Now Unsure About Big/Little Relationship
 

It is just the beginning. You are show integrity compared to your twin. You will have a different relationship with your Big then your twin does.

The relationship with your Big is not for you to be best friends with her. She is there to guide you. Yes, you can become great friends but sometimes not. Learn from what she is doing for you not to do the same when you become a big.

Take a deep breath. Hold it. Slowly release. Then, put this issue out of your mind. Deep friendships take time to develop. Be sweet. Invite just your twin to something. If she doesn’t respond, don’t take it as a personal affront. You have no idea what is going on in either of their lives.

Just give it some time. Get to know other girls in the chapter and don’t be jealous over what you think you see. If your twin and big already have a relationship that includes parents, your relationship will probably never look exactly like theirs. That’s ok. Yours will just be built on a different basis. Don’t try to force a relationship—it usually results in disappointment. Just go to class. Go to new member events. Study. Live your college life. It’s through the everyday things that relationships develop. Don’t stress about this. Many years out from graduation, I’m not particularly close to any of my “family.” However, I have two other sisters that I talk to everyday.

My daughter was in a similar boat. The hype of Big-Little week can really create unrealistic expectations. Yes, she likes her big, but they don’t do a lot together. However, right now she is getting ready for a crazy Spring Break adventure with some of her fellow sisters from her new member class. Those friendships didn’t develop overnight either.

Go to as many events as possible. Eat lunch or dinner at the house. Sit with different people each time. Sign up to volunteer for your philanthropy when there are small group options. Study at the house. It’s amazing how many people you will meet by just being present. So, relax and just enjoy the journey.

I agree with my Panhel sisters. Big/little is so overblown that everyone expects unicorns pooping rainbows. Are there love matches? Yes, but there are many more big/little relationships that are friendly and supportive and nothing more. Concentrate on developing friendships within your pledge class and with other members, but continue to try and develop relationships with your big and twin. Notice I said develop? Friendships develop. It doesn't happen instantaneously.

Truer words have never been spoken.

Be friendly to your twin, but don't push it. If you find that you keep reaching out and she wants nothing to do with you, or she feels some kind of animosity toward you, just let it go. It's her issue to deal with.

Focus on your big, truly try to create a good relationship, and allow your friendship to become whatever it becomes.

I didn't get my first choice for Big Sis, but she turned out to be a wonderful mentor and friend. I was told that my first choice "was needed more by another pledge" and looking back on that I can agree. Not sure how I would have handled being a twin...we never had to deal with that in my chapter when I was a member. My advise would be to develop you relationship with your Big one-on-one and not dependent on equal twin relationships.


Were we besties for life? No, but 40+ years later we keep in touch and I treasure our relationship.

My daughter had the opposite scenario -- two bigs. She really bonded with one, and had a nice relationship with the other, but they definitely haven't been as close and aren't in ongoing post-graduation contact like she is with Big #1. Big #2 went on two different study abroad semesters, which was one of the reasons my daughter got two bigs -- Big #2 knew she had plans to be gone for two semesters and this gave her the opportunity to still have a little.

I also had two littles, but not from the same pledge class. One, I am still tight with and we had a lot in common. I had a perfectly nice relationship with the second, but it wasn't the same "really hit it off with lots of things in common" kind of deal. This will be OK. Right now, she's your lifeline, but you'll forge other friendships in your sorority and those will just take some time to develop.

And, your twin might be a bit protective. Just keep taking the high road and breathe deeply. It's early days. :)

Getting close to people can be hard, especially under semi-artificial circumstances like sorority families. The relationship you think you have, or hope to develop, isn't always what you end up with in the end. It's a lesson in managing expectations, and it may be a blessing in disguise that you are able to maintain a bit of distance from these people. With some folks you need that buffer if you want things to stay friendly.