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-   -   Protecting your sorority from evil... (http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=243643)

APhi2KD 05-16-2018 02:32 AM

Protecting your sorority from evil...
 
As an alumn unaffiliated with a chapter, would you send a negative recommendation letter to a chapter who is about to meet a girl who will look very good on paper, but you know that she is actually selfish, intolerant, admits bullying, has not progressed beyond “these seats are saved”, and is just a bit racist.
The chapter doesn’t know you, so will they take it seriously?

She won’t add to them or be a good sister imo and I hate to see the chapter go that way. Thoughts?

carnation 05-16-2018 08:31 AM

Maybe you could call the recruitment chairman.

thetalady 05-16-2018 12:50 PM

Don't overthink it. Send in an honest evaluation of the girl from your experience. Hopefully your chapter will consider the advice of an alumna, whether you are affiliated with a chapter or not. If it is important to you, say something! Unless there was a massive stink made over it, I doubt that they will even remember your legacy from last year.

AnchorAlumna 05-16-2018 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by APhi2KD (Post 2456475)
As an alumna unaffiliated with a chapter, would you send a negative recommendation letter to a chapter who is about to meet a girl who will look very good on paper, but you know that she is actually selfish, intolerant, admits bullying, has not progressed beyond “these seats are saved”, and is just a bit racist.
The chapter doesn’t know you, so will they take it seriously?
She won’t add to them or be a good sister imo and I hate to see the chapter go that way. Thoughts?

Absolutely you should. Do you want to see that girl walking around wearing your letters?
Why would the chapter not take the word of a sister, even if they don't know her? You do wear the same letters, even if the chapter is different, right?
However....what I do is check the box that says "I do not recommend this candidate" or whatever corresponds, and if sending a paper form, put a Post-It note that says "CALL ME FIRST." Or if you're doing the online form, put that in a box where you can type stuff. Don't write down any particulars.
If they're paying the least bit of attention, they should call you for details. Be prepared to back up your statements.
The most valuable recommendations are the NO ones!

APhi2KD 05-16-2018 04:11 PM

Thanks, everyone!

granipc 06-11-2018 07:26 PM

I have written literally hundreds of recs... some girls I liked better than others and some I didn't know well at all. I have written exactly ONE "no" rec, and I meant it. She deserved it for a host of reasons and no way on earth would I have wanted her wearing my letters. She pledged another house (no idea if my rec had anything to do with my house cutting her), had MAJOR issues and ended up leaving the school completely by spring semester. When you know, you know... ;)

Just interested 06-11-2018 07:47 PM

There is a reason we have references and this is one of them. Absolutely send in an "I cannot recommend this girl". The chapter will contact you if they need to. I so agree with Anchor Alumnae. We had an incident last year where a legacy had a glowing reference from an alumna but collegians from her very prestigious HS informed us that she was a bully and then some so we sent a negative reference to override the positive one. Tough decision. Good news is her school had delayed recruitment and by the time January rolled around she had already "outed herself" and we think was asked to leave her university.

carnation 06-11-2018 08:36 PM

I have only written 3 no-recs in all the dozens I have written over the years. One smuggled ivory into the country on a trip I was with, one physically attacked a camp director where I was nurse, and one took a selfie of herself urinating on our main street and left it on Facebook for months. I have never felt guilty for any of the 3.

One girl dropped out of sight and the other 2 showed their true colors soon after matriculating at their colleges. You do what you have to if you know for sure about a threat to your sorority because Greek headquarters and colleges are removing chapters left and right for risk management violations.

33girl 06-11-2018 08:38 PM

The smuggling ivory no rec HAD to be a first.

carnation 06-11-2018 08:42 PM

I bet it was. I gave them a detailed story, including the fact that we all could have been arrested except that we were on a Girl Scout trip and in uniform and the customs agents laughed when they saw us come through. "Girl Scouts! Like you were gonna bring in illicit stuff!" (or something like that)

They waved us through and I literally almost passed out when we got around the corner.

Titchou 06-12-2018 07:32 AM

I wrote a no on a girl who was arrested, handcuffed and driven way in a police car while at school. Don't need that on Instagram.....

carnation 06-12-2018 11:12 AM

Here's what I want to know. When you know for real that someone would be a risk management nightmare (or whatever) to the Greek system, do you share this with other Greeks who don't need the risk either?

With the one who urinated in the street and filmed it--a member from another sorority called me and warned me that the girl was going to invitationals in my chapter and I was most appreciative. With the one who attacked the camp director, one of my Greek daughters who also witnessed it warned me that Attacker was rushing. I didn't tell any other Greeks and even though the girl was released after first parties, the college president called a sorority with one spot left and jollied them into taking her. Within a few weeks, she was kicked out of her sorority for sucker-punching a sister. We found out later that she had a police record.

So what's the best road to take when you have proof? Tell? Don't tell?

AnchorAlumna 06-12-2018 03:34 PM

On my day to day travels, I don't interact with a lot of people, especially sorority women (hence my love for Facebook), so I don't have a chance. but if I do have an opportunity, I will gladly pass the word. Others have passed the word to me and I'm grateful.

mkaytay 07-31-2018 10:25 AM

I had a girl that was about 6 years behind me from church ask me for a rec to a school in my state, and I knew she was a huge bully (the church had to ask that her parents not send her on any overnight trips unless one of them would attend with her it got so bad). I wrote a do not recommend for my chapter, and since it was a school in my state (I didn't go there myself)I passed the word onto friends who were alums for some of the other chapters.

I know a couple sent notes to the recruitment chair and I think one sent in an actual do not rec, but I don't know what I would have done if I didn't know alums from the actual school to talk to. She joined a chapter going through their first recruitment after colonizing, and is still there, but I don't know how her behavior has been. Maybe she grew up in college, but I'm glad my chapter didn't have to deal with the potential issues.

ForeverRoses 07-31-2018 11:14 AM

You might also want to reach out to the recruitment advisor, if your chapter has one. I have been contacted several times over the years regarding "no rec" women. Our recruitment chairs are swamped, especially close to recruitment time so a set of ears that can relay the info is always helpful.
I've seen our chapter "saved" by at least one of these calls- the woman in question has been a headache for the chapter that she did join and we dodged a bullet.

KSUViolet06 07-31-2018 12:35 PM

I have no rec'd with a smile.

I'm extra (and well-connected) so I will generally go beyond the form and send the MRD a text or email with the info in question. Screenshots, direct quotes, you name it.

And I'm not even sorry. If I have advisory contacts within other chapters, I will generally contact them and make them aware of the situation as well.

I will add that there is no such thing as "a little bit racist." If you said it, I will for sure send your racist BS to the chapter in question.

KSUViolet06 07-31-2018 12:36 PM

Murphy's Law states that if you ignore a "Hey y'all, Mary is going to be a problem if you bid her, she is racist AF" she is going to bring your chapter down in flames.

AnchorAlumna 07-31-2018 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carnation (Post 2457044)
So what's the best road to take when you have proof? Tell? Don't tell?

TELL! Discreetly, of course. That's why I write nothing down. Just a note saying CALL ME. Written in red, circled, underlined, and starred***.
Why run the risk if you don't tell? And if you don't tell, they won't know.

honeychile 08-01-2018 05:20 PM

I would surely appreciate an alumna sister taking the time to keep someone of any ill repute ("a little racist", a thief, a bully) from my sorority; I'd like to think that others feel the same.

APhi2KD 08-04-2018 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06 (Post 2458440)
I will add that there is no such thing as "a little bit racist."

Just to clarify, that was
tongue-in-cheek. As if the rest wasn’t enough, there’s the main point. I do hope they listen.

FSUZeta 08-05-2018 07:45 AM

I have shared "no rec" info with Alum friends of other sororities. It is up to them to notify the chapter of their sororities, or not. I would feel awful if I had not let my friends know and the girl joined one of their chapters only to later jeapordize her chapter's existence.

NYCMS 08-05-2018 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta (Post 2458598)
I have shared "no rec" info with Alum friends of other sororities. It is up to them to notify the chapter of their sororities, or not. I would feel awful if I had not let my friends know and the girl joined one of their chapters only to later jeapordize her chapter's existence.

So true. It can a chapter years to recover from a toxic member. I think it will be interesting to find out (if anyone can) how the Alpha Phi chapter at Alabama does given the member who posted those racist rants and who was kicked out earlier this year (and I believe her membership was stripped as well).

APhi2KD 08-05-2018 01:07 PM

Her membership was definitely stripped and they cleaned house. They (according to numbers release by Bama) are going into recruitment this year well over 150 previous members short. I’m hoping it will be a good, fresh start for them.

NYCMS 08-05-2018 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by APhi2KD (Post 2458608)
Her membership was definitely stripped and they cleaned house. They (according to numbers release by Bama) are going into recruitment this year well over 150 previous members short. I’m hoping it will be a good, fresh start for them.

I'm rooting for them as well. What happened that the chapter is 150 members short? Some members were found to be 'in cahoots' with her? Did some girls quit?

Whatever the case I hope they recover in good order. A former colleague's friend pledged Alpha Phi a few years ago and loved it (she was super homesick and left after freshman year to return to the West Coast so didn't know this member).

APhi2KD 08-05-2018 01:43 PM

No idea. Probably some drops and some were sent to pasture early if they weren’t really seen as a productive member? (In arrears, academic issues, a history with standards, etc)
That’s just my guess. In chapters of that size I imagine you’ve got quite a few in every house flying under the radar for various reasons.

APhi2KD 08-05-2018 01:46 PM

Most houses ranged from 15-36 lost, then three other houses lost 62, 74, and 92 members.

mkaytay 08-06-2018 08:44 AM

The rumors on the site which shall not be named are that a lot of sisters were grade risks or had not been paying their dues even after multiple warnings so Nationals did a top to bottom cleaning of those sisters (not sure if they disaffiliated or went alum) which caused some of their friends to leave voluntarily.


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