Questions about Greek Life (Social Life)
 

1. Do you enjoy throwing/hosting parties, despite the pros & cons?

- Are they open or Greek only?

- How much do you charge guys/randoms? Guy/Girl Ratio?

- If it's an open party, do you have to name/know a certain number of brothers/sisters in order to get in?

IMO, cleaning up afterwards & kicking people out is probably the hardest stuff to deal with, outside of maintaining the overall crowd level of the party, which can be difficult to manage if it gets out of control.

2. Stereotypically, do Greek life members have a higher alcohol tolerance than those who are independent?

Now, I obviously know that this is just a stereotype, but is it kind of true that some members may be more used to alcohol due to initiations & parties?

3. Why is Greek Life, in general, viewed as cliquish to some people?

Now, another common stereotype is that Greek organizations are cliquish & that they only hang out with members of fraternities/sororities. However, I personally believe that these organizations are great for college resumes and beyond.

Final Concern:

Serious: I was rejected by a fraternity for acting "weird" at an open party that they hosted. A few girls thought that I was acting "creepy", which affected my overall bid, but I have no reelection of doing anything wrong. I just had a good time without trying to hit on anyone. Even though I may have been a little drunk, I usually remember what happened the night before. Furthermore, my party history is clean, so far, which means that they overreacted or saw something that I didn't notice at the time. I partly blame my diagnosis of mild (high functioning) autism, but I eventually got over it & moved on.

However, when I posted my concern on Reddit, people called me an incel, creep, weirdo, player, etc. So, I asked a former Greek member at my college about my negative experience:

His answer: Greek Life isn't for everyone. Every Greek member reacts differently when it comes to questionable party situations. Drunk people react differently to certain situations as well. Now, I'm not saying that it's your fault, but I wouldn't worry about it anymore. It's also important to be smart, safe, & responsible at parties, especially when you start to feel tipsy.

First off this is different at every school.

Secondly, alcohol has nothing to do with initiation. If it does, that chapter should lose its charter.

You have no idea why you didn’t get a bid. I doubt that it was solely due to the opinions of a couple girls, unless you were really over the top and offensive.

I am afraid that your approach here is pretty indicative of why you were not successful at getting a bid. Back off, buddy.

Any greek org that throws an "open" party these days is asking for problems. Risk control nightmare.

Both Greeks and non-greeks drink, so alcohol tolerance is the same.

If you're interested in rushing a house, it is completely uncool to go there and drink. When you're drunk, you become a risk. If you act like a jackass, you're done. You should treat it like a business event -- one drink only.

I know very few Greek members who “only hang out with members of fraternities/sororities”. There certainly are members who hang out with a large number of Greek members and their social circle consists of other Greeks, this isn’t because they’re being cliquey or exclusive, it’s just what happens when you’re going to all the events you go to and participating in mixers, date parties and going to weekly meetings with your sisters/brothers. You become friends with people you hang out with a lot. I had plenty of friends not involved with Greek life (from classes, other clubs and activities and service work), but I also SAW a lot of my friends at events I was meant to go to for my chapter.

Well. Here's the crux ("vital, basic, decisive or pivotal point") of your situation. Having spent decades diagnosing and treating Autism Spectrum Disorders as part of a multi-disciplinary team, I'm nodding my head at that sentence, buried in all your questions and thoughts in your post. Everything you wrote makes sense to me based on that sentence.

Socially, navigating the Greek Life waters would be extremely challenging for anyone on the spectrum ("high functioning" or not, and BTW that term has fallen out of favor recently). So many neurotypical subtleties and cues that are intuitive to us, yet are almost impossible for neurodivergent people to process. I could videotape the interaction, sit with you, and point out the missteps. You possibly would see what I'm seeing. That's a starting point for treatment. But I digress.

So, as to the other parts of your post: you're showing curiosity about situations (i.e. asking questions to which the answers are apparent) that are intuitive to non-ASD people, which also illustrates the social challenges faced by those on the spectrum. My intent here is to be helpful and look at what you wrote through another lens. Your Greek *fraternity* friend gave you a great explanation! I'm glad that you've moved on. You likely dodged a bullet by not becoming a member of a fraternity (my opinion, folks!).

If you sometimes don't remember what happened when you were drinking, I suggest you try to stop drinking.

I understand that it's supposed to be more of a "formal event". However, partying is supposed to be fun, yet controlled IMO. I'm not here to cause any conflict, even though rush events differ from each fraternity/sorority. I also drink until I get tipsy/buzzed, but I never blacked out before & only once sick once.

Even though it's important to have control over any party, if someone, like me, isn't doing anything wrong, then maybe I'm not the problem. However, drunken behaviors can range from harmless to harmful. Now, I'm more of a chilled out/relaxed drunk: I stay cool, calm, & collected after a couple of drinks. I also like to mingle/talk to others, but overreacting just because I decide to introduce myself to others, especially girls, is quite immature IMO, unless if a someone causes a major conflict at the party, rather than someone who just wants to enjoy the party scene, like me.

On an extra note, I didn't mean to sound rude with that statement, but due to my diagnosis, maybe I'm missing a non-verbal social cue here & there, which may affect my social interactions with others. And when I'm told after the fact, it's usually too late to go back & redeem myself. I even tried to apologize for acting out of line, but everytime I tried to fix a problem, no one wanted to talk it out like mature adults.

I respect your response & I wish that I had someone who would tell me what I'm doing wrong, even though I'm supposed to be the one who's supposed to figure it out. I also have little to no issues whenever I attend social events, so maybe it depends on the overall situation. Furthermore, I gradually entered the party scene during my freshman year without drinking until I felt comfortable enough to do so.

Edit: I'd also like to add that due to the size/location of my college, (which is smaller than 10,000 students), there's nothing much to do on the weekends, except for partying, staying in, or going home every weekend. However, I'm not the type of person who likes to stay in or go home. I'd rather meet new people & stay social, which brings me happiness.

A rush party is essentially the same as a job interview. Would you drink till tipsy at an interview lunch? I think not. Maybe you should go back to not drinking.

No one owes you any further explanation of why you will no longer be allowed at their parties or receive a bid. They gave you a reason (which is more than many receive) and I assure you women didn't report you as weird and creepy just because you introduced yourself to them. Your focus on alcohol is also rather alarming; I am certain Greeks on your campus do far more than that, and your assumption that they don't is offensive.

What happens in Greek life is none of your business, and I'd advise you to get some other hobbies and interests to occupy your time. This focus on Greek life and why you were turned away is not healthy. Do you have some type of professional you work with who you can speak to about all of this? It might help you if you are willing to be honest with yourself and can get some input from an unbiased third party you trust.

I'd like to apologize again for talking about Greek Life as a non-member, but in general, I'm more of a social drinker, & I only drink when I'm in a college party setting because I always work when I'm back at home, plus I don't feel comfortable enough to drink around my family because they rarely drink. I also don't have a problem with alcohol at all, but since it costs extra money, I'd rather not drink while I'm back at home.

Furthermore, I prefer to drink at a party, club, or bar rather than drinking alone. I'd also sacrifice all types of alcohol for a paycheck once I graduate college because of what I said above: I'm strictly a college drinker until I graduate next year, unless if my lifestyle changes, which is unlikely IMO, but still a possibility.

However, I'm always looking for different viewpoints, on & offine, just to recieve some helpful feedback. My therapist actually told me that discussion forums help me understand people, due to my diagnosis. Even though I posted some personal experiences online in the past, I don't see a problem with asking for advice on & offline.

On an extra note, I'm completely over this whole situation, physically, but it still sounds like that I haven't completely healed from it mentally. Furthermore, I dislike any unwanted drama & BS, yet every college party/real life situation will contain some negative part of it. The most important part is how we deal with it.

I agree with AZTheta. I don’t think you are creepy with the knowledge of your diagnosis. However, being an educator for special education and specifically ASD students and being a college student are totally different. Your peers are unlikely to understand and have the experience to be empathize with your situation. I totally comment you for your willingness to discuss openly and I wish you the best of luck!

You see, this is the comment that I was looking for, thanks.

I’m glad you were able to understand what I was attempting to say and could read beyond the autocorrect typos!

I am so sorry to hear that you got rejected by a fraternity over some of the things you mentioned (if that truly is what happened). I wanted to share something with you to let you know that not all fraternities work that way! I remember my freshman year of college, one of the fraternities had a pledge that was autistic. They were thrilled to have him, and were very supportive, protective and kind to him. I vividly remember them publicly sticking up for him at a party when several girls were bullying him for being "weird". Ultimately, he stayed in the fraternity all 4 years, served as an officer one year, and was a huge asset to their group (he actually designed several of their shirts for swaps and events and they were absolutely incredible)! He grew so much, especially socially, from his time there (and I honestly think they all did too). They really did do so much to make him feel welcomed and included as a brother. I am not saying they deserve some sort of pat on the back or anything, but i applaud anytime a fraternity sticks to their guns and encompass the true meaning of brotherhood.

As for the comments on drinking, I agree with everyone else. Here is some food for thought regarding the party topic: My brother is a student athlete -- at some of the colleges, while they are in the phase of trying to 'recruit' you for their school, they purposely have organizations throw 'mixer' parties with lots of alcohol to see who can properly conduct themselves and be professional. In fact, recently, one of my bother's friends was banned from a campus that he was asked to come to as a new recruit --because he failed the test. He got severely intoxicated and embarrassed himself. My brother, in comparison, is not a drinker. He took note that all of the upperclassman athletes were not drinking or even so much as holding a cup the whole time. They were just sort of mingling and observing. Turns out, it had been a test all along. They were trying to weed out the people that may have been good athletes, but could have possibly damaged their school image by being immature or not handling themselves well. They wanted to test out their priorities and see what was more important -- partying or playing sports. My brother got a call back to play in the showcase-- his friend got a call back banning him from campus.
While I don't know if this is something the greek orgs might partake in, i found it incredibly interesting and quite frankly, I don't think it was a bad practice.