PNM advice: the importance of personal connections in recruitment
 

And this is why you shouldn't go ballistic if you don't get back a full schedule every day, even if you're Miss Everything with a 6.0 GPA.

I'm borrowing these ^^^^ with you permission of course.

At schools where recruitment week is after school begins, don't you think that those girls from OOS could meet some members and make connections so they aren't meeting up with members on day 1? Or do they hide out in their houses and not try to engage the rest of the student body? Just trying to understand.

But one more time: even at the most competitive recruitments, the VAST, VAST majority of women receive invitations every round. To add to KSUViolet's example above, if ABC is a strong recruiting chapter and gets to invite 300 women, there's also a weaker recruiting chapter, XYZ, out there that gets to invite 600. In the end, they'll both end up with 25 NM's, but ABC is doing more of its sorting early, while XYZ is waiting more to see which women are interested in them.

So, it's great to cultivate personal relationships where/when you can, but if you don't have them, you don't have them, and you should rush anyway, just knowing that your schedule might not be as full.

And to pile on, Most Popular is so about rumor and history. Girls who don't know anything about any of the chapters get to rush, spend an hour with their rush group and suddenly know, KNOW that the Pi Pi Perfects are the only one for them. First, they don't know that. Second, in a school where there are 15+ chapters, seriously you think there can only be 1 best chapter? That 1 chapter wins Greek Week, Homecoming, Derby Days, Anchor Splash and flag football? It just doesn't work that way. So therefore, Best is too elusive a thing to waste your time on. If every chapter is making the numbers (thinking Bama and Auburn as examples here, and I think all of their chapters are at or close to parity), they all make good grades (they do), they all participate in everything (they do), they all have mixers, etc. etc., you need to get over it about who is best.

What this boils down to is the Pi Pi Perfects may require you, by sheer requirements of RFM to be known personally by at least 1 chapter member and probably 2 or 3. But probably 12 of the 15 chapters at my theoretical school will probably be perfectly cool with you being out of state or not having attended the right camp. We are NOT talking about you having to accept the "ok, they really suck but we're supposed to sound panhellenic" chapter. STOP THINKING ABOUT TIERS AND YOU'LL BE FINE.

But in conjunction with the importance of personal connections is the importance of conversation. You can make up for a myriad of sins, mediocre grades, insufficient recs, meh looks, by having a sparkling personality and an easy wit. And this IS a skill that can be learned. Memorable in a good way is what you REALLY need to focus on and is one of the few things you can control when you're 1 month away from rush.

I think you posted while I was composing my post; I'm definitely not meaning to be contrary.

Thanks for your insight. I'm certain my PNM doesn't have heart or mind set on any particular group. And I get that each house has their own personality and ways of going about things. That's what rush is about -- to find those that are compatible. Good fit for both house and member.

At schools where there is a big recruitment, say 50% of freshman girls who rush and pledge, but the #'s of upperclassmen in those houses aren't as strong, meaning they initiate 120 freshman, yet graduate 70-80 each year, when do members stop being so active? What are some common reasons?

Thanks again

Dropping out of school, transferring, money problems, boyfriend, difficult/time-consuming major, not liking the group.

Some girls will transfer to another school. Some will graduate a semester earlier or later than they were scheduled to. My group allowed for fifth year seniors to take alumnae status, but that doesn't mean everyone does.

I really want to use this as my siggy.

I find money to be the single biggest factor for women quitting. How they could not know the cost is mind boggling yet every year at least one New Member quits because of cost.

Way too many schools are not up front about cost, or are vague in their promotional/informational materials. I am all for mandatory full disclosure of costs, but that just doesn't happen everywhere. I think it leads to a "if you have to ask, you can't afford it" mentality.

To give you a different perspective on personal connections - they can work against you, too.

Scenario 1:

There was a house I really, really liked during rush - tent talk was that they never cut anyone, and then, BOOM, after round two, they cut me.

I was so surprised, especially because I knew several girls in the chapter -they had graduated two years ahead of me...with my sister. In fact, they had all been on Dance Team together.

And that's when I remembered that perhaps there had been a little friction on Dance Team their Senior Year with my sister and one of the girls from that sorority.

That may not have been the reason I got cut, but I'm betting it was.

I got over it pretty quickly.

Scenario 2:

The "Do You Know..." game.

I was so guilty of doing this, and it's such a bad idea, but I didn't realize it until I was on the sister side of Rush. This is when you meet someone and find out you have some type of vague connection - they grew up in Anytown, and so did a few people you went to camp with. You ask them, "Do you know Patty Personality? She's from Anytown."

This can go a number of ways - maybe she doesn't know Patty and that's that. Maybe she knows Patty and they're BFFs - great! Or maybe she knows Patty because Patty stole her boyfriend. Or maybe she used to torment "Fatty Patty" on the bus every day in Middle School.

It's so tempting to do because you're in a new place with new people and it feels so good to make a connection - the problem is, you have no idea what type of connection you're making.

We usually get a couple that transfer or that say they are dropping because of costs. There is always one person that says they are dropping because they have a really difficult major. This 2nd is really odd because the officers they have to sit at tell they are withdrawing are usually pre-med.

The truth is usually a combination of factors that usually includes while they like service they don't like someone telling they have to do service or they like parties but they don't like someone telling them they should go to a particular party. They don't like being required to go to chapter every week but then they get upset because they feel disconnected from their pledge class (cause they don't go to chapter every week or they scheduled a class during chapter.)

The other thing that I think contributes to a drop off between the number that pledge and the number that graduate is that CPC recruits women by saying "its a great way to meet people!" and "Find a home away from home!" Once girls have established themselves on campus and have made their core group of friends they don't always necessarily see a need to continue. On a campus that doesn't have a house or where not many women live in, its even easier to look at that cost as being an additional expense.

In that case - they aren't seeing the big picture - lifelong opportunities and friendships, a lifeline or a connection wherever you may end up either for family or career reasons, because they are thinking about it in the immediate situation.

I totally agree with all of your points. Actually on our application forms they say are you aware that sorority membership cost between $500 and $900 and you have to answer the question to submit. Also, I have found that all sororities basically cost the same but some include every thing in their dues and some don't. My daughter had a friend that went through last year and one of the factors of her choosing her group was that it was cheaper. I know for a fact it isn't it is just the other group includes every thing even the pin in their new member fees.

Preach it Panhellenic Sister!

Truth about the connections for sure, but for those OOS moms and daughters reading, out of state girls without personal connections get bids every year, even at the most competitive campuses. Every year, members "fall in love" with pnms they just met and fight for them like tigresses. Every year, a few stellar women inexplicably fall through the cracks, although that is far more rare than the rushees and their moms like to think. (I got dropped from EVERYONE typically means "I don't like the 3 I have left...")

Honestly, at the highly competitive campuses with 1300+ overachieving rushees, pledge classes of 100 and chapters of 300+, I almost think you could draw names out of a hat, randomly assign them to sororities, and it wouldn't look much different than it does now.

This thread is so great! :)

Make a good impression on those you meet and be yourself. I think that if any PNM took that advice, it would set them in good stead for recruitment AND in life.

Amen!

Okay, so what would you recommend a PNM do in these situations? How do you damage control? Bring it up? Hope no one remembers?

Hi.

I just recently joined the GC forum and have been reading through many of the discussions. I appreciate the willingness to help and the candor of the GC members.

I am looking for some advice regarding OOS PNMs. Next year, my daughter will be attending an OOS university and will be going through Recruitment as a freshman. Recruitment week is prior to when school starts and she will have little opportunity to meet any members prior to Recruitment. We have a very strong Greek background in my family (14 of the women went Greek), and she is a legacy at two of the sororities where she will be attending and has a relative in three others. I will be working with her to obtain recs for all of the groups.

Are there any suggestions that you may have to help her with making connections prior to Recruitment?

Thanks!

Also - is it better to have recs from local alumni or from alumni in the area where the University is located? Some of the recs that she will have will be from alumni that do not know her personally.

I'm not suggesting that you out her school, but without knowing it, it makes it somewhat difficult to answer this.

If she is going through recruitment at say, the University of Texas, and she didn't go to camp in the hill country or graduate from the right high school, she would have a real uphill battle. If she's going to the University of Illinois, it wouldn't matter much at all.

Having said that, she can't help that she doesn't have those connections, so there's no point dwelling on it now. Does her school have a Panhellenic Preview weekend for HS seniors or an orientation/campus visit program? At some schools this can be a valuable way to meet greek women on campus.

If that is also a no, try to get recs from women who personally know her. A letter written on her behalf by someone who knows her well could be weighted much more than a form that a stranger filled out. She does have time to introduce herself to alumnae, chat with them, answer any questions they have, etc.

Also, be sure her legacy forms are sent in for the applicable groups.

Additionally, keep in mind that OOS PNMs are getting placed at an extremely high rate all over the country. But, like all PNMs, she must be open to any and all groups on campus. If the ABCs only want in-state girls from Camp Mystic and Highland Park, she better be open to the DEFs who are willing to give her a chance.

Thanks!

It wouldn't be outing you too much to say this if this is the SEC, the big 12, etc. It makes a difference. And by OOS, how out of state? Missouri going to Alabama, Ohio to Tennessee or more like California going to Ole Miss? The closer you are to the school, the more likely you are to find connections. Some of these big southern schools are reaching a much broader population every year; and every year more OOS are getting bids. You might be surprised to find who you know there.

Just like people are told on this site over and over to reach out to people for recs, you need to take the next year to do the same in making personal connections, be it with the NPC girls who may be from your hometown, or local alums that may have a connection to one of your 14 greek family members. Keep digging to find it if your daughter is to have a better than average recruitment next year. With all the neccesary requirements (grades, activities, recs, etc) and no personal connections, she will likely have some choices, but not as many as the well connected girls. Sadly it just comes down to sheer volume of girls in the mix.

We were in a similar boat as you a few years ago, and worked hard to make a handful of connections, most of them with one chapter. Ultimately, this is where my daugher ended up.

In my mind, it just seems like the population of legacies is getting bigger every year, particularly in the SEC. This fall, we have watched several high quality hometown girls get dropped by double and triple legacy houses where the mom, aunt or grandmother attended. They counted on the legacy connection being enough and sadly, it just isn't enough anymore.

If the school has a "Panhellenic Preview Weekend" in the spring or some other such event, she needs to attend. That will get her started on the connections. Often shining at this event will get her on the chapter's radar and they'll be looking for her down the road. It's especially true at Alabama

Hi. Thanks for all the great advice. She is going to a school in the Pacific NW, and we live about 1, 200 miles away.

I will be reaching out to our local NPC tomorrow to start connecting.

Oh my! My SEC snobbery is showing! I just naturally assumed it was the center of our little southern universe. I just know you'll find connections, and maybe strike up some new friendships along the way.

No offense taken!

Btw I love Pinot!

My daughter just finished a very successful (though not flawless) recruitment at an SEC school as an OOS PNM. Until she started recruitment, she essentially knew no one at her university. While I completely agree that personal connections could have worked in her favor -- particularly between the third round and pref (where she saw the most significant cuts), she was able to have a very good week -- including a full schedule through the entire process -- and landed a great chapter that's absolutely the best place for her.

I believe my daughter's success was due to a very strong GPA, a solid resume of activities that included both volunteering and school activities, and having recs for every chapter. She also kept an open mind throughout the process and didn't let minor disappointments -- like finding her first back up chapter on her schedule instead of a favorite -- affect her.

There are some things that your daughter is not going to be able to change in the next 12 months. My guess is that "personal connections" might be one of those. If that's the case, I'd suggest that you encourage your daughter to maximize the factors she has more control over -- grades, activities, finding personal recommendations, and honing conversation skills. Just my two cents . . .

Thank you. Great advice from everyone. I really appreciate it!