Dumb rec question.
Hey all,
Ok, so I've never written a rec before. I have a really dumb question, and I apologize in advance. I was asked about a month and a half ago for a rec. Competitive school, but not SEC. She was a relative of an acquaintance so I said sure, but let's email back and forth a couple times so I know you're not a total psycho. No problem. She seemed super sweet. So I wrote one, no problem. I told her it was done, heard nothing. Waited, then asked my friend. Apparently, as my friend apologized a bit to me (he wasn't in Greek life), the girl said she didn't give a you-know-what about my group, she was just told to get all the recs, and she wouldn't join my group if her life depended on it. Well. I wasn't happy. So, what to do? Can I rescind my rec? Just write another that's a no rec? Any help would be much appreciated. |
I'm sure her behaviour in the parties will reflect her attitude. She'll take herself out of that mix. I'd leave it be. Unless of course you wrote her a glowing rec with TOP RUSHEE MUST PLEDGE in red letters across the top. In which case, you'd need to contact the chapter adviser.
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I agree with Titchou - let it be. If she doesn't care, she'll give off a negative vibe.
But... Who knows? Maybe she'll change her mind, once she's met the members. |
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I would send a follow up note to the chapter outlining what the girl said and let the chapter decide what do with it. I guess I am a vindictive old alum, but if she wouldn't join Kappa Delta if her life depended on it, then she doesn't need a rec to my beloved Kappa Delta from me. So there, entitled bitch!
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At least the school and where she's from and allow gcers to pm you. This behavior should not be tolerated.
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Since you didn't hear it straight from her, I wouldn't address it. People have commented time and again on this board how young and naive they were during recruitment when they thought they knew it all. This could be your friend's relative repeating what she's heard before recruitment even begins, not fully understanding the impact of her words. I would hate to ruin her chances before she gets to possibly have her own "aha" moment, when she realizes that her preconceived biases don't match reality and she regrets having ever said what she did. She could end up being a wonderful, mature leader in 4 years (or not...but let it be her own undoing).
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Thinking of responding to PMs from established GC members that ask for details. |
I've been thinking about your situation. I believe that I would find out who the recruitment and/or general advisors for the chapter are and phone them or send them an email telling them that you have further info on this PNM and want to revise your recommendation to a no rec.
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I wouldn't report a "she said-he said" middleman report. I'd let it go.
Just to be clear, you didn't actually tell her "let's email back and forth a couple times so I know you're not a total psycho." Right? Or, say that to the middleman friend? Because who knows what he has said to her. If she heard that, she might have been offended. Like you're offended. Maybe the friend is stirring you both up. |
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I hope she's really not just being a Bratty McBratterson because one of my bridesmaids was a KD and all the ones I've met have been fabulous women. She should feel honored if they offered her a bid. :D
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The PNM is what? 18 years old? Please.
IMO we should just sit back and let the bids fall where they may. Related story: a woman, upon learning where my brother lived, remarked "If I lived there, I'd kill myself." He calmly looked her in the eye, and politely said "What a funny thing to say. Whatever do you mean by that remark?" She turned bright red, and said not another word. Point: people say really stupid things all the time. Let it go. One 18 year old's opinion of my sorority doesn't mean anything to me. My inside voice is saying to the 18 year old "Whatever" (with a sigh, and very slowly rolled eyes). |
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