Rushing/joining but ugly?
 

Long story short and hopefully this doesn't get deleted.

I'm honestly concerned.

I'm ugly. No girls want to associate with me at all. I'm worried how this will affect any formals/events that fraternities hold where you bring a date since I won't be able to bring a date. As well I won't be chatting up or getting girls at parties.

How bad will this be? Should I avoid certain houses during rush? Will they make fun of me?

If this is for real, please seek counseling. You sound like your lack of self esteem is seriously preventing you from enjoying life.

Not only that, everyone has different tastes. One woman's The Thing is another woman's Channing Tatum.

I agree with 33girl. The problem isn't external, it's internal. No fraternity is going to extend a bid to a sad sack, and your lack of self-esteem is going to stand out way more during rush than your looks.

Formals weren't mandatory at my chapter, that I can recall. And dates weren't required either. I would invite a friend vs. a date, someone you'll have a good time with that can appreciate you for who are and not who you aren't.

The beauty of college is it's your time to reinvent yourself. Get a new haircut, get rid if the acne, improve your wardrobe, get braces, whatever it is that makes you think you are unattractive.

And as far as the girls, they are likely running away from desperation, not an ugly nose. For now just be nice to the girls you encounter. Don't try to ask them out and don't get sucked into doing stuff for them (that NEVER works to make an actual relationship). Get some counseling and work on building male friendships. The stuff with girls will come with time and improved confidence.

An empahtic yes to what the other posters have mentioned already. Also work on your interpersonal skills you might not be Channing Tatum, or Matthew McConaughey, building your interpersonal skills will make up for what you feel like is physically lacking as far as looks. And please, please talk to someone about how you're feeling. I get the issue might run deeper. Best of luck on what ever you decide as far as rushing.

It's always been fascinating to me that the range of male physical appearance most women find attractive, interesting, sexy, marriageable, bed-able -- is so wide and diverse as to be almost indefinable. Look at some of the couples you see... there is often no rhyme or reason to their physical match-up. There are men that I find incredibly appealing that the world would call ugly. It comes down to those transcendent aspects of personality, humanity, spark, humor and confidence.

Find yourself in your passions, studies, interests and genuine care for others and women will find you. If your feelings persist, you might want to talk to someone. Good luck!

This - and please don't be nice to them FOR the sake of asking them out, and don't assume that because you're nice to them, you deserve to date them. Be nice to them to be a friend. Through building friendships, you will find you will develop confidence and self-esteem and will meet people who can and will be potential dates. But don't be a "nice guy" and then turn on them once you realize they're not interested in you romantically. Be a friend for the sake of being a friend.

That turned into a soapbox. Sorry, postplatter.

Okay- this guy originally posted last night. I happened to see it and called "troll" because he used a term for himself that hasn't been used since the 1950s-60s. I asked a mod to delete the original thread.

If this is true, this person has more than just self-esteem problems. He has some serious psychological problems. I know folks are being kind right now. But if you had seen the original thread, you would be choosing to ignore him.

Now I want to guess what the term is. Drip, perhaps?

But even if this is 100% troll, I think it's a thread and situation that maybe someone could learn from who doesn't have the courage to post.

THIS. I saw it and your response and I agree(d). And in the current thread he used "chatting up" which tripped my ear (that's Speech Pathology talk) b/c linguistically it's not something young American males say. My thought is that this is still a troll.

side note: I came back to check on AgSis and a few other recruitment stories. My thought is that AgSis is way too busy with classes and enjoying her membership to finish her story. And I think the others may not have had happy endings so they have dropped out entirely. Again, just my thought.

The reason I chose to respond anyway is because there may be others who read this thread and can benefit from a little maternal or paternal advice about how to be dateable. Every woman here has had THAT guy after her. And probably all of us have seen THAT guy transform. Sadly, the biggest transformation I saw also turned the guy into a huge douche because he wasn't prepared for the change in attention he got, practically over night. It is tragically common for 18 year old boys to be awkward, still growing into their bodies, or have made the transition into looking like a grown up attractive guy but it's not who they're seeing in the mirror (dysmorphia isn't just for girls). Just ease up on the pressure, be the person people want to be around and go from there.

And as far as using odd turns of phrase, that could go right along with him being, to be rude and utterly blunt, a big ole dork. Which winds us back to work on yourself first, THEN work on getting girls. Or it could be that he's not a native American English speaker.

LOL, well, look at us being referred to as "kind". The other site typically refers to us as, "the old biddies on GC" and Helicopter Mommies call us "mean".

Instead of multi-quoting on mobile which is a pain I'll respond via one post.

I'm not a troll.

I'm serious in that I'm ugly. I'm older (22) and won't be growing into my looks anymore. I take care of my looks extensively, like whitening my teeth, skin care, haircuts, eye brow threading, and working out. As for what makes me ugly it's unfixable unless I opt for a copious amount of surgery to a degree of like $40k. I have even thought about doing it- but if I rushed i would stay in school and use the money on dues.
But, it's gone as far as girls telling me I'm ugly and rating me a 3/10. I'd post everything it'd be a huge story and a sob story at that.

I want to rush to make friends, do volunteer work, and get the networking that comes from being in a fraternity. I'd love to be around actual people I can count on and get along with doing things I like. I can talk to guys just fine. However, I just know guys don't want a guy who cant get girls at all or a guy who gets made fun of for his looks by girls. That and it'd be disheartening hearing them tell me its a GAD or something. Could only imagine being at a party and hearing guys/girls talk about why I'm never talking to girls.

If I could simply avoid all the parties/events/etc involving the sororities I would. But that doesn't seem realistic, haha.



So, I'm just asking for advice on whether or not rushing would even be worth it?


As for my vocab that was called into question, it's just how I speak and type.

Define "worth it." Meeting new people? Joining? What would be "worth it" to you?

OP you seem to want genuine brotherhood, there have to be others out there on your campus who feel the same way. Hopefully there is a special chapter out there who offers the type of brotherhood you're looking for. Don't be discouraged, push through and look for the right chapter.