I'm a PNM who's kind of thinking of depledging...
 

Hi, I just went through rush a few days ago and I'm already not feeling too good about my sorority...
I'll admit that it wasn't my first choice and I was really disappointed not to get a bid from my first. But I went to Bid Day for my #2, and I had fun. There were moments where I thought "okay, I can see myself fitting in here" and moments where I thought "what have I done?" I'm a junior - I rushed on a whim (it's common to have upperclassmen rush at my school - probably at least 1/3 of the girls going through recruitment are not freshmen), and I don't really think it's plausible for me to rush next year.
It's only been a few days, but I'm already running into problems. I didn't know a whole lot about Greek life here before, but now everyone who isn't in my sorority is telling me that they're known around campus for being the alcoholics and have gotten arrested at campus events before. I know I shouldn't let rumors influence my decision, but it's hard to ignore that kind of reputation, you know?
I'm extremely committed to my church, and lead youth groups on Sunday and teach classes on Monday. The problem here is that the mandatory meetings are held at the exact same time as both of those. I really can't and don't want to quit my church...should I talk to my President or someone about this? Honestly, if it came down to it, I would not choose my sorority over my church.
And overall....I just don't know if I'm really the right person for Greek life. I don't know if I'm the kind of person who would be good at being a sister. I keep asking myself, would I be having these thoughts if I had gotten into my first choice? Maybe it's really just that I'm still upset about not getting a bid and I'm letting that cloud my judgment. My house has struggled with numbers for I guess a long time, so I would hate to disappoint them, but...I don't know what I've gotten myself into here, and I'm not sure if this is for me.
What should I do? Like I said, my chapter struggles with numbers (they lost their house last year, which obviously didn't help at recruitment) so I'm afraid if I bring up my concerns to anyone, they'll just try to sugarcoat everything or panic because they don't want to lose anyone.

A couple threads to read:
http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=121412

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=106678

There are a ton of threads about not feeling like fitting in. Use google advanced search.

QFP.

Oh wow! You haven't even made it a month yet and you already wanna quit? Wow! The sad part is some other girl would die to have your spot regardless of chapter numbers. You should have thought about all of these previous commitments before you rushed.

Have you spoken to anyone - at your church or at the sorority - about trying to juggle your time commitments? How many are in your pledge class? (I'm assuming one of the mandatory meetings is a pledge meeting)

How you can talk about being a Christian in one sentence and actually listen to people telling you unfounded rumors is a mystery to me.

Your group probably has some sort of Honor Board who decides if people can be excused from chapter required events. Go talk with them. Explain your situation. BUT before you do, talk also with the appropriate people at your church and see what alternatives are available there. Then when you go talk with HB, you can offer them the alternaties and you might be able to negotiate something that will work for all of you.

I've been reading both of those since Bid Day...I really did want to make the best of what happened. The house that I got into was the one I actually ranked last first round and didn't go back for skit day. They invited me back to Pref Night, which I really did feel honored for - I mean, they didn't see me the day before but still wanted me!? And while I walked away that night thinking, okay that was cool, I walked away from my first choice completely smitten and cried when I found out I wasn't bidded on. I know that there are thousands of girls who go through the same situation and end up happy. I was reading up on our philanthropy last night to try to get excited.
I was honestly excited bc I've never really been the kind of person who feels "wanted" by others...so it felt good that they bid me, you know? In the threads above there's a lot of people who say, my org took a risk on me so I decided to take a risk on it. There's a dark part of me that wonders if, because of their numbers, they didn't really want me, they just had to meet quota? What if they don't even like me that much?
Like I said, I really did this on a whim and now I'm kind of wishing I had done more research. Even if I had gotten into my first choice, they have the same kinds of commitments, so I would still be in this position - even if I was head over heels at first and didn't think about it.
I got along pretty well with my chapter president, so I think I'm going to go ahead and call her and voice some of my concerns and see what happens.

I'm quite shocked that you are willing to give up (because that is what it is) after less than a week. You haven't even given the sisters a chance (you can't try to say you have with less than a week of "pledging" under your belt).
There is a reason that most pledge periods run a minimum of 6 weeks to a semester long. They do this so that you 1. learn about Greek life 2. learn about the house 3. learn about the sorority in general 4. GET TO KNOW THE SISTERS!!!!!
The fact that you are claiming that your a good Christian, but your buying the rumors and what a couple of girls said to you and that is your reason for giving up, well not to Christianly if you ask me.

I might get flames for this, but whatever.

Every chapter wants their members to be involved outside of the chapter. It would make sense for the chapter (struggling or not) to encourage your outside commitments especially if it means that much to you. You may not be the only one in a time conflict. I would suggest holding back on the entire: "we're struggling with numbers are you just sugarcoating this to keep me?"

With RFM (assuming you aren't at Indiana) your chapter had a fairly large pool to choose new members from and you were high enough to be their new member. Even groups that struggle with numbers cut PNMs no matter what anyone says.

:D

While it's fantastic that so many of you are quick to devalue my entire faith life, where do I say I'm a "good" Christian? There ain't no such thing. I'm committed to my religion and the commitments I've made to it are by far the most important thing in my life. I wasn't sure if it would be possible to do both when they're both so emotionally involved and time committed - but really, no, thank you so much for all of your support based on a single anonymous post I made on the internet.
The "rumors" are things that I've been told by friends involved in Greek life who named specific women who were involved in nasty situations. A friend who is in another sorority at the same school and used to be active in my church told me that she didn't know if it would be the healthiest place for me to be. As someone who knows me and other Greek women very well (or at least better than me), it's hard not to weigh in her advice.

Wow. A desperate group of alcoholics.. Sounds like you joined a sorority filled with all my exes.

I kid, I kid.

I'm just not seeing a reason why you can't give this a chance. In another month, you may ultimately decide that this truly isn't for you, but at least try it out. There must have been a good reason why you attended recruitment in the first place...

This...all this...there's absolutely no harm in sticking it out until right before initiation and making the choice then.

As someone from a chapter that struggled I just wanted to say this is true. If they gave you a bid, they wanted you.

Re: your commitment to church... I was involved with my church while I was in my chapter and my faith is very important to me. I did have to adjust my involvement at church, but I believed the tradeoff was worth it. I'm not trying to downplay your commitment to your church, but it should be possible to be in a sorority and also be involved in your church. Thousands of sorority women do it. You might not be able to do the exact same things you do now, but there are other ways to get involved. You could also participate in a Bible study in your chapter or even start one if there are enough women who are interested. Is there something like a Greek InterVarsity on your campus?

Re: the reputation... Give it the full new member period. If you really feel that the chapter is an unhealthy one overall and not just that there are a couple of wild women, then don't go through initiation. But I think you should really give it your best effort for at least a few more weeks.

You only have two years to enjoy a sorority collegiate membership. You have the rest of your life to continue serving at your church. You will also have the rest of your life to enjoy your sorority as an alumna. I would find a way to make it work for the lifelong opportunities.

If faith is important to you, have you approached it from the angle that perhaps you were placed in this chapter for a reason? Maybe there is an element of a "bigger plan?" Maybe there's not, who's to say? However, I do concur with the others that you should consider sticking it out a little longer. Not near enough time has passed to truly know the chapter.

I do know of a situation where a chapter was known to be able to outdrink the boys on campus. "Kegs on legs" was the term used to describe them, and they took that term as a badge of honor. In a matter of just 4 years, the same chapter was known as the ones where all the members were in church on Sunday morning. Things can and do change.

How many of your pledge sisters have you met? There may be others who share similar values to you and may be struggling as well. Heck, the whole pledge class (and the chapter too!) may have a different vibe that what you have been told. Give this some time and base this on YOUR feelings of the chapter- not what others tell you that you should be feeling.