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-   -   Having trouble processing the disappointment of the sorority I joined. Any advice? (http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=129055)

renlizabeth 08-27-2012 02:43 PM

Having trouble processing the disappointment of the sorority I joined. Any advice?
 
So last fall I got initiated into a new sorority on campus. My reasons for joining were to get involved, make connections, make new friends, and be a part of something great. As a commuter student it was hard to do any of those things on my own (especially as someone who is a bit of an introvert).

Anyway, even before initiation I tried my best and went to every event that I could, except that most of the events for socializing with sisters occurred during nights when I had class or were last minute things that I only found out about once I got home (about 40 mins from campus).

Most of the sisters that joined, joined as friends already and stayed in their cliques throughout the whole process of being pledges to new initiates. Every event/meeting was filled with cliques and cold stares. My attempts to break through some of these barriers were met with disappointments. The girls didn't seem to want to venture out of their comfort zones.

After going through a rough family trauma, I tried talking to the chapter president about these disappointments and my inability to attend some mandatory events coming up do to dealing with family issues. The chapter president gave me a blank look and said that it wasn't an excuse and that I would have to drop. She then proceeded to walk away and tell me to come to her the next day with all of my belongings.

Our colony leader that was there to help establish the chapter was currently out of town. When I tried contacting her to discuss the issues at hand she never responded.

Basically, I'm not a member of the chapter of the sorority anymore (not like I was given any other options).

What does this mean for me? I was initiated so I don't know if I can even consider myself as anything to do with the organization.

What am I and where do I go from here? I admit after the whole fiasco I didn't know what to do so I didn't do anything else but go home and cry. I still think the sorority itself is a great one, but the way everything was conducted at my school was ridiculous.

Any words?

DeltaBetaBaby 08-27-2012 02:45 PM

Do you have alumnae advisors in the area? I would try to contact a chapter advisor or someone like that.

renlizabeth 08-27-2012 05:51 PM

I don't know of any.

Am I completely unaffiliated with the organization as a whole even though I was initiated?

ASUADPi 08-27-2012 06:17 PM

Okay, I can only speak for ADPi here, but from ADPi standpoint the chapter would have to have your membership cancelled. You would received official word from EO. I'm sure the other sororities do something similiar, if you haven't received word that your membership was cancelled you are still an initiated member of the chapter.

The chapter might have you listed as inactive or alumnae. I'm sending you a PM.

DubaiSis 08-27-2012 06:56 PM

If you don't know of any local alumnae, contact your headquarters. You should be able to find a phone number on the national website.

ColdInCanada11 08-27-2012 07:04 PM

From an Alpha Gam standpoint, you would have to write an official letter (and have a conference to discuss all options). If you haven't signed anything, it's quite possible you are still a member of your organisation.

TriDeltaSallie 08-27-2012 07:14 PM

There is no way the chapter president can just tell you you aren't a member any longer. There have to be procedures in place for terminating your membership. You would have to go through disciplinary procedures or else write a letter of resignation.

Are you sure the colony adviser got your emails/voice mails?

You should have the opportunity to meet with the chapter leadership about your situation. I know every group is different, but in Tri Delta you would meet with the Standards Committee (if it is still called that) and try to explore options.

It seems really strange to me that they are being so uncooperative. If you love your sorority I would try to figure out who to contact. Do you see anyone on Greek Chat commenting regularly who is a member of your organization? Most of the regular commenters on GC are well-connected with their organization and could probably point you in a more specific direction.

Re: being a commuter student... I lived at home during college and it does take more of an effort. I found that once I started hanging out at the house more, I felt much more a part of the chapter. I came over for meals, spent the night, played euchre, etc. I made a point of hanging out after chapter meetings and volunteering for different activities. My sorority life totally changed my college experience which is why I wrote about it here on GC. You can take the link in my signature. But it will take a fair amount of effort to feel connected if you commute. There were other women in the chapter who commuted, but their experience was completely different from mine. Not that mine was the right experience and theirs was wrong. We simply had different outcomes based on the effort we put forth.

Please keep us posted!

adpiucf 08-27-2012 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColdInCanada11 (Post 2172410)
From an Alpha Gam standpoint, you would have to write an official letter (and have a conference to discuss all options). If you haven't signed anything, it's quite possible you are still a member of your organisation.

Which means you owe them money for dues that have been accruing.

Cheerio 08-27-2012 07:20 PM

Previous posters have given you wise advice. :)

Please continue reaching out to the sisters within your NPC Sorority. You joined them because you felt very comfortable. Their leadership chose you because you want to make their organization great.

You are an initiated sorority member for life; this situation is resolvable. :)

ColdInCanada11 08-27-2012 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adpiucf (Post 2172416)
Which means you owe them money for dues that have been accruing.

This is entirely true! If you have been "marked" inactive, you would most likely have to pay dues that are owed to be a collegiate or alumna member.

amIblue? 08-27-2012 07:24 PM

You may want to call your HQ to get some help since you don't know any alumna advisers. In my organization, the chapter president can not simply tell a member that she's out. There's much more to it than that.

renlizabeth 08-27-2012 08:31 PM

Thank you for all of your responses, it means a lot to have everyone giving advice.

Honestly, I'm just embarrassed of the way everything went down to even think about contacting someone within the sorority.

I did have to sign something when I dropped off my things. But right before doing so all the chapter president did was give me a disapproving look and tell me about how much paperwork she would have to do now.

I have an outstanding balance apparently, but am not listed in the member directory. I still have another year left at my university, if I'm still considered a member it would be difficult to go back to the sorority after they ostracized me.

Not sure what to do. If you say that signing something means I'm not a member anymore, I guess that's it then? :(

Titchou 08-27-2012 08:39 PM

If you signed termination papers, you will shortly get a notice from your HQ that your membership has been terminated. If you want to reconsider, then you need to check your national web site, find the person over collegians, and contact her. OTherwise, there really isn't anything to be done. WE can't help you straighten this out. Only a national officer of your group can do that. I'm sorry you didn't go to your standards/honor board to talk about this. That would probably have been the best way to handle it. Contact your national officer.

Cheerio 08-27-2012 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by renlizabeth (Post 2172456)
Thank you for all of your responses, it means a lot to have everyone giving advice.

Honestly, I'm just embarrassed of the way everything went down to even think about contacting someone within the sorority.

I did have to sign something when I dropped off my things. But right before doing so all the chapter president did was give me a disapproving look and tell me about how much paperwork she would have to do now.

I have an outstanding balance apparently, but am not listed in the member directory. I still have another year left at my university, if I'm still considered a member it would be difficult to go back to the sorority after they ostracized me.

Not sure what to do. If you say that signing something means I'm not a member anymore, I guess that's it then? :(

In your earlier threads (last year) you mentioned not wanting to join a sorority unless you felt very comfortable. You wanted to go with your gut instincts.

How YOU feel now is important. :)

We cannot TELL you what to do.

For you current and future peace of mind, motivate yourself to ask higher-ups where you stand and how you may proceed within their organization.

It really is all up to you now. It always has been. :D

FSUZeta 08-27-2012 08:48 PM

This story does not make sense. As others have said, we are not aware of any collegiate president of any NPC sorority that has the power to terminate someone's membership by herself.

As suggested, get on the internet, go to your national website, find the phone number for the national office and call them tomorrow.


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