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IndianaSigKap 01-23-2020 12:02 PM


Originally Posted by 2023txmom (Post 2473036)
May I what IUDM is?

IU Dance Marathon

2023txmom 01-23-2020 12:08 PM

Thank You!

2023txmom 01-23-2020 12:19 PM


Originally Posted by ASTalumna06 (Post 2473038)
Panhellenic provides the same information to in-state women as they do to those from out-of-state. They are essentially a neutral party. All potential members essentially have the same chance to join a chapter. Being in-state can help you or can hurt you. The same goes for out-of-state. There are no special rules or tips for out-of-state women. Prepare to dress well, look presentable, have recs in ahead of formal recruitment, and practice conversation skills. This, in a nutshell, is what all potential members can do to get ready for recruitment.

Your daughter didn't receive the outcome she wanted, and that goes for a lot of other women too - both in-state and out-of-state. Stop asking the 'why' and help your daughter get ready for informal recruitment. Because you could give us all of the information in the world on your daughter, and no one here will be able to tell you why she didn't receive a bid. Or maybe she did receive invites back, but she turned them down? Either way, what's done is done. There's no way to know if her being out-of-state hurt her chances.

I will say, though, that it seems joining as an out-of-stater has become an easier task overall, as so many students are now going outside of their home state (or country!) to attend school. The same can be said for legacies. While being a legacy certainly helps with a particular chapter, there are now so many legacies going through recruitment that chapters simply can't take them all.

Anyway, as the Boy Scouts say: Be Prepared. That's all any potential member can do. There's no way to change your daughter's out-of-state status, so doing all the research, looking presentable, and having good conversations is what's going to propel her forward in this process.

Good luck to her!

Thank you for your post. You are wise in saying to stop focussing on the "WHY". I can get stuck there, especially when my kids are involved!

Rec letters were sent on time, research was done, she looked amazing and had great conversations. She met some amazingly strong, young women.

My advice will be "Keep being you:)"

80sHoosier 01-23-2020 12:34 PM


I think what I had to learn to accept when both my girls went through, one at IU and one at a top 15 academic university, was that this is not a scholarship or job interview. While they might have outstanding resumes and be attractive girls, they really have to click with those recruiting them. And IU I think there are so many going through that there is some aspect of luck and meeting the right people. At my other daughter's school there were about 400 PNMs and the sororities knew quite a bit about each one before they hit the door. At IU, I think they really don't. It probably is a little easier to fall through the cracks if you are from out of state and not from an area where there are already a lot of IU greek members. Some sororities use reccs more than others, too.

There are 22 sororities at IU and 18 of those have been established there for 30+ years in permanent large houses. While these sororities get "ranked" on other websites, the reality is that they all have attractive, accomplished young women. I would not hesitate to accept a bid from any of these. Then there are four that are newer to campus, either unhoused or using more of a rental situation of a house. They are also strong organizations and 3 of the 4 did well during formal recruitment. Those I can understand a PNM hesitating a little more and saying is this really the group for me, but it seems that many have and have had great experiences.

GreekOne 01-23-2020 12:50 PM


Originally Posted by 2023txmom (Post 2473043)
My advice will be "Keep being you:)"

Best advice out there Momma! At the end of the day, she should find a group of women that love her for just that. Pretending to be someone you aren't won't make her happy in the end.

My D is from OOS. She knew no one on campus when she arrived. She is a happy Jr now. I would say just have her be confident and reach out to every one of those chapters holding informal. There are email addresses listed on the Panhel website for a contact in each group. While she may have registered for informal through her Rho Gam, I would tell her to reach our directly to these chapter contacts and reintroduce herself mentioning something she remembered or liked about those groups. There won't be a lot of bids given out so she should be proactive.

2023txmom 01-23-2020 02:41 PM

Thank you for your advice. She asked her Rho Gamma about contacting the houses via the emails provided and was told to wait until Friday.
I will pass your feedback on to her:)

Cookiez17 01-23-2020 02:59 PM

Good luck to her! I was able to find my home during informal and it's just as rewarding an experience.

*winter* 01-23-2020 04:58 PM

This book and its companion, Parenting to a Degree, are set at IU. A research team embedded in a dorm, then followed the women for five years. It talks a lot about sororities. It's an interesting read for anyone curious about IU.

2023txmom 01-23-2020 06:06 PM

Ordering now:)

Sister Havana 01-23-2020 09:09 PM

I have Paying for the Party but I didn't know about Parenting To A Degree - I'll have to read that one!

The dorm floor in Paying for the Party is in McNutt, which is where I lived my freshman and sophomore years at IU. (I was pretty sure that's where it was based on the excerpts I'd read before I got the book. There's a diagram of the floor layout in the book and that cemented it.) It was really interesting to read about a place I knew so well!

Cookiez17 01-23-2020 11:02 PM

Oooo I'm gonna get that one if google play has it.

*winter* 01-24-2020 06:05 AM


Originally Posted by Sister Havana (Post 2473057)
I have Paying for the Party but I didn't know about Parenting To A Degree - I'll have to read that one!

The dorm floor in Paying for the Party is in McNutt, which is where I lived my freshman and sophomore years at IU. (I was pretty sure that's where it was based on the excerpts I'd read before I got the book. There's a diagram of the floor layout in the book and that cemented it.) It was really interesting to read about a place I knew so well!

Aha! So that's the dorm. Thank you.

The book is good, but I believe there was a built in bias because the dorm was so self selecting- she got a bunch of people who were already a lot alike (and a few misfits who signed up for that dorm randomly). That would be my only caution to readers.

95SisterMom19 01-24-2020 12:06 PM

Informal is just that, Informal

Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2472995)
No, I hold that opinion because I think PNMs should know if they have, in effect, been “cut.” If they know ABC is holding one event on February 1 and they haven’t gotten an invite, they can stop saying “well maybe ABC will have some more events and I’ll get invited then.” It would be one thing if this was a few days, but the time frame is until MARCH. You know there are going to be girls who keep holding out hope that never comes. It would be a lot more considerate to let them know that chance has come and gone. During formal rush, they know if ABC cuts them they should look elsewhere for a Greek affiliation. Why can the women participating in COB not be given that same consideration?

Houses that are invite only, won’t be holding “events.” They more than likely will call the handful of girls they want, invite them over for pizza, and offer them a bid. These houses already know who they want and aren’t looking to meet new girls or reconnect with girls they didn’t choose during formal. I would bet 75% of the houses had girls over last night and offered their bids. Once those bids are filled, they will close their informal rush, so the March time frame is really only for houses who have lots of spots they need/want to fill.

Informal is really only beneficial to girls with connections to a house through friends/recruitment and girls who are interested in joining one of the open invite houses.

33girl 01-24-2020 04:06 PM

Exactly, which is why I think Panhel should stay out of it except for groups that are having truly open events. Seeing that these groups have spots open just gets hopes up and will make rushees feel like they’re having to settle for second best when they never had a choice to begin with.

carnation 01-24-2020 04:49 PM

As in deltazetataualpha. Remember?

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