampuswhereeverygirlishotandhasamazing hairand4.0gpaandisoverlyinvolved.

Be realistic. Try to imagine a chapter that is realistic for who you are or who you are avidly (and outwardly) working toward becoming. See if you see those qualities in the chapters on your campus.

That is true too! I don't dispute that. I guess that's why I kept hearing that comment I mentioned earlier over and over again! I definitely don't want to discourage anyone from trying.

ETA: I reworded it, I hope it's more friendly, give me feedback.

40 plus years ago a young, naive transfer student showed up at a major (I think major -10 NPC groups ) Southern university as a sophomore with references in place and only one group on her mind. Rush went very well until....preference. I opened my envelope and all I saw was that said group, who I was meant to be, did not invite me back for preference. It didn't matter I had 3 other choices. I dropped out of recruitment without a hesitation. I don't even remember who was on the list. I just remember who was not. Like the the glass is half empty instead of half full.

Fast forward to 3 weeks later, a group, who I had really liked during rush, but were not known as one of the TOP groups invited me to join as I guess today would be called a COB. I pondered this. What should I do? I liked them. Could I grow to love them? It was a risk but I took it.

All I can say is today, I cannot imagine anything but being a Kappa Delta. I have served 6 years as a national officer, continue to serve in my community on the reference board and House Corporation Board and the most important thing are the friends I have made not just from my chapter but from all over the United States. What a wonderful bond of sisterhood.

I have wanted to post my recruitment story, and here it is in a nutshell.

Thanks for sharing.

I have heard many girls who declined their 2nd choice or depledged their 2nd choice say: "I wish I had stuck it out." or "I wish I had taken it."

I feel like it's better to take the chance than to look back and totally regret not at least trying it.

One of my closest PH friends did not get her first choice. But she decided to give the group a try because they had wanted her. Fast forward, she was a traveling consultant for them after she graduated, served in several alum positions and eventually was elected to their Grand Council as a Vice President. I admire her greatly! She is a credit to all NPC organizations and especially the one she belongs to.

Thank you so much for this thread! I keep hearing things like "you'll know your house the second you walk in" or "you just feel it." Which sounds great until you hear about everyone that gets dropped or doesn't get *that* bid. As a pnm that is rushing a week from monday (ahhh!) it is reasuring to hear that things will probably work out eventually even if your rush isn't picture purfect. Plus, at least for my campus it seems that all of the sororites have great qualities and great girls.

If you end up at your 3rd choice, just remember THEY wanted you, and invited you back more than twice or more. THEY think you are great. Please give them a shot--and NEVER let them think they are not your first choice. It will be up to you to make them your first choice, and in a year from now I'd bet you can't imagine a better group of friends---but only if YOU give them an honest shot.

in fact, the sorority will never know that you did not place them 1st on your list, unless you tell them.

What a wonderful thread. Too many girls are concerned with what I guess are called "suicide bids." They only list one group at the end of pref night and if they don't get a bid the next day, they swear off greek life and will be crushed. Sometimes what you think you want is not what's best or where you're meant to be in the long run. No one can tell the future, so one can never be sure that one chapter is better over another for them until they experience it. Go with the flow, sometimes it's better than a well thought out plan.

Hey everyone, I was a Pi Chi 2 years during my time at Auburn. Here is some of the advice that I've given my girls who have been cut by their favorite sororities or who didn't get their 1st or 2nd choice.

1. The girls that are rushing you usually aren't going to end up being your best friend. The girls that you will be closest too are the girls who are lining up to go into the parties with you! A lot of girls don't think of this! But it is SOOO true!

2. If you end up pledging a sorority that wasn't your favorite because you didn't like their recruitment. Take that as a chance to step up and change things for the better! The sororities are looking for girls who are going to make their chapter better! Don't just sit back, step up and make a difference!! It makes it even more fun!

3. KEEP AN OPEN MIND!!!! enough said :)

4. If you get a bid from a sorority that isn't your favorite, give them a chance! They've rushed you hard and they want you to be apart of their sisterhood!!


Ok, thats all I can think of right now! :) Good luck!!

Hey ,thanks for bumping this, KSU, this is a good one!

I agree with most of what has been said in this thread, but I do not believe that this is true. I have seen MANY girls reduced to tears after not being accepted to their college of choice or being cut from a team. That being said, rejection hurts, especially when you have not learned how to cope with it yet (which is often true of girls in their teens). The reason is often not apparent for any of these situations, but you have to learn to make the most of the opportunities you do have instead of dwell on the ones you do not.

couldnt agree more with what autigercourt said!

Just because it's your first choice during recruitment...doesnt mean it's actually the best fit for YOU. I think there are so many girls who want to pledge a certain house because it's full of the type of girls they WANT to be, not the type of girls they actually ARE. PNMs: Look around while you're waiting for the party to start (esp at prefs, but for all rounds after round 1). Can you see yourself fitting in with the girls that are lining up with you? Do you feel comfortable at the house, or are you nervous trying to make a good impression so the sisters will like you? These are all things to think about because what you want may not be what you need or what will be suit you. :)

http://www.majhost.com/gallery/DarkR....gif_thumb.jpg

If you seriously think that qualified people haven't been rejected from colleges, teams or other activities that require competition to join, you are extraordinarily naive.

There's bumping a thread and there's replying to the comments from almost a year ago...

haha I knew it was posted a year ago, but the girl had a good point.

(sorry I edited what I said. I absolutely have no idea what I'm talking about, and should probably just shut up.)