How many times is too many to rush?
 

Hi! I'm currently a freshman at a smaller southern school. I rushed formally in the fall and dropped before skit night because I was only invited to one house which I did not connect well with at all. I then went through open at one house right after formal and did not get a bid. I also went through spring recruitment at the same house with the same results. So, my question is should I consider going through formal in the fall again as a sophomore? The reason I think I did not badly the first time is because I'm super shy and am also a legacy to one chapter that I was set on who dropped me after the first night. Both me and my sister(from which I got the legacy status)were very upset with this and I think it negatively affected the rest of my rush experience.

Thanks for any advice! :)

Why not? Just remember that you probably will still get dropped by a number of groups. But what have you got to lose?

Just remember that if you don't change something you will likely get the same results. Work on your conversation skills and make sure you are socially active this spring and summer. And of course be more open to EVERY opportunity. That house that isn't great at rush may be perfect for you once rush is over. Rush and post rush don't necessarily have anything to do with each other regarding sisterhood, fun, opportunity, leadership, etc.

Thanks for the replies! If I rush again should I even mention my legacy since it really didn't help me last time? I just don't want to be seen as this lame person who didn't even get invited back to the chapter that was required to invite her back at least once. I'm trying to keep an open mind for next time though.

You don't have to mention it. The chapter knows. It may help with the other chapters.

Not all groups are required to invite legacies back, especially if your school is one that doesn't have many rounds. Your sister might want to call her national headquarters and double check on this policy.

Could it be that your GPA was also a factor in not getting invited back to all but one chapter?

My GPA definitely wasn't a factor. I graduated with a 3.89 and was the 8th in my class and have remained in good academic standing in college. And my sister told me she called and they apologized to her cause a mistake was made and I was put on the flex list, but there was nothing they could do after the fact.

She called the chapter or called her national headquarters? What I'm saying is that a national policy she thinks is in place may not be.

From the aoii website, "In no case should a legacy be denied an invitation to at least one invitational event after the first round of events". I'm not sure who she contacted, but clearly the policy exists. And it just hurt my feelings, I'm not trying to say it wasn't my fault or insult or offend anyone or make anyone mad but I was told this policy was in place and then I was shown that even the one who was "supposed" to give me at least one extra chance didn't. It really didn't do much for my confidence with the other parties I attended that night. I know it's my fault for letting it get to me, but it is hard and it hurts to be rejected by girls whom your own sister considers sisters and not let yourself be upset

Here's another way to look at things. If you had been invited back it would have only been because of your legacy status. Sometimes inviting a legacy back is only a formality and not really giving someone a second look. Harsh but true. Would you rather have been strung along for another round and maybe even dropped a house that would have been a better fit because you were focused on a group that had no intention of giving you a bid? I'm trying to not make that sound mean because that is not my intention at all but that's the unfortunate thing that can sometimes happen to PNMs.

At this point what happened last year is probably not worth rehashing. You might have been incorrectly placed on a list and maybe they liked you and maybe they didn't, but none of that is "knowable" at this point. Even the chapter members probably don't know the truth. But especially in light of the fact that there MIGHT have been an error on your invitation from your legacy chapter, I would consider it all water under the bridge, do all your prep work now and go into rush in the fall as though you've never done it before. You have friends now, your sister (and maybe another alumna or two?) will have your recs and legacy forms in place, and you'll be more open minded about your options.

I haven't taken your posts so far as being bitter or whatever, just confused. Try to let that go since nobody can give you any real answers anyway, just conjecture. Best of luck to you!

Sure, I would rush again. Just realize that the chapter(s) to which you don't feel a connection might be feeling a connection to you that is worth exploring. Sometimes a house that would be a great fit for you doesn't strike you that way at first.

Work on your social skills in the meantime. Like you, I was shy in college. I deliberately picked a very social school that would help to bring me out of my shell. I attended a lot of parties and forced myself to walk up to people, smile, and introduce myself -- "Hi! I'm [name.] What's your name?" Then I would ask the standard quesitons, i.e. how do you know the host, what's your major, hometown, etc. The sooner you can move the conversation away from the standard questions, the better. Ask people if they've seen the latest movie or concert, or rave about a TV show that is currently holding your interest. If you explore various topics, sooner or later you will find a way to connect. I got to the point where I could develop a conversation with virtually anyone.

My social skills improved so much that I later went into sales for a living. I remember one potential employer being super impressed that I walked into the business, introduced myself, and asked if they had any sales jobs open. That's exactly what that employer was looking for. And that's a skill set that I learned in college, but not in the classroom!

So all that is to say -- take heart, your social skills can be improved. Work on developing them and don't be afraid to make mistakes or seem awkward.

You should try again. But don't get caught up on certain chapters. Give them all a chance. Even if you don't feel a connection right away, you may warm up to them later.

I had that same feeling. I went through fall recruitment and didn't feel a good connection with one house in particular. Then when spring recruitment came around, they were the only ones involved. I ended up joining and am so glad I gave them a second chance because this was the sorority I was supposed to be in.

Thanks so much everyone for the replies! I will try again next semester and work on breaking out of my shell more. I have another question maybe you all could help me with. I wasn't involved in sports or extra curriculars in high school and I'm only in one club related to my major in college, so how can I make this not hurt my chances during recruitment? Thanks again! (: