Why?
 

A Panhellenic sister sent me an online video of a young woman who had rushed twice during formal recruitment at her school, and who was extremely upset and full of self doubt because she had been invited back to 2 chapters in a round of 8 possibilities. One chapter she liked, the other she had "not connected". It was heart wrenching. It truly was. She feels that she is an introvert and socially awkward. She then admits that she posted videos about her experience last year, because her job(?) encouraged her to do so? I came away with several points I wanted to share.

1. Don't share your business with random people on the video websites. Just don't. If you can't pour your heart out to a real person (your roommate, your rush counselor, your mom, another relative, a friend), then that might be a reason you are returning to 2 out of 8 chapters. You have a difficult time relating to people. It is important to be able to relate to people during rush ( and in life).

2. Many sororities are wary of girls who go online and post videos about their lives. When you join a sorority, you swear an oath to have the welfare of your sorority uppermost in your heart. That means not baring your soul for millions to see, and most definitely not mentioning your affiliation. But in today's world, affiliations can be found out, and there are people eager to rat those people and their affiliations out. In recent years several sororities have had to defend themselves for stupid posts made by members or former members. The chapter is blamed for the misdeeds of one member. Most sororities are no longer willing to take that chance.

3. This young woman said she had one chapter she liked and one chapter she "could not see herself in." We know what that means. I am consistently amazed how many PNMs only see themselves fitting in in the most competitive chapters. Do the math. If those top 3 or top 6 can only take 100 members each, and there are 2200 girls rushing, what are your odds? Look at the top chapter members-do you look like them? Are you friends with members of that top chapter? Do you have a great, not good, GPA? Look for the chapter that already has girls like you, not for the chapter you wish you were like. I promise you you will have just as much, if not more, fun. Being able to be yourself and not having to pretend you are something you're not is gold.

4. Get over yourself! Give those chapters that did ask you back a chance. I am here to tell you that those chapters did not have to invite you back. They wanted to get to know you better to see if you would be worthy of their sisterhoods. Put those chapters you aspired to out of your head. They did not ask you back. Your time with them is finished. Be the glass half full girl, rather than the glass half empty one. Keep attending each round with a smile on your face and a positive attitude. Go to pref, even if you don't want to join one of the chapters. After pref if you still feel the same, don't sign your MRABA. Officially drop out of recruitment. You will then know that you made an informed decision.

5. If you don't get your first choice bid, suck it up, put a smile on your face, and go to your bid day party. Keep a positive attitude throughout the party. Give it at least a couple of weeks- going over to the house ( or getting together with pledge sisters or members) as often as you can. You have up to initiation to depledge. As long as you are not initiated you could rerush the next formal recruitment. If you accept a bid you are not eligible to rush again until formal, so make the best of it and give yourself a chance to fall in love with the chapter that saw something in you.

6. Realize that your best bet for a successful rush is freshman year. If you rush freshman year and are not successful, for whatever reason, and decide to rush again, you need to do a lot of soul searching as to why rush did not work out for you? Did you need recs? How competitive was your GPA? Did you have activities, leadership roles and philanthropy hours? Did you dress similarly to the sorority members and PNMs? Had you made an effort to look well groomed? Were you a good conversationalist? Were you friendly and gracious to each girl you spoke to? This is where you have to be brutally honest with yourself.

7. If you are rerushing, what are you doing differently to have a different outcome than last time?

^^^ Please remember to bring back this post every rush season. SO WELL SAID!

Soooooo good!

Thank you. I hope that others will add their insights.

I saw this video. I totally agree with what you said.

THIS^^^

And, I think online behavior - posting videos where you pour out your heart for any and everything - has become so normalized that some kids don't get how inappropriate and damaging it is and can be. I liken this to how people don't think anything of scrolling through their phone or taking a call while at dinner with others. I always ask "Would you whip out a book to read during dinner and ignore your friends?" No, you wouldn't, you'd think that was weird. But it's normalized now, unfortunately, just like this video stuff is.

I understand that making a video may be the preferred form of expression and help in processing an event in a way that a journal (paper or electronic) might not. And that’s fine. Make your video and get it all out. But for the love of all that’s holy, DON’T POST IT.

The fact of the matter is, there are people out there who could share everything that falls out of their mouth and have thousands of people lining up to be their friend, and people who could do everything by the book and still repel everyone. That’s the mystery of charisma, and it’s not something you can acquire by checking off things on a to-do list.

Definitely good enough to be stickied!

This thread is FULL of perfection!! Please do sticky it for future PNMs!

I will never understand why so many young people seem to think that every thought that comes into their heads must be spewed out for * public * consumption. The Internet is FOREVER!

Her lack of discretion would make any sorority wary of extending a bid. If she was my daughter I would advise her to take down all recruitment-related videos and blog posts.

I, too, saw the video. I felt badly for her. I wish there was someone in her life (that she would listen to) who could have advised her not to make and post such videos.

However, there are things I've posted online at her age (and older than her) that I am not proud of. I am just lucky that video wasn't a thing.