Legacy Dilemma

[taurus0426]

Okay so I'm thinking of pledging next semester and I have a bit of an issue. I am an ABC legacy (mom was one) and it has been kind of unspoken that that is where I would end up since I was in all the junior programs, etc, and went to all things ABC. But now I keep asking myself if this is where I want to be? Dont get me wrong I LOVE ABC and all it stands for and would LOVE to be a part of it, but I feel like I'd pledge out of family expectation. My mom has said that I should pick the sorority thats right for ME but I cant think of pledging another sorority without feeling like I'm committing treason.

Has anyone else felt this way?

Okay I didnt know about the discrestion thing beforehand so I'll keep that in mind next time. But is it only in NPHC ones or all of them?

[rhoyaltempest]

Okay so I'm thinking of pledging next semester and I have a bit of an issue. I am an AKA legacy (mom was one) and it has been kind of unspoken that that is where I would end up since I was in all the junior programs, etc, and went to all things AKA. But now I keep asking myself if this is where I want to be? Dont get me wrong I LOVE AKA and all it stands for and would LOVE to be a part of it, but I feel like I'd pledge out of family expectation. My mom has said that I should pick the sorority thats right for ME but I cant think of pledging another sorority without feeling like I'm committing treason.

Has anyone else felt this way?

If you had done some observing and read some of the posts that say "Read this before posting" or something like that, you would've known that discretion is key and it wasn't necessary to name a particular organization in order to get some advice. Also, If you knew as much as you think you know about the org you speak of you would know that your mom is one, not "was" one since membership is for life. Many members chose the organizations of their family members and many did not. Research all 4 of the NPHC sororities so you can make an informed decision. The decision is too important to simply do now and ask questions later and you certainly can't change your mind down the road. Bottom line: it's no big deal if you choose to pursue an organization other than your mother's. People do it all the time.

[Harmonie~GAMMA]

Legacy doesn't mean there is an obligation to pursue that organization.

Its better to be well informed and pursue an organization that best fits YOUR needs, goals, and beliefs.

[OneTimeSBX]

i am also legacy of an unnamed d9 sorority...my mother and three aunts are xyz, as well as members of my fiances immediate family. i have been surrounded and immersed in all things xyz for as long as i can remember but my mother told me to follow my heart. i wound up somewhere different. i think she may have been a little disappointed, and after that my sister pledged completely different as well. instead of looking at it as a "betrayal", we look at it as combining our three sisterhoods and have actually done things together representing black women, not abc/xzy/123...because thats what its really all about.

[taurus0426]

Sorry guys...I'm new to the whole greek thing. I just dont know where I should be though. Some people say my personality is more of another d9 sorority while others say I'm more of a GDI. I just feel like i'm at a crossroads right now. I'm the youngest and only girl in my family and my brothers didnt pledge my dad's frat so it's kind of the last chance to keep the greek legacy going.

Questions for the sorors out there

What is the whole rule of discrestion about? I didnt name people or anything but I wanted to know for future reference.

[taurus0426]

If you had done some observing and read some of the posts that say "Read this before posting" or something like that, you would've known that discretion is key and it wasn't necessary to name a particular organization in order to get some advice. Also, If you knew as much as you think you know about the org you speak of you would know that your mom is one, not "was" one since membership is for life. Many members chose the organizations of their family members and many did not. Research all 4 of the NPHC sororities so you can make an informed decision. The decision is too important to simply do now and ask questions later and you certainly can't change your mind down the road. Bottom line: it's no big deal if you choose to pursue an organization other than your mother's. People do it all the time.

Oh and I only put was beacuse she hasnt been active since college.

[knight_shadow]

Questions for the sorors out there

What is the whole rule of discrestion about? I didnt name people or anything but I wanted to know for future reference.

First off, you're not their soror.

Second, you need to practice discretion as far as naming the organization you're pursuing. You may not get invited to continue, and you never know who's reading this, so you need to take out the specific organization you're trying to pursue.

Your mom should have told you that...

[taurus0426]

First off, you're not their soror.

Second, you need to practice discretion as far as naming the organization you're pursuing. You may not get invited to continue, and you never know who's reading this, so you need to take out the specific organization you're trying to pursue.

Your mom should have told you that...

Okay so you cant use soror either? I wasnt calling them MY sorors...but ok. I wish people werent being so rude to me about it I'm really searching for answers.

[knight_shadow]

Okay so you cant use soror either? I wasnt calling them MY sorors...but ok. I wish people werent being so rude to me about it I'm really searching for answers.

Well, considering I'm not a member of a sorority, I can't think of an instance where I'd refer to someone as my "soror."

And none of the answers in this thread have been rude.

ETA: Good job editing your original post, though.

[taurus0426]

Well it just sounded rude but this is the web so who knows? This is one of the hardest things I have had to decide since coming to college. I just hope I make the right choice. My other friend is going through the same crisis and so is my BF since he's not sure if he wants to pledge his dad's frat either.

Oh and sorry to any members of any group that may have been offended by my vocab. I've only begun to talk with my mom about the basics of sorority terms so I've got a lot to learn.

[knight_shadow]

Well it just sounded rude but this is the web so who knows? This is one of the hardest things I have had to decide since coming to college. I just hope I make the right choice. My other friend is going through the same crisis and so is my BF since he's not sure if he wants to pledge his dad's frat either.

Oh and sorry to any members of any group that may have been offended by my vocab. I've only begun to talk with my mom about the basics of sorority terms so I've got a lot to learn.

You should remained focused on school. None of the NPHC organizations are going anywhere. If it doesn't happen during your college years, you can pursue your chosen organization after graduating.

[taurus0426]

Yeah I'm starting to think that might be a good way to go...Membership will be there for life so it's not like I'll miss out. But I'll just wait and see come the fall

[rhoyaltempest]

Yeah I'm starting to think that might be a good way to go...Membership will be there for life so it's not like I'll miss out. But I'll just wait and see come the fall

Stop focussing so much on being a legacy unless you want to follow in your mother's footsteps, which is not a bad thing IF you truly want to do that and feel that your mother's org is right for you. Also, a new legacy can always start with the org of your choice and your children's choices if they were to decide to follow in your footsteps. Otherwise, move on and research all the orgs and especially observe the groups on your campus but be discreet, meaning that you don't have to broadcast to everyone what org you are pursuing and eventually what choice you have made. There are many reasons for discretion, which you will learn for yourself if you decide to pursue any organization.

As far as what org fits your personality, don't pay much attention to stereotypes and hearsay. Make your own observations about the chapters at your school and the orgs as a whole. There is diversity in every org and contrary to what some non-greeks choose to believe, we are not carbon copies of one another. Many of us (including myself) have been met with surprise when certain non-greeks found out that we are greek or in a particular organization. This just goes to show that stereotypes are just that. As for the NPHC, I suggest that you observe the groups on your campus, visit their international websites, and start your research by reading the book "The Divine Nine" by Lawrence Ross (amazon.com). This will give you an overview and introduction to all the NPHC organizations.

Good Luck on your journey. It sounds like you have a lot of research to do.

[PandaPi]

And if you don't want to go NPHC, go NPC! Don't rule out the other 28 sororities that you could join! :) I have a few friends who were NPHC legacies and chose NPC organizations, so don't feel like you have to choose one of the four. Depending on how big your campus is, there may be more NPC choices.

Best of luck and do what you feel is best for YOU not what your mom wants. But you know that already. :D

[tld221]

And if you don't want to go NPHC, go NPC! Don't rule out the other 28 sororities that you could join! :) I have a few friends who were NPHC legacies and chose NPC organizations, so don't feel like you have to choose one of the four. Depending on how big your campus is, there may be more NPC choices.

Best of luck and do what you feel is best for YOU not what your mom wants. But you know that already. :D

did i miss something?

[knight_shadow]

did i miss something?

Apparently we all missed the 2 new sororities added :rolleyes:

[PANTHERTEKE]

did i miss something?

I caught that, too.

It's 26, Panda. Not 28.

:)

[PhiMu_Gator]

My grandmother was in a NPC sorority and my mother ended up being in different NPC since her mother's wasn't at her college, and crazily enough, I ended up in a completely different one even though both were at my university. I think being a legacy might have been special, but honestly each chapter is way different at each school. It's the women in that chapter that make the chapter. The ideals of each sorority are important, but each one has the common goal of being a place to become the woman you want to be and offering friendship, support, and love in that endeavor. Be proud of your legacy status in coming from a family that values sisterly bonds, but don't let it stop you from looking at all the options that are out there. =)

[taurus0426]

Hey guys thanks for all your advice! My mother isnt pushing anything on me per se I just feel like I wasnt sure if I wanted to pledge this for me or for family traditon. I really do like her group but I dont wanna rule anything out. It's like when you're brought up in the thought that this is your destiny it's kinda hard....but times change so who knows? What was right in the 70's for her might not be the same for me in 2008. My family told me when they pledged it was beacuse black students needed to "stick together" in school but since then we made some progress.

[AOII Angel]

My grandmother was in a NPC sorority and my mother ended up being in different NPC since her mother's wasn't at her college, and crazily enough, I ended up in a completely different one even though both were at my university. I think being a legacy might have been special, but honestly each chapter is way different at each school. It's the women in that chapter that make the chapter. The ideals of each sorority are important, but each one has the common goal of being a place to become the woman you want to be and offering friendship, support, and love in that endeavor. Be proud of your legacy status in coming from a family that values sisterly bonds, but don't let it stop you from looking at all the options that are out there. =)
What a great explanation of why you shouldn't be so worried about pledging your mom's group or expecting your daughter to pledge yours!

[AKA_Monet]

The NPC sororities and NPHC sororities do vary chapter by chapter. However, with the NPHC differs in most of their chapters because of the International programmatic targets each of us uphold. Since I do not know what differences are with NPC sororities, I cannot say--some like ZTA do have a "universal philanthropy" with Susan G. Komen. But that is all I know, personally.

The reality is Taurus is that you do well in school, end of discussion. I really am unsure what your qualms are--is it that you want to join an D4 Sorority or not? If you want to join, then first and foremost, if you choose the one that your mother is a member, there are guidelines and rules in place for that. Your mother should be assisting you fully in that process within limitations.

But, if you do not want to join her Sorority and she might react to it profusely, the whole thing is if you have done all your research like others have stated, then you will know you did the best thing for you and only you. However, remember, parents are just fearful that their children will make adult choices without considering the entirety and gravity of the whole situation. Thereby alienating yourself from her "comforting arms". But, it has happened before and many people do it. So, hey, know yourself.

There is NO directed PLEDGING in any NPHC sorority--it is now called "membership intake process" or "MIP". You make an application to the organization with proof of your grades at an informational (when directed) or Rush (may or may not be invitation only). Rush is NOT the time to decided if you want to become a member--that decision should have been made a long time ago. Rush is when you are asking if you can change your life...

Consider this, just as XYZ is not your material, so is it that you may not be XYZ's material or ABC's material either--legacy or not... You may be PDQ or EFG's material... Or not... Get what I am saying? ;)

Good luck on your education!

[taurus0426]

The NPC sororities and NPHC sororities do vary chapter by chapter. However, with the NPHC differs in most of their chapters because of the International programmatic targets each of us uphold. Since I do not know what differences are with NPC sororities, I cannot say--some like ZTA do have a "universal philanthropy" with Susan G. Komen. But that is all I know, personally.

The reality is Taurus is that you do well in school, end of discussion. I really am unsure what your qualms are--is it that you want to join an D4 Sorority or not? If you want to join, then first and foremost, if you choose the one that your mother is a member, there are guidelines and rules in place for that. Your mother should be assisting you fully in that process within limitations.



Okay now how should she be assisting me then? I know there's a special legacy form out there. I'm a very dilgent student so that's not a problem but why is it that when it comes to D9 organzations a person must do tons of research (which reminds me I have some books to get) but in NPC or IFC organziations it seems that people just pick the one they like. I'm not sure if that's how it works but many people I know who want to pledge NPC dont even have a house in mind before rush.

[breathesgelatin]

Okay now how should she be assisting me then? I know there's a special legacy form out there. I'm a very dilgent student so that's not a problem but why is it that when it comes to D9 organzations a person must do tons of research (which reminds me I have some books to get) but in NPC or IFC organziations it seems that people just pick the one they like. I'm not sure if that's how it works but many people I know who want to pledge NPC dont even have a house in mind before rush.

This is true. It's due to the drastically different processes of NPHC and NPC.

With NPHC, you are encouraged to research the orgs beforehand and choose only one to pursue. As I understand it, there are many NPHC members on these boards that pursued membership in their selected organizations for years.

In contrast, the NPC members always encourage women going through recruitment to keep an open mind to all the groups and not go in with a preconceived idea of which one they want.

I'm not in a position to fully explain why NPHC focuses on research so much more than NPC, since I'm not an NPHC member. What I've learned from being on these forums is that NPHC tends on the whole to view membership as more of a lifetime commitment and thus something that deserves a long period of research, education, service, and self-improvement before membership can be granted. It's also due to the fact that each NPHC has a missional identity that is very well-developed and distinct. While all kinds of women join the NPHC sororities, they are very focused on their particular values and service and developing the same ideals. NPC is also a lifetime sisterhood and NPCs all have national philanthropic efforts but I don't think that NPCs have achieved the kinds of well-known missional identity that the NPHCs have. Frankly I think this is one area where NPC has taken a lesson from NPHC. I know my org has put a lot of emphasis on specific values-based identity in the past several years and I think it's awesome.

That's my best attempt to explain the difference and the cause of the difference from the NPC perspective. Maybe the NPHC women could give a different or better explanation.

Again, as many have pointed out, the two processes are apples and oranges.

[taurus0426]

This is true. It's due to the drastically different processes of NPHC and NPC.

With NPHC, you are encouraged to research the orgs beforehand and choose only one to pursue. As I understand it, there are many NPHC members on these boards that pursued membership in their selected organizations for years.

In contrast, the NPC members always encourage women going through recruitment to keep an open mind to all the groups and not go in with a preconceived idea of which one they want.

I'm not in a position to fully explain why NPHC focuses on research so much more than NPC, since I'm not an NPHC member. What I've learned from being on these forums is that NPHC tends on the whole to view membership as more of a lifetime commitment and thus something that deserves a long period of research, education, service, and self-improvement before membership can be granted. It's also due to the fact that each NPHC has a missional identity that is very well-developed and distinct. While all kinds of women join the NPHC sororities, they are very focused on their particular values and service and developing the same ideals. NPC is also a lifetime sisterhood and NPCs all have national philanthropic efforts but I don't think that NPCs have achieved the kinds of well-known missional identity that the NPHCs have. Frankly I think this is one area where NPC has taken a lesson from NPHC. I know my org has put a lot of emphasis on specific values-based identity in the past several years and I think it's awesome.

That's my best attempt to explain the difference and the cause of the difference from the NPC perspective. Maybe the NPHC women could give a different or better explanation.

Again, as many have pointed out, the two processes are apples and oranges.

Yeah this is going to take more research....luckliy I have a few months to work with.

[ladygreek]

Your mother should be assisting you fully in that process within limitations.


Her mother hasn't been active since college. I doubt there is much she can do to assist her, since she would not know the current process. In fact, in DST a mother's "help" can be to the detriment of the daughter, especially since we do not have a legacy clause.

[taurus0426]

Her mother hasn't been active since college. I doubt there is much she can do to assist her, since she would not know the current process. In fact, in DST a mother's "help" can be to the detriment of the daughter, especially since we do not have a legacy clause.


That's what I meant....she only knows the 1973 editon of how it works. But I do know some actives that could help out with rec letters if I needed them.

[taurus0426]

And I want to do this on my own and not feel like I got in based on legacy status.

[Little32]

According to what you have said, your legacy status is a moot point anyway, so you don't have to worry about that at all.

Also, the only thing that I would add is that depending on your school, you might not have a good deal of time to make up your mind about an NPC org. Not rushing your freshman year can hurt you in some places; and AI is not often or routinely an option (from my understanding).

If you veer toward an NPHC organization, I would suggest that you remember that post-graduate membership is always an option. Don't rush a decision to pursue membership, because our organizations are a life-time commitment. Make sure that you are certain of your choice, and with an NPHC, you get to enjoy that luxury of time.

ETA: Even then, as my soror noted, just because you have made your choice does not mean that you will be chosen; this is true for both NPC and NPHC sororities.

[rhoyaltempest]

Her mother hasn't been active since college. I doubt there is much she can do to assist her, since she would not know the current process. In fact, in DST a mother's "help" can be to the detriment of the daughter, especially since we do not have a legacy clause.

You learn something new every day. I thought you all did have a legacy clause. I know I heard that somewhere before but it must have been hearsay. We don't have a legacy clause either and I agree that a mother's "help" can sometimes be a detriment.

[rhoyaltempest]

This is true. It's due to the drastically different processes of NPHC and NPC.

With NPHC, you are encouraged to research the orgs beforehand and choose only one to pursue. As I understand it, there are many NPHC members on these boards that pursued membership in their selected organizations for years.

In contrast, the NPC members always encourage women going through recruitment to keep an open mind to all the groups and not go in with a preconceived idea of which one they want.

I'm not in a position to fully explain why NPHC focuses on research so much more than NPC, since I'm not an NPHC member. What I've learned from being on these forums is that NPHC tends on the whole to view membership as more of a lifetime commitment and thus something that deserves a long period of research, education, service, and self-improvement before membership can be granted. It's also due to the fact that each NPHC has a missional identity that is very well-developed and distinct. While all kinds of women join the NPHC sororities, they are very focused on their particular values and service and developing the same ideals. NPC is also a lifetime sisterhood and NPCs all have national philanthropic efforts but I don't think that NPCs have achieved the kinds of well-known missional identity that the NPHCs have. Frankly I think this is one area where NPC has taken a lesson from NPHC. I know my org has put a lot of emphasis on specific values-based identity in the past several years and I think it's awesome.

That's my best attempt to explain the difference and the cause of the difference from the NPC perspective. Maybe the NPHC women could give a different or better explanation.

Again, as many have pointed out, the two processes are apples and oranges.

To add to this, Alumnae/Grad membership is expected of all NPHC members so continuing to honor your lifetime committment by being active in your org after college is not taken lightly and although some members don't remain active after college, the idea is for potential members to understand fully what they're getting into so that they will indeed strive to remain active once they become members. Hence the need for all the research and reflection. Just to give you an idea of how important Alumnae/Grad membership is in NPHC orgs, some of the NPHC orgs have more Alumnae/Grad active members than they do undergrads; in some cases as much as 70%-75% Alumnae/Grad. The NPC and other councils cannot say that about their Alumni participation or even come close.

[AOII Angel]

To add to this, Alumnae/Grad membership is expected of all NPHC members so continuing to honor your lifetime committment by being active in your org after college is not taken lightly and although some members don't remain active after college, the idea is for potential members to understand fully what they're getting into so that they will indeed strive to remain active once they become members. Hence the need for all the research and reflection. Just to give you an idea of how important Alumnae/Grad membership is in NPHC orgs, some of the NPHC orgs have more Alumnae/Grad active members than they do undergrads; in some cases as much as 70%-75% Alumnae/Grad. The NPC and other councils cannot say that about their Alumni participation or even come close.
I don't think that NPC will ever have a larger active alum population than undergraduate. Our organizations are designed primarily as college based groups with alumnae status as an afterthought. In fact, the object of AOII includes "college loyalty" implying that our main purpose is to support women during the college years. The lifetime commitment likely was originally to continue to values of the organization after graduation rather than remain a t-shirt wearing active alumna. Now, however, we realize that we need more alumnae support to keep the organization strong. We also have discovered that for some women going through recruitment, having a strong alumnae programming initiative is an important factor. Lifetime commitment doesn't have to mean monthly attendance at an alum meeting, but it would be nice if everyone found at least some way to give back to their fraternity once they go alum.

[rhoyaltempest]

I don't think that NPC will ever have a larger active alum population than undergraduate. Our organizations are designed primarily as college based groups with alumnae status as an afterthought. In fact, the object of AOII includes "college loyalty" implying that our main purpose is to support women during the college years. The lifetime commitment likely was originally to continue to values of the organization after graduation rather than remain a t-shirt wearing active alumna. Now, however, we realize that we need more alumnae support to keep the organization strong. We also have discovered that for some women going through recruitment, having a strong alumnae programming initiative is an important factor. Lifetime commitment doesn't have to mean monthly attendance at an alum meeting, but it would be nice if everyone found at least some way to give back to their fraternity once they go alum.

Exactly. But I could tell that the OP was having a hard time understanding why the NPHC orgs stress the importance of researching, observing, and taking time to find the right org to pursue.

[33girl]

I don't think that NPC will ever have a larger active alum population than undergraduate. Our organizations are designed primarily as college based groups with alumnae status as an afterthought. In fact, the object of AOII includes "college loyalty" implying that our main purpose is to support women during the college years. The lifetime commitment likely was originally to continue to values of the organization after graduation rather than remain a t-shirt wearing active alumna. Now, however, we realize that we need more alumnae support to keep the organization strong. We also have discovered that for some women going through recruitment, having a strong alumnae programming initiative is an important factor. Lifetime commitment doesn't have to mean monthly attendance at an alum meeting, but it would be nice if everyone found at least some way to give back to their fraternity once they go alum.

Well, I think part of it too is the way NPC vs NPHC rush. It's been said on here that for NPHC, undergraduate and graduate chapter rush are more alike than different. Can you imagine taking a collegiate NPC rush and transplanting it to the alumnae arena?

I don't think the NPC sororities are ever going to be able to develop as distinct of "identities" as the NPHC groups are...simply because there are 6 times as many of them.

For NPC to have the kind of alum participation that NPHC groups do, we would have to radically rethink the way we rush and choose members, and groups would probably die in the process.

[sigmadiva]

Exactly. But I could tell that the OP was having a hard time understanding why the NPHC orgs stress the importance of researching, observing, and taking time to find the right org to pursue.

Maybe not so much today, but in my mom's day when she joined SGR in the early 1960's, joining a NPHC org also meant entree' (?sp) into Black High Society. It was a lot of the NPHC orgs back then that gave the swanky dances, fashion shows, parties, cotillions and beautillions for the Black community.

[AOII Angel]

Well, I think part of it too is the way NPC vs NPHC rush. It's been said on here that for NPHC, undergraduate and graduate chapter rush are more alike than different. Can you imagine taking a collegiate NPC rush and transplanting it to the alumnae arena?

I don't think the NPC sororities are ever going to be able to develop as distinct of "identities" as the NPHC groups are...simply because there are 6 times as many of them.

For NPC to have the kind of alum participation that NPHC groups do, we would have to radically rethink the way we rush and choose members, and groups would probably die in the process.
I agree. You would also lose sorority houses since filling them would become a problem is you switched to the NPHC system of recruitment. In many ways, though, I like the way that NPC does it because there are often women who join that would not have gone through the trouble of researching and waiting to join a group that have ended up highly active alumnae and have contributed a lot to our organizations. NPC needs to find a way to convince the women that do go through our system that there is more to membership than just 4 years. Maybe recruiting our seniors into our alum groups and advisory councils like you recruit NMs would be feasible.

[rhoyaltempest]

I agree. You would also lose sorority houses since filling them would become a problem is you switched to the NPHC system of recruitment. In many ways, though, I like the way that NPC does it because there are often women who join that would not have gone through the trouble of researching and waiting to join a group that have ended up highly active alumnae and have contributed a lot to our organizations. NPC needs to find a way to convince the women that do go through our system that there is more to membership than just 4 years. Maybe recruiting our seniors into our alum groups and advisory councils like you recruit NMs would be feasible.

We also deal with this issue since not all NPHC members remain active after college, especially among the fraternities. One way to convince members to remain active is to talk to them about it early, while they're still undergrads and to reinforce the idea of life commitment throughout their college years. For example, we have retention and reactivation committees which focus on keeping members active and encouraging members that are no longer active to reactivate. While not all members will transfer into an alumnae chapter immediately following college graduation, many will reactivate at some point in their lives because they made a life commitment and they want to honor it. Also most members feel that their organization's commitment to the community and national programming is valuable and necessary. They also know that it's the alumnae members that run the organizations so without them, the organizations cannot prosper.

[33girl]

Part of the issue is that we all need to get on the stick and have stand alone alum programming that appeals to alumnae - that they are willing to pay for - alumnae involvement needs to be more than being an advisor or a volunteer to help the collegians.

[AlphaXi_Husky]

Part of the issue is that we all need to get on the stick and have stand alone alum programming that appeals to alumnae - that they are willing to pay for - alumnae involvement needs to be more than being an advisor or a volunteer to help the collegians.

Well said. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to get alumnae together for just random fun activities (movies, happy hours, trivia nights, etc) and face reluctancy from people who aren't into it and/or don't want to be asked to give up their time and money to donate to the collegians. It is sad and frustrating - however I do think nationally NPC GLOs are trying to focus more on lifelong membership.

I'll stop here, as this is a complete hijack of the OP.

[taurus0426]

Yeah when I hear about NPHC organziations I usually hear about the grad chapters.

Do more people join after college now? Many of the NPHC members I have met are graduate members or members who joined in college years ago, I havent met any undergrad members.

[AKA_Monet]

Okay now how should she be assisting me then? I know there's a special legacy form out there. I'm a very dilgent student so that's not a problem but why is it that when it comes to D9 organzations a person must do tons of research...

When we say "research" we mean you walk into Rush knowing at minimum--and preferably the entire website of information with focus on the programs/initiatives Internationally, locally, at the undergraduate level and graduate level if that is what you have.

The answer to your follow question is below in response to Ladygreek's response:

Her mother hasn't been active since college. I doubt there is much she can do to assist her, since she would not know the current process. In fact, a mother's "help" can be to the detriment of the daughter...

Ladygreek, some of the comments are meant for EVERYONE... :)

That's the thing, a mother ought not be promoting her membership in her sorority if she is not active in an NPHC sorority... That is my personal opinion. Because WE ALL PROMOTE LIFELONG MEMBERSHIP... ;)

In my opinion it is a detriment to the daughter when she has failed to teach her right... Like what to wear at Rush, appropriate and respectful behavior toward the members while on campus. How is one going to aspire to become a member and disrespect said members by refusal to attend ANY FREE on-campus functions?

No, I am not saying that a mother "help" her daughter get into said D4 sorority--that is helicopterish--she ought not have "guaranteed" her membership like that. If she wanted her daughter to pursue membership so bad, then how come her daughter never attended a grad chapter function, talk to the UGs while in high school, go to Regional Conferences and International Meetings? Hayle, these kids apply for our scholarships, but where's the payback?

It is gotten to the point where we have to KNOW these kids and their families before they "stroll" into our Sororities--before they get into college... :rolleyes:

[AKA_Monet]

With NPHC, you are encouraged to research the orgs beforehand and choose only one to pursue. As I understand it, there are many NPHC members on these boards that pursued membership in their selected organizations for years.

What I've learned from being on these forums is that NPHC tends on the whole to view membership as more of a lifetime commitment and thus something that deserves a long period of research, education, service, and self-improvement before membership can be granted. It's also due to the fact that each NPHC has a missional identity that is very well-developed and distinct. While all kinds of women join the NPHC sororities, they are very focused on their particular values and service and developing the same ideals.

Based on our "official intake processes" we need to know if the person we take in will do the work and pay the money as needed or in the case of an undergraduate, continually have a superior GPA. Also to give the best representation of said organization at all times. If you review our Founders, and historical membership roster, many of these women had a crisp womanliness, yet activism to change the world.

For my Sorority, my Soror Rosa Parks--do I need to say any more... How about my Soror Coretta Scott King...

Are there others in the D9 I admire--oh yeah!!! Sistergreek Mary McLeod Bethune... My grandfather would not be employed if it was not for her...

Sistergreek Zora Neal Hurston--if it was not for her, her personal account and literary style of her books would not have been studied at Bethune-Cookman University...

Sistergreek Hattie McDaniel--if it was not for her, acting in film and television for a Black woman would have NEVER happened.

Taurus--that is what we mean by doing your research... Know great members in ALL organizations that you want to emulate. You are NOT the first person to ask these questions. And you have primary source material!!! So maybe that is why some of us are :confused:

[rhoyaltempest]

Yeah when I hear about NPHC organziations I usually hear about the grad chapters.

Do more people join after college now? Many of the NPHC members I have met are graduate members or members who joined in college years ago, I havent met any undergrad members.

There has definitely been an increase in recent years of people joining the NPHC orgs after undergrad but I'm not sure if more people are joining after college vs. undergrad although this could be the case for some of the orgs.

[taurus0426]

When we say "research" we mean you walk into Rush knowing at minimum--and preferably the entire website of information with focus on the programs/initiatives Internationally, locally, at the undergraduate level and graduate level if that is what you have.

The answer to your follow question is below in response to Ladygreek's response:



Ladygreek, some of the comments are meant for EVERYONE... :)

That's the thing, a mother ought not be promoting her membership in her sorority if she is not active in an NPHC sorority... That is my personal opinion. Because WE ALL PROMOTE LIFELONG MEMBERSHIP... ;)

In my opinion it is a detriment to the daughter when she has failed to teach her right... Like what to wear at Rush, appropriate and respectful behavior toward the members while on campus. How is one going to aspire to become a member and disrespect said members by refusal to attend ANY FREE on-campus functions?

No, I am not saying that a mother "help" her daughter get into said D4 sorority--that is helicopterish--she ought not have "guaranteed" her membership like that. If she wanted her daughter to pursue membership so bad, then how come her daughter never attended a grad chapter function, talk to the UGs while in high school, go to Regional Conferences and International Meetings? Hayle, these kids apply for our scholarships, but where's the payback?

It is gotten to the point where we have to KNOW these kids and their families before they "stroll" into our Sororities--before they get into college... :rolleyes:

I have been to some of the regional events and participated in HS programs. I've also been to some grad functions as a guest of my program sponsor so I have some background. But what I dont get is why would my mother care where I joined? She hasnt been active in 30+ years yet I mention I might do some more research on the other 3 or *gasp* NPC she looks at me like I went nuts. I flat out asked her what she thought of me joining one of the NPCs and she said "why?" This goes for my friend and BF, their familes are flipping out at the thought of them not following in their footsteps when they joined at a different time period/different campus and the chapters on our campuses might not be good fits for us.

Question for legacies out there...was there ever any pressure to join by family members or was it just happenstance that it was a good fit for you too?

[33girl]

But what I don't get is why would my mother care where I joined? She hasn't been active in 30+ years yet I mention I might do some more research on the other 3 or *gasp* NPC she looks at me like I went nuts.

This happens across the board, not just NPHC. Check out the Recruitment forum. You might think it doesn't matter to them anymore, but when your kidlets go off to college a lot of those things you experienced back then come back.

[tld221]

I have been to some of the regional events and participated in HS programs. I've also been to some grad functions as a guest of my program sponsor so I have some background. But what I dont get is why would my mother care where I joined? She hasnt been active in 30+ years yet I mention I might do some more research on the other 3 or *gasp* NPC she looks at me like I went nuts. I flat out asked her what she thought of me joining one of the NPCs and she said "why?" This goes for my friend and BF, their familes are flipping out at the thought of them not following in their footsteps when they joined at a different time period/different campus and the chapters on our campuses might not be good fits for us.

Question for legacies out there...was there ever any pressure to join by family members or was it just happenstance that it was a good fit for you too?

Well, if you decide to rush an NPC, im sure "Why XYZ?" will come up. Wait, let me not assume.

NPCers, do you blatantly ask "Why do you want to be an XYZ?" during rush? or is that some rule infraction?

[Unregistered-]

NPCers, do you blatantly ask "Why do you want to be an XYZ?" during rush? or is that some rule infraction?

As far as I know asking that question does not break any rules and I have asked rushees that in the past, usually right before Pref Ceremony.

[DSTCHAOS]

Maybe not so much today, but in my mom's day when she joined SGR in the early 1960's, joining a NPHC org also meant entree' (?sp) into Black High Society. It was a lot of the NPHC orgs back then that gave the swanky dances, fashion shows, parties, cotillions and beautillions for the Black community.


This was also the case decades before the 1960s. :)

This still applies at some undergraduate chapters (particularly those who have remained relatively exclusive and usually work closely with a graduate chapter) and in many alumnae/graduate chapter servicing areas. :D

[DSTCHAOS]

There has definitely been an increase in recent years of people joining the NPHC orgs after undergrad but I'm not sure if more people are joining after college vs. undergrad although this could be the case for some of the orgs.

I'm sure all of our nhqs have data on this. However, the demographic data that I have seen doesn't break the alumnae membership down into undergrad initiates who graduated as compared to alumnae initiates.

In the areas that I'm used to, you're more prone to run into graduate and alumnae intiated frat and sorority members, particularly people who couldn't make certain organizations at certain schools. :)

[taurus0426]

Well, if you decide to rush an NPC, im sure "Why XYZ?" will come up. Wait, let me not assume.

NPCers, do you blatantly ask "Why do you want to be an XYZ?" during rush? or is that some rule infraction?

No what I mean is she's saying why in regards to why would I join a WHITE sorority. If I joined any other D4 she'd probably be miffed but be like "at least its NPHC" like that's reinforcing I'm still black:confused: I'm starting to think this may be a generation clash.

[tld221]

No what I mean is she's saying why in regards to why would I join a WHITE sorority. If I joined any other D4 she'd probably be miffed but be like "at least its NPHC" like that's reinforcing I'm still black:confused: I'm starting to think this may be a generation clash.

its not her decision. its yours.

and if you cant explain to your mom "why a white sorority" then you might have to work on that, because it wont be the first or last time youre asked that. hell, maybe your decision will encourage your mom to be active again, in some weird way.

[rhoyaltempest]

No what I mean is she's saying why in regards to why would I join a WHITE sorority. If I joined any other D4 she'd probably be miffed but be like "at least its NPHC" like that's reinforcing I'm still black:confused: I'm starting to think this may be a generation clash.

This might be true on the surface but if you dig deeper, you'll find that a lot of NPHC members and people interested in the NPHC orgs really just like the way we do things versus other councils. They really admire our missions, values, and awe-inspiring legacies. They are really impressed by the fact that we take our lifetime commitment very seriously and the commitment to our communities very seriously. We actually feel like it's our duty and responsibility to uplift and support the Black community and the greater community; it's not just a bunch of philanthropic activities we're doing. Many NPHC members have sat thru countless interviews with interested persons and the reasons that people want to join our orgs are based on a whole lot more than just because they are Black...and of course we know that not everyone is Black. So the reasons people are attracted to us are many.

I said all this to say that your mother's "why?" may actually go deeper than you think.

[fantASTic]

No what I mean is she's saying why in regards to why would I join a WHITE sorority. If I joined any other D4 she'd probably be miffed but be like "at least its NPHC" like that's reinforcing I'm still black:confused: I'm starting to think this may be a generation clash.

If I was in your situation, here is what I would do:

Firstly, I would find out exactly what your mother believes about the NPHC organization she's a part of. I mean like...why does she think it is a worthwhile organization? When she says things like service, sisterhood, life long commitment, et cetera...relate those things to the NPC. Once she sees that you can still get a meaningful experience out of the NPC, I bet she'll come around.

[rhoyaltempest]

If I was in your situation, here is what I would do:

Firstly, I would find out exactly what your mother believes about the NPHC organization she's a part of. I mean like...why does she think it is a worthwhile organization? When she says things like service, sisterhood, life long commitment, et cetera...relate those things to the NPC. Once she sees that you can still get a meaningful experience out of the NPC, I bet she'll come around.

Her mother isn't going to be satisfied until she shows her that she's done some research and knows a little more about the NPHC orgs and what they have to offer and I don't blame her. Right now it sounds like the poster doesn't know much about greek orgs overall, NPHC or otherwise. I would be upset too if my daughter didn't at least look into my organization to determine whether or not it's right for her.

[taurus0426]

I'm coming close to screaming. She keeps bouncing back and forth from saying I should choose my own path to looking at me pscyho when I said NPC.

I've had a year to figrue out stuff and to that person who just said it was my decison I know but I dont want this to get out of hand and cause some drama...beacuse it will. This isnt the first time I've done something like this (not-Greek but "switching sides). I'm looking at a service GLO so that's a plus....no arguements there.

You know the only person who's a neutral party is my dad....which proably beacuse he was really understanding about when my brothers didnt pledge his frat and went GDI.

Does anyone know of any links related to this topic? Maybe something for "sorority moms?"

[AKA_Monet]

Taurus,

Your mom is trying to reactivate her membership. It is going to cost her gajillions. You need to plainly ASK her point blank why you cannot choose your sorority of choice.

Because the way she is seeing it is like Sistergreek RoyalTempest said: why NOT her organization? Did those girls on campus say ANYTHING to you to think anything otherwise? That is running across her mind... The reality is she would not be in this situation if she chose to pay for you to college elsewhere... :rolleyes:

Having legacy in your family is a "status symbol" in the NPHC. To say all generations of women are "XYZ Sorority" is important. Now that your folks are empty nesters, they are trying to reconnect to their "activism" roots and friends their age. When one is around all of that, folks are "bragging" about their children's accomplishments. I know, my folks still do it all the time with me and my brother--and we are late 30's/early 40's!!! :eek: I don't think anyone's parents can STOP living vicariously through their kids (33girl ;) ). So, it is what it is...

Only 2 people I know who can answer those kinds of questions, my Soror Barb and Sistergreek Ladygreek. Both have daughters. One person's daughter had chosen to stay in the "family way".

I must say as a huge legacy myself, it is very nice to experience family at various Sorority functions. And that is how I get my paraphrenalia. Also I get a guided level of leadership not just from my Soror mother and grandmother, but also their contemporaries who are actually being my elders to me.

If I had chosen another NPHC, my parents would have harped on their friends to protect me. But, welp, that did not happen. I choose the familiar versus the unknown. It is the best decision in my life.

No one on GC is going to say, join whatever organization. That is a bogus thing to say. Whatever fits for you, is what fits for you. Cool beans. But your mom will eventually forgive overtime. But I doubt it will happen immediately.

[taurus0426]

Taurus,

Your mom is trying to reactivate her membership. It is going to cost her gajillions. You need to plainly ASK her point blank why you cannot choose your sorority of choice.

Because the way she is seeing it is like Sistergreek RoyalTempest said: why NOT her organization? Did those girls on campus say ANYTHING to you to think anything otherwise? That is running across her mind... The reality is she would not be in this situation if she chose to pay for you to college elsewhere...
:rolleyes:
Having legacy in your family is a "status symbol" in the NPHC. To say all generations of women are "XYZ Sorority" is important. Now that your folks are empty nesters, they are trying to reconnect to their "activism" roots and friends their age.

Only 2 people I know who can answer those kinds of questions, my Soror Barb and Sistergreek Ladygreek. Both have daughters. One person's daughter had chosen to stay in the "family way".

I must say as a huge legacy myself, it is very nice to experience family at various Sorority functions. And that is how I get my paraphrenalia. Also I get a guided level of leadership not just from my Soror mother and grandmother, but also their contemporaries who are actually being my elders to me.

If I had chosen another NPHC, my parents would have harped on their friends to protect me. But, welp, that did not happen. I choose the familiar versus the unknown. It is the best decision in my life.

Okay could you explain how my mom wants to reactivate through me? I didnt get this post.:confused:

[AKA_Monet]

Okay could you explain how my mom wants to reactivate through me? I didnt get this post.:confused:

Membership has its privileges. You and your mother need to talk.

And I would suggest, you may as well tell us: which sorority is your mother a member? Because really posting your confounded decision is causing us to become lemers and commit 切腹... :rolleyes:

[DSTCHAOS]

The play-by-play is annoying.

[sigmadiva]

which sorority is your mother a member?


See page 1, post #2 of this thread. My Soror RhoyalTempest quoted taurus' post before she changed it. Her mother is an AKA.

[AKA_Monet]

See page 1, post #2 of this thread. My Soror RhoyalTempest quoted taurus' post before she changed it. Her mother is an AKA.

I have different intuition now... LOL Thanks... :rolleyes:

Can we close this thread because this item cannot be discussed now...

How you conduct yourself on GC is a reflection of how you conduct yourself publicly...

And Taurus--may as well choose an NPC sorority then--if they want to have you, now...

[taurus0426]

I have different intuition now... LOL Thanks... :rolleyes:

Can we close this thread because this item cannot be discussed now...

How you conduct yourself on GC is a reflection of how you conduct yourself publicly...

And Taurus--may as well choose an NPC sorority then--if they want to have you, now...

What am I doing now?!

[taurus0426]

You know after all this...I'm not getting phased right now.

I'll wait til grad school or later on in my life Mods lock the thread.

[AKA_Monet]

What am I doing now?!

I can almost guarantee you that you will not become a member of my Sorority any semester, regardless of what your mother does--especially when she sees all these kinds of posts in a public forum.

You need to skate on over to where you feel most comfortable.

And your mother's angry because she just lavished major money to reinstate her financial obligations to Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. which is well into the $1000s and now you are being wishy-washy about your desire for membership...

Since Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. was founded in 1908 and since 2008 is my Sorority's 100 year anniversary to be celebrated in DC in July, you are showing a complete lack of discretion.

Now even if you wait until you graduate, you are going to have dumb questions as to the variation between undergraduate membership vs. graduate membership. How do I know this--SEARCH is your friend... Been there and done discussed that ad nauseum.

So, your safest bet, if you are skipping over to your winter wonderland to fit into the group your most comfortable with, then sweetheart, you are not Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. material...

If you think differently, then prove me wrong... Show your service to all mankind then with things that are more worthwhile with fidelity and simplicity; yet refrain from ill-will so that you remember; and afterward you have lived your day...

Bless your little heart!!! :)

[tld221]

^^^ now THAT was slapping someone while smiling. you tell her AKAMonet!

[PANTHERTEKE]

IBTL.
:)

[Unregistered-]

And Taurus--may as well choose an NPC sorority then--if they want to have you, now...

We don't want her either.

[AKA_Monet]

We don't want her either.

LOL... You have to tell her the name of your sorority specifically so she doesn't show up at the house during recruitment on her campus... ;)

Wow. Notes are being compared...