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-   -   Why in the world should a lady be expected to join a house she didn't want to? (http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=54435)

James 07-26-2004 10:27 PM

Why in the world should a lady be expected to join a house she didn't want to?
 
A large part of the sorority system seems predicated on the idea that even if mutually selected, the numbers issue might make a PNM not get a bid for the house she wants.

Ok fair enough. But why do we expect and pressure them to join the house she doesn't want?

That seems to be an enormous flaw in the system.

Does anyone else agree? Or disagree?

33girl 07-26-2004 10:34 PM

No one is expected to join a house she doesn't want. If she doesn't want to be in a house, she shouldn't write it on her bid card. Simple as that.

mu_agd 07-26-2004 10:35 PM

or she could decline the bid.

again, pretty simple.

AchtungBaby80 07-26-2004 10:38 PM

How do you really know you don't like a house unless you try it, though? I mean, even if you're kinda so-so about a chapter to begin with, you might end up liking it enough to initiate after the pledge period is over. Anybody else think?

honeychile 07-26-2004 10:49 PM

One way to look at it is this: haven't you ever seen a couple pairs of pants (shoes, etc), and thought, WOW! I really like this pair, but this other pair is pretty cool, too. Then you look at the fit, and the first pair just doesn't fit the way you imagined. So, you try on the other pair, and it fits.

Also, the New Member program is "trying on" the sorority - the NM can go through the entire program, but decide against initiation. We had a NM cancel literally the day before initiation, and the next year, she pledged and was initiated into another sorority - where she was quite happy. It happens.

"Number Two" isn't always the worst thing that could happen!

DeltaBetaBaby 07-26-2004 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by honeychile
One way to look at it is this: haven't you ever seen a couple pairs of pants (shoes, etc), and thought, WOW! I really like this pair, but this other pair is pretty cool, too. Then you look at the fit, and the first pair just doesn't fit the way you imagined. So, you try on the other pair, and it fits.

This is a great analogy!

There is a difference between a chapter you DO NOT WANT and a chapter that just wasn't your first choice.

CASIGKAP 07-26-2004 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DeltaBetaBaby
There is a difference between a chapter you DO NOT WANT and a chapter that just wasn't your first choice.
I am in complete agreement here. There is definitely a difference. I've seen gals end up in houses that were not their first choice & have later said it was the best thing that could have ever happened to them.
By the same token, I've seen gals stubbornly refuse to consider anyone other than XYZ but once they are NM's, they do not like it all & have no other options b/c they refused to even consider another house.

Peaches-n-Cream 07-26-2004 11:43 PM

If she doesn't like a sorority, she should not write it down. Most people apply to several colleges, not just one. If you don't get your first or second choice college, you don't give up on the idea of higher education. You attend another college. A PNM might not receive a bid to her first or second choice sorority, but she might receive a bid to her third or fourth choice. She has options.

Believe me, a sorority does not want someone who doesn't want to be there. That type of pledge usually drops out very quickly.

texas*princess 07-27-2004 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CASIGKAP
By the same token, I've seen gals stubbornly refuse to consider anyone other than XYZ but once they are NM's, they do not like it all & have no other options b/c they refused to even consider another house.
Like honeychile said, if the jeans don't fit, don't wear them! hehehe

In all seriousness, this definitely happens. No one expects a young woman to join a house she doesn't want to be in. Most people just want them to know that there are other options out there besides XYZ that could make her just as happy, if not more than the house she thought she wanted.

Sometimes people drop out of rush because the top tier sorority did not invite them back to the next set of parties, or because they buy into all the stereotypes they hear from other people before rush even starts.. and before they even have a chance to get to know the other chapters they already want only certain houses.

I realize it's not an ideal world, and people are not always going to be open-minded... but like Peaches-N-Cream's analogy, not everyone is going to get accepted to Harvard or Yale, but for some people, UT or some other school will be just as good and may even make them more comfortable and happy in the long run.

BabyP 07-27-2004 07:15 AM

that analogy doesnt work, I have friends that apply to UCLA and other "top schools' just to see if they can get in even though they have no intention of moving there and going to that school. And they DID get in those schools!! Even me, I got in UC Berkeley which was my first choice but no scholarship (cuz I didnt qualify because i wasnt american citizen) and rent is high in berkely, also they got sued by deaf students for bad service. I ended up going to CSUS, I got in UCD, and Stanislaus state too but CSUS is closer and more diverse (plus cheaper to live with lots of clubs in area too)

I think the bid day should a diff day than the actual acceptance so the girls dont feel presssured cuz they showed up for bid and everyone is like come on, lets see the house, etc. I think it would be good idea to have acceptance day like the day after bid day so people will have time to think and can decline in private.

33girl 07-27-2004 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BabyP
I think the bid day should a diff day than the actual acceptance so the girls dont feel presssured cuz they showed up for bid and everyone is like come on, lets see the house, etc. I think it would be good idea to have acceptance day like the day after bid day so people will have time to think and can decline in private.
I have to say I don't like the thing of everybody opening their bids together in public...in my day the sororities came to everyone's door individually. And yes, maybe your face did fall when you saw it was ABC instead of XYZ but at least it was only in front of 3 sisters instead of all the rushees and sororities.

mu_agd 07-27-2004 11:40 AM

the school i went to does everything in private, which i loved. i know there were moments throughout the process where i was quite disappointed, and i'm glad that there was only me and my rho chi to see.

jharb 07-27-2004 11:48 AM

At Butler each round you find out your invites in a one-on-one setting. I know when I found out for preference night that I wasn't invited to XYZ, but rather two other chapters (one of which I felt I wouldn't have fit in at ALL with) I cried like no other. My recruitment counselor let me stay in the room with her until I felt better. When we found out who we received bids from we were in a room with just our recruitment group. If you didn't receive a bid you were notified previously not to show up and you were also made aware of the possibility of COB. Some girls just don't make it to the revealing of what chapters the Recruitment Counselors and Panhellenic Exec are from because of whatever reason and the chapters generally are made aware of this. I think this helps out a lot, because it's still public and those excited can make a big deal in a group, but also those who are disappointed aren't ridiculed.

Peaches-n-Cream 07-27-2004 12:00 PM

I think that I missed out on something by not going through formal rush as a rushee. I rushed informally. Five out of seven sororities had rush. I rushed two of them and received two bids which were delivered to my room. I must confess that I don't clearly remember how the bids were distributed after formal rush. I remember that the rho chis and the rushees went into a big room on campus, and the rho chis handed the bids out to their groups. I have no idea how private it was. I do remember that he sisters were not allowed in the area so I never actually saw it happen. I remember seeing some very happy women and some very disappointed women.

ISUKappa 07-27-2004 12:13 PM

I absolutely agree there is a big difference between "I cannot see myself in this house, ever" and "well, they weren't my first choice but they were up there, so I'll give them a try." And there are some ladies who really felt comfortable in all houses they preffed and would be equally as happy for a bid from any of them. A PNM never, ever has to accept a bid if she absolutely doesn't want to and the Recruitment Counselor needs to make it absolutely clear that if she lists the sorority anywhere on her preference card, that means she is willing to accept a bid from them.

Things were done in private at our campus, as well. Each morning of recruitment our (then) Rho Chis would meet with us each individually to go over our invite lists and make sure we were okay with who and how many we got invited back to. There was one morning I was absolutely crushed I didn't get invited back to some particular houses and my Rho Chi was the only one who knew. Same thing went with our bid cards. They were given out individually and each girl had her own moment to open and see what it was. If she felt like she wasn't able to accept the bid, she told the Rho Chi in private and then had the opportunity to leave before the rest of the Bid day activities began.


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