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-   -   Disappointing Recruitment (http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=107651)

cstatebabe 09-24-2009 09:16 PM

Disappointing Recruitment
 
ETA: Just read some related posts so sorry if y'all don't want to respond. :-) Words of encouragement are always accepted though!

I just went through formal recruitment and came away with upsetting results.

I only listed one chapter on my pref card (out of two) and ended up not getting a bid. I'm not going to lie...I'm pretty bitter about the whole process. I feel like formal recruitment is so superficial and I don't get why I wasn't chosen. I feel like I'm the type of person who could fit into any of the "popular" houses because I'm nice and have the same interests as many of the other ladies (fashion, communications, cheerleading, and dance were big ones I had in common with the women I talked to).

I'm a sophomore at a moderately competitive school for Greek life (7 chapters). I'm tentatively planning on going through informal recruitment this winter.

Do you ladies have any advice for me? I've been uncharacteristically self-conscious about everything since recruitment. :(

Titchou 09-24-2009 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cstatebabe (Post 1850793)
ETA: Just read some related posts so sorry if y'all don't want to respond. :-) Words of encouragement are always accepted though!

I just went through formal recruitment and came away with upsetting results.

I only listed one chapter on my pref card (out of two) and ended up not getting a bid. I'm not going to lie...I'm pretty bitter about the whole process. I feel like formal recruitment is so superficial and I don't get why I wasn't chosen. I feel like I'm the type of person who could fit into any of the "popular" houses because I'm nice and have the same interests as many of the other ladies (fashion, communications, cheerleading, and dance were big ones I had in common with the women I talked to).

I'm a sophomore at a moderately competitive school for Greek life (7 chapters). I'm tentatively planning on going through informal recruitment this winter.

Do you ladies have any advice for me? I've been uncharacteristically self-conscious about everything since recruitment. :(


Did you stop to think that maybe the second group aspires to be like you and wanted you to show them the way? Talk about shortchanging people....did you attend their pref and then not list them? Sorry if this sounds rash but how rude. You knew if they invited you that you would be on their bid list. So you went and then turned them down? Please....and if all you are interested in is fashion, communications, dance and cheerleading, then maybe they are better off without you. What happened to getting an education? Where is that on your list of aspirations????? Again, sorry but your post just makes my skin crawl...

ComradesTrue 09-24-2009 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cstatebabe (Post 1850793)
I feel like formal recruitment is so superficial and I don't get why I wasn't chosen.

You are upset that the chapters are superficial, but then you went on to say this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by cstatebabe (Post 1850793)
I feel like I'm the type of person who could fit into any of the "popular" houses because I'm nice and have the same interests as many of the other ladies (fashion, communications, cheerleading, and dance were big ones I had in common with the women I talked to).

You were also being superficial.

Senusret I 09-24-2009 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Titchou (Post 1850800)
Did you stop to think that maybe the second group aspires to be like you and wanted you to show them the way?

Has anybody ever really thought this in the history of recruitment anywhere?

UGAalum94 09-24-2009 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senusret I (Post 1850804)
Has anybody ever really thought this in the history of recruitment anywhere?

Maybe if she only got one invite and was trying to decide if she should take it, but I think it's unlikely when she's still hoping for a different group.

Even then, I think she'd think something more like, "well, I could make a difference in this chapter.

violetpretty 09-24-2009 11:30 PM

I think the other posters have echoed my feelings about your attitude about where you fit, the chapter you dismissed, etc, but I can offer you some insight about the chapters and the process that might help explain a few misunderstandings.

Every chapter wants every PNM to want to join their chapter, regardless of whether the chapter wants a particular PNM. That way, they have their pick of members and they maintain a positive image on campus. Unfortunately, this can backfire and PNMs don't understand why they didn't get a bid when they thought things went so well, and become bitter.

Another thing to remember is that if a conversation went well, particularly in the later rounds of recruitment, the member probably DID like you. You were invited to pref, that means you were on the bid list (which means they would be happy to have you as a sister), just not high enough to match. You also may have heard about "quota" during recruitment---this means that each chapter can take a certain number of women so all chapters can be about the same size, so they can't take every PNM that they love. Also remember that membership selection isn't in the hands of only one member and some chapters are so good at connecting with every PNM that comes through the doors.

Your sophomore status MAY have affected you, but maybe not. A chapter that doesn't want to consider sophomores is more likely to release them earlier. However, there is a law of diminished returns with regards to recruitment. In very rare cases will a PNM have more choices during subsequent recruitments, and this happens when a PNM remedies what she did wrong the first time, whether it is raising her GPA, improving her conversational skills, or checking an attitude problem. It may very well be that your only chance to go Greek was with the chapter you turned down, and you may have already burned that bridge.

Save Ferris 09-24-2009 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OTW (Post 1850796)
Hun, don't be bitter if you didn't even bother giving the 2nd house a chance. But, that's the chance you took by only listing one.

Yep.

OP, unless you weren't told by your rho gamma/Panhellenic council that listing only one increases the chance to be placed nowhere, you made the choice and buried your own grave. It's not about popularity. There have been many women who haven't gotten their first choice and ended up happy in their second choice.

By you saying you have what it takes to be in a "popular" sorority makes me wonder if you showed that same attitude during recruitment.

gee_ess 09-24-2009 11:45 PM

Not every 18 year old pnm has the maturity or broadmindedness to think about the more panhellenic approach to recruitment. True, many do come to the conclusion that they can "make a difference" but not all.

There are so many factors that come into play in the way a pnm handles these experiences (the act of actually choosing to pref only one instead of two, accepting a bid to the second choice, etc) I often wonder what the Gamma Chi who advised her was saying during the process...many are not as helpful as they could be. When she called home, what was mom/dad/whomever saying to her? Many posters have even mentioned that a boyfriend played a role in their recruitment decisions.

The whole darn thing DOES feel superficial and we can all agree it is not perfect, so it is understandable that a pnm might make some very none PC blunders when explaining her situation.

I think she will read several of the threads on here (particularly the stories about women who chose a smaller/newer/second choice/whatever houses) and find that there is something to be learned from them. The stereotype that she started recruitment with will be replaced with the true panhellenic woman that is often represented on GC.

Start reading cstatebabe.

She may not have learned it from rush, but hopefully she will learn it on here.

pinkyphimu 09-24-2009 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Titchou (Post 1850800)
You knew if they invited you that you would be on their bid list.

Most pnms wouldn't know this.

To the OP: you made a choice, some times we regret our choices. You are likely to be disappointed in the houses who may participate in winter recruitment.

violetpretty 09-24-2009 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Save Ferris (Post 1850842)
By you saying you have what it takes to be in a "popular" sorority makes me wonder if you showed that same attitude during recruitment.

And maybe she was assuming incorrectly that the popular chapters are only interested in fashion, comm, cheering, dance, etc. Lots of sorority women like those things, in all "tiers". And most likely, sorority women want something else to talk about with women who could be their sisters.

qbt1990 09-24-2009 11:54 PM

OP, I feel for you-really. I'm sorry it didn't turn out well for you.:( If you go through informal do be aware of how you come off. Being right in the middle of recruitment practice, I've noticed a lot of really cool girls get nervous or shy during conversations and therefore come across as uninterested or rude which sucks. Not saying you were like that it's just something to think about. Good luck!

dreamseeker 09-24-2009 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blondie93 (Post 1850801)
You are upset that the chapters are superficial, but then you went on to say this:



You were also being superficial.

my goodness you took the words right out of my head!

to the OP: give it another go, and this time really be open minded.

AnotherKD 09-25-2009 07:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blondie93 (Post 1850801)
You are upset that the chapters are superficial, but then you went on to say this:



You were also being superficial.


THIS.

LionTamer 09-25-2009 11:37 AM

Sorry I can't join the chorus of disapproval for not going to both preference parties. The OP didn't say WHY she didn't go.

If it was because they weren't "popular" enough, then fine, disapprove away. But if the group was a bad fit, then maybe we can cut her some slack.

But I really only felt I fit well with one of the two sororities I preferenced (they were similar in "popularity"), so I only listed the one where I felt comfortable, although it may have meant that I may not have gotten a bid at all.

And I would second the person who points out that most rushees don't understand that if you're invited to preference, that you're somewhere on their bid list. The whole recruitment thing is VERY confusing. You're assimilating so much information about EVERYTHING those first few weeks of school, and even if someone mentions this (as one of thousands of other things you're trying to take in), it's unlikely that everyone really GETS it.

baci 09-25-2009 11:54 AM

I have to agree a bit with you on this one^^

Recruitment is confusing on so many levels. You are young and have so much going on when you first arrive on campus in so many areas. You can only hope that each girl really listens and soaks up as much as they can to assist them in recruitment to make the best decisions. Overall, the system is good, but it is not perfect.

I know there are numerous cases where girls want only that "one" group and they won't take the #2 no matter what. Well, they suffer the consequences if they don't receive that invitation. Then, there really are those cases where deep down girls do realize the "other" group is not a good fit. I see no problem if they don't go to #2 in that case. If it is for the right reasons - I just think it is best.

I do not like to judge them or make statements about it all as I am not there every step of the way to see what is going on and I do not know the young lady personally. In the end, it is their recruitment and their choice - they have to live with the outcome.


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