Asking girls if they want to COB, without coming on too strong?
My chapter decided to take a few COBs this semester, and we were told to email the recruitment chair really soon with names of girls who are interested and who we think would be a good fit.
There's a girl in one of my classes who I think would honestly be perfect. She's a freshman, and I know she didn't go through recruitment because she isn't on the mass-rosters we all got. I don't really know her well at all, but she's one of those people who you can tell just from meeting is a genuinely kind person. Like when you're talking to a PNM during recruitment, and even though you only talk to her for 3 minutes you see something special in her and just know you NEED her in your house. She's super sweet, has a kind of poise about her, and is one of those girls who is very pretty but either doesn't know or doesn't care. I'm doing a group project with her, along with 2 other girls. We all met up for an hour today to work on the project, and the whole time I was just thinking "I want her in my house!" But since I don't really know her well I don't want to be too forward in asking her about COBing. I don't want to make things awkward. Maybe she doesn't like sororities? Or can't afford one? And I don't want to come on too strong and have her think "uhhh, what? i barely know you!" Any ideas? |
See if she wants to have lunch or coffee after class and just bring up your sorority in conversation. Ask if she has ever thought about joining a sorority. Get a feeling for whether she might be interested and if so, let her know you'd like to submit her name to the recruitment chair, then follow up with your recruitment chair.
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When I was a sophomore (after having a disappointing rush experience as a freshman), a friend that I got to know from the college choir approached me about COB after choir practice, but I didn't even realize that it was COB. She just said, "My sorority is making s'mores in our dorm tomorrow night. Could I come pick you up? It will be fun." That was it! She came to my dorm and walked me over. We had a great time! It was totally low key and didn't feel like I was being "recruited" at all.
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Allow me to swerve into your lane a little bit. COBing is much more like the sort of recruitment fraternities do outside of your top schools where formal recruitment fills the roster. You might not want to be so direct until you learn her real reason for not rushing.
The NIC has a 5-step model for individual recruitment: 1) Meet [her]; 2) Make [her] a friend; 3) Introduce [her] to your friends; 4) Introduce [her] to your [sorority]; 5) Ask [her] to join. It sounds like you're sort of in the middle of step 2. How you likely joined and how you're attempting to recruit this lady are two very different paths. She may not understand the benefits of Greek life, so as Louisa says, it's best if she just not know you're recruiting her at all. Don't bring up the whole sorority thing until she's had an opportunity to see and experience how your sorority has benefited you. You don't have to draw her a picture, she'll see it for herself. Once she's had that opportunity to see how it's benefited you and you've introduced her to a few of your sisters, then you can start addressing directly the benefits of Greek Life, give her a house tour, show her how it's so much better living in your sorority house than the dorms, then if your chapter is willing, let her know she's got a bid and close the deal. |
While the lane swerve isn't EXACTLY on target, it does provide a nice framework from which to make a personal plan. COB is (I think) still more organized than some fraternities' informal rush, so she will be invited to a party of sorts. Having her show up to an evening hanging out with friends and then somehow getting a bid can be as awkward as giving the hard sell up front.
I'd rephrase #3 as Invite her to a COB event to meet sisters and 4-explain the virtues of membership. There's no point in giving the hard sell of #4 if she doesn't pass #3 AND it won't overwhelm her too early if you do it in this order. If you invite her over as a meeting friends kind of thing (#3) and she asks more questions, then her interest merits you jumping ahead to #4 even before the party. |
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I didn't even realize that it was COB. She just said, "My sorority is making s'mores in our dorm tomorrow night. Could I come pick you up? It will be fun." That was it! She came to my dorm and walked me over. Excellent (IMHO) ! That way the woman being COB'd didn't have to find the sorority dorm on her own, and didn't have to worry about "making an entrance" on her own, either. |
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Because the OP knows nothing of the PNM's interest (or lack thereof), befriending her is key. The sorority can wait. Introducing her to members outside of an official sorority event puts less pressure on the PNM and makes the possible transition to membership less stressful. Friendship first, sorority later is a great strategy, and one that, in my opinion, isn't used often enough. |
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Ideally, you want to get it to a point to where the PNM is so comfortable with you that SHE asks YOU how she can get a bid. And it can be that you'll make a great friendship with someone, but your sisters can't stand her, or vice versa. That doesn't mean the time creating the friendship was wasted. |
My best friend is one of my pledge sisters. She was a sophomore when one of her friends at church invited her to come to the house several times for lunch. She was introduced to sisters and pledges, given a house tour and then at the end of the last lunch invited to join. She tells me she had no idea that they sisters were rushing her or considering her for membership. Was a very relaxed way for her to get to know everyone as she had had no intention of being part of the "Greek scene" until she was asked.
Make it casual, friendly, and definitely not "in your face." Some girls are still influenced by the stereotypes regarding Greek Life and want no part of it until they see it for themselves. DaffyKD |
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^^^^^^OMG. This is a really big thing with my volunteer role as well.
I work with a chapter who has NEVER done COR. EVER. This year, their university raised total. It has been really interesting explaining the concept of "you need to make friends with women" to them. My favorite response to that "but I'm a sophomore/junior/senior, I don't know anyone except other Sigmas!" or "Everyone I know is a junior/senior and they don't have time to join." Your class standing is not an excuse. Unless you NEVER go to your classes, eat in the cafeterias, go to the gym, etc. you KNOW tons more unaffiliated women than you think you do. |
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