GreekChat.com Forums - Very unusual situation--transfer, junior, second rush

GreekChat.com Forums (http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/index.php)

- Sorority Recruitment (http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/forumdisplay.php?f=217)

- - Very unusual situation--transfer, junior, second rush (http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=94306)

Very unusual situation--transfer, junior, second rush

Never happened.
Always will regret it.

first off, yay for the Beatles!!! :D

secondly, yay for a very self-aware post and for taking responsibility, not just blaming "the mean sorority girls."

As far as not making it into the colonizing chapter - colonies often look for a different type of girl than an established chapter. You need to be a little "more" - a little more outgoing, a little more committed, a little more confident - especially if it's on a large Greek campus (which I'm kind of guessing this is). If you did have, as you say, a chip on your shoulder, it's not likely you were what a colony was looking for, legacy or not.

If you transfer back to the first school you'll be a junior, and if this is a competitive school, that will have a negative effect on your chances. You might only have the option of a chapter that doesn't make quota. Honestly, I think if I was you I'd stay at the school you are at now rather than transfer back someplace that gave me so much heartache. If it's a specific major that you can't get where you are now, you might be better off to start completely fresh at a third school.

There are a couple stickied threads at the top of the sorority recruitment forum that would be helpful for your sister.

If you are transferring back to your original school make sure its not just for going greek. It has to be because you like the campus and enjoy the people there (personalities etc.) otherwise you may end up going back to that old girl you use to be. (I'm guessing another major reason why you want to transfer back is because your twin sister will be there??)

If you decide to transfer back and rush I would suggest that you explain why you were rushing as a junior, although I might leave out the part that you rushed at this school. Most likely girls won't really remember you if you are a junior that means that only the seniors would know who you are and keep in mind a.) they were the youngest sisters and b.) you lost weight so your physical appearance may be quite different then when you originally went through.

There's always a chance that you could be overlooked nobody can promise you that a.) you won't get into your first choice sorority or b.) that you wont be cut from all of the sororities. You have to be confident enough in yourself to say that if you don't get a bid to a sorority it is ok and still go out and make other friends that are possibly non-greek.

It is not impossible for a junior to get a bid, even at schools like Ole Miss. I have no idea where you go to school, so it's hard to say just how much of an uphill battle you'll have. Juniors that DO get bids generally have the following in common:

1. Good to excellent GPA: You said your grades were "fine", and I am not sure what constitutes a "good" GPA for your campus Panhellenic. You don't want another strike against you. A junior with a bad GPA is pretty much a death sentence.

2. Campus involvement and leadership: Since a junior has less time to make an impact on the chapter, chapters will want juniors whose leadership skills/experience looks promising. This is an area where you shine with your service activities and planning committees for your clubs.

3. Friends in chapters: Again, this will depend on the competitiveness of your campus, but it definitely can't hurt. If you have friends pulling for you, you will be more likely to get a bid. Since this is your 3rd semester at your new school, are you friends with sorority women through your classes, activities, clubs, mutual friends, etc?

4. An open mind: This is really important. If you are telling yourself, "I'll take a bid from any chapter, just as long as it's not bottom tier," you don't have an open mind. You said you want "a [chapter] that makes quota, which is nearly all of them." If you connected with a chapter that doesn't routinely make quota, and they were your only preference invite, would you still write them off? I understand not wanting to go aboard a "sinking ship" where a chapter has maybe 10% of the members as the rest of the chapters on campus and a bad attitude to boot, but if a chapter is a little smaller, and hasn't made quota in a while, it doesn't mean that no one finds the chapter valuable, and they might START making quota. I watched a chapter grow tremendously during my time at Maryland. In Spring 04 (when I went through), this chapter had about 5 new members on bid day (our quota is usually in the low 20s). The past two years, they not only made quota, they had the biggest pledge class! Now wouldn't someone with your leadership ability be just the person to help with this sort of turnaround?

5. A good fit with the chapter: This is the most subjective aspect. You might feel like you fit, but the chapter might feel otherwise. Even if you are at a chapter where you don't fit, they will want you to leave with a pleasant taste in your mouth, and some will try to make you believe you'd fit in perfectly.
You said that you lost 100 lbs, which is great for your health and your outlook on life. Some chapters, particularly those that have to make a lot of cuts in the beginning of recruitment, will automatically cut overweight PNMs (I didn't say it is right, just stating a fact you probably already know). You allude to your pre-weight loss personality as being insecure, shy, and negative. Regardless of your weight, these are not personality traits that make you a fun person to be around. Have you become a more positive, confident, and outgoing person after your weight loss?

A few more things:

This is your 3rd semester at your new school. Why have you not gone through recruitment here? (Or have you and you just didn't say?) Are either of your legacy groups here?

As far as transferring back to your old school, do what you need to do for your education and career plans, whether you stay put, transfer back, or transfer elsewhere. Joining a sorority should not be more important than your education. With that said, it might look kind of weird to chapters that you transferred twice (and back to your original school). Be prepared to explain yourself.

I don't really have any specific advice for your younger sister, other than read the "general advice" thread. It is really informative and comprehensive.

It is impossible to predict whether you will get a bid as a junior. You have nothing to lose by trying again, as long as you can handle the possibility of rejection again.

I just looked at who all is in the Big 12.

If you can TRULY be happy with not being in a sorority, and maybe seeing your sister be in one, go ahead and transfer back. Otherwise, don't.

A lot depends on the Bix XII school you're attending. Really, at any school in Texas or Oklahoma, it will be difficult to receive a bid as a junior. Not that it doesn't happen, but those schools are more comparable to the SEC in terms of competitiveness. Really, ALL the Big XII have strong Greek Communities, but its much easier to receive a bid as a Junior at a school such as Iowa State than at OU or Tech. You'll really have to make connections and wow the girls if you decide to go through again.

did you have recommendations to all the chapters when you went thru recruitment? do you think that the other sororities knew of your legacy status?

if kappa is especially strong at your former school, the other sororities might not have been willing to take a chance on a legacy to such a strong group, and that might have been a contributing factor to your reduced invitation list.

A few things came to mind while reading this thread:

1) Being a legacy does not guarantee you a bid anywhere, established house or not.

2) I don't think it's right to assume that the reason you were cut was because of your weight. Membership selection is between the actual sisters of the house and not for anyone else. (The whole "I wanted to believe that the sororities would look beyond my weight. I think that was probably naive." comment made me say this one) You will never know why you were cut so to dwell on it and think of reasons doesn't make sense.

3) Like someone already mentioned, just because a house is not "already established" does not mean they will bid every Sally, Susan and Sharon that walk through their doors. Colonies need more out of their membersthan established houses need because they are just getting off the ground and they need a solid group to start off with. For whatever reason (also membership selection, so no one outside their room would know) they didn't choose you.

4) No one on Greekchat can give you a statistical answer as to whether or not you have a shot at rush again. Technically, everyone has a shot - so long as they meet the minimum grade requirements any female, enrolled college student can rush, so yea, I'd say you do. If you decide to rush again, best of luck to you, if not, well then enjoy your new major and getting involved on that campus.

ditto what ISUKAPPA said. Big 12 schools have competitive greek systems and that is usually difficult for juniors.

Plus, I think you have to consider what it will feel like to be going through rush with your younger sister. What if it doesn't work out again? Can you be happy for her?

Sounds like you have made up your mind to transfer but can't decide whether or not to go through rush. On a big campus, there are lots of opportunities to shine other than Greek life. Do you think you can be content to be back on a busy campus and continue to be involved, social,etc but without a sorority? I think you sound like someone who could be.

By the way, I have read a lot of GC threads written by girls who had a disappointing rush, etc and your maturity and wise assessment of your situation is wonderful.

i felt the need to reply to this.

like you, i went to a large university, went through recruitment twice. my freshman year my grandma died right before 19 party so i just didn't finish since it really wasn't fair to me or the other houses. then sophomore year i went through 19 party, 12 party, & then got cut from the houses i was really interested in. like you, i was a legacy to kappa & got cut. i really hated it at that school, so i transferred home & was misinformed about my credits transferring...so i had to look at transferring again. keep in mind, i'm a junior by this point.

i transferred to butler university in january & decided to give recruitment a shot. granted, i got set back a year because not all my credits transferred...so i'm a sophomore. well, needless to say EVERYTHING worked out for the BEST. i am a kappa here (it's actually the same chapter my mom was in, so it makes it that much better) & i LOVE LOVE LOVE it. i got to move into the house right away & everything. best transition to a new school i could ever ask for.

i definitely recommend looking at a 3rd school. more than likely at a bigger school you won't get looked at as a junior, as it's extremely hard for sophomores to get into a house. smaller schools are more accepting...but no matter what, it's worth the shot! just keep an open mind & don't favor a chapter because you're a legacy. every single sorority has their strong points.

as someone else said earlier, chapters do usually know if you are a legacy. when registering for recruitment here, you actually are asked to put down your legacies. there's no doubt i was cut from certain houses because of my kappa legacy.

good luck with everything. seems like you've had a tough two years & you deserve the best!

xoxo

I agree to the posts before me, and I would like to point out that legacies can only help. A girl I know rushed as a junior, is a double legacy, and she is now my pledge sister!

Gammaphi88-- At Syracuse, Juniors are considered freebies, meaning that they do not count towards quota. It is actually easier getting a bid as a Junior than as a sophmore at SU, because sophmores count towards quota.

Beatlesfan87--maybe you could ask the greek advisor if Juniors count towards quota at where you are rushing, it might actually work in your favor to be a junior.

Nieng17-- You are right about Juniors not counting towards quota, but still, many houses are not willing to take juniors because they won't be around for very long since we have deferred rush, and many don't feel a junior would be on the same level as their pledge class (meaning, while obviously juniors can be friends with younger girls, it could be harder for a college freshmen to relate to a college junior on the same level). This is not how I feel necessarily, but it is the attitude that many houses take.

Quote:

Originally Posted by beatlesfan87 (Post 1611970)

I don't really know where to begin, other than at the beginning.

Well, let's see. I graduated from highschool in '06, so I went through rush in August '06. My mom and sister are both Kappas, making me a double legacy. I was really unsure if I even wanted to attend the college I was going to be attending, but I knew that making friends would be extremely important, and being in a sorority sounded like a wonderful bonding experience--a way that I could make friends and be a friend. I always thought I was outgoing, but looking back I realize that I was more reserved, and probably came off as though I had a chip on my shoulder. That was 100lbs. ago (I lost it--not gained!). I wanted to believe that the sororities would look beyond my weight. I think that was probably naive. Moreover, though, I realize that I was so affected by my weight that I probably wasn't that much fun to be around. Well, I got cut from my legacy and nearly every other house. I withdrew from rush and went through informal recruitment for a colonizing chapter for which I also happened to be a legacy, through my grandmother. I was cut!!! What before was a painful experience, this was a knife through the heart. This was not an established house, what's more, they still haven't made quota. Hearing my grandmother mumble out "it's a no go" made me so embarrassed. Before that, it was bad enough that my beautiful Kappa sister canceled her flight for bid day, and my kappa mom was very bitter--I'm sure any mom who has sung the songs with their daughters and showed them their pin, and reminisced would feel the same way. I didn't do very well at the university, either. My grades were fine, but socially it was bad. I kind of gave up on it.

So I transferred schools after one semester. What started out to seem scarily like the same old thing, I soon turned around. Like I say, I lost a goodly amount of weight, I've kept my grades up, I've joined many clubs, and gotten active in community service. There are 3 service activities that I do on a weekly basis, and I'm involved in I think 5 clubs and on a planning committee. The disheartening thing is, though, that the university I transferred to is not an involved school. It never has been. Also, I had began considering transferring back to the original school because of a specific major they offer. Oh, and my twin-but-younger-by-two-years sister will be going to that university in the fall. This long drawn-out story is to ask if I have a shot if I were to rush again? On the one hand, I don't think I have anything to lose: I've already been cut by nearly every one before. On the other hand, I'm not a fan of re-runs, and if there's no chance it will be different, why do it? I feel like I have a better idea of what I'm getting into this time, and that I'm better prepared for it. My mom thought that legacies only had to be given careful consideration the first time they went through rush, and I don't know if this is true. I don't mind if I don't get in to my legacy, the only thing that I would prefer is that I get into a house that makes quota (nearly all of them).

And if you don't think I have a chance, can you please offer me advice for my younger sister. I'm trying to make her more prepared.

Quote:

Originally Posted by beatlesfan87 (Post 1612060)

First off, thanks for the speedy replies! Second off, I'd like to offer some more information. I'm not going to an SEC school (and from what I hear, that's very difficult), but without giving away too much, I am going to a Big XII school, not Texas if that gives you a better general idea.

1. I have a 3.4 gpa. Considering that it is above the highest sorority avg. gpa (I think the cumulative was somewhere around 3.18), I thought my gpa would not be an issue. Again, I am not the one to know--I didn't expect my gpa to win them over to me either. I am in two honors societies.

2. Campus involvement--double check! The great thing is that I have had so much more of a blast since I've been involved. I was also involved at original school (3 clubs, 1 leadership position), but now I do much more. I volunteer @ a youth mentoring program (inter city school) 2x a week, I volunteer at a state foundation, for lack of a better codeword, I do mobile meals through my church. I'm on a volunteer-event-planning committee, and a coordinator for another thing at my current campus, and roughly 5 other clubs. Greek is not big at current school, and none of my legacy houses are present.

3. Friends in chapter: The highschool that I went to is very well represented in greek houses at original school. I knew several pledges to my legacy from my class and have known them and been friends with them for a while. I have not seen them as much since I transferred, but I play tennis with one of the kappas about 2/mo.

4. Open mind: Always a process. It's weird because now I know to not be naive about sororities, and even though I was cut, I'm not bitter anymore. If I could go back and do it over, there is one of the 3 houses I had left when I withdrew that I wish I had stuck it out and hopefully got a bid. The sinking ship thing is definitely in my mind because one of the houses that didn't cut me is going off campus. It was never my prerogative to only be my legacy or only be a "top house." And I think I feel that moreso now. I think now I would probably be willing to accept a bid from any of the houses on campus (seeing as how the warning-sign one is gone).

5. I'd like to comment on the weight loss thing. I realize that everyone is different, and I have no wish to stereotype, but I will say that there was more to my weight than weight. There was a bitterness that went along with it. I was sure people wouldn't give me a chance, so I didn't allow them the chance. Being self-conscious all the time made me even grumpier, and unwilling to be fun, quite frankly. I didn't want to be noticed any more than I already was, so the funny pictures, and dancing, and dressing up didn't happen with me because I thought I'd look like a fool. Now I see that it was probably those traits that made me not a great fit for the sorority--not only the weight. I find it much easier to have fun, and to put myself out there and make friends now that I am at a healthy weight.

A few other things I might offer up: Rush is not my only reason for transferring back, nor did I lose weight for it, or anything like that. Admittedly, my sister going to this school made it easy for me to re-apply there. The number one reason I'm returning is the major, which is not a prevalent major. The second reason is because I feel like I was a quitter when I first went there. A LOT has changed! I hope that now I have the tools to be happy there (which is away from home--now I live at home) whether I get into a sorority or not. I plan on being involved, trying to make as many friends as possible, and being service-oriented, whether or not I join a sorority, but since this is so much of the organizations, I'm more interested in them than ever before. Its unfortunate that I only come to this epiphany now, as a sophomore in college than as a junior or senior in highschool. Thanks again. Please post any more advice. It's extremely helpful, and I'm trying to be realistic and yet still positive or even hopeful.

QFP ...... just in case.