Thinking of not initiating next week.
 

I attend a small university in our state's college system. I accepted a bid for the sorority of my first choice, have recently gone through Big/Little reveal. I've generally enjoyed the new member period in theory as I was excited to begin this next chapter making sister-friends for life.

I joined for the sisterhood and while the older girls have been friendly we are at different places in our lives. The girls in my pledge class ( of about 20 or so) haven't been inclusive and are very cliquey. I've done all the usual friend-making efforts- smiled, attend fundraisers, participated wherever I could, attended formal bonding events, asked to be included in non formal :o events giving the benefit of the doubt to the group as maybe they just didn't realize I wasn't given notice. I've shown up for informal pictures only to be told they're done taking group shots, texted to meet up/walk together to chapter or events, asked in the group chats and privately for updates I've missed due to classes, etc. I get nothing in response to social media, a few of the girls are nice as I'm talking to them, but nothing happens to correct the situation.

I don't understand the social exclusion as I've not done anything that I know of to offend them. We were all invited to join the same sorority so we must have something in common. The older sisters have noticed the situation asking me privately why I've not been included in pictures/get- togethers, even general comments to the group about lack of pledge class unity and following the tenants of sisterhood have been addressed in our chapter meetings.

I'm feeling stressed/depressed and disappointed. I don't know what else to do about this pathetic situation and feel that maybe the best thing to do is not take initiation next week. Any helpful advice?

A Bell

You are going to be a part of the larger group after initiation and not just be with the pledge class. Not to mention, you are joining this organization for a lifetime. I'd look beyond and make friends across pledge class lines.

I felt like I was the odd one out in my new member class as well. I just kept showing up and making an effort, but my closest friends were women in older and then younger classes. I agree with nutbrnhair, you're joining the larger sisterhood and if the lack of inclusion with your class is your only reason for considering not going through initiation then my best advice is to consider carefully. Over the years I felt like I was included a bit more with my class, and it doesn't always start off great. Over a decade later I'm still making friends in my sorority.

I agree with the others who have posted so far. Your pledge class is not going to be the entirety of your sorority experience. Make friends with the other sisters and be a friend to the girls who join after you! :)

Sometimes factions in a pledge class just disappear up each others' butts and stay there a while. It's REALLY obnoxious, but it cools out after everyone comes back from break.

Is this a larger than usual class for the chapter? Sometimes when that happens the chapter doesn't quite know how to diffuse clique situations. But honestly, I would not worry about it. You are connecting with older sisters in the chapter and that's the important thing.

Also, you may find that the next new member classes contain women who become your close friends. You can be instrumental in reaching out and befriending them.

My new member class was almost always at odds with each other, for seriously all 4 years (the older members tried to force us all to bond so many times during our new member period, it never worked, we were just all very different) My best friends in the chapter were both older and younger than me, and while I still don't love most of my new member class, I can confidently say I loved and still love my experience and the relationships it brings.

If your only concern is your new member class, I hope it doesn't deter you.

Sometimes girls in this situation behave the way they THINK they are supposed to behave, and some of them may have decided the Mean Girls thing is how sorority girls are. Some of them will stay that way forever (the stereotype exists for a reason), but many of the others will settle into a normal routine. You are most definitely NOT going to be good friends with all of your sisters, so try to let that go. If you think this is a serious concern and you feel like the exclusion extends beyond the pledge class, then talk to the president. Now is the time to address those concerns, not after initiation.

We had a mantra KROP - Keep Rushing Those Pledges - (yes, it will have changed with the dropping of the word) that was incredibly important. Because this is absolutely common and you don't want to lose that great member just because she's not the Princess of Quitealot.

Thanks so much for all of the good advice. I will continue on and hope for the best. I am really enjoying my relationship with my Big and it gives me hope! :)

That's great! Remember you will have a vote in selecting new members, and you may find a "rush crush". Your big is setting a great example, and you can follow in her shoes with a future little. Enjoy and let us know how it goes.

I was (somewhat) in your shoes and thought about dropping before initiation. My difference was that I was in the middle of the group that was behaving like the mean girls.

I realize in retrospect that every one of us was feeling the way you are - and the cliquey behavior was a way of trying to force a bond that none of us felt yet - but all of us thought we should be magically feeling.

Once the "this is how it should feel" pressure dies down, you'll see that girls settle into their own routines. Sadly it seems that every pledge class I see ha one of those cliques... but know that there are lots of girls who just want a true friend and sister wherever they can find one.

If you stick it out, you'll find plenty of them.

My pledge class was filled with great women individually, but we never really bonded as a group. Other pledge classes were so tight, I always wondered why we didn't, but we couldn't even get it together to take the traditional senior trip, making us the butt of many jokes among the younger sisters. We weren't fighting, and there was little drama, we just didn't all hang out together or have a lot of common goals/interests.

HOWEVER, we all enjoyed our time in the chapter, we all had lots of friends across pledge groups and ages and we all had friends in the pledge class, we just weren't the all for one, one for all have-your-back-foreverandever let's have reunions every 5 years group you might expect. Thank god, the Juniors (when we were freshmen) WERE like that, and most of our bigs came from that group, so cohesion happened in spite of our slacker ways.

Don't let that kind of drama get you down. Once initiated, you join a huge sisterhood. I am still making friends with chapter sisters and pledge sisters via facebook and reunions, and our relationships continue to grow across country and generations later. People who enjoy dissing others/marginalizing others soon get a big heaping bowl of karma.

I would agree with everyone that as long as you like your other sisters, you should probably go through with it. That's assuming you also like your chapter, its values, and the resources it offers/has the potential to offer after you graduate. If you're in an NPC chapter, as it sounds like you are, resources shouldn't be an issue. I was never close with my pledge class, although I liked a lot of the older girls, but that combined with the lack of resources (my chapter isn't NPC) has become a major point of frustration in the time since initiation. Just something to consider.

Good for you! My best friend is a girl who pledged Sigma Kappa two years after I did. I did have friends in my own pledge class but not super close friends. I was much closer with girls who had either pledged before or after me.

Funny, but this happens in Fraternities also!

We over the years have had some of the same problems. But if they stuck it out, they became members and then were lost. But, what the most amazing thing happens, they finally return as Alums with open arms and find out they were not forgotten but missed.

It is not just for 4-5 years, but for life. I feel lucky as The Founder of my chapter that I can step back and see the evolvement of all of those that have followed me which is now @ 800 active members and is the best GLO on campus. You too can be a part of that. Chapters will change each semester but the legacy runs onward.

Never ever give up as things change like the wind flows and blows.

Just give everything a chance and you will like what you see and learn!