I still think that the way that many Panhellenics phrase their recruitment booklets/pages leads to huge disappointment. They seem to suggest that the PNMs will choose their group out of all of them, not that they will choose them out of what they have left after cuts (the reality).

When I went through recruitment, I was a sophomore and knew to keep an open mind because I would take hard cuts. It was tough, but I knew that the sororities that invited me back were the ones that still wanted to get to know me. Now, I can't imagine not being in my chapter and I can see that chapters I originally loved would not have been the best place for me. After recruiting as an active, I was surprised to find that I could often tell when a PNM would mesh with our chapter or not. There were some that I LOVED but I knew that they were much more like my friend in XYZ or ABC rather than my chapter, and that's where they went many times. I have told PNMs that as hard as it is, the actives do know their chapter more than the PNMs do. After all, the actives are looking for new sisters just as much as the PNMs are. Even if they don't join my chapter, I want the best for them and want them to find their home.

Honestly, I believe actives do know their chapters well enough to make decisions first round about who would mesh and who wouldn't, but I'm reminded of a quote allegedly attributed to a Stanford admissions officer, "We could have thrown out all the students we accepted, and chosen a new class from the ones rejected, and we would have a stronger class." If my chapter had to pick out another 60-70 women from all the ones who didn't get bids the first time, I imagine we'd still have a pledge class full of women who wanted to be there and would have fit in just fine.

When we had to cut ~700 of the 1000ish women going through recruitment after the first round, not every one of them was because they'd do better in some other chapter. As numbers continue to rise or stay high at many large institutions this reality becomes more true.

I still think one of the biggest issues for the PNMs is understanding that they (a single person) is meeting between three to a dozen women who know their chapter pretty well. Those women are in a better position to determine if the PNM fits in than she is to know that while she didn't become instant BFFs with them there's another couple dozen girls in the chapter who she'd love. So she ranks them low because she didn't "click" with a few girls. Maybe she gets "annoyed" that they keep inviting her back. The PNMs don't have the full picture!

(Early morning post, apologies if it's not making sense. I need coffee!)

It made perfect sense and is spot on!

Really appreciated this and many other threads on this site. I went through recruitment/rush 30 years ago and now my daughter is going through the process. It was amazing how the PNM's were very misinformed on the selection process in the early rounds. All of your advise gave me the ability to give her sound advice.

KSUVIOLET6 - My daughter just finished recruitment at Kent...it is an amazing greek community. I was confident no matter which organization she choose she would be with a great group of women. She had the burden of being a multiple legacy with the groups on the campus but she made the right choice on bid day. Thank you for spending time to make the greek organizations on that campus so great.

Her top two choices were Phi Mu and Delta Zeta. She was a legacy at both. My mother (the DZ) and I (the Phi Mu) both counseled her on the fact that every chapter is different and what was right for us at the time (60 and 30 years respectively) at a different university may not be right for her.

In the end she choose Delta Zeta which I could not be happier. Love me some roses and turtles