Insincere/rehearsed comments?
 

So I rushed but didn't receive a bid. However all the sororities I rushed said different versions of "sorry it didn't work out but if you're still interested come back next year!". Are these sincere comments or is this a rehearsed line that sisters are just required to say to those who didnt make it?

Rehearsed. Good luck to you.

I agree with Dr. Phil. None of the sisters can tell you why you were released from their chapters. That is secret information. If you asked them, they are told to politely tell you something like what you were told. That being said, none of us knows why you were released. If you are really interested, think critically about your performance during recruitment and fix the things that may have hurt you. Read the stickied posts in the recruitment section...they'll give you an idea of where you may have room to improve.

I did not ask anything about why I didn't receive a bid. This was just from seeing the girls I met around campus afterward.

Some women feel a little awkward seeing PNMs that they now didn't receive a bid. Maybe there was something simple you could change that will make a big difference, but without knowing you, we can't help.

As for their comments being insincere, I think you find such statements in any social situation. Say you're at a party where you know maybe one or two people. You might meet a bunch of new people, some who maybe you didn't click with, or might not run in the same circles with. When parting, what do people say? "Nice to meet you!" "Hope to see you again!"

I would rather have girls be polite to me than glare at me and roll their eyes because we didn't click, or say "BUH-bye". I'm sorry that you feel slighted, but you have only a few choices when saying goodbye to a lot of people you just met. It's so important not to read into anything, no matter what situation you are in, whether it's recruitment, a job interview, or audition.

Lastly, there could be sisters who sincerely want to see you again. Every group has their own membership selection practices, so there could be a contingent of girls who did want you to come back. There are so many variables.

I didn't say I felt slighted. I was wondering whether this is a rehearsed thing sisters usually say this to girls who get released or they actually might be interested in me. Oh I also don't know if it makes a difference but I went to the informal recruitments and didn't go to formal at all. On the other hand I'm going to be a junior. However my school is not that big on greek life, the biggest chapter probably has only 80 girls.

About feeling awkward, they were the ones who approached me afterward I didn't go up to them. I actually felt awkward. lol


EDITED: to clear it up informal for the sororities at my school happens during different times so I was able to go check them out. I also went not knowing a clue what was happening (just to check it out) but ended up loving it toward the end. I do think that made a difference between me and the other girls who hardcore wanted it and had letters of recs and knew a lot of the girls already.

I think you picking the wrong parts out of the responses. Your question was answered at least twice.

Ok, you're coming across as a bit defensive. People are offering supporting information because, like any social situation, things are NOT always as cut and dry. When decisions have to be made based on numbers, there will always be people who don't make the cut. Heck, many people have to pick and who who they can invite to their wedding (depending on their budget).

It sucks not to be invited to something you want to be part of. Again, I look at such comments in two ways: some people can be sincere and really mean it, and others are trying to be polite. I'm sorry that you can't understand what people are telling you.

I don't think skylar seems defensive.

LOL @ her feeling awkward when they approached her. I can definitely understand that. It is uncomfortable all around. Skylar doesn't need an "invitation" from them to try again next year. Try it and see what happens.

thank you. I didn't mean to be defensive at all

AOII Angel said "but without knowing you, we can't help" and ree-Xi you said "There are so many variables." so I was trying to provide more information to fill in the blanks about me and my situation, or provide the "variables" that are missing.

I also said "I didn't want say I felt slighted" because I don't, nor do I want anyone to think that I'm a bitter person to be released and follow that sentiment when they are giving me a reply. I came here for viewpoints from active sisters about the situation and hopefully constructive criticism because I know its not proper to ask the sisters in the sorority I want to join. I do not want to start any arguments.

Thanks to everyone for answering me.

If you do choose to go through recruitment again, you have the power of information now. Perhaps, knowing more about what to expect, you can do things like get recs, work on conversation skills, or whatever it is you might be able to improve upon (not knowing your campus culture or you personally). If you have made friends with active members for the sake of friendship, let them know that you plan to go through again (if it's not silence period yet).

I'm not sure what you wanted from these women - to turn and run the other way when they saw you? To come up and say they hope you don't come thru again? To tell you not to come thru again? How rude would all that be? Yes, it may be rehearsed but so are "thank you" and it was nice to meet you."

I think this is a valid question
 

I was actually wondering how the girls knew you didn't get a bid, but then in your second post you said you went through informal so they would know. My guess is they were feeling awkward about it and that is why they mentioned it to you. I don't necessarily think that it is a "canned" answer just them trying to be apologetic. When stuff like this happens in recruitment it is not easy for any one involved including the current sorority members. They remember what it is like to go through and get rejected and they are sensitive to it as they should be. And no they are not required to say it and if they didn't like you they probably would have said nothing.

Come on everyone! Don't lie to this girl! The things they are saying to her are clearly outlined on page 257 of The Super Secret Uniform Ritual Handbook for Every Sorority Girl in the Whole Wide World!

OP, whether they are just being kind or truly encouraging you to re-rush is something only they know. If you still want the sorority experience, the only way you will get a bid is to go through recruitment. It may not work out for you, but if you don't do it you will never know what could have been.