For the Bride in Waiting

[CrimsonTide4]

Okay sisters (and a couple of brothers):

This is a long one and may take about 10 minutes to read, but trust me, the lesson is well worth it. I don't know who wrote it, but it's a rather clever way to get a point across. Humor can be a very effective tactic.



Brother Unmarried walks into the church, goes into the balcony and sits in a certain spot. Several unmarried women notice him at the same time, but none say anything. The women in question are Sister Blue Shoes, Sister Black Shoes, Sister Red Shoes, and Sister High Heels. All are single, over
25, and quite available and hopeful for a husband.


The next week they look up and notice him again. The brother is alone again and no ring on his left finger. And he's not bad to look at either. On top of that, he's toting a Bible that looks quite worn. He must be serious about the Lord!

Week three, he appears again, Bible in hand, eyes focused on the pastor.

Week four...he must be a new member of the church and he sits in the same general area week after week after week. But there is only one problem. He's not very sociable. He just keeps his eyes on the service! Church is over and the pastor says, "As you depart, hug your neighbor." And wouldn't you know it, he turns around and hugs Sister Blue Shoes. Then as he heads for the door, he smiles at Sister Red Shoes and waves goodbye to Sister Black shoes. As he heads out towards his car, he politely begins a conversation with Sister High Heels who is walking in the same direction and wishes her a pleasant day as she arrives at her car. Brother Unmarried gets into his car, turns on his favorite gospel station, and heads home.


He arrives home, walks through the door and immediately calls his fiancée
(Sister Chosen) who is presently in her last year of medical school in Alabama. He loves her dearly. They have known each other since 7th grade. The brother starts to reminisce as her telephone rings. He remembers the first day he ever saw her. She was new to the school and she walked in with her hair in a ponytail, braces, and a beautiful smile. Everyone loved her bubbly personality and she became popular instantly. And he was so surprised how quickly she transitioned in the new school and new neighborhood. Of course, it really excited him that from day one, she made it clear that she liked him too, and they officially became girlfriend and boyfriend within weeks of her arrival. They have been inseparable ever since. When they were teens they joined the same church, same choir, and all the same youth groups. While many of their friends' pre-teen crushes ended, theirs endured.


They attended the same high school, went to the prom together, and attended the same college. They completed their four years of college, and she went on to medical school while he went on to graduate school. That was the first time they had been separated, but the distance only drew their hearts closer together. They agreed that after she completed medical school they would marry. So Brother Unmarried decided that he would go ahead and get his two-year Master's degree while the love of his life, Sister Chosen, completed her four-year medical degree. After getting his Master's he started to work and wait for Sister Chosen to complete her studies. Fortunately she will graduate in just 7 more months. Wow. Time's flying. He has already purchased the ring and will present it to her on her graduation day. The wedding plans are complete!


"Hello." The sound of Sister Chosen's voice awakens him from his daydream. He goes on to tell her about the fact that he is enjoying his new job and that he has found a good church. In fact, he is thinking about joining, but wants to wait for her to come to town so she can visit the church and see whether or not she likes it. They talk for another half hour and they end the conversation. He smiles to himself, thanking the Lord for such a wonderful woman!

MEANWHILE in Sister Blue Shoes' House...


Sister Blue Shoes has been excited for the past several weeks. She just cannot stop thinking about Brother Unmarried. And she cannot stop meditating on the fact that out of all the women in the church whom he could have hugged, he actually hugged her! No, that could not possibly be coincidence. No way. That was fate! The Lord led him to sit in front of her that Sunday and it must have been the Lord who led him to turn around and hug her! Sister Blue Shoes cannot contain her excitement a moment longer. She calls her best friend. Check out the conversation:


Sister Blue Shoes: Girrrrl, you are going to be a maid of honor soon!


Best Friend: What's going on, Blue Shoes?


Sister Blue Shoes: That brother I was telling you about---the single brother who's been attending church every Sunday? Girl, he was sitting beside a single woman in church today. In fact he was surrounded by single women but when the pastor said for us to hug our neighbor, he hugged me. Can you believe that? He could have hugged the sister who was sitting right beside him, but he chose to hug me. ME, girl!


Best Friend: Now that is nobody but the Lord!

Sister Blue Shoes: I know! And the strangest feeling went through me as I was hugging him. I felt like I was hugging my husband! It's God. He spoke to me and told me that I was hugging my husband!


Best Friend: I stand in agreement with you on that!


Sister Blue Shoes: He's mine. I claim him in the name of Jesus. I know he's mine!


Meanwhile, in Brother Unmarried's house... Brother Unmarried is still thinking about his fiancée, Sister Chosen. He wants to call her back and talk some more, but it's getting late and the phone bill is going to be astronomical again this month! He thinks about it and...oh, well. Fifteen more minutes won't hurt. Before he knows it, he's calling his future queen yet again!

And in Sister Black Shoes' House, another scenario...

Dear Diary, I just met my future husband this week. I had been checking him out for the past several weeks. I had a feeling in my spirit that he was my husband when I first laid eyes on him but it was confirmed today. As we were exiting the church, he looked me right in the eyes and waved at me!!!!! Whew! Now, of all the women in that church, he waved at me. It's interesting because he waved in a very familiar manner, as though he has known me for years. YES, this is my ordained mate. I just know it.


And in Sister Red Shoes' House...

Hey, mom! Guess what? My future husband smiled at me today in church! Yep, it's that guy I told you about. He's been coming to church for the past few weeks. I knew he was my husband the moment I looked at him, but today he actually smiled at me on our way out of the church. Can you believe that? All those gorgeous women in church, but he did not smile at any of them! He smiled at ME!!!!!


And in Sister High Heels' House...

Sister High Heels: Hey Prophetess Angie, I stopped by to speak to you because something serious happened today! Do you remember about a year ago you prophesied to me that I would meet my husband when I least expected to? Guess what? I met him today. You were right!!!


Prophetess Angie: Yes, as a matter of fact, I believe you are going to be married within the next year! What happened, girl?

Sister High Heels: The next year???!!! Lord, I need to sit down because I'm so overwhelmed I might fall out!


Prophetess Angie: Let me get you some juice. Just calm down.

Sister High Heels: For the past several weeks a very handsome gentleman has been sitting in the section of the church that I always sit in. It's funny because as big as that church is, why is he sitting in my section, way up there in the balcony?


Prophetess Angie: You don't even have to finish your sentence. As I was praying for you last weekend, I sensed that you were about to meet your husband. You met him, didn't you?!

Sister High Heels: YES!!!!

Prophetess Angie: As I was praying for you, I saw his face. He has medium brown skin, is handsome, and under 6 feet tall, right?

Sister High Heels: Girl, YES! He is about 5'10" in height, slender, dresses in really nice suits, is very clean cut. You saw him?


Prophetess Angie: Sure did. I saw him in a vision. He was walking beside you...


Sister High Heels: What! Girl, that is exactly what happened in church! Your vision was right. Of all the women he could have chosen to walk to their cars, he walked me to my car. I cannot even remember what we talked about because my heart was beating so fast. And I did not even ask him his name...


Prophetess Angie: We are going out tomorrow looking for wedding dresses. We claim him for you! Don't tell anybody else because they will think you are crazy, but we are going to start your wedding plans tomorrow!!!


Sister High Heels: Get me some tissues. I am about to cry...


Meanwhile, in Brother Unmarried's House...

Brother Unmarried: I cannot wait for you to get here in town. I just miss you so much...


Sister Chosen: I look forward to seeing you, too. Thank God I'm almost through with medical school. We then can proceed with our life plans...


Brother Unmarried: Yes, ma'am! I hope our future children look just like you. You are the most beautiful woman on the entire planet...


The Following Sunday, in Church...

Sisters Blue Shoes, Red Shoes, Black Shoes, and High Heels all scurry to their seats, each hoping that Brother Unmarried will arrive soon. Although they have seen each other in passing, none of the women know each other. None of them have even a clue about the fact that each one has set their "aim" on Brother Unmarried and that they each have "claimed" him as their husbands. They also have no idea that he is engaged and very much in love with Sister Chosen. Praise and worship service begins, but none of the women can concentrate. Each are checking, waiting, hoping that Brother Unmarried will arrive soon. Praise and worship ends and still no sign of Brother Unmarried. Pastor says the morning prayer, service officially begins, the sermon is uplifting, the altar call, the benediction...what happened to Brother Unmarried?


Sister High Heels has an idea. Maybe he decided not to attend the 8:00 service this week. Perhaps he's attending the 11:00 service. Hmm...she decides to stay until praise and worship for the 11:00 service has ended. If he's not here by then, she decided, she will go on home...


Meanwhile, at the church across town... Brother Unmarried decided to visit his uncle's church this week---the
10:30 service. As he enters the sanctuary with his aunt and uncle, he sees a woman smiling at him. She nods her head at him. He smiles back, sits down beside his uncle, and enjoys the service, not knowing that the sister who just nodded is secretly aiming and claiming him as her future husband!


Over the next several weeks Brother Unmarried visits several other churches with various friends and relatives. He has decided to take his fiancée's advice. She told him not to make any rash decisions about joining a new church just yet, but to visit several...

Tortured minds at the original church...

All of the sisters are confused about what's going on with their future husband. Sisters Blue Shoes, Red Shoes, High Heels, and Black Shoes all have been looking out for Brother Unmarried...having problems concentrating on the services because they just don't know where their future husband could be.


Week 8... Brother Unmarried did go back to the church but none of the women saw him because he attended the 11:00 service and sat downstairs instead of in the balcony...after all, his mind is on nothing but the church service and he finds that he concentrates better downstairs.


Sister Black Shoes...

Dear Diary,

It's been several months since I saw Brother Unmarried. The devil is hiding my husband from me. I'm going to continue to pray and stand for him to return...maybe I should fast for a few days.

Sister Red Shoes... Mom, I don't know what's going on. I have not seen my future husband in months! I am keeping him uplifted in prayer.


Sister Blue Shoes...

I am confused. I don't know what happened to Brother Unmarried. I think I saw him coming into the church as I was leaving but I'm not sure that was him. One thing I do know though - he is definitely my husband! He'll be back.


Sister High Heels...

Thanks for stopping by, Prophetess Angie. It's now been 11 months and I've only seen Brother Unmarried a few times in church in all this time. What's going on?


Prophetess Angie: Just stand. Your patience is being tested by the Lord. Don't waver. Keep the faith. We already have that gorgeous gown picked out and hidden in your closet. I know you are going to be wearing that gown and those lovely shoes soon. We've picked out the caterer that you will use, etc. Just be still. Just concern yourself with the guest list!


Meanwhile, on a beach in Mexico...

Brother MARRIED: Our wedding was so beautiful!


Sister Chosen-Married: Yes, it was! Can you believe this? We've been together since we were in junior high school, and now we finally are man and wife. I'm so happy!


The Newlyweds Arrive Home...

Brother Married and Sister Chosen-Married walk into the church, hand-in-hand. They have a seat. This is Sister Chosen-Married's first time visiting her new husband's church, but he told her that of all the churches he has visited, this is the one he likes the most. In the balcony Sisters Red Shoes, Blue Shoes, Black Shoes, and High Heels peer over, looking downstairs. Each of them squint their eyes. They all think the same thoughts. NO, that guy looks like him, but it can't be him because Brother Unmarried is always alone when he comes here, but there is a woman beside him---and he's holding her hand!


Sister Red Shoes cannot stand the suspense. She gets up and goes downstairs and seats herself directly behind the two. She needs to know if this is really him, her future husband. As the pastor instructs the church to stand and greet one another, Brother Unmarried turns around and speaks to several people, including her---but...there is no recognition in his eyes. Doesn't he remember smiling at her in church last year? Then the unthinkable happens. Sister Chosen-Married turns and speaks to her and Sister Red Shoes catches a glimpse of the breathtaking diamond ring on Sister Chosen-Married's finger. Determined to get to the bottom of things, Sister Red Shoes decides to take action:


Sister Red Shoes: Oh, what a lovely ring!

Sister Chosen-Married: Thanks! My husband designed it himself and surprised me with it! I'm a newlywed. This is my husband, Jeff. My name is Rayna, and this is my first visit to this church. My husband had been telling me about this church while I've been away at medical school. Now I see why he loves it so much. Everyone's so friendly!


Sister Red Shoes: [heart sinking and forced smile] Oh, congratulations and welcome to the church! You two make a beautiful couple---and girl, that heart-shaped rock is going to blind someone. It's huge and just gorgeous!


Over the next several weeks the other women all see Rayna and Jeff entering and exiting the church together, holding hands. It is obvious that they are newly married and happily so.

Oh, well. Another false alarm. Another disappointment. Another unanswered (false) prophecy. Another shattered dream.

Another wasted hope. And the moral of the story?

Ladies, stop "aiming and claiming" men. Let the men set their aims on you. Let them target you. Keep your mind focused in on the service. Don't assume that just because a brother sits next to you or smiles at you, or befriends you---that he is interested in you. More than likely, he is not interested in a relationship. He is simply being friendly, which is what brotherly love is all about! All over the country, unsuspecting men are being "claimed" as husbands. These brothers would be shocked to know that anywhere from 5 to 10 women in their churches have possibly targeted them as husbands. All of the women have the same story. They KNOW in their hearts, souls, minds and spirits that the man is their husband because "GOD" told them so. How many wives can one man have? And most of the men probably have girlfriends who either attend other churches or who are out of town at the moment. If the truth be known, many of the men in church have unsaved girlfriends who they keep on the side so that they can fornicate when the feeling hits them. Yes, I'm talking about saved Christian men! There is a man shortage, but that does not mean that women need to set their aims and claims on any available brother whom they happen to see. That needs to stop. Have you seen a brother in church whom you believe is your husband? Guess what? You are not alone. Several other women see him as a husband also! You heard from God about him? Several other women have "heard from God" about him also! A prophet confirmed it? Guess what? Other women also have had it confirmed through various prophets. Are you following my line of thought?

I heard a preacher preaching once about when a woman in his church approached him and informed him that the "Lord" told her that he is her husband (this was before he met and married his wife). He said he looked at the woman. She had none of the physical qualities that he desired in a mate, and he was not attracted to her on any level. He said that he immediately told her that the Lord had not told him any such thing and ended by telling her that he was not interested. He later met the woman of his dreams, and he has now been happily married to her for over 25 years. I heard another preacher say that in his church a woman approached a man, put her hands on the man and exclaimed, "I claim you as my husband in the name of Jesus." The man was shocked, to say the least (especially since he did not want the woman!).

Last month I wrote an article titled "Familiar Spirits" and I made it clear that such a spirit can mislead a woman into believing someone is her future husband. However, in the majority of cases it's not a spirit. It's the woman's own mind and flesh as she sets aim on a man whom she deems available and claims him as her mate. Oftentimes such women confide in others about the "claimed" man. God has a serious disposition. He does not tempt, tease, or play with women's emotions. He will not prophecy to a woman that a man is her husband unless He tells the man also. The man is the one expected to approach the woman so why wouldn't He tell the man? The truth of the matter is that He won't have a woman waiting aimlessly for years and years for a man to figure out that she is to be his wife. That's not God. I'll end with this question: Don't you find it rather odd, suspicious, and down-right strange that while "God" is telling women that men in church are their husbands, He almost never shares these revelations with men? Think about it. In 99.999% of the cases, you will find women claiming men as their husbands in Jesus' name. However, you won't find any men running around saying that Sister So-and-So is their wife. Something is wrong with that picture. Sisters, let go and let God. He still can supply all of your needs in accordance with His riches in glory. And when you can, read and receive Isaiah 54. It will settle you...


All that I am . . .is because of Him!
Unknown

This was SOOOOOOO profound!!

[AKA2D '91]

girrrrrrrlllllllllll! Too much!

How can people be so bold and actually put their hands on someone "claiming"? :confused:

I know some peeps who need to see this, therefore,I will be borrowing it. Okay?

[amycat412]

that was fabulous. thank you CT4.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
girrrrrrrlllllllllll! Too much!

How can people be so bold and actually put their hands on someone "claiming"? :confused:

I know some peeps who need to see this, therefore,I will be borrowing it. Okay?

Chile I passed it along. We all need to.

I was too through about the laying of hands and the Sister High Heels who went to see Prophetess and they went and bought the DAGGONE DRESS!!

AmyCat, you are certainly welcome.

OH and folks, it is not just @ church that this happens. It happens @ the club, @ work, @ cookouts, etc. etc. etc.

[FeeFee]

Thanks for the story. I know a few women who need to read this as well....

[Mz. Sports Luva]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4

He does not tempt, tease, or play with women's emotions.

He will not prophecy to a woman that a man is her husband unless He tells the man also.

This was SOOOOOOO profound!! [/B]

This needs to be shouted from the mountain top!!!!!

I have a cousin who tells me, every other month (no kidding), about the "new man" God has sent her.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by Mz. Sports Luva
This needs to be shouted from the mountain top!!!!!

I have a cousin who tells me, every other month (no kidding), about the "new man" God has sent her.

WELCOME BACK, STRANGER!! :D

Yes it does need to be shouted and written in a rap song so other folks can hear it. :p

I am glad so many of you are being receptive to it.

It helped me and I am nothing like the Sisters. Well I admit, I see a man and wonder if he is single, but I do not have our wedding all planned out by the end of the choir's first selection. :D

[Mz. Sports Luva]

Howdy!!!

Well, I guess we all do it or have done it.

As a matter of fact, I had a similiar thing happen to me yesterday. At the gym where I workout, there's a VERY good looking man who works there and everytime I go (and he's there) he always makes it a point to speak to me.

Well yesterday I was there and I saw him, I immediately lit up like a ray of sunshine. How about, about 30 minutes later I noticed his wedding ring. I had been sooo busy looking at his face all this time that I never noticed his hand. Silly me.

[CrimsonTide4]

@ least he wears his. :o :mad:

You know sometimes I think ENGAGED MEN should wear a ring or a sign or something. :cool:

[amycat412]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
@ least he wears his. :o :mad:

You know sometimes I think ENGAGED MEN should wear a ring or a sign or something. :cool:

OH YEAH they should!

[Dionysus]

One of the most insightful stories I've read in a while.

[GRITS]

That was amazing! More people need to read this.

[candygirl]

I really and truly loved this story. I know many young ladies like the ones mentioned in the story. This can be a revelation for some women, I'm passing it on ASAP.

[RedefinedDiva]

I'm just gonna shake my head....

[EagleChick19]

Thank you for this topic. I know many women who do this.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I did this in college. The guy was gorgeous, but I thought that I was the only one who noticed. I refered to him as my future husband and so did some of my friends. :rolleyes: I didn't think that it was divine intervention, I was just a college sophomore and lonely. Some (many, most) of you know what I mean. It turned out that half of the female population (and a good portion of the male population) was after the hottie. I mean girls would chase him around campus and parties. It was pretty embarrassing. He was sweet about it, but I decided then and there that I would not chase men no matter how hot. That's how I get the hot guys now. :D

[Eclipse]

No only do woman (people) need to stop "claiming" husbands, they need to stop claiming Mercedes, .5 million dollar homes when they have no job and bad credit, etc.

What God has for me is for me. He already knows the desires of my heart AND what is best for me. Why do I need to claim something?

[NOWorNEVER]

More women REALLY need to hear this. I have an example you won't believe:

My brother is 18 years old. He's a good looking guy, clean cut, works, bright, has a good future, athlete. How bout there is a woman who has been coming to my church for about 3 months now. She's a grown ass woman with a daughter who is around 17. Why, oh why....have they been scopin' my brother. This lady went to the PASTOR OF OUR CHURCH and wanted to set up a meeting with my mother to discuss plans for the future as far as her daughter and my brother was concerned. The pastor basically said there's nothing she can do about it. She told my Mother about it after service the following week. My brother doesn't even know that girl! This girl's mother really really wants her daughter to hook up with my brother. She approached my mother not long ago and complimented her on how she raised her kids ( :cool: ) and she wished someone like my brother would take interest in her daughter. SHE'S ONLY 17!! Let the girl breathe. The same woman keeps approaching my brother and inviting him over to their house for dinner and stuff like that. RELAX. And did she honestly think the Pastor could make my brother notice, like, fall in love, and marry her daughter. I couldn't make that up if I tried. :o

[Eclipse]

Originally posted by NOWorNEVER
More women REALLY need to hear this. I have an example you won't believe:

My brother is 18 years old. He's a good looking guy, clean cut, works, bright, has a good future, athlete. How bout there is a woman who has been coming to my church for about 3 months now. She's a grown ass woman with a daughter who is around 17. Why, oh why....have they been scopin' my brother. This lady went to the PASTOR OF OUR CHURCH and wanted to set up a meeting with my mother to discuss plans for the future as far as her daughter and my brother was concerned. The pastor basically said there's nothing she can do about it. She told my Mother about it after service the following week. My brother doesn't even know that girl! This girl's mother really really wants her daughter to hook up with my brother. She approached my mother not long ago and complimented her on how she raised her kids ( :cool: ) and she wished someone like my brother would take interest in her daughter. SHE'S ONLY 17!! Let the girl breathe. The same woman keeps approaching my brother and inviting him over to their house for dinner and stuff like that. RELAX. And did she honestly think the Pastor could make my brother notice, like, fall in love, and marry her daughter. I couldn't make that up if I tried. :o

Now that is over the top!! :eek: Next thing you know ol' girl is going to be offering 2 goats, 20 yards of fine linen and a Lexus for her dowry! That's just plain silly! She must have read that Newsweek article and really got scared!

[Blackwatch]

I am loving this discussion, the story was interesting, but the commentary at the end was more interesting to me. I think the fact that many women "claim husbands in the name of Jesus" more so than men speaks to two phenomenon that take place in the faith world- (1)the hopes and desires of people become intertwined with what those people perceive as the will of God. Consequently when these desires do not come to pass, the people then begin to either question the validity of God or their own faith in God. (2) Many times,what we define as God's will is actually just a societal norm, and in this case, the expectation that women, to find self worth, ought to be married. Men, on the other hand, only have to be men in order to find worth in this society. The onus is not to get married, but to dominate women, through sex, buying them, or having many of them.

If we, people of faith, are really honest with ourselves, we sometimes find ourselves doing the exact same things that these women do, believe that what we want is what God wants for us. What this actually does is leads us to a form of idolatry (worship of the self). Submission really can't be about claiming anything, rather, it should be about learning,growing, and accepting what is, and that is the will of God.

As an aside, these testimonies about women being so desperate to find men that they claim men in God's name speaks to several things; bad theology, these women simply affirming a patriarchal societal norm that women need men to be "blessed by God", and the willingness of "people of God (prophets and such)" to use these hopes and dreams of people to assert some kind of power and moral authority over people ( going to the prophetess, the pastors telling people God will give you "the desires of your heart" etc.). To combat all of this, our churches need to become places of theology,where people come and think critically about the issues of God, faith, purpose, and culture. Now, our churches seem to be teaching us a form of self worship in that God is here to be our Genie in the sky so to speak, giving us everything we want if we believe enough and have faith enough to "plant a seed" with our offerings:rolleyes: .
Blackwatch!!!!!!

[AKA2D '91]

This allllll goes back to the recent thread in the Alpha forum about the church, the leaders of the church, and the people in the church.

[Mz. Sports Luva]

Originally posted by Blackwatch
Now, our churches seem to be teaching us a form of self worship in that God is here to be our Genie in the sky so to speak, giving us everything we want if we believe enough and have faith enough to "plant a seed" with our offerings:rolleyes: .
Blackwatch!!!!!!

I agree w/ everything you said especially this statement. My pastor says this all the time.

It's funny how peeps think that God is more concerned with their "outer man" than their "inner man". He doesn't bless mess!

[delph998]

Deep stuff! Great story!

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by Blackwatch

As an aside, these testimonies about women being so desperate to find men that they claim men in God's name speaks to several things; bad theology, these women simply affirming a patriarchal societal norm that women need men to be "blessed by God", and the willingness of "people of God (prophets and such)" to use these hopes and dreams of people to assert some kind of power and moral authority over people ( going to the prophetess, the pastors telling people God will give you "the desires of your heart" etc.). To combat all of this, our churches need to become places of theology,where people come and think critically about the issues of God, faith, purpose, and culture. Now, our churches seem to be teaching us a form of self worship in that God is here to be our Genie in the sky so to speak, giving us everything we want if we believe enough and have faith enough to "plant a seed" with our offerings:rolleyes: .
Blackwatch!!!!!!

Preach Rev. Blackwatch :D

You know what else. . ."NAME IT & CLAIM IT" theology has ruined a lot of folks as well. I claim this, I claim that, and when those things that were claimed in Jesus' name do not come to pass, people lose faith in God.


I was at a church (won't be going back either) 2 weeks ago that had all of the tithers stand in the aisles :rolleyes: and wave their envelopes:rolleyes: and I was totally sickened at the "boasting" mentality that this church advocated with this display. He was essentially telling these people that once you give to God what he is due, he will give you what you want.

I have been taught that GOD will BLESS you with what you NEED not what you want and in HIS time, not my own. I don't walk around claiming things, but I do dream about what I want and I put my feet to faith and get to working on making my dreams a reality if it is God's will.

[1savvydiva]

Originally posted by NOWorNEVER
More women REALLY need to hear this. I have an example you won't believe:

My brother is 18 years old. He's a good looking guy, clean cut, works, bright, has a good future, athlete. How bout there is a woman who has been coming to my church for about 3 months now. She's a grown ass woman with a daughter who is around 17. Why, oh why....have they been scopin' my brother. This lady went to the PASTOR OF OUR CHURCH and wanted to set up a meeting with my mother to discuss plans for the future as far as her daughter and my brother was concerned. The pastor basically said there's nothing she can do about it. She told my Mother about it after service the following week. My brother doesn't even know that girl! This girl's mother really really wants her daughter to hook up with my brother. She approached my mother not long ago and complimented her on how she raised her kids ( :cool: ) and she wished someone like my brother would take interest in her daughter. SHE'S ONLY 17!! Let the girl breathe. The same woman keeps approaching my brother and inviting him over to their house for dinner and stuff like that. RELAX. And did she honestly think the Pastor could make my brother notice, like, fall in love, and marry her daughter. I couldn't make that up if I tried. :o

Dang...so that's what you were telling me about? Girl yeah, ya'll need to nip that chit in the bud!!!

[CRIMSON_DIVA]

I have to totally agree with your last comment. God will give you what he knows that you need. Instead of praying for a man, just learn to thank God for all that you have in your life. He knows better than we do what we need and when we need it.

[whitechocolate]

That was really deep. I know sometimes in the back of my mind when I meet a guy I wonder if he could be my husband. That was a great read and I will pass it along to all the other women who need to read it:)

Thanks

[CrimsonTide4]

WHAT DOES GOD'S WORD SAY ABOUT...CHOOSING A MATE?

We know that it is the Lord's will for people to have a mate if they desire one. In the beginning when God created Adam, God Himself made this statement: "... It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him" (Genesis 2:18). The Lord wants to bring a mate to those who will ask Him and have the patience to wait for His choice.

There are some single people who are constantly out looking for a mate, and they are miserable because God has not sent them one yet. They have prayed and prayed, yet they still have no mate. Some settle for Satan's provision instead of asking God for the patience to wait for the one whom He would send. If they would look to Jesus and seek to please Him, rather than being concerned about a mate, soon they would find the right one crossing their path. Looking for a man or woman to just keep them from being lonely or just to fill their needs or to be a father or mother to their children should not be the only reasons for desiring a mate. They also need to be concerned about what kind of husband or wife they would be for a mate. These single people are still much in the flesh if they just want their own needs met. They should ask the Lord to fill them with His love and peace.

Being single is an important time to prepare us for marriage. It can also be a time to experience a closer communion with God. As we seek God to cleanse us of the world and help us become the kind of wife or husband that would bless someone, we will soon find that we are not lonely. First, the Lord would begin using us to bless others; then we will find we are content in Him. Eventually, in God's plan and timing, He will bless us with a wonderful mate so that both lives can be a witness for Him. We believe if a marriage cannot glorify the Lord, then it would be better to remain alone. There are worse things than being alone. One of these is to be out of God's will by compromising and marrying someone who does not feel the same way we do about the Lord.

Marriage is the second major choice we make in our lives, and we should never enter into it without much prayer. To rush into a marriage can be disastrous. The most important decision of our lives, of course, is our decision to follow the Lord. This decision is not a one-time declaration, but a daily determination to follow Jesus above all. If we allow the emotional or soulish realm to dominate our lives we become more susceptible to the enemy leading us astray through someone. This area of the flesh should be brought under the Lord's subjection so that Satan does not get the advantage and consequently destroy our lives and ministries. So many have failed the Lord because they chose a man or woman over the Lord.

We find this true throughout the Bible, too. Solomon's heathen wives led him into idolatry. Samson lost his eyes because of a woman, Delilah. David committed murder because of passion for Bathsheba.

Our emotions need to be cleansed as they are not the sign of love. The true definition of love is "God is love." If God is not in a relationship it is not true love. What this world calls love is really lust since it is built on what the other person does for me, not what I can do for him or her. If the other person fails to keep up his end of the bargain, a divorce occurs because the offended mate is no longer pleased. This is the attitude of the world's so-called "love." God's love loves without receiving back; God's love is forgiving and patient. God's love is gentle and kind. God's love waits. God's love sacrifices.

1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible gives us a beautiful definition of real love: (In this King James translation the word "charity" means "love.")

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
Man's emotions are not a reliable gauge upon which to establish a marriage relationship. We must know in the Spirit that it is God's will. It is much better to marry for character than for emotion. Emotions fluctuate; character doesn't. Emotions are in the soulish realm, and unless the carnal mind has been renewed, Satan can give us emotions or feelings of love for someone of his choosing. (If he did not have this in his power, he could not split up marriages.) One of his favorite techniques is to suddenly take away the feelings one once had for his mate and give feelings for someone else. When he has successfully convinced a person that he no longer loves his or her mate, then he leads them to divorce, whispering, "You are living a lie." After he has destroyed that marriage, he then leads one to marry again by stirring their emotions for another. Often after their next marriage something happens that they do not expect. Before too long, friction begins to develop with the new mate, then arguing. Finally, they find the same thing has happened again; they feel no emotion for their new mate and the next divorce is in the making. "Falling" in love is Satan's way. The very _expression of these words should tell us something. A Christian should not blindly "fall" into any trap. Love is bigger than simply falling for someone. Certainly, the Lord gives us a wonderful emotional feeling for the one we are to marry. However, this "feeling" without God's direction can be disastrous as Satan can tamper with our emotions and feelings too.

Marriage, in a Christian's life, should be based on a decision directed by the Holy Spirit. A Christian's love for another is a commitment. Of course, the Lord will supply the emotions for the mate He sends, but that should not be the criterion for making the decision to marry. The Lord should be sought, and whatever He speaks to us we should do. He knows the future and what is best for us. If we trust Him He will not fail us in this or any other important area. Women or men who allow emotions to rule them will never be victorious Christians. Emotions should always follow, never lead.

During Old and New Testament times, fathers and mothers chose the mates for their children. God's people were very careful to choose those who were "believers." We find this practice still prevalent in India and other Eastern cultures. The parents, being older and more prudent, made wiser decisions than the children in this area. The divorce rate in India is only about 7%, whereas in the USA, at the present, it is nearing 50%. Marriages that are loveless can be saved and restored simply by asking God to restore the love that was once there. Sexual relationships can also be healed by praying for a desire for one's mate. Prayer is a mighty weapon. God's love can mend and heal, providing people are willing to lay down their lives for their mates. His love will not fade, as does the love of the world.

Those who are single and have never been married are cautioned in God's Word to seek a mate who is a like believer. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)." Many precious people suffer because they are living with unsaved mates. Some did not have Christ when they made their marriage decision, but they have since found the Lord. Those will have God's grace and love to win their mates for Jesus. The Lord always strives to bring the lost mate to Himself through the partner who knows Him. Mighty miracles of deliverance and salvation have occurred when people have endured suffering in order to bring their mates to the Lord. Those people who have the light, but choose to marry into darkness by yoking themselves to unsaved mates find that their flesh has led them away from God.

The Lord wants to bless marriage unions and see His plans fulfilled in both mates' lives. What a glorious plan He had from the beginning for both male and female. We can trust Him in this important decision. If we will totally commit to do His will we will never be disappointed in the one He sends into our lives.

________________________________________________

This article is taken from the book Neither Male Nor Female by Betty Miller. You may copy and circulate it freely.
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In The Quest For Happiness, We Must Be Sure That We Don't
Settle For A PLAYMATE When GOD Has A SOUL MATE Waiting For US!!
---------------
Psalm 127:1
---------------
New International Version:
Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain




"Both tears and sweat are salty, but they render a different result. Tears will get you sympathy; sweat will get you change." -- Rev. Jesse Jackson,
Sr.

[Gyrl7]

This is really good! We could all learn something here!:cool:

[Diva_01]

One good piece of advice, if you see someone all the time, and he speaks all the time, because you are smiling and responding all the time, why don't you just ask him if he's single?

Mz Sports Luva...that is the situation I'm in now...what is it about the gym?

[Mz. Sports Luva]

Originally posted by Diva_01
One good piece of advice, if you see someone all the time, and he speaks all the time, because you are smiling and responding all the time, why don't you just ask him if he's single?

Mz Sports Luva...that is the situation I'm in now...what is it about the gym?

Great piece of advice! That's the 1st question out of my mouth now!

[CrimsonTide4]

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
Golden rules for finding your life partner
by Dove Heller, M.A.

A relationships coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term marital success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important?

Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life bottom line-and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.


QUESTION #3: Is he/she a meniscus?

A meniscus is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing." So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.


QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver, etc. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot you--who can't do nearly as much for them! Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage...for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Another perspective... There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults isn't really that important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, Vulnerabilities, pet peeves and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither one of you is perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life" you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.


WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain will replace the passion.


:cool:

[James]

I try and apply those basic rules to all of my would be peers also. I immediately eliminate the oversensitive and defensive people.

[smiley21]

i heard that the divorce rate was near 70%

[librasoul22]

Originally posted by smiley21
i heard that the divorce rate was near 70%

Guess you and UF Pike don't stand much of a chance then, huh.

[LadyNRed]

My fiance and I read over these positive "rules of engagement" , we agree totally. I knew he was Mr. Perfect but it's nice to know that he agrees with me and about me. Thanks for the post, Sis. Give GOD the glory before, after and during the storm. You'll be glad you did.

Stay blessed ;)

[CrimsonTide4]

ttt in light of the Settling vs. Compromising thread

[Dionysus]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4

QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver, etc. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot you--who can't do nearly as much for them! Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.


This is a very good tip. Ignoring #4 is something that always leave me :confused: about many people. Time after time I see people go out with guys/gals who treat other people like isht. If they can't treat everyday people with respect then how can they treat their guy/girl with respect. What makes you special? What's even more strange is when they "find out" that their guy/girl is a a$$hole/binch, they are totally surpised that they can act that way towards them. I am puzzled how people overlook this.

[CrimsonTide4]

SOROR #1LeadingLady sent this to me and it was SUCH A BLESSING. . .

The Right Man

First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it's made on an emotional one. "What about love? Shouldn't that be the third?", you ask. No, and I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer. 17:9). The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently--it just loves to love! Therefore, you have to point it in the right directions: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4:23). Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage. Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship, and then marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively--it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts:

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family--the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor. 6:14). You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Prov. 18:22). Note--who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: "We love him because He first loved us" (1 Jn 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man--your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again,--WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you--this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? broken relationships? problems in making commitments? including the job market? mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person--and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life. A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader in his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complementarity. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotionally, or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you as a rare find, a priceless jewel--because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable, or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect, and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. He he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive. So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God Himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.


Our Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father, I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should've been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me. As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me. I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me. Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice. In Jesus Name. Amen.



Author Unknown

[delph998]

ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!!! Thanks for posting that CT4. Soror #1Leading Lady, thanks for sending that to CT4. That part that said something about past relationships...y'all remember Mr. Too Much Baggage? The signs were there with him. We as women have to stay so focused and not settle, because that's exactly what I would have been doing. I was confused with Mr. Too Much Baggage, but God isn't a God of confusion. I could go on and on. GREAT information.

[Honeykiss1974]

There is a biblical verse that says.... "Before I formed thee I knew thee, and ordain thee to be… " What the verse tells us is that before you were born, God knew you. He knew your need for a mate and ordained you and another person to be soulmates. The problem is too many of us settle for unhealthy relationships instead of waiting on God.

Think of it like this. Before a mother brings a child into this world, the mother will know exactly what the child's need. She will ready a room with all the things her newborn will need. She will go out and purchase things such as clothing, diapers, food, furniture, etc., making sure that she has everything that her child needs.

And since we are children of the most High God, hasn't he already done the same for us? Likewise, God knew you would need a soulmate and one has been prepared just for you. :) Just as the bible verse says, God has already prepared and ordained everything that you need. This includes your soulmate. :)

[CrimsonTide4]

To those who read the Waiting PATIENTLY for YOUR Life Mate excerpt, I found out who the author is. There is a book called If Men Are Like Buses, then how do I catch one by Michelle McKinney Hammond. Her chapter titled, "Checking Out the Scenery" is where the above points are taken from. I started the book late Friday night and finished it last night. :) The book blessed me. I am actually mad that I bought 2 other books and not this one, but I pray that God has something in those 2 books for me as well.

The book is a very quick read but it is spiritually enlightening without being preachy to me. I want to thank MzSportsLuva for recommending it some years back. It wasn't until my bus had some engine problems that I felt spirit lead to read it. If I had the money, I would buy it for some folks, Amazon has it for $10. :cool: I think I will buy it and re read it as well as the Biblical stories that she used as examples.

[SummerChild]

Originally posted by Diva_01
One good piece of advice, if you see someone all the time, and he speaks all the time, because you are smiling and responding all the time, why don't you just ask him if he's single?

Mz Sports Luva...that is the situation I'm in now...what is it about the gym?

Either that or, if you prefer the less direct approach, ask him for the time and while he's getting the time say, "by the way, my name is xyz."

SC

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974
There is a biblical verse that says.... "Before I formed thee I knew thee, and ordain thee to be… " What the verse tells us is that before you were born, God knew you. He knew your need for a mate and ordained you and another person to be soulmates. The problem is too many of us settle for unhealthy relationships instead of waiting on God.

Think of it like this. Before a mother brings a child into this world, the mother will know exactly what the child's need. She will ready a room with all the things her newborn will need. She will go out and purchase things such as clothing, diapers, food, furniture, etc., making sure that she has everything that her child needs.

And since we are children of the most High God, hasn't he already done the same for us? Likewise, God knew you would need a soulmate and one has been prepared just for you. :) Just as the bible verse says, God has already prepared and ordained everything that you need. This includes your soulmate. :)

Just reminding myself of something I said. I kind of needed to hear this today. :)

[delph998]

Sometimes we need that reassurance, don't we, Honeykiss? Girl, don't I know! That is a great piece you wrote. I have to keep reminding myself that God knows the desires of my heart. And that's in every aspect of my life; my soul mate included.

[Cali_Keisha]

All I can say is, that was deep.

[CrimsonTide4]

"For the Bride in Waiting"
Trusting God for a Husband


Every little girl dreams of the day she'll wear that beautiful white wedding gown. I know that some of you might be saying, "No, not me." But, unless you have the call to be single, then I believe you have the call to be a wife. Perhaps you have already been a wife, but through life's falleness, your marriage failed. And, now you're longing again to fulfill that call to come along side a man and be his helpmeet. Perhaps, you've never been married and for reasons only God knows, He has not brought you to your mate. Whatever situation you are in, let me encourage you to begin to pray anyway. As long as that desire is there, begin to pray now for the one whom God just might bring your way. Let God work in you according to His good pleasure. Let God even prepare you to be a bride. Let Him begin that work of purification to prepare for that holy day.


Trusting God with Your Life
Trusting God for a husband can create a tension in the feminine soul of a woman who longs to fulfill that which God created her to fulfill. According to Genesis 1 and 2 and 1 Corinthians 11:9, God created woman for the man and not man for the woman. Everything within a woman was deposited by God to equip her to come along side a man to be his "creative counterpart," supporter, confidant, complimenter, encourager, lover, and friend. A woman was not created to mother him, tell him what to do or how to do it, compete with him, or be responsible for him or even impede the weight he must feel in being the one responsible. God designed women to partner with a man-for Kingdom purposes. So, what does a single woman do? How does she live in a state of contentment until God opens the eyes of the man that He has for her? How does she wait in peace and trust until HE sees her and pursues her? I love Webster's definition of pursue: to follow in order to overtake or capture; chase; to follow (a specified course, action), to strive for, to continue to annoy. My question to the woman in her season of singleness is do you have a specific course, which you have thought about in which you will find a man. On the other hand, are you waiting, trusting, praying, and allowing God to prepare you as a Bride like He did Esther? Your answer will reveal your level of peace and contentment. Your answer will reveal your trust level in God. Your answer will reveal how well you really know God. Men must pursue. In a relationship waiting to be developed, the man, if he is a good and godly man - rightly related to God, will be the pursuer of the relationship. Keep in mind God made and commissioned men to be leaders,hunters, conquerors, and pursuers. If a woman initiates and pursues-then it has been my observation that femininity strips itself of beauty. Precious women, I know you WANT a strong man to find you and lead you. You want a leader-not a follower, and, if you initiate, (synonyms-begin, start, instruct) then you have set yourself up to have a follower. If a man does not initiate, then he's not mature enough, hasn't been around some good strong men enough, and probably has some "mother issues." Let him go. Wait for God. Trust in God. Let your soul find its rest in God. Find your place. Proverbs 18:22 says that it's the man who finds the wife-not the wife who finds the man! He, who finds a wife, finds a good thing. You are the good thing waiting to be found. I think that if you're "looking," then it might be awhile before you're found. Let me encourage you to do a study on Rebecca, Abigail, Ruth, Esther, and Rachel. These women model God's heart in a woman being found by the man. Even Boaz noticed Ruth gleaning in his field. Any man that steps into an arena with a woman initiator has limited vision. You want a man with vision - trust me, you really do!


Finding that Place while You Wait
What does a woman do to find her place in this season of being single and in this season of waiting? First, her thoughts need to be renewed. What she thinks about her situation needs to line up with what God thinks about it. If the two don't "match" then she'll tend to operate out of control, manipulation, and intimidation as she subtlety seeks to get "what she wants-when she wants it." Women are good at "working it." Next, it's important for her to guard her heart. Right thinking about her life must lead. If "how she feels" leads she will be led into chaos. Then, she needs to be gut level honest with God about how she does"feel." And, in that honesty, she needs to remember that this is His business in preparing her as a Bride. He has IT in perfect control - so if she's trying to control IT-she needs to stop it and trust Him with IT. This is all about God and knowing Him and His ways. Next, she needs to practice waiting for him (even if it takes 5, 10, 15 years). This all has to do with God's timetable. In the waiting, she needs to get busy discovering her own dreams, passions, and gifts. If she has children in her home, she needs to understand that THEY are her first priority. A "bride in waiting" needs to get to know her children in new ways. She should discover their gifts, encourage them in what they are a good at, and even prod them to try new things. A "bride in waiting" does well when she models for her children what being a mother of prayer looks like. I always encourage "brides in waiting" to work on manners and etiquette with her children. I make it a priority that she begins to implement the Power of the Table Principle. I encourage "brides in waiting" to take walks with her children and build them up in the faith. What she says and does models much. I encourage her to pray with them about God giving them a husband and father. It's also the time for her to lead in some talk about their fears, desires, hurts, longings, etc.



Developing the Spiritual Habit of Sanctuary Journaling
Next, every "bride in waiting" needs to develop the habit of Sanctuary Journaling. The purpose of Sanctuary Journaling is to create a safe place where feminine soul can express itself. There are no rules for journaling; just let whatever is in soul pour out. Sometimes journaling can help dump out the toxins in the soul. Other times Sanctuary Journaling releases expressions of dreams and desires hidden in the soul. Thoughts, attitudes, and deep feelings about life or relationships will be recognized through
journaling. Sanctuary Journaling is an instrument of confession that is done in a quiet place; a place that's your Sanctuary. Sanctuary is that place woman nurtures her relationship with God. It's the place where she communes with Him about her relationship with others, about life, or whatever is on her heart. When she journal in the Sanctuary, she is able to track the Spirit of God's work in her lives as she moves toward change and holiness. It's key for a "bride in waiting" to take a look (with the Lord and/or a girlfriend) at some of the mistakes she's made. What unhealthy patterns of relating does she operate out of? Is she seductive? Does she flirt? How does she dress? Is she withdrawn? Is she constantly thinking about a man? What are some fears? What does she do with the loneliness? What is her inner life like? Is there order in her home? Is she bitter? Is she honest? Is she self-protective? Does she love God and desire holiness enough to ask a girl friend to share with her the areas that she sees which she might be blinded to? Is she open to an honest evaluation of unhealthy ways she might be relating to men, her children, and others?


God is Preparing Every Bride for a Day
What God is ultimately doing is preparing "the bride in waiting" for another wedding day. He's getting her ready for THAT Day. The THAT Day, which I am referring to, goes beyond a wedding day. It's the day where we all will stand before Jesus-at the Judgment Seat of Christ and answer for our attitudes and motives and behaviors of our hearts. Whatever was not done
with a pure motive will be judged by fire-whatever is left (gold, silver) will be presented to our LORD (1 Corinthians 3: 12-16). The book of Matthew says that all our idle words will be judged as well. Are our lips leaky with grumbling and complaining about the season that any of us are in? Are we critical or jealous of other women? Is our heart hardening because our timetable is different than God's? Have we placed ourselves in the judgment
seat of how our life should be run? If a "bride in waiting" is feeling
desperate in wanting to "get married," it would be wisdom for her to evaluate her motive in wanting to "find" a man. Somehow, with listening friends, she has to make it her life to "trust Jesus" for her future. I always encourage "waiting brides" to learn NOW to trust Jesus, His ways and to practice becoming what I call a 1 Peter 3 Woman. Every woman, a married "bride," or a "bride in waiting" needs to learn to walk in purity, godliness, and trust. According to 2 Peter 1:3 God has given all of us everything we need for life and godliness. We have His power to be a 1 Peter
3 Woman. Although 1 Peter 3 is written to wives, it is for every woman. Verse 3 says that our beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes (this isn't saying that our appearance shouldn't be as neat and lovely as possible). Instead, it should be that of our inner beauty, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.


Inner Beauty Has Potential to Change Everything
As a woman, did you know that inner beauty has the potential to change the world? Developing inner beauty promotes peace in our soul and it brings peace to others. Inner beauty begins to develop when our priority focus is not on our outward appearance (although this is important) or on the circumstances, that surrounds us, but on the character, that God wants to
build within our feminine soul. Putting our hope in God and not giving way to fear is the key to developing this inner beauty. In 1 Peter, Chapter 3, Verse 5, Peter discloses the secret way the holy women made themselves look beautiful. Their inner beauty came from putting their hope in God. Hope in God was their strength. And, hope in God is our strength, too. As a "bride in waiting," when your hope is in God and what He will do, how can you continue to be fearful in your present circumstance? You must be encouraged to hope in God, by looking to Him to provide the love, security, and joy especially during those times when others aren't or when others fail you.


The Prince on the White Horse - Will Fall Off
As a "bride in waiting," if you think that your future husband will be your prince on the white horse, meeting all your desires and emotional needs, you'll be in for a rude awakening. This cannot be your goal. When a woman makes it her goal to get her emotional needs met through a man, she'll end up controlling or manipulating him. When those needs are met through him,
she can rejoice and thank God, but when they aren't her love relationship with her Lord can and will provide her with the fulfillment she longs for. Hope wanes when she pins it on a man. In other words, she must ultimately look to Jesus for those emotional needs to be met and not demand that others meet them.


Understanding the difference between a goal and a desire is helpful. A goal is something for which we take full responsibility. A desire is something we pray about. So, if this is a season of singleness for you, be renewed in the spirit of your mind, reminding yourself that God is in total control of your
situation and He knows your heart's desires. Consecrate your "fleshly pulls" to the Lord. Let character be developed in you while you wait. Tell the Lord the truth about how you feel.

Practice the Spiritual Habit of Sanctuary Journaling.

Work on developing inner beauty.

Do not pursue a man. Let him find you. Seek to become a 1 Peter 3 Woman. Hope in God and make it your goal to let the Lord meet your emotional needs until God brings that man your way.

Stay in close fellowship with some older women (whether older spiritually or in years or both) who will mentor you through your season of singleness. And, to the older Titus 2 woman, reading this chapter - take the initiation to invite the single women (in your fellowship) into a mentoring relationship. You don't have to be an expert, you just need to "be there" and according to Titus 2 you need to model some important characteristics and be sound in scripture (Titus 2). And, encourage them to pray power prayers for the "Mighty Man in the Making" that God just might bring their way!