DeltAlum
01-30-2006, 06:09 PM
Southern Grandma
>
>
> Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
> prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting
> attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to
> the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
>
> She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
> since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
> disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you
> manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think
> you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you
> never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
> Yes, I know you."
>
> The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
> across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
> attorney?"
>
> She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since
> he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a
> drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with
> anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire
> state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
> different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
>
> The defense attorney almost died.
>
> The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench,
> and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards
> asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses
> in jail for contempt."
>
>
> Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
> prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting
> attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to
> the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
>
> She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
> since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
> disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you
> manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think
> you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you
> never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
> Yes, I know you."
>
> The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
> across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
> attorney?"
>
> She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since
> he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a
> drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with
> anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire
> state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
> different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
>
> The defense attorney almost died.
>
> The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench,
> and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards
> asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses
> in jail for contempt."
