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-   -   Advice for PNMs: Not getting a bid to your 1st choice. (http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=106678)

WCsweet<3 08-06-2009 04:53 PM

All of this is so true! While I didn't receive a bid to my first choice, I stuck with my second choice and now that I have spent the year with my chapter, I know that while I have difficulties with my sister(s), that there is no better place for me. Would I have done well with my first choice? Probably. However, for whatever reason, they didn't want me then and my sorority did.

Your sorority cannot make your experience the best without your own effort. ACTUAL EFFORT! Also, I have met some of the most amazing women who are alum and I am so blessed to have found them. Sororities are bigger than just your campus, they are nation wide (for non-locals that is) and there is so much you can do with that!

KD4Me 08-06-2009 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blondie93 (Post 1832467)
All great advice. THanks for starting this thread KSU.

One thing that I would add: do not feel/complain that the group that you did not receive a bid from was "fake," "led you on," "lied to you," etc. It is very, very likely that the women whom you met during recruitment *did* like you and *did* want you to be a part of their chapter. However, virtually all of the PNMs in a pref party have the same situation. Everyone attending the pref party likely has a group of members pulling for them.

Only a specified number can receive bids, but everyone at the pref party is somewhere on the bid list. You were genuinely liked by the group, as evidenced by receiving an invitation to the pref party.

It is also likely that the members that you met do not know where you fell on the list and may be thinking that you turned them down! Keep your head high, and run to the chapter that bid you with grace and dignity. Your new sisters will be so excited to see you!


This is a great point for new members who received bids to their 2nd (or 3rd) choice to remember. On Bid Day, our VP Membership would always meet with us before the new members got their bids to announce who we "got." After the list was read, we would always start thinking, "What happened to Susie Rushee? We didn't get her...she must have liked XYZ better. Bummer!" It didn't really occur to us that some of those girls must have been ranked low on our bid list. If a sorority invites you to a Pref party, the girls in that chapter would have been proud to have you as a sister. At my school, only the VP Membership and an advisor knew how everyone was ranked, and I never heard of an instance where that information was leaked.

When I went through recruitment, I just knew there was only one house that I would click with. I was fortunate and received a bid to that chapter, but as I look back on it now, I realize that I really could have been happy with any of the chapters on my campus. Almost any sorority is going to have a mix of interesting, great girls. Embrace this opportunity that you have been given and remember that YOU will soon be a full member of your sorority and have the chance to make it what you want it to be.

BabyPiNK_FL 08-06-2009 06:41 PM

I did get my first choice, but I still have some advice.

I rushed as a junior with a not-so-hot GPA (although it was on it's way up!)

I knew from day one, that had my #1 dropped me for whatever reason, I would join whomever would give me a bid. Not because I wanted to join ANY sorority, but because

A) My second option were an amazing group of girls

B)I knew that my chances were not so hot and was VERY realistic about my expectations for being dropped.

and

C) THEY would have still wanted ME!

I did set out to be in a particular sorority (not always the best game plane at rush), but I knew I wanted to be Greek even if that didn't work out. That was more important. I also knew I would never rush again as a senior.

As a member of Panhellenic I saw girls that didn't even deal with basic hygiene swear that they had to be a member of #1sororityoncampuswhereeverygirlishotandhasamazing hairand4.0gpaandisoverlyinvolved.

Be realistic. Try to imagine a chapter that is realistic for who you are or who you are avidly (and outwardly) working toward becoming. See if you see those qualities in the chapters on your campus.

KSUViolet06 08-06-2009 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BabyPiNK_FL (Post 1832882)

Look for the chapter that is realistic for you or who you are avidly (and outwardly) working toward becoming. Aiming high for oneself should be encouraged, but chapters do typically look for similar people to perpetuate whatever it is that they are "famous" for or are most like them.

Isn't it a bit difficult to determine this if you're an 18 year old college freshman? Alot of times, you don't know who you want to be. You might know who you THINK you want to be, but figuring that out takes time. So how can you "realistically determine" what sorority you should be in?

I think that's why it's important to be open-minded during the process. You really never know where you'll "fit" and when you prematurely say "I don't want to be here" or "I want to be like these girls so I want to be in this chapter" you miss out on the opportunity to find out.

BabyPiNK_FL 08-06-2009 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06 (Post 1832892)
Isn't it a bit difficult to determine this if you're an 18 year old college freshmen? Alot of times, you don't know who you want to be. You might know who you THINK you want to be, but figuring that out takes time. So how can you "realistically determine" what sorority you should be in?

I think that's why it's important to be open-minded during the process. You really never know where you'll "fit" and when you prematurely say "I don't want to be here" or "I want to be like these girls so I want to be in this chapter" you miss out on the opportunity to find out.

That is true too! I don't dispute that. I guess that's why I kept hearing that comment I mentioned earlier over and over again! I definitely don't want to discourage anyone from trying.

ETA: I reworded it, I hope it's more friendly, give me feedback.

Just interested 08-06-2009 07:23 PM

40 plus years ago a young, naive transfer student showed up at a major (I think major -10 NPC groups ) Southern university as a sophomore with references in place and only one group on her mind. Rush went very well until....preference. I opened my envelope and all I saw was that said group, who I was meant to be, did not invite me back for preference. It didn't matter I had 3 other choices. I dropped out of recruitment without a hesitation. I don't even remember who was on the list. I just remember who was not. Like the the glass is half empty instead of half full.

Fast forward to 3 weeks later, a group, who I had really liked during rush, but were not known as one of the TOP groups invited me to join as I guess today would be called a COB. I pondered this. What should I do? I liked them. Could I grow to love them? It was a risk but I took it.

All I can say is today, I cannot imagine anything but being a Kappa Delta. I have served 6 years as a national officer, continue to serve in my community on the reference board and House Corporation Board and the most important thing are the friends I have made not just from my chapter but from all over the United States. What a wonderful bond of sisterhood.

I have wanted to post my recruitment story, and here it is in a nutshell.

KSUViolet06 08-06-2009 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just interested (Post 1832914)
40 plus years ago a young, naive transfer student showed up at a major (I think major -10 NPC groups ) Southern university as a sophomore with references in place and only one group on her mind. Rush went very well until....preference. I opened my envelope and all I saw was that said group, who I was meant to be, did not invite me back for preference. It didn't matter I had 3 other choices. I dropped out of recruitment without a hesitation. I don't even remember who was on the list. I just remember who was not. Like the the glass is half empty instead of half full.

Fast forward to 3 weeks later, a group, who I had really liked during rush, but were not known as one of the TOP groups invited me to join as I guess today would be called a COB. I pondered this. What should I do? I liked them. Could I grow to love them? It was a risk but I took it.

All I can say is today, I cannot imagine anything but being a Kappa Delta. I have served 6 years as a national officer, continue to serve in my community on the reference board and House Corporation Board and the most important thing are the friends I have made not just from my chapter but from all over the United States. What a wonderful bond of sisterhood.

I have wanted to post my recruitment story, and here it is in a nutshell.


Thanks for sharing.

I have heard many girls who declined their 2nd choice or depledged their 2nd choice say: "I wish I had stuck it out." or "I wish I had taken it."

I feel like it's better to take the chance than to look back and totally regret not at least trying it.

Titchou 08-06-2009 07:55 PM

One of my closest PH friends did not get her first choice. But she decided to give the group a try because they had wanted her. Fast forward, she was a traveling consultant for them after she graduated, served in several alum positions and eventually was elected to their Grand Council as a Vice President. I admire her greatly! She is a credit to all NPC organizations and especially the one she belongs to.

BadCat25 08-06-2009 08:27 PM

Sorority recruitment has the almost unique ability to drive girls crazy. You donít see girls reduced to tears after being rejected by Harvard or being cut at tryouts for the basketball team. I think itís because you can see some rational reason for these rejections. Your SATs werenít high enough or you had a lousy jump shot. With rush you just canít see any reason for it. Why didnít ABC like me? Whatís wrong with me? Why canít I be part of the ďin groupĒ? You will never know and can never figure it out.

futuregreek? 08-08-2009 10:09 PM

Thank you so much for this thread! I keep hearing things like "you'll know your house the second you walk in" or "you just feel it." Which sounds great until you hear about everyone that gets dropped or doesn't get *that* bid. As a pnm that is rushing a week from monday (ahhh!) it is reasuring to hear that things will probably work out eventually even if your rush isn't picture purfect. Plus, at least for my campus it seems that all of the sororites have great qualities and great girls.

greekmomjo 08-10-2009 02:00 AM

If you end up at your 3rd choice, just remember THEY wanted you, and invited you back more than twice or more. THEY think you are great. Please give them a shot--and NEVER let them think they are not your first choice. It will be up to you to make them your first choice, and in a year from now I'd bet you can't imagine a better group of friends---but only if YOU give them an honest shot.

FSUZeta 08-10-2009 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greekmomjo (Post 1833905)
If you end up at your 3rd choice, just remember THEY wanted you, and invited you back more than twice or more. THEY think you are great. Please give them a shot--and NEVER let them think they are not your first choice. It will be up to you to make them your first choice, and in a year from now I'd bet you can't imagine a better group of friends---but only if YOU give them an honest shot.

in fact, the sorority will never know that you did not place them 1st on your list, unless you tell them.

KSUViolet06 08-15-2009 02:47 AM

Bumping!

barefootbeauty 08-15-2009 11:17 PM

What a wonderful thread. Too many girls are concerned with what I guess are called "suicide bids." They only list one group at the end of pref night and if they don't get a bid the next day, they swear off greek life and will be crushed. Sometimes what you think you want is not what's best or where you're meant to be in the long run. No one can tell the future, so one can never be sure that one chapter is better over another for them until they experience it. Go with the flow, sometimes it's better than a well thought out plan.

autigercourt 08-15-2009 11:41 PM

Hey everyone, I was a Pi Chi 2 years during my time at Auburn. Here is some of the advice that I've given my girls who have been cut by their favorite sororities or who didn't get their 1st or 2nd choice.

1. The girls that are rushing you usually aren't going to end up being your best friend. The girls that you will be closest too are the girls who are lining up to go into the parties with you! A lot of girls don't think of this! But it is SOOO true!

2. If you end up pledging a sorority that wasn't your favorite because you didn't like their recruitment. Take that as a chance to step up and change things for the better! The sororities are looking for girls who are going to make their chapter better! Don't just sit back, step up and make a difference!! It makes it even more fun!

3. KEEP AN OPEN MIND!!!! enough said :)

4. If you get a bid from a sorority that isn't your favorite, give them a chance! They've rushed you hard and they want you to be apart of their sisterhood!!


Ok, thats all I can think of right now! :) Good luck!!


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