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-   -   What went wrong? (http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=246475)

mountainmama 09-04-2019 03:40 PM

What went wrong?
 
Hi. I just went through recruitment at a school with 10 chapters. It is a public college, and I am an in-state student from a big feeder high school. I ended up going from having the max of 8 houses for round 2 to being dropped by every house except my dead last choice(who I'm pretty sure invites back almost everyone, at least for the first few rounds). When I got back my schedule that day for round 3 with only that house, it was devastating and I dropped out immediately. I know that we can never know what goes on behind the scenes, but I wanted to get some thoughts from others about what could have caused me to get dropped by all the chapters.
First off, I was a legacy for two chapters. One of them had a policy at my school that they invite back all legacies to at least the first invitational round, but they dropped me after round 1 anyways, which was super weird. For round 2, I thought I had some really good conversations in some of the houses and was feeling pretty confident by the end of the day. That's why I was so shocked when they all dropped me. I thought I had had great conversations and had presented myself well. This was philanthropy day, and I had asked questions and had told them all about my service work in high school. I just have no idea why they would have dropped me after all of this. My GPA is very high, I had recommendations for most chapters, was a legacy for 2, am in-state from a feeder school, and knew a lot of girls within about 6 the chapters. I even knew 10 girls in one of the houses but they dropped me after round 1. None of this makes sense to me, and even my Gamma Chi was as shocked as I was. Anyone have any thoughts?

clemsongirl 09-04-2019 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mountainmama (Post 2469163)
Hi. I just went through recruitment at a school with 10 chapters. It is a public college, and I am an in-state student from a big feeder high school. I ended up going from having the max of 8 houses for round 2 to being dropped by every house except my dead last choice(who I'm pretty sure invites back almost everyone, at least for the first few rounds). When I got back my schedule that day for round 3 with only that house, it was devastating and I dropped out immediately. I know that we can never know what goes on behind the scenes, but I wanted to get some thoughts from others about what could have caused me to get dropped by all the chapters.
First off, I was a legacy for two chapters. One of them had a policy at my school that they invite back all legacies to at least the first invitational round, but they dropped me after round 1 anyways, which was super weird. For round 2, I thought I had some really good conversations in some of the houses and was feeling pretty confident by the end of the day. That's why I was so shocked when they all dropped me. I thought I had had great conversations and had presented myself well. This was philanthropy day, and I had asked questions and had told them all about my service work in high school. I just have no idea why they would have dropped me after all of this. My GPA is very high, I had recommendations for most chapters, was a legacy for 2, am in-state from a feeder school, and knew a lot of girls within about 6 the chapters. I even knew 10 girls in one of the houses but they dropped me after round 1. None of this makes sense to me, and even my Gamma Chi was as shocked as I was. Anyone have any thoughts?

Honestly, we'll never know and neither will you. Maybe they all liked you but liked other girls more. Maybe they just felt like cutting women with your first initial that day. The legacy chapter you were released from likely has a different legacy policy than you think it does.

Also, quite frankly, you had one chapter left and you chose not to return to it. You could have given sorority life a chance and chose not to. You don't know how many women that one chapter invites back or why, but we all know they thought you were worth getting to know better and you didn't extend them that same courtesy. I hope you enjoy getting involved in other activities on campus and keep an open mind towards opportunities that may present themselves to you in the future.

AnchorAlumna 09-04-2019 05:32 PM

You won't find an answer here because we weren't there to make that decision. Could have been any number of things - could have been nothing. Recruitment is crazy, and crazy things happen...sometimes girls that should easily find a place just fall through the cracks.
Keep a smile on your face. Get out and get involved on campus. Get to know lots of people, not just people in sororities.
You never know. You could find you do just fine without a sorority, Or maybe a sorority will decide they need you and offer a bid down the road via COB.
Be open to anything and everything. After all, a sorority is only a part of the college journey.
Best of luck!

Cheerio 09-10-2019 07:38 PM

bumping

Titchou 09-10-2019 08:09 PM

Just my opinion- someone knows you better than you think they do. What are your FB,Instagram, SnapChat like???? What was your GPA WITHOUT any weighted classes? Just your core subjects? Legacy dropped after first or second round - they had no intention ever of pledging you. Were any of your recs for those 2 houses? If not, that is a HUGE red flag. Or were your legacy relatives the only ones writing the recs? Also a red flag esp if that chapter has a huge number of legacies going thru. I'm just tossing ideas out not only for you but for anyone else checking a similar situation out. We can't tell you why but can give you some food for thought...

navane 09-10-2019 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Titchou (Post 2469392)
Just my opinion- someone knows you better than you think they do. What are your FB,Instagram, SnapChat like???? What was your GPA WITHOUT any weighted classes? Just your core subjects? Legacy dropped after first or second round - they had no intention ever of pledging you. Were any of your recs for those 2 houses? If not, that is a HUGE red flag. Or were your legacy relatives the only ones writing the recs? Also a red flag esp if that chapter has a huge number of legacies going thru. I'm just tossing ideas out not only for you but for anyone else checking a similar situation out. We can't tell you why but can give you some food for thought...

I agree, something isn't right here. When I read the post, my gut instinct was to think that perhaps the OP had made a poor impression somehow - high school reputation, mishap in the freshman dorm, made an impolite comment to one of the sorority members during a party....or???

Sciencewoman 09-11-2019 03:22 PM

The red flag to me is "knew a lot of girls within about 6 of the chapters" -- I'm guessing there is something in your past actions that left a negative impression if you were released after the first round by every chapter where women knew you previously.

ForeverRoses 09-11-2019 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna (Post 2469172)
You won't find an answer here because we weren't there to make that decision. Could have been any number of things - could have been nothing. Recruitment is crazy, and crazy things happen...sometimes girls that should easily find a place just fall through the cracks. Keep a smile on your face. Get out and get involved on campus. Get to know lots of people, not just people in sororities.
You never know. You could find you do just fine without a sorority, Or maybe a sorority will decide they need you and offer a bid down the road via COB.
Be open to anything and everything. After all, a sorority is only a part of the college journey.
Best of luck!

Recruitment can be a numbers game. A sorority may really like you, but if you are #200 on the list and they can only invite back 195, then you may be released even though the did "like" you.

ASTalumna06 09-11-2019 04:28 PM

And let's remember: as clemsongirl said, you had a chapter left that invited you to the next round and you chose to drop out entirely instead. It's not even as though you rode it out until the end and then decided not to sign the MRABA. You just saw that chapter and thought "heck no". That's extremely unfortunate, because ultimately you were the one who decided sorority life isn't for you, and you weren't even willing to try and get to know that chapter a little bit more.

As others have said, no one can tell you why you didn't receive a bid, but if you decide to COB or go through formal recruitment again, I would really encourage you to give the chapters the same chance that they're willing to give you.

IndianaSigKap 09-11-2019 05:23 PM

Coming from a large feeder school and social media may have been your problem.

Your public social media (facebook, twitter, IG) may have been clean, but your snap, SPAM or finsta may not have done you any favors since there are girls from your school in 6 of the 10 chapters. At a nearby ACC school, a legacy was also cut early in the recruitment process, Hurt Mom lashed out on social media and then found out that the daughter had been not so kind nor respectable on her snapchat. Girls in the legacy chapter had seen social media posts that were questionable at best and realized they did not want those type of posts associated with their chapter.

FSUZeta 09-11-2019 07:04 PM

Another angle- was she truly a legacy, or just thought she was? More people than not do NOT know an/or understand their sorority's legacy policy and just who qualifies as a legacy. For some it is daughter or sister only, while others include granddaughters. Less frequently nieces and cousins. Some spell out that a step-daughter will be considered, but others don't specify that. When I advised a nearby chapter I had to deal with a disgruntled alum who thought her god sister qualified as a legacy. That has never been our policy. Add to that the PNM in question was 31, married, and had 2kids....well, let's just say rush did not go well for her.

PersistentDST 09-11-2019 09:00 PM

I agree with everyone’s responses. No one can give you specific insight. Only guesses.

But I do think there’s something to be said for humbleness. Walking into each round with a level of gratefulness that the chapter invited you back, would be optimum for all PNM’s, regardless of their high school, service record, legacy chapter or recs. One chapter gave that opportunity.

honeychile 09-13-2019 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PersistentDST (Post 2469450)
I agree with everyone’s responses. No one can give you specific insight. Only guesses.

But I do think there’s something to be said for humbleness. Walking into each round with a level of gratefulness that the chapter invited you back, would be optimum for all PNM’s, regardless of their high school, service record, legacy chapter or recs. One chapter gave that opportunity.

This!!

Sphinxie 10-01-2019 05:42 PM

Saw this, and I had a question. I posted about my daughter, who dropped out of rush under similar circumstances and then came back older and wiser, having regretted it. If RFM says that the heaviest cuts are the first invitational party, so sororities should drop girls they have no intention of pledging at that point, why were both this girl and my daughter kept through several invitational parties, only to be dropped by most right on pref night?

My daughter got invited to 8 parties (the max allowed) the first invitational day, 6 parties (the max allowed) the second invitational day, including one chapter considered "top" at that school. So she felt like she could get into that chapter or, at least, she had a good cushion of solidly mid-tier houses. I assume if she had horrible social media or a bad reputation, she'd have been dropped earlier than that. But then, BOOM! On pref night, when she was feeling safe, she got dropped by all but her last two choices. They didn't tell her until RIGHT before the parties, so she cried and messed up her makeup (She's fair, so crying gets her really blotchy), and even though she did like one of the chapters that invited her back, she didn't want to go as a red-faced mess, which is why she dropped out. No one wants to walk into pref, looking like they have been crying hysterically about their parties. If she'd had any advance warning, such as if some of those 4 sororities had dropped her earlier OR if they'd at least told her her invitations more than a few minutes before the parties, she probably wouldn't have dropped.

So my question is, if the heavy cuts are supposed to come on Day 3 (or 2 if it's a school with fewer chapters), why did they come on pref night for both my daughter and this girl? It did occur to my daughter that a couple of girls in one house must not have liked her as much as she thought they did, but again, wouldn't they know that the first or second day?

Fwiw, Mountainmama, I get why you were shocked and upset. When you have a clear head, you might want to try to join the sorority that did invite you back, either through COB if that's allowed or next year. My daughter did so, and she is very happy.

FSUZeta 10-01-2019 07:27 PM

It's a numbers game as much as it is anything else. Chapters have different thresholds for invitations. Chapter A might have to cut 80% of PNMs, while chapter B might only have to cut 20%. Ordinarily chapters will invite back girls that fit what the chapter is looking for in a new member, even if it is only on paper. They will try to give a girl who might not have made a strong impression in the first round, or second, or third, depending on the number of invitations they have to dole out, another chance to live up to her recommendation and resume'. If she can't mesh with the rushers, if she doesn't stand out in a good way, if she doesn't live up to the rec, she will be dropped for someone who does. Taking a PNM up to pref round, the sorority was trying to give her every opportunity to shine. If she was not invited back to that chapter, they ultimately decided she would shine brighter elsewhere. Why that was decided, we will never know.


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