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Rush - What to NOT do or say
Instead of asking for tips for recruitment and hearing, "keep an open mind" and "be yourself":
We all want to make a good impression, and we all have "off" days. I just read the thread about the married woman wanting to rush, and I agree that in no way should that be keep quiet. What kind of things would you advise PNMs to keep quiet or avoid doing? If you could say, "No matter what, don't __________________!", what would you fill in the blank with? |
Re: Rush - What to NOT do or say
No matter what, don't pretend to be something or someone else just to fit in to a sorority or particular chapter.
Of course, always put your best foot forward and be at the top of your game during recruitment! But, don't try to re-invent yourself into something you're not. If you can't see yourself after an all night study session, no makeup, in desperate need of a shower, basically at your worst with the girls in a sorority, then it just may not be the one for you. Make sense? Hope so! Christin |
No matter what, donm't bring up controversial topics, such as abortion. One PNM brought this up during formal recruitment and told us about the big sign she and her family had on the top of her house about how abortion was wrong. She brought this up to the wrong person and acted like she was right and no one else was. That was a big turn off for her getting a bid from us.
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A gentleman never discusses politics or religion... That's always a pretty good rule to follow.
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If you are a legacy to a certain house, don' t mention anything about how you are "guaranteed a bid."
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No matter what, don't ever utter the phrase "I am going to pledge XYZ" or "When I am a sister of XYZ." Before, during or after rush.
How would you like it if a random man walked up to you and said "I am going to marry you" or "When you are my wife, we will yadda yadda yadda"?? You'd think he was an arrogant jerk, that's what. And lesson learned from Sorority Life - if you have an odd situation that could affect your eligibility - like being a transfer or a problem with your transcripts - make sure it gets cleared up through the Greek life office before you even start rush. |
don't spike your drink at rush parties.
i'm serious, it does happen, and the results sure aren't good. also, make sure you get your questions about a house answered before you decide to pledge there, so you aren't regretting your decision later and stuck having to wait to pledge a different house. |
During rush parties...
DON'T.... --talk about controversial things like political views, abortion, race, etc. You really don't know (and may not be able to tell) if you're rubbing the other person the wrong way. It's okay if you don't agree with the other person, fine, but it's just not appropriate talk with someone you just met at a sorority rush party. --talk about guys (unless you know someone in common in a non-sketchy way), hookups, drinking, drugs, or excessively talk about your party life. You wouldn't want to make it sounds like there's nothing more to you than liking to have a good time. --talk much (or at all!) about other sororities. You look bad if you trash another house, and if you say you like another house, the girls at the house you're at may think you don't want them. IF YOU HAVE DEFERRED RUSH (AFTER CHRISTMAS BREAK).... Don't forget that the upperclass Greek women are watching you during fall term, whether you have open contact (are allowed to talk/hang out) or not. They are observing you in class, at parties, in extracurricular clubs, etc. Some rushees are completely unaware that what you do during the term before rush week really does count, either for you or against you. By the time actual rush begins, many Greek girls will already have formed an opinion of you by observing you in other situations. You need to be on your best behavior most of the time in public. Don't talk loudly about sororities in public places... you never know if a sorority girl is standing near you, or if one's boyfriend is. This is especially true at small colleges where the gossip mill is out of control. |
My chapter uses the "4 Bs" of conversation topics to avoid:
1) BOYS - you never know what someone's history with a boy is. You could be talking up the guy who broke someone's heart or trashing their boyfriend... and a few years ago there was a rushee who was gushing about her boyfriend to an active... who just happened to be the guys girlfriend who he was cheating on with the rushee... the poor active just burst into tears. 2) BOOZE - Rush is not the time to tell "and oh my God, I was SOOOOOOOO DRUNK" stories! We tell our actives if a rushee brings it up to go with it but not bring it up ourself. 3) BANKBOOK - Rush is not about how much money you and/or your family have, at least not in my chapter; generally its just tactful to avoid this as a topic of conversation. 4) BELIEFS - Religion, politics, anything similarly controversial fits under this umbrella... while it is nice to show a girl you care, rush is generally not the time for a spirited ideological debate. If an active asks you what you do for extracurricular activities and the correct answer is, "Hillel" or "Campus Crusade for Christ" or an anti-war group, tell the truth, but don't purposely start debates or make controversial comments (ie, this would not be the time to discuss pro-life vs. pro-choice) |
Also, to back up twinstars, DO NOT talk about other sororities at rush party - we had a girl who wanted to be an XYZ come through this year and all she would talk to girls in MY sorority (pi Beta Phi) about was her overwhelming desire to be in XYZ, how she looooved this girl she met at XYZ, etc... we took it as an insult, because frankly it was pretty insulting to us.
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We've always been told that the five B's are off limits during Recruitment:
Boys Bible Booze Bush Booty |
When we were holding rush for the service org I was in, we had a girl tell us that she had stolen a bunch of stuff from the place she worked when they went out of business. She didn't understand why we cut her....
In other words, don't mention illegal activity. |
I was always told that the four B's were rush no-no's: boys, beer, bank account, and Bible.
Boys (especially fraternity boys!): if you have a boyfriend, obviously you can mention this -- or any time the rusher brings up something where you might have to allude to boys, it's fine. Otherwise, I'd stay away from it. You don't want to be going, "Oh my god, I love ABC fraternity!" when you have no idea how the rusher feels about them. She might think that your gushing about fraternity boys means you only want to be in a sorority to meet men. Or their sorority may not be on the best of terms with the ABC boys. Or her very recent ex-boyfriend may be an ABC who just cheated on her and dumped her for a new girl. Whatever the case is, it's a touchy subject. You also don't want to mention any subjects that might offend some of the girls with more "moral" upbringings than yours, too -- don't mention the fact that you stayed at some random guy's house the night before, etc. Beer: you don't want to say anything that might lead them to believe that you won't represent the sorority well. While most of the sorority girls I know do drink, it's pretty much understood that you don't talk about it during rush. Bank account: you don't want to talk about money simply because you have no idea how it could affect your rusher. If you have a lot of money, this may be looked at as a good thing, or they may assume you're snobby. If you don't have a ton of money, they may think you won't be able to pay sorority dues, or they may assume you're more down-to-earth. Of course there are occasions where the subject may come up -- if they ask you what you did over the summer, you should tell the truth whether the answer is "I went on a six-week tour of Europe" or "I worked 60 hours a week" -- but in generally you should try to avoid the topic. Bible: obviously religion is off-limits during rush, and this goes for other controversial beliefs too. Basically anything you wouldn't talk about with somebody you just met, you wouldn't talk about during rush -- abortion, political leanings, the death penalty, whatever. Also, don't be too negative. If they ask you how your classes are going, how you like your dorm, your roommate -- find something positive to say, even if you hate all your classes, your dorm room is worse than a prison and your roommate is a psychopath! It definitely doesn't make for a good impression to complain about everything. I know that for my sorority, girls with positive attitudes are one of the first things we look for, and it definitely makes a better impression than somebody who whines about everything. I don't think it's that hard to figure out -- just imagine what you would talk about with someone you met in a non-rush setting and go from there. |
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Wow! I can not believe how much this topic is helping me right now. Especially AOIIalum's comment about makeup and stuff. That is really true!
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Awww, I helped someone! What a great feeling!
Here's another one I thought of today, while wearing my Corporation Board President hat: "No matter what, don't assume!" Just because you know 'everyone' in JKL and your 'best friend' is in UV, that does not mean you get a bid. It also doesn't mean that you will even like JKL or UV! If you like PQR the best for you, then that's the answer :) Gosh, it's so easy to say all this now. I wish I knew all this stuff 20 years ago! Christin GO BIG BLUE |
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Wow lol.
So the idea (on both sides) is not to go beyond small talk and don't ing anything up that really gets to know the person better! |
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However it sounds, there is more to it than that.:cool: |
Weeeelllllll . . .
You are saying, and please correct me if I am wrong lol, that in the extremely limited amount of time you have with the person you should avoid any level of conversation that goes deeper than excited small talk . . . Nothing wrong with that at all mind you, but why not call a spade a spade? Quote:
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I never agree with James, but here is one instance where he does have some insight.
Althoug I understand staying away from topics that can get people all riled up like abortion, affirmative action, race, and religion (unless you are going to say, well, I like to discuss big isses, and my sisters have been a big source of intelectual thought for me...), the best rush conversations I have has have always been on the "out of bounds topics". Why? becuase everyone has stories about boys and beer (even if you don't drink), or about crazy roommates, or about intelectual discussions you have had in other places. I know we want everyone to feel welcome, and it is silly to expect to be able to discuss deep things with someone you hardly know, but I always feel really restrictd by all the things I can't say. -M |
Well, yes and no.
There are thousands of things you can talk about during rush that have nothing to do with the off-limits topics. When I rushed, I talked at length with some girls about why our parents didn't want us to join sororities, drivers' ed, our experiences running track in high school, the restaurants in Madison we loved . . . things that were in no way related to the things you're not supposed to talk about. And now that I'm the rushing side, I've realized that I can tell a whole lot more about a girl from her attitude and the way she answers questions than what we actually talk about. But the rush conversation is limiting, I agree. There were times when I wanted to kick in some harmless anecdote about some fraternity or drinking but I stopped myself just in time. I wish we could talk about those things just so it would give the rushees a better idea of what the houses are about -- if your house is a social house, you want the rushees to know that! And personally I don't think I'd ever want to cut a girl for talking about drinking unless she started saying stuff like, "Oh my god, I was sooo wasted last night, I passed out in the basement of some fraternity house." Now obviously, rushees can talk about whatever they want to talk about during rush, it's just that avoiding certain topics will maximize the amount of houses that want them back. And I still maintain that talking about money during rush -- asking her what her parents do for a living, etc. -- is tacky. |
I imagine when recruitment is the first time you are meeting someone, staying away from the "Bs" is a good idea. However, on a small campus with deferred recruitment....well, you almost have to get a bit more personal during the process. On my campus, we have had classes with these girls, partied with them, been in the same clubs as them, etc... if we were to suddenly completely switch gears, it would almost seem shallow on our part.
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When I rushed, I knew to stay away from the B's, but I also knew that this one particular sorority mixed a lot with my ex-boyfriend's fraternity, so I hoped that this would help me out a little bit, so I mentioned it. She, in turn, said, "Was the break up hard?" Why, yes, it was, I thought we were going to get married, as a matter of fact, and am still not over him.... If you're going to talk about the boys, then please please please make sure to avoid touchy subjects at least.:rolleyes:
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XOMichelle. Thank you for the validation! lol.
I have written upwards of 2400 posts on Greekchat, many of them serious, about topics such as leadership and management. ITs nice to know that your knowledge base is so much greater than mine in those areas that you not only "never" agree with me, but that you are always right lol. Interestingly I have agreed with you on many of your posts and I do believe that some of our posts were nearly identical in their points of view. How odd eh? Quote:
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i wish gc was around when i was going through rush!
my biggest thing about rush conversation is when a PNM talks all about another glo or her boyfriend's glo. I find it such a turn off. Granted, if you don't feel like you will fit into the house, we understand....but, at least have some manners and be friendly. you never know who the sister's are friends with. a little story.... a pnm came to my house during first round, with over 400 girls rushing. she was really stand-off ish and when she would speak it was like she was making the biggest effort in her entire life to talk to me. so the party ended and later that night i ran into some of my friends in XYZ sorority who i had known for two years and lived with. they mentioned how great this girl was at their party. i told them about my experience with her. the next round she was invited back to my house, but this time when she did speak all she talked about was how wonderful XYZ was and how she couldn't believe she was wasting her time at all the other houses. this got me peeved. the next day, i saw my friends in XYZ and told them about this girl and how rude she was, but i didn't mention anything about her bringing up XYZ. they ended up cutting her. whether it was something i said, i will never know....but, i can only say that sometimes friends in other sororities take your opinion very strongly. |
PNM's
Speaking of PNM's talking about other GLO's..we had some girl come through our house last fall and one of our ladies was talking to her and asked if she had any questions for her and the girl told her that she didn't even want to be there. That she didn't like sorority girls and doesn't know what she rushed b/c we didn't have the chapter she wanted to be in on our campus. :mad:
My sister just steered away from it, but those of us around her were in total shock!!!! We are supposed to steer away from the 5 D's: Dudes, Daddies, Drinking, Doin' it, and Drugs. Haven't had anyone bring up political issues yet, but then again we've only done formal recruitment 3 times. Never know what could happen. |
Remember that you are a guest in the sorority's home and act accordingly. On the flip side, the sorority members must remember that they are hostesses and act accordingly.
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I once had a pnm say to me (all identities changed), "My name is Amy, I'm a freshman, I'm a pre-med major, I'm from Canada, and I'm not a legacy. What else do you want to talk about?" With a little panache, she might have pulled it off, but her attitude while saying it left a lot to be desired. honeychile |
Here's what TO DO....
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If you have a friend in a particular chapter, DON'T assume you're automatically going to be in. Make an effort to meet people and make a connection.
DON'T dress provacatively and/or cake on your make up. People will make assuptions that you're trashy/superficial. DON'T be that annoying person with a cell phone at a rush party!!! |
The only thing that ever annoyed me at a rush party was boredom. It never happened during conversation but during skit one year we were performing and we saw one girl with a bored look. Trust me, we notice these things.
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I'd say picking your nose is probably going to get you the boot pretty fast!! Or mentioning how you hooked up with the President's boyfriend at an XYZ party last night... :rolleyes:
James has a point, we do a lot of chit chatter at recruitment events, and not a whole lot of in depth, but when you're one on one with a PNM, you can get to know them much more than in a group, and there is time for that during each party. |
The Name Game
Well, this has been debated many times before, but I would say to avoid the name game, unless you are asking about a VERY close friend or sibling. There is a possibility that you will throw out the name of someone your rusher does not like, and that is not worth it if it is someone you had tap dancing lessons with in the third grade. OTOH, one of my rushers at Phi Mu was showing me some pictures, and my brother was in one of them, so of course it was okay to point that out.
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*bump*
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I know that in my chapter, we aren't allowed to talk about the 4 D's:
Drinking Death Divorce Daddy's money They are pretty safe topics for everyone to stay away from. One other thing, when asked about specific fraternities or sororities (So, I was talking about XYZ at another rush party, what do you think about them?) We steer the conversation back to our paticular chapter house. If it's guys, maybe start to tell about a philanthropy you did, if it's girls, maybe you did a sisterhood with them, there are tons of topics. In general, almost any topic that you can bring up, we can make it a safe one to talk about. Even if you have been asked the same question 10 times already, don't get too tired of it, we don't know the answer, and we still want to know. And you never know, maybe someone will have a different response and you wil have an entirely different conversation! I once was speaking with a PNM about where she was from, and it turned out we grew up in the same area, so we had a lot to talk about and reminice. She turned into my rush crush that year, and was a great girl! |
The four D's that's funny. We have the 3 B's: Boys, Booze, and Bucks.
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Ours is the four D's:
Drinking Drugs Daddy Doing it |
If you have a rec for a certain group and you know it don't feel neccessary to tell the sorority girls. They will know it and if they are on their game they'll know what you like to talk about during the party. The religion thing is important too. One of my sisters told me during rush that a girl from XYZ asked her what religion she was. I was like in shock!
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Y'know, I don't think we had a version of the 4 D's / 3 B's / whatever - we were just told what topics to stay away from, and to use our own judgement.
We did have the 3 C's - attitudes not to display during rush: - Cute - Crude - Catty That would be a good thing for PNMs to keep in mind as well. |
For Potential New Members:
Please sit like a lady. I had a girl during one round of recruitment and she sat like a "truck driver!" Granted she did not pledge with us or any other house, it was just gross and I found it offensive. Please be yourself and remember that the active rushing you might be nervous too, especially if it is her first time rushing. Don't wear perfume! Believe it or not when there are tons of girls coming into the house with perfumes on it makes us sick and the PNMs sick sometimes. (but don't forget the deodorant!!!) Smile even if you aren't that interested in the house. Smiling is just polite and plus, why not look happy! Make sure you eat something before you attend your parties. I have seen girls pass out during recruitment while walking from house to house. I realize you are probably excited and nervous but eat like a bagel or a something light. Put all of her makeup (for touchups in between parties) in a zip lock back with your name on it. Don't bring a purse! You don't need it! (well unless it is for that "special time.") Your Gamma Chi (Rho Chi) should be willing to hold your bag for you. Finally, make sure you have fun! Recruitment is a great way to meet girls and to make friends! |
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