Rush - What to NOT do or say [Archive]

twinstars

03-12-2003, 03:54 PM

During rush parties...

DON'T....
--talk about controversial things like political views, abortion, race, etc. You really don't know (and may not be able to tell) if you're rubbing the other person the wrong way. It's okay if you don't agree with the other person, fine, but it's just not appropriate talk with someone you just met at a sorority rush party.

--talk about guys (unless you know someone in common in a non-sketchy way), hookups, drinking, drugs, or excessively talk about your party life. You wouldn't want to make it sounds like there's nothing more to you than liking to have a good time.

--talk much (or at all!) about other sororities. You look bad if you trash another house, and if you say you like another house, the girls at the house you're at may think you don't want them.

IF YOU HAVE DEFERRED RUSH (AFTER CHRISTMAS BREAK)....
Don't forget that the upperclass Greek women are watching you during fall term, whether you have open contact (are allowed to talk/hang out) or not. They are observing you in class, at parties, in extracurricular clubs, etc. Some rushees are completely unaware that what you do during the term before rush week really does count, either for you or against you. By the time actual rush begins, many Greek girls will already have formed an opinion of you by observing you in other situations. You need to be on your best behavior most of the time in public. Don't talk loudly about sororities in public places... you never know if a sorority girl is standing near you, or if one's boyfriend is. This is especially true at small colleges where the gossip mill is out of control.

nucutiepie

03-12-2003, 04:52 PM

My chapter uses the "4 Bs" of conversation topics to avoid:

1) BOYS - you never know what someone's history with a boy is. You could be talking up the guy who broke someone's heart or trashing their boyfriend... and a few years ago there was a rushee who was gushing about her boyfriend to an active... who just happened to be the guys girlfriend who he was cheating on with the rushee... the poor active just burst into tears.

2) BOOZE - Rush is not the time to tell "and oh my God, I was SOOOOOOOO DRUNK" stories! We tell our actives if a rushee brings it up to go with it but not bring it up ourself.

3) BANKBOOK - Rush is not about how much money you and/or your family have, at least not in my chapter; generally its just tactful to avoid this as a topic of conversation.

4) BELIEFS - Religion, politics, anything similarly controversial fits under this umbrella... while it is nice to show a girl you care, rush is generally not the time for a spirited ideological debate. If an active asks you what you do for extracurricular activities and the correct answer is, "Hillel" or "Campus Crusade for Christ" or an anti-war group, tell the truth, but don't purposely start debates or make controversial comments (ie, this would not be the time to discuss pro-life vs. pro-choice)

nucutiepie

03-12-2003, 04:54 PM

Also, to back up twinstars, DO NOT talk about other sororities at rush party - we had a girl who wanted to be an XYZ come through this year and all she would talk to girls in MY sorority (pi Beta Phi) about was her overwhelming desire to be in XYZ, how she looooved this girl she met at XYZ, etc... we took it as an insult, because frankly it was pretty insulting to us.

PinkRose1098

03-12-2003, 05:21 PM

We've always been told that the five B's are off limits during Recruitment:

Boys
Bible
Booze
Bush
Booty

MTSUGURL

03-12-2003, 06:02 PM

When we were holding rush for the service org I was in, we had a girl tell us that she had stolen a bunch of stuff from the place she worked when they went out of business. She didn't understand why we cut her....

In other words, don't mention illegal activity.

sugar and spice

03-12-2003, 07:27 PM

I was always told that the four B's were rush no-no's: boys, beer, bank account, and Bible.

Boys (especially fraternity boys!): if you have a boyfriend, obviously you can mention this -- or any time the rusher brings up something where you might have to allude to boys, it's fine. Otherwise, I'd stay away from it. You don't want to be going, "Oh my god, I love ABC fraternity!" when you have no idea how the rusher feels about them. She might think that your gushing about fraternity boys means you only want to be in a sorority to meet men. Or their sorority may not be on the best of terms with the ABC boys. Or her very recent ex-boyfriend may be an ABC who just cheated on her and dumped her for a new girl. Whatever the case is, it's a touchy subject. You also don't want to mention any subjects that might offend some of the girls with more "moral" upbringings than yours, too -- don't mention the fact that you stayed at some random guy's house the night before, etc.

Beer: you don't want to say anything that might lead them to believe that you won't represent the sorority well. While most of the sorority girls I know do drink, it's pretty much understood that you don't talk about it during rush.

Bank account: you don't want to talk about money simply because you have no idea how it could affect your rusher. If you have a lot of money, this may be looked at as a good thing, or they may assume you're snobby. If you don't have a ton of money, they may think you won't be able to pay sorority dues, or they may assume you're more down-to-earth. Of course there are occasions where the subject may come up -- if they ask you what you did over the summer, you should tell the truth whether the answer is "I went on a six-week tour of Europe" or "I worked 60 hours a week" -- but in generally you should try to avoid the topic.

Bible: obviously religion is off-limits during rush, and this goes for other controversial beliefs too. Basically anything you wouldn't talk about with somebody you just met, you wouldn't talk about during rush -- abortion, political leanings, the death penalty, whatever.

Also, don't be too negative. If they ask you how your classes are going, how you like your dorm, your roommate -- find something positive to say, even if you hate all your classes, your dorm room is worse than a prison and your roommate is a psychopath! It definitely doesn't make for a good impression to complain about everything. I know that for my sorority, girls with positive attitudes are one of the first things we look for, and it definitely makes a better impression than somebody who whines about everything.

I don't think it's that hard to figure out -- just imagine what you would talk about with someone you met in a non-rush setting and go from there.

UKDaisy

03-12-2003, 08:33 PM

Wow! I can not believe how much this topic is helping me right now. Especially AOIIalum's comment about makeup and stuff. That is really true!

AOIIalum

03-12-2003, 10:39 PM

Awww, I helped someone! What a great feeling!

Here's another one I thought of today, while wearing my Corporation Board President hat:

"No matter what, don't assume!"

Just because you know 'everyone' in JKL and your 'best friend' is in UV, that does not mean you get a bid. It also doesn't mean that you will even like JKL or UV! If you like PQR the best for you, then that's the answer :)

Gosh, it's so easy to say all this now. I wish I knew all this stuff 20 years ago!

Christin
GO BIG BLUE

breathesgelatin

03-12-2003, 10:57 PM

Originally posted by twinstars

IF YOU HAVE DEFERRED RUSH (AFTER CHRISTMAS BREAK)....
Don't forget that the upperclass Greek women are watching you during fall term, whether you have open contact (are allowed to talk/hang out) or not. They are observing you in class, at parties, in extracurricular clubs, etc. Some rushees are completely unaware that what you do during the term before rush week really does count, either for you or against you. By the time actual rush begins, many Greek girls will already have formed an opinion of you by observing you in other situations. You need to be on your best behavior most of the time in public. Don't talk loudly about sororities in public places... you never know if a sorority girl is standing near you, or if one's boyfriend is. This is especially true at small colleges where the gossip mill is out of control.

NO JOKE!!! Are you a W&L Theta??? Because this is our school all over...

James

03-16-2003, 12:47 PM

Wow lol.

So the idea (on both sides) is not to go beyond small talk and don't ing anything up that really gets to know the person better!

tcsparky

03-16-2003, 01:51 PM

Originally posted by James
Wow lol.

So the idea (on both sides) is not to go beyond small talk and don't ing anything up that really gets to know the person better!

That's SO cynical.:rolleyes:

However it sounds, there is more to it than that.:cool:

James

03-16-2003, 02:18 PM

Weeeelllllll . . .

You are saying, and please correct me if I am wrong lol, that in the extremely limited amount of time you have with the person you should avoid any level of conversation that goes deeper than excited small talk . . .

Nothing wrong with that at all mind you, but why not call a spade a spade?

Originally posted by tcsparky
That's SO cynical.:rolleyes:

However it sounds, there is more to it than that.:cool:

XOMichelle

03-16-2003, 03:08 PM

I never agree with James, but here is one instance where he does have some insight.

Althoug I understand staying away from topics that can get people all riled up like abortion, affirmative action, race, and religion (unless you are going to say, well, I like to discuss big isses, and my sisters have been a big source of intelectual thought for me...), the best rush conversations I have has have always been on the "out of bounds topics". Why? becuase everyone has stories about boys and beer (even if you don't drink), or about crazy roommates, or about intelectual discussions you have had in other places.

I know we want everyone to feel welcome, and it is silly to expect to be able to discuss deep things with someone you hardly know, but I always feel really restrictd by all the things I can't say.
-M

sugar and spice

03-16-2003, 03:39 PM

Well, yes and no.

There are thousands of things you can talk about during rush that have nothing to do with the off-limits topics. When I rushed, I talked at length with some girls about why our parents didn't want us to join sororities, drivers' ed, our experiences running track in high school, the restaurants in Madison we loved . . . things that were in no way related to the things you're not supposed to talk about. And now that I'm the rushing side, I've realized that I can tell a whole lot more about a girl from her attitude and the way she answers questions than what we actually talk about.

But the rush conversation is limiting, I agree. There were times when I wanted to kick in some harmless anecdote about some fraternity or drinking but I stopped myself just in time. I wish we could talk about those things just so it would give the rushees a better idea of what the houses are about -- if your house is a social house, you want the rushees to know that! And personally I don't think I'd ever want to cut a girl for talking about drinking unless she started saying stuff like, "Oh my god, I was sooo wasted last night, I passed out in the basement of some fraternity house."

Now obviously, rushees can talk about whatever they want to talk about during rush, it's just that avoiding certain topics will maximize the amount of houses that want them back.

And I still maintain that talking about money during rush -- asking her what her parents do for a living, etc. -- is tacky.

MoxieGrrl

03-16-2003, 04:43 PM

I imagine when recruitment is the first time you are meeting someone, staying away from the "Bs" is a good idea. However, on a small campus with deferred recruitment....well, you almost have to get a bit more personal during the process. On my campus, we have had classes with these girls, partied with them, been in the same clubs as them, etc... if we were to suddenly completely switch gears, it would almost seem shallow on our part.

CarolinaDG

03-16-2003, 05:12 PM

When I rushed, I knew to stay away from the B's, but I also knew that this one particular sorority mixed a lot with my ex-boyfriend's fraternity, so I hoped that this would help me out a little bit, so I mentioned it. She, in turn, said, "Was the break up hard?" Why, yes, it was, I thought we were going to get married, as a matter of fact, and am still not over him.... If you're going to talk about the boys, then please please please make sure to avoid touchy subjects at least.:rolleyes:

James

03-16-2003, 06:06 PM

XOMichelle. Thank you for the validation! lol.

I have written upwards of 2400 posts on Greekchat, many of them serious, about topics such as leadership and management.

ITs nice to know that your knowledge base is so much greater than mine in those areas that you not only "never" agree with me, but that you are always right lol.

Interestingly I have agreed with you on many of your posts and I do believe that some of our posts were nearly identical in their points of view. How odd eh?

Originally posted by XOMichelle
I never agree with James, but here is one instance where he does have some insight.

-M

maggieaxid

03-16-2003, 06:28 PM

i wish gc was around when i was going through rush!
my biggest thing about rush conversation is when a PNM talks all about another glo or her boyfriend's glo. I find it such a turn off. Granted, if you don't feel like you will fit into the house, we understand....but, at least have some manners and be friendly. you never know who the sister's are friends with.
a little story....
a pnm came to my house during first round, with over 400 girls rushing. she was really stand-off ish and when she would speak it was like she was making the biggest effort in her entire life to talk to me. so the party ended and later that night i ran into some of my friends in XYZ sorority who i had known for two years and lived with. they mentioned how great this girl was at their party. i told them about my experience with her. the next round she was invited back to my house, but this time when she did speak all she talked about was how wonderful XYZ was and how she couldn't believe she was wasting her time at all the other houses. this got me peeved. the next day, i saw my friends in XYZ and told them about this girl and how rude she was, but i didn't mention anything about her bringing up XYZ. they ended up cutting her. whether it was something i said, i will never know....but, i can only say that sometimes friends in other sororities take your opinion very strongly.

AOII*Azra-elle

03-17-2003, 12:40 PM

Speaking of PNM's talking about other GLO's..we had some girl come through our house last fall and one of our ladies was talking to her and asked if she had any questions for her and the girl told her that she didn't even want to be there. That she didn't like sorority girls and doesn't know what she rushed b/c we didn't have the chapter she wanted to be in on our campus. :mad:

My sister just steered away from it, but those of us around her were in total shock!!!!

We are supposed to steer away from the 5 D's: Dudes, Daddies, Drinking, Doin' it, and Drugs. Haven't had anyone bring up political issues yet, but then again we've only done formal recruitment 3 times. Never know what could happen.

MSKKG

03-17-2003, 02:34 PM

Remember that you are a guest in the sorority's home and act accordingly. On the flip side, the sorority members must remember that they are hostesses and act accordingly.

honeychile

03-17-2003, 05:19 PM

Originally posted by MSKKG
Remember that you are a guest in the sorority's home and act accordingly. On the flip side, the sorority members must remember that they are hostesses and act accordingly.

Wonderful and sound advice to all concerned, MSKKG!

I once had a pnm say to me (all identities changed), "My name is Amy, I'm a freshman, I'm a pre-med major, I'm from Canada, and I'm not a legacy. What else do you want to talk about?" With a little panache, she might have pulled it off, but her attitude while saying it left a lot to be desired.

honeychile

CutiePie2000

03-17-2003, 06:51 PM

Originally posted by MTSUGURL
Instead of asking for tips for recruitment and hearing, "keep an open mind" and "be yourself":

Everyone should read:My Advice to Sorority Rushees (http://forums.greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?threadid=2302&highlight=advice) by southern_theta

LeslieAGD

03-18-2003, 04:29 PM

If you have a friend in a particular chapter, DON'T assume you're automatically going to be in. Make an effort to meet people and make a connection.

DON'T dress provacatively and/or cake on your make up. People will make assuptions that you're trashy/superficial.

DON'T be that annoying person with a cell phone at a rush party!!!

lionlove

03-18-2003, 04:39 PM

The only thing that ever annoyed me at a rush party was boredom. It never happened during conversation but during skit one year we were performing and we saw one girl with a bored look. Trust me, we notice these things.

shadokat

03-18-2003, 05:07 PM

I'd say picking your nose is probably going to get you the boot pretty fast!! Or mentioning how you hooked up with the President's boyfriend at an XYZ party last night... :rolleyes:

James has a point, we do a lot of chit chatter at recruitment events, and not a whole lot of in depth, but when you're one on one with a PNM, you can get to know them much more than in a group, and there is time for that during each party.

DeltaBetaBaby

03-18-2003, 08:07 PM

Well, this has been debated many times before, but I would say to avoid the name game, unless you are asking about a VERY close friend or sibling. There is a possibility that you will throw out the name of someone your rusher does not like, and that is not worth it if it is someone you had tap dancing lessons with in the third grade. OTOH, one of my rushers at Phi Mu was showing me some pictures, and my brother was in one of them, so of course it was okay to point that out.

MTSUGURL

06-08-2003, 08:45 PM

*bump*

SigkapAlumWSU

06-08-2003, 10:52 PM

I know that in my chapter, we aren't allowed to talk about the 4 D's:

Drinking
Death
Divorce
Daddy's money

They are pretty safe topics for everyone to stay away from. One other thing, when asked about specific fraternities or sororities (So, I was talking about XYZ at another rush party, what do you think about them?) We steer the conversation back to our paticular chapter house. If it's guys, maybe start to tell about a philanthropy you did, if it's girls, maybe you did a sisterhood with them, there are tons of topics. In general, almost any topic that you can bring up, we can make it a safe one to talk about.

Even if you have been asked the same question 10 times already, don't get too tired of it, we don't know the answer, and we still want to know. And you never know, maybe someone will have a different response and you wil have an entirely different conversation! I once was speaking with a PNM about where she was from, and it turned out we grew up in the same area, so we had a lot to talk about and reminice. She turned into my rush crush that year, and was a great girl!

AXWhoah

06-08-2003, 11:02 PM

The four D's that's funny. We have the 3 B's: Boys, Booze, and Bucks.

AOIIforever

06-08-2003, 11:30 PM

Ours is the four D's:
Drinking
Drugs
Daddy
Doing it

JohnsDGsweethrt

06-09-2003, 03:17 AM

If you have a rec for a certain group and you know it don't feel neccessary to tell the sorority girls. They will know it and if they are on their game they'll know what you like to talk about during the party. The religion thing is important too. One of my sisters told me during rush that a girl from XYZ asked her what religion she was. I was like in shock!

aephi alum

06-09-2003, 09:42 AM

Y'know, I don't think we had a version of the 4 D's / 3 B's / whatever - we were just told what topics to stay away from, and to use our own judgement.

We did have the 3 C's - attitudes not to display during rush:
- Cute
- Crude
- Catty

That would be a good thing for PNMs to keep in mind as well.

OleMissGlitter

06-09-2003, 09:57 AM

For Potential New Members:

Please sit like a lady. I had a girl during one round of recruitment and she sat like a "truck driver!" Granted she did not pledge with us or any other house, it was just gross and I found it offensive.

Please be yourself and remember that the active rushing you might be nervous too, especially if it is her first time rushing.

Don't wear perfume! Believe it or not when there are tons of girls coming into the house with perfumes on it makes us sick and the PNMs sick sometimes. (but don't forget the deodorant!!!)

Smile even if you aren't that interested in the house. Smiling is just polite and plus, why not look happy!

Make sure you eat something before you attend your parties. I have seen girls pass out during recruitment while walking from house to house. I realize you are probably excited and nervous but eat like a bagel or a something light.

Put all of her makeup (for touchups in between parties) in a zip lock back with your name on it. Don't bring a purse! You don't need it! (well unless it is for that "special time.") Your Gamma Chi (Rho Chi) should be willing to hold your bag for you.

Finally, make sure you have fun! Recruitment is a great way to meet girls and to make friends!

CarolinaDG

06-09-2003, 07:17 PM

Originally posted by OleMissGlitter

Smile even if you aren't that interested in the house. Smiling is just polite and plus, why not look happy!

Besides... A lot can happen between first round and pref night... you may end up loving a sorority that you thought you were going to hate and vice versa.:)

kristi_ann81

06-11-2003, 11:08 PM

I tried to private message or email you to ask, but it said your mailbox was full. Where in South Carolina are you? I just moved to South Carolina from Georgia and was curious. Email me if you see this: Kristi_Ann81@yahoo.com.

Kristi

DZHBrown

06-22-2003, 09:52 AM

I know some have already been covered, but here's my two cents...

*DON'T dress provocatively. You're going through sorority recruitment, not clubbing. ;)
*DON'T wear perfume. At least at my school, you're packed in fairly small rooms with lots of other people. If everyone is wearing perfume, it can get a bit overwhelming.
*DON'T discuss how much you want to hang out with fraternity guys, get drunk, etc. It makes the rusher wonder what your motivation in joining a sorority really is.
*DON'T talk about having a rec.

*DO show interest. Real interest, not faked. :) Boredom shows.
*DO BE YOURSELF!!!
*DO have fun!!

USChica06

06-25-2003, 12:40 AM

Thanks for all the insight! I deal a lot with guys for a team I work for (honeychile would know...yes honey...I'm working for them now...hello nate! ;)), so I tend to talk about them a lot. I guess I should steer from that a little. I'm thinking of starting a new thread to answer some more of my questions.

JohnsDGsweethrt

06-25-2003, 02:05 AM

Welcome back USChica! We've miss you!

USChica06

06-27-2003, 12:28 AM

Originally posted by JohnsDGsweethrt
Welcome back USChica! We've miss you!

Why thank ya dahling!:)

sbhill2

07-01-2003, 12:40 AM

I agree with most everything that has been said so far. I was told during recruiment on both sides not to talk about the 3 Bs: Boys, Boos and Bible...stay away from talking about guys, drinking and drugs along with religion. Also stay away from topics where you could get very defensive about your point of view as you want to be open to what the sisters have to say.
Good things to talk about are questions about that particular sorority, ask questions about the school and activities beyond Greek Life too.
Wear comfortable shoes too - no one is concerned with what you are wearing so just be comfortable but appropriate for that round. Your Pi Chi / Rho Chi should be able to tell you if something is appropriate to wear or not.

meridionaleDG

07-01-2003, 05:53 PM

If someone asks on the third day "Do you remember talking to me?" just say yes.

On about the 3rd day, I was so tired and had so many names and faces running through my head, and a girl I had talked to on the 1st day ask me that. I didn't think about it and just automatically said "no, I don't think so!" I wasn't trying to be mean, I didn't mean to say it. But anyone who has been through recruitment knows that after you meet a bunch of different sorority girls, by the end of the week everything becomes cluttered.

I felt awful about it, and unfortuantly I was cut the next day. I don't really blame them. My feelings would have been hurt if I was that girl.

Ah well.

MTSUGURL

07-01-2003, 09:05 PM

Something I do when it is important that I remember names of people I meet after activities: (I work with freshmen and transfers for another campus org, and I meet LOTS of people)
As soon as you can, write the person's name, one thing that you talked about, and a couple of physical characteristics (long curly blond hair, freckles). This usually helps me. I hope I have time to do this during rush...

adpiucf

07-01-2003, 09:31 PM

DO be polite and courteous. You are a guest in their house.

DO find something in common with the person you are talking to.

DO find time to learn about the person you are talking to and her sorority, and DO make sure to toot your own horn so she knows all about your 4.0 GPA, the time you met Justin Timberlake, your major/hometown, and your community service experiences. Ok, maybe she won't care about your casual run-in with Justin. And maybe some GC'ers are rolling their eyes-- but the point is-- every PM coming in has a high GPA, community service, looks her best and wants to join-- what is YOUR narrative hook? Did you dance for royalty, travel the world, found a student organization or cure cancer? There is something memorable wonderful and special about you-- your mom has been telling you for years how great you are-- believe it! Give the sororities a (true) story so they remember who you are--- there are a million Jennifers and Amys going through recruitment. But I am sure there is only one Amy at your school who was captain of a nationally ranked FILL IN THE BLANK group who won FILL IN THE BLANK.

DO remember: You are rushing to make friends--- if the conversation is dull and you are really reaching... well, it's no skin off your back to cut or be cut-- you are saving yourself from 4 years of having nothing in common with your collegiate chapter (and by then you'll be too resentful to want to enjoy the benefits of alumnae membership!)

DON'T Rush to join the "top house," whatever that means. Rush to make friends!!! When you click with a chapter, you will know it is meant to be. And a chapter is only as strong as the friendships and cooperation of its members-- so when your recruitment counselor tells you to follow your heart in selecting your bid, it isn't a canned answer at all!

Good luck to all of our PM's!

MSKKG

07-01-2003, 11:56 PM

Originally posted by adpiucf
DO be polite and courteous. You are a guest in their house.

DO find something in common with the person you are talking to.

DO find time to learn about the person you are talking to and her sorority, and DO make sure to toot your own horn so she knows all about your 4.0 GPA, the time you met Justin Timberlake, your major/hometown, and your community service experiences. Ok, maybe she won't care about your casual run-in with Justin. And maybe some GC'ers are rolling their eyes-- but the point is-- every PM coming in has a high GPA, community service, looks her best and wants to join-- what is YOUR narrative hook? Did you dance for royalty, travel the world, found a student organization or cure cancer? There is something memorable wonderful and special about you-- your mom has been telling you for years how great you are-- believe it! Give the sororities a (true) story so they remember who you are--- there are a million Jennifers and Amys going through recruitment. But I am sure there is only one Amy at your school who was captain of a nationally ranked FILL IN THE BLANK group who won FILL IN THE BLANK.

DO remember: You are rushing to make friends--- if the conversation is dull and you are really reaching... well, it's no skin off your back to cut or be cut-- you are saving yourself from 4 years of having nothing in common with your collegiate chapter (and by then you'll be too resentful to want to enjoy the benefits of alumnae membership!)

DON'T Rush to join the "top house," whatever that means. Rush to make friends!!! When you click with a chapter, you will know it is meant to be. And a chapter is only as strong as the friendships and cooperation of its members-- so when your recruitment counselor tells you to follow your heart in selecting your bid, it isn't a canned answer at all!

Good luck to all of our PM's!

Standing ovation!!! Excellent post with timeless suggestions.

meridionaleDG, shame on that active who put you on the spot!

momoftwo

07-05-2003, 09:38 AM

Reading through this thread, I've noticed lots of advice to stay away from talk about drinking during recruitment. My daughter and I were talking about the drinking aspect of sorority life last night. She's a pretty, bright, well-rounded kid (but I'm biased) who, up until now has had no interest in drinking. However, there are a lot of aspects of Greek Life that appeal to her. She doesn't want to end up in a house where she'll feel like an outcast because she doesn't drink. How would you all suggest she approach figuring out whether or not this would be the case? I've suggested she bring the question up with her Recruitment Advisor. Did anyone here have similar concerns?

(She's going to a large state school that doesn't have a reputation as a real party school. My understanding is that, while some girls don't get bids, sorority recruitment at this school is not really cut throat.)

DZHBrown

07-05-2003, 10:10 AM

momoftwo: While you'll find many people in Greek Life drink, you'll also find that many don't. My chapter had quite a few girls who didn't do the whole party scene, didn't drink at all or didn't drink much, etc. and there's not a problem with that! At least there wasn't in my sorority. I would think that her sisters would respect her decision and respect her enough as a sister to not make her feel like an outcast.

justamom

07-05-2003, 10:11 AM

Originally posted by MSKKG
Standing ovation!!! Excellent post with timeless suggestions.

meridionaleDG, shame on that active who put you on the spot!

MSKKG! I agree, GREAT post, adpiucf! I really like how you summed it up-
"DON'T Rush to join the "top house," whatever that means. Rush to make friends!!! When you click with a chapter, you will know it is meant to be. And a chapter is only as strong as the friendships and cooperation of its members-- so when your recruitment counselor tells you to follow your heart in selecting your bid, it isn't a canned answer at all!

Good luck to all of our PM's!"

carnation

07-05-2003, 10:57 AM

Originally posted by momoftwo
Reading through this thread, I've noticed lots of advice to stay away from talk about drinking during recruitment. My daughter and I were talking about the drinking aspect of sorority life last night. She's a pretty, bright, well-rounded kid (but I'm biased) who, up until now has had no interest in drinking. However, there are a lot of aspects of Greek Life that appeal to her. She doesn't want to end up in a house where she'll feel like an outcast because she doesn't drink. How would you all suggest she approach figuring out whether or not this would be the case? I've suggested she bring the question up with her Recruitment Advisor. Did anyone here have similar concerns?

Momoftwo, I have dealt with this too. My oldest was terrified of feeling like an outcast since she doesn't drink either. Luckily, she hasn't felt like one yet and she's now a college senior.

BlazerCheer doesn't drink either and hopes to find a sorority home where no one will be mean enough to give her grief because she doesn't. We finally decided that she shouldn't bring it up because during rush, members aren't going to admit that they drink or bother people who don't.

One alum told me that she figured out where drinking wasn't a big deal by looking at the various groups' party pictures. That's a good idea--most GLOS' scrapbooks and displays practically advertise how they have fun.

So...about the best my husband and I can do is train our daughters to be tough about resisting peer pressure. Whether or not they go Greek, there will always be other college students who will try to get them to drink.

MTSUGURL

07-05-2003, 11:06 AM

adpiucf, justamom, carnation, and all the other alum here - you gals are awesome! Keep the advice coming!

Same top all of you wonderful actives who are helping us PNMs prepare. You are all wonderful representatives of your orgs!

jharb

07-05-2003, 03:05 PM

The best advice I got during recruitment was to appear interested in what each girl is saying and to smile and get excited over skits. Also make sure to show emotion when it's appropriate! Don't be fake but when you're at party #5 out of 6 you will be tired and you might not appear to be enjoying things as much as you actually are. Be genuine and sincere with feelings, especially since you might be crying on pref night (I was as a PNM!).

The girls in each chapter have put a lot of work into their skits and just recruitment in general and even if they aren't 100% awesome you should still act like you are interested. It takes a lot of guts to get up and sing and dance for hundreds of girls that you don't know! :D

Jess

adpiucf

07-05-2003, 06:02 PM

To our PNMS,

I love coming on GC and reading through the posts. The Recruitment Forum is definintely of interest to me, because our new members are the life blood of our organizations: you!

Some things to keep in mind-- you can severely analyze the recruitment process to death, but when it comes down to it: this is a mutual selection process. Just as every sorority has their mathetmatical/scientific/slightly qualitative nonbiased method of selection, every PNM has her own method for determining if she likes a sorority. Maybe it's the friendly faces who greet you as you enter the party, or their impressive awards, the fraternity socials they have to offer, maybe its their high GPA, their philantrhopy, their colors or you are attracted to the "status." (!) Whatever the reason, you have your own methods when you choose the houses, too.

Keep in mind: the women on "the other side"-- those sorority sisters-- they are SOOOO nervous! Yes! In some cases, more nervous than you. They have their off-days (I'll never forget a woman from my chapter introducing herself to a PNM as, "Hi I'm Brie-- you, know, like the cheese!" You get the picture!) All summer, the sorority women are pouring over your recruitment applications, trying to get an idea of who is coming through. Some of us meet someone and develop a "rush crush," and believe me, if you cut their chapter or you are cut from their chapter, they are devastated. They cry.
They are just as stressed as you. I just want you to know that NO ONE has an upper hand in this process-- so don't feel anyone has an advantage over you.

There are some great books out there, some really old ones, too (LOL)-- about sorority/fraternity recruitment, the art of interviewing, the art of conversation, etc. Of course it is helpful to read those, just as it is helpful to read these boards, talk to your campus Greek Life office, and review the websites or literature available regarding the GLO's on your campus.

Recruitment is a lot like business networking and interviewing for a job. You meet tons of people, shake hands and mutually, you must decide if this is the right place for you.

First impressions DO count. It's not a matter of being superficial. You should strive all your life to be something better than who you are today. You don't have to be a pencil-thin blonde beauty queen who has worked overseas in pursuit of world peace. But looking your personal best, listening and asking thoughtful questions, finding a common bond with the person you are speaking to and tooting your own accomplishments will get you far, both in recruitment and in life.

One thing you should not compromise or change: who you really are. I do say be your personal best, but don't be anyone but yourself. Doing anything less is only cheating yourself. If the formal recruitment process is not something that you feel is working for you, informal recruitments are just around the corner. If you get cut from a house you like, its not the end of the world. And as we say in Greek Life, "Everything happens for a reason." I like to reference one of my best friends, who went through a sorority colonization, hoping to be a founding sister of XYZ. She got cut right before their preference ceremony and was so upset. The following fall, however, she decided, she really wanted to try fall recruitment... she ended up getting a bid to XYZ and became a member of their very first new member class! :)

Everything works out in the end. So have faith in yourself, and faith in the Greek System. We at GC are all rooting for your to find your home as a Panhellenic Sister :) We can't wait to see what lies in store! So remember, and I can't say this enough-- be true to yourself. Your "Sisters" will see this.

momoftwo

07-05-2003, 07:19 PM

Originally posted by carnation
Momoftwo, I have dealt with this too. My oldest was terrified of feeling like an outcast since she doesn't drink either. Luckily, she hasn't felt like one yet and she's now a college senior.

BlazerCheer doesn't drink either and hopes to find a sorority home where no one will be mean enough to give her grief because she doesn't. We finally decided that she shouldn't bring it up because during rush, members aren't going to admit that they drink or bother people who don't.

One alum told me that she figured out where drinking wasn't a big deal by looking at the various groups' party pictures. That's a good idea--most GLOS' scrapbooks and displays practically advertise how they have fun.

So...about the best my husband and I can do is train our daughters to be tough about resisting peer pressure. Whether or not they go Greek, there will always be other college students who will try to get them to drink.

Thanks for the advice, and the personal experience.

I think concern over fitting in is my daughter's biggest fear about going away to school. We moved when she was in fourth grade and she was miserable for almost a year until she clicked with some girls who are still her close friends. She was kind of shy in unfamiliar situations--and is pretty bright--so her new classmates thought she was "stuck up" about being smart. She's really a very down to earth person. Fourth and fifth graders are so kind and understanding! It's funny how those painful moments of our lives come back...

I keep telling her to be herself and she'll be fine. Thanks for confirming that for me!

adpiucf

04-19-2004, 08:15 PM

bump

Jill1228

04-19-2004, 08:28 PM

Oh yes I have one word of advice (literally)

DISCRETION!

Or as R Kelly would say: "keep it on the down low"

33girl

07-19-2004, 10:32 PM

Bump, especially for Jill's last post.

Excitement about a particular sorority is wonderful - but keep it to yourself. Some chapters may love it, but some chapters may not - and by making clear to the world what you "really" want, you may have ruined your chance at any other sorority.

I'm not trying to be mean or scare anyone, but think about how you would feel if there were people randomly posting on the internet saying "I am going to be insertyournamehere's friend."

AXOKatie

07-20-2004, 10:59 AM

Originally posted by lionlove
The only thing that ever annoyed me at a rush party was boredom. It never happened during conversation but during skit one year we were performing and we saw one girl with a bored look. Trust me, we notice these things.

Oh my god, i was in our skit last year and there was this girl in the front row frowning and with her mouth open, looking like this was weirder than aliens landing on top of her dorm. it was so distracting and i purposely asked people who she was just so i could know for my own benefit. so the moral of the story is SMILE even when you think no one's watching...that can be the hardest thing of all.

And another piece of advice...sure, it's not cool for you to go around proclaiming your undying love for XYZ, but when you know that you love a place, TELL the sisters is a non-awkward way, like "I could really see myself fitting in here" or compliment them by saying "You guys are so nice and down to earth, you make recruitment fun for me, etc."...but don't go overboard and say "I LOVE you all! Where can I sign right now? You are my best friends" because that would be stalkerish...but if you compliment sisters in a sincere and simple way, they will remember you and think "Oh, she's so sweet!" and they'll know that you're really interested. :)

adpiucf

08-02-2004, 03:43 PM

bump

astroAPhi

08-02-2004, 06:06 PM

Don't roll your eyes at a skit even if it is the hokiest thing ever. I was singing for our "A Phi Idol" skit last year and one of the girls was rolling her eyes because she thought it was cheesy. I was way pissed that I had put a lot of effort into learning my lines, learning 2 songs and teaching the rest of the girls the song, and this chick was like "You are so lame". She's a sister now, but my first impression of her was not good because of that.

astroAPhi

08-02-2004, 06:22 PM

Wow, I can't believe no one has said this yet...

DON'T let your roommate or Rush Buddy pressure you into joining a house together. I've seen a lot of girls de-pledge or deactivate because they joined the same sorority as their new roommate/new best friend and were miserable. Things may seem great with your roommate the first week, but you don't know all of her weird habits and annoyances yet. You two may end up hating each other and then you have to put up with her for 4 more years!

On that same token, DON'T NOT join a house because you hate your roommate. My roommate and I, while good friends now, were just not fit to live together and could not stand each other. I almost didn't even consider Alpha Phi because she was dead-set on them. I would have missed out on some of the best memories of my life.

AOcutiePi4ever

08-02-2004, 07:00 PM

Originally posted by James
Wow lol.

So the idea (on both sides) is not to go beyond small talk and don't ing anything up that really gets to know the person better!

that sounds about right to me.

sad, isnt it???

pistachio

08-02-2004, 07:29 PM

I just wanted to repeat the thing about schools with deferred recruitment - please remember that we are in the same places as you and we do know that you're freshmen and we are paying attention. I definitely am going to have an opinion of you going into recruitment if I've seen you dancing on bars, puking in the bathroom or hooking up all over the place first semester, and I can pretty much tell you that it won't be a good one.

Also, I totally agree with the "be careful what you say in public" concept, continuing through recruitment. I have definitely been around campus and heard freshmen talking about recruitment and specific GLOs and even knowing they have no clue I'm there/ am greek, it looks really bad. A lot of greeks know eachother and we talk.

At my school, we're not allowed to talk about boys, booze or other GLOs. I don't think this prevents you from learning about someone/ getting to know them because my opinions of people and friendships aren't based on any of those topics. We generally try to avoid controversial topics but really who meets someone and jumps into talking about abortion?

And finally, on the subject of talking about how much you love an organization, I agree that it's great to compliment sisters on skits or tell them that you're having a great time or that someone is really sweet, but PLEASE don't go overboard because it makes it awkward for the sister who obviously can't promise anything and shouldn't even if they could.

opaldragon

08-02-2004, 08:44 PM

DON'T correct a recruitment counselor or active about Greek life. These women have been in the system far longer than you have and they certainly do not appreciate being told they are wrong by someone who is just testing the waters of the Greek system.

astroAPhi

08-02-2004, 09:12 PM

Originally posted by JocelynC
If you've been invited back to a house that you really aren't feeling, DO NOT GO THERE AND BE RUDE!!!!
At least be cordial, smile, make small talk, and it'll be over before you know it.

Or just don't go back if you really dislike them that much.

KSUViolet06

08-02-2004, 09:16 PM

Originally posted by astroAPhi
Or just don't go back if you really dislike them that much.

That's a good idea too. :)

astroAPhi

08-02-2004, 09:28 PM

Well, we can't be giving the impression that girls are forced into joining a house they don't like. ;)

CASIGKAP

08-02-2004, 09:51 PM

Please please please don't do this.

Last year, a gal would not even set foot into the house. She sat on the porch looking mutinous and kept glaring at the girls going in. When asked why, she kept saying, I'm gonna go XYZ. Nothing will change my mind so I'm not going to waste my time. I'll be in XYZ.
If you really don't wanna go in, don't bother showing up instead of trying to make everyone else miserable.
F.Y.I. She did NOT get into XYZ. I heard she's gonna try again as a sophomore this fall.

aoiikristi

08-02-2004, 10:39 PM

I just wanted to reiterate what someone said about not choosing a particular house because there's one person you don't like.

There was a certain RA who wrote me up on the first weekend of school;) ...

I almost didn't pledge AOII because of her...I'm so glad I did because two years later she became my roommate and now, 10+ years later she is still one of my dearest friends.

Moral of the story--things change! If you like the group overall, don't let one person keep you away.

texas*princess

08-02-2004, 10:46 PM

Originally posted by MTSUGURL
If you could say, "No matter what, don't __________________!", what would you fill in the blank with?

I would say DON'T BE RUDE to the sororities.

It sounds weird, but seriously, don't do it. Every single one of the women in all the sororities has worked countless hours to help prepare decorations, practice rotation, and make you feel comfortable. Even if you dont see yourself in one particular chapter or two, be a young lady and be polite. Carry on a conversation, don't sit there starring at the ceiling or appearing aloof, or talk about how you want to be an XYZ sister.

sbhill2

08-02-2004, 11:18 PM

DO make eye contact with the rusher/rushee when talking. When I was rushing I was in a house talking to one of the sisters and she kept looking all around the room while I was talking to her. It made me feel like she didn't want me there. The same thing goes for the rushee.

Do go to all the parties you are invited to. Feelings change between parties. I know I wasn't crazy about DG after first round but I went back second round to give them another chance and I am so glad b/c I joined DG and have had the best time of my life! But like it was said earlier, if you really didn't like ABC at all then don't go back if you are going to miserable.

CASIGKAP

08-02-2004, 11:24 PM

Also, don't forget that you want to forge new friendships regardless of what house you end up in. It's o.k. to not want to join a particular house but having friends at the houses is always a +

Lady-Z

08-03-2004, 04:01 PM

I just wanted to say Thank you to all of the people who have posted on this Board. I am finding this information to be very helpful and calming. I want to rush on my campus and with all the researching I have done I've never even heard of Formal Recruitment. I not only need to do some more research I also need to stop being so Shy and start asking questions.

Thanks again. :D

KSUViolet06

01-08-2005, 02:32 PM

*bumping for spring PNM's*

neonsparkles

01-10-2005, 04:54 AM

Important....
If you mess up (like spilling a drink all over the floor during first rounds :rolleyes: lol ) just laugh it off and try not to dwell on it. Everyone makes a mistake and you handling it with grace will leave a lasting impression on the sisters.

This actually happened to me during recruitment and I just played it off, but inside I just knew I would be cut. The next day I was so excited to see that those girls asked me back!

LauGh A Lot

01-11-2005, 04:11 PM

but if you just laugh it off won't people think that's rude? i know that if someone spilt something in my house and just laughed it off.. i would be like what the heck? i don't know.. but my first instinct would be to apologize and help clean it up. is that not what i should do (if of coarse.. this happens to me during rush).

Little E

01-11-2005, 04:20 PM

I think she ment yes, be helpful and apologetic if you spill, but don't get so tied up over it that you freak. Have some grace with your faux pax and move on.

33girl

01-11-2005, 04:32 PM

Of course say you're sorry and offer to help clean it, but don't go running to the bathroom for a mop and start scrubbing on your hands and knees! They'll think you're psychotic.

Accidents happen, especially when food, drink and candles are involved. I'm sure doing crafts in the philanthropy round has brought up a whole new bunch of messy incidents. :)

ADPi Conniebama

01-11-2005, 05:44 PM

OK something that I wish someone had told me when I was going through rush.

Everyone wants to talk about themselves or their house. Even if you don't think you are interested in that sorority at that time if you listen to what the "rusher" has to say maybe you would like that what you hear about that sorority or just that sorority girl you are talking to.

Also, a sorority is not going to give you a bid if you state through words and/or actions that you are not interested in that sorority. They would rather give a slot to a girl who is interested. SO, unless you are 100% sure that you ARE going to receive a bid from XYZ sorority that you have put on the top of your list (which no-one {NO ONE} is every 100% sure) then tell each and all sorority/ies that you are visiting that you are interested in learning more about that sorority or that you have liked everything you have heard so far.

I came from a real small chapter (chapter total when I was in school was ~65) If a girl came through rush that I knew wasnt interested in going my sorority then the selection process would assure that the uninterested rushee would not take the place of an interested rushee.

In other words, don't act like you are too good to visit each sorority (even out of nerviousness) because yes the girls within the sorority talk but I also remember talking with my roommate at the time who was a girl from another sorority about rush (not specifics mind you) but about funny things that happened or just interesting rush stories.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST my brother (KA) told me before I went through rush . . ."it is not important that the sorority you get into be the "best" as long as you graduate from the "best". Of course I think I did (I am sure everyone believes they graduated from the best sorority.)< didn't totally understand what he meant until I got a little older.

FSUZeta

01-11-2005, 09:17 PM

i visited when i went thru recruitment would've profitted from reading this thread. she was so unenthusiastic that it was not funny. she didn't even try to carry on a conversation with me and halfway thru the party said,"oh, i see someone i know over there. i'm going to say hello."and she did. i was left totally alone for the rest of the party(i don't blame the rest of the sorority, we were a big group and everyone was busy with a guest), but you can all imagine how i felt. i was close to tears.luckily, i went to the rest of the houses that day and had a wonderful time and by the end of the day was glad that i kept at it. my only regret is that i didn't get an invitation from them for their second party, because i was going to decline!!

my point to potential new members is, you may meet a rude person and she may be rude to you. do not take it personally. she did not know me,so how could it be personal? i was invited back to all the houses but that one
(16 out of 17 is not bad), got the maximum number of invites for the remainder of recruitment and ended up in the house i wanted, so she had the problem, not me!this same house(the one with the rude member) also dropped a friend of mine, who had her heart set on them, and she ended up dropping out of rush, only to pledge another sorority in the spring. this young woman ended up being homecoming queen our senior year. so sororities can make mistakes. don't let it ruin your life.

neonsparkles

01-11-2005, 11:07 PM

Oh yeah I didn't mean to just ignore the mess and expect them to clean it up! That would be rude! You should offer to help if you make a mistake (which they will probably not let you do!) and then just move on.
Also, I know it has been said before, but no matter how disinterested you are in a group you should always give them the benefit of the doubt and at least be a gracious guest while in their home. I know many girls who went through rush with preconceived notions and then ended up falling in love with a house they did not think they would consider. If they hadn't given those girls a chance they might not have found the sorority that was right for them.
And also... ignore the rumors you hear from the other girls going through. Everyone is nervous and as rush week goes on people get more stressed and all sorts of crazy things are said! We probably heard really outlandish things about every group (and none of them ended up being true) so try to ignore all the talk that goes on.

KSUViolet06

01-13-2005, 04:39 PM

Originally posted by neonsparkles
We probably heard really outlandish things about every group (and none of them ended up being true) so try to ignore all the talk that goes on.

CO-SIGN!!!! I've heard sooo many outlandish FALSE things about EVERY sorority! Ignore them because they are most likely untrue. :rolleyes:

adpiucf

01-13-2005, 04:54 PM

My best advice during recruitment is to remember that the entire week is a series of FIRST IMPRESSIONS.

Avoid controversial topics. You're not here to debate the 2nd ammendment, abortion or gay marriage. You're looking to join a women's social/community service organization. During the recruitment parties, you want to be learning about the organization and the women who are members, and you'll want them to learn about what would make you an asset to their organization.

You wouldn't start talking about the atrocities of genocide in Sudan in the middle of an interview for a job as a math teacher. Don't do it during a sorority recruitment interview either.

It's not that these things aren't important or worthy of discussion. But recruitment is not the appropriate forum for such things. You're trying to get the people rushing you to click with you. By introducing controversial topics, you risk alienating the recruiter who may not agree with you. It's also just not the proper forum to talk about those things.

So, during recruitment parties, don't worry about saving Mother Earth. Make a good first impression. A sorority is about fitting in and working with a team.

Save ideas for hugging trees and painting rainbows for upcoming philanthropy events, encourage a social studies group in the chapter, encourage members to get involved with SGA and campus activities that support those views. But not at a recruitment party, where the focus should be on why you want to join a sorority and how the sorority and you can meet each other's needs.

/Did that come off as remarkably shallow and insensitive?

KSUViolet06

01-13-2005, 05:03 PM

Originally posted by adpiucf

/Did that come off as remarkably shallow and insensitive?

I don't think so. I wouldn't discuss anything during recruitment that I wouldn't discuss in a job interview. I suggest leaving out such topics simply because everyone has an opinion about them and it's impossible to tell whether yours has rubbed the rusher the wrong way or made them feel uncomfortable.

neonsparkles

01-13-2005, 05:09 PM

/B]/Did that come off as remarkably shallow and insensitive?[/B]

Not at all. At some parties you only have a few minutes to talk to girls, and you want to spend the time learning about the sorority and finding out information to see whether or not you are a good fit (and vice versa). If you are passionate about SGA and you know the girl rushing you is also on SGA you could talk about that for a second (because it is nice to have a common bond for the girl to remember you by) but the time is really about learning about the sorority, not why the war in Iraq qas a good/bad idea!

Besides there are plenty of other worthy topics for conversation (such as what sisterhood means to you and the ideals of your organization) and I would hardly call them shallow! They are things people are just as passionate about, and appropriate for the setting to discuss.

KSUViolet06

08-01-2005, 12:47 PM

bump

KerriMarie

08-03-2005, 07:48 AM

Don't ask your rushee what kind of car she drives.

This actually happened to me! We were talking about on-campus parking, and what a pain it is, and yadda yadda... and suddenly, the girl I'm talking to asks what kind of car I drive. So I tell her that I drive a silver 1989 Volvo 240 station wagon. Affectionately referred to as "the tank" or "the brick." I miss that car.

MissBehaves

08-05-2005, 12:30 PM

DON'T stare but DO make eye contact! This applies equally to actives and PNMs. I remember as a PNM there was one house where the girls tended to stare a bit too much. I felt like a specimen in a lab or something and it made me really uncomfortable.

DON'T slouch. It can indicate low self esteem, and besides everyone looks thinner with good posture.

KSUViolet06

08-05-2005, 09:29 PM

*Saying anything like "OMG I so HATE this chapter." or "Well, I can't WAIT to leave here..." (while AT a party) in my opinion is RUDE. Chapters (whether 10 or 200 girls, house or shack) spend COUNTLESS hours preparing for these parties so think about that when you're at the end of your day and at a house you don't particularly care for. If it helps, put the shoe on the other foot. You'd feel like crap if your rusher said, "Wow, I sure don't like you and can't wait til this round ends."

OtterXO

08-05-2005, 09:39 PM

On that note also don't perpetuate rumors you may have heard about that chapter. For example "I heard your chapter always hangs out with the ____ fraternity, is that true?" sounds ridiculous and immature.
Also, refrain from dropping names of guys in fraternities that you know or talking about your boyfriend who just happens to be in a house. It sounds like the only reason you want to be in a chapter is for hooking up. A girl came through at my school and put as one of her ACTIVITIES: "hang out with and am currently dating a Pike" and proceeded to talk about him the whole party... needless to say she was released early.

Basically avoid talking about: alcohol, fraternity guys you've hooked up with, fraternity guys you want to hook up with.

Just my 2 cents

KSUViolet06

08-05-2005, 10:24 PM

Don't say, "Oh my gosh, ME TOO!" to everything a sister comments about. Be YOU.

lilsunshine214

08-05-2005, 11:44 PM

Don't try to figure out what the other person wants you to say, just be honest about yourself!

On the same note, this is a like a job interview so turn the negatives into positives.

KSUViolet06

08-06-2005, 12:40 AM

*DO NOT THINK THAT BADMOUTHING ONE CHAPTER IS GOING TO MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD TO THE OTHERS. It won't. It just makes you look like a TACKY GOSSIP. There was a girl who came through this past recruitment (2004) and I guess she didn't like a particular house. She made no secret of it.

Well I happened to rush her during 2nd party. Here's how the convo went:

Me: Hi Patty (fake name), welcome back to Sigma. How are you today?

Patty: I just came from AB and their craft sucked really bad, they made us do this stupid thing. I hope I don't go back there tomorrow. They're all catty and fake.

Me: So, what did you do last night?

I just changed the subject really quickly, but there were alot of my sisters and girls from other chapters who said she did the SAME thing at their party.

She thought trashtalking AB was going to work to her advantage, but it backfired. She got cross cut. Moral of the story- just don't talk about other houses at other houses parties.

OtterXO

08-06-2005, 04:28 AM

Originally posted by JocelynC
*DO NOT THINK THAT BADMOUTHING ONE CHAPTER IS GOING TO MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD TO THE OTHERS. It won't. It just makes you look like a TACKY GOSSIP. There was a girl who came through this past recruitment (2004) and I guess she didn't like a particular house (which if you go to Kent you know this is one of the top groups, good girls and everything). She made no secret of it.

Well I happened to rush her during 2nd party. Here's how the convo went:

Me: Hi Patty (fake name), welcome back to Sigma. How are you today?

Patty: I just came from AB and their craft sucked really bad, they made us do this stupid thing. I hope I don't go back there tomorrow. They're all catty and fake.

Me: So, what did you do last night?

I just changed the subject really quickly, but there were alot of my sisters and girls from other chapters who said she did the SAME thing at their party.

She thought trashtalking AB was going to work to her advantage, but it backfired. She got cross cut. Moral of the story- just don't talk about other houses at other houses parties.

To add to this, don't ask: "what are the best houses here?" or "so i heard you are the top house here, is that true?". The answer to any of this type of question will be a quick change of subject and likely a release from the house.

KSUViolet06

08-06-2005, 09:35 AM

*Don't rush to join the TOP GROUP. This isn't the Olympics. Rush to join the group YOU click with. If the house you love just happens to be one of the top, then great. But if you KNOW you only keep going back just to say, "How cool am I? I got invited back to XYZ!" and really don't like them, then you're doing yourself a disservice.

*On that same token, DO NOT CUT GROUPS JUST BECAUSE ALL YOUR FRIENDS/ GIRLS IN YOUR RUSH GROUP DO. If you cut just to follow your friends, you may end up somewhere that doesn't fit YOU because you were so worried about being with your friends.

*While we all love a good joke sometimes, RUSH IS NOT THE PLACE FOR EVERY JOKE YOU KNOW. We are trying to get to know you, and constantly spouting bad jokes doesn't help.

lilsunshine214

08-06-2005, 11:58 AM

*DO NOT be afraid to report an infraction by sisters or PXs! People need to follow the rules. If something feels wrong and you're not sure, tell someone!

KSUViolet06

08-06-2005, 02:07 PM

*On that same note, KNOW YOUR RIGHTS as a PNM. You do have the right to be treated fairly, not be pressured or coerced, and make informed choices on your own. If ANYONE (be it a sister or conselor) violates your rights, let someone know.

*Chew with your MOUTH CLOSED.

*SPEAK UP. It gets loud at rush parties and alot of times, the rusher might not be able to hear you.

Indie_Superstar

08-06-2005, 09:02 PM

Originally posted by JocelynC
*DO NOT THINK THAT BADMOUTHING ONE CHAPTER IS GOING TO MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD TO THE OTHERS. It won't. It just makes you look like a TACKY GOSSIP. There was a girl who came through this past recruitment (2004) and I guess she didn't like a particular house (which if you go to Kent you know this is one of the top groups, good girls and everything). She made no secret of it.

Well I happened to rush her during 2nd party. Here's how the convo went:

Me: Hi Patty (fake name), welcome back to Sigma. How are you today?

Patty: I just came from AB and their craft sucked really bad, they made us do this stupid thing. I hope I don't go back there tomorrow. They're all catty and fake.

Me: So, what did you do last night?

I just changed the subject really quickly, but there were alot of my sisters and girls from other chapters who said she did the SAME thing at their party.

She thought trashtalking AB was going to work to her advantage, but it backfired. She got cross cut. Moral of the story- just don't talk about other houses at other houses parties.

This doesn't really apply to me, because I'm not looking to join a sorority (I've gotten involved in other activities, but a lot of my friends are Greek), but what if Patty had said "I just came from the AB house, and their craft was really fun and cute, and the girls were really nice. But I'm having lots of fun at Sigma, and I think you girls are really nice too?" Would that have been okay, or could it have been construed as either favouring AB over Sigma, or just sucking up?

OtterXO

08-06-2005, 09:10 PM

Originally posted by Indie_Superstar
This doesn't really apply to me, because I'm not looking to join a sorority (I've gotten involved in other activities, but a lot of my friends are Greek), but what if Patty had said "I just came from the AB house, and their craft was really fun and cute, and the girls were really nice. But I'm having lots of fun at Sigma, and I think you girls are really nice too?" Would that have been okay, or could it have been construed as either favouring AB over Sigma, or just sucking up?

I would say that you should refrain from saying anything specific about any chapter except if you want to compliment the chapter at their own party. Generally saying "everyone has been so nice!" or "all the girls in all the houses seem great!" or something equally as generic is fine, but you don't want to give the impression of being a gossip.

Also a big effect this can have is that the chapter may think that the rushee is psyched for the other house and release her because of that.

I would suggest treating rush like a job interview somewhat. You wouldn't walk into an interview and say "actually I already went to X Corp. and I really had a great interview!" You would pretty much be shooting yourself in the foot if you said that. Likewise, talking a bunch of sugar about another house may seem nice but it will just seem like you're stoked on the other house. You want to have the decision to be yours so put your best foot forward and make a good impression at every house.

Sidenote: I really hope this thread doesn't terrify PNMs! :)

KSUViolet06

08-06-2005, 09:15 PM

OtterXO

08-07-2005, 10:21 AM

Originally posted by Carried Away
LOL.. it's a little frightening but it's been VERY helpful! A big THANK YOU to everyone for all the advice! :)

I thought it might be...lol. But if it's helpful too then that's good!

KSUViolet06

08-07-2005, 11:23 AM

Some in-house etiquette:

*If you're at a house during a round where food is served, and they happen to offer you something that you don't particularly care for, a simple "No thank you" is fine. Or you could just accept it and not eat it. But there's no need for, "Eww quiche!" or "Oh gross, I HATE carrots!" This isn't first grade. :p

*It's okay if you accidentally spill/drop something on the floor/couch/etc. Don't make a big scene or a big deal out of it. It happens all the time. A sister will most likely take care of it.

* If you're on a house tour, take care not to break anything. This can be prevented by NOT TOUCHING/PICKING UP things without asking.

*A good rule of thumb is to just act as a guest in their home. That's what you are. You wouldn't go to a friend's house and damage/steal things. These girls are opening up their homes to you, so respect their property.

ADPiSAI

08-07-2005, 02:18 PM

Well MY take on what NOT to do or say...

You shouldn't come on GC and bash the chapters at your school (especially when someone on here is a member of one of them) and get a bunch of people mad at you, then disappear, then come back the next summer under a different name like nothing happened, once again giving away very obvious clues as to who you are and where you go to school.

Indie_Superstar/Mermaidgirl/EMILY, I mean YOU. Please find something better to do with your time.

33girl

08-07-2005, 05:45 PM

http://www.depthless.com/~rwong/blog/stuff/ohsnap.jpg

Unregistered-

08-07-2005, 06:09 PM

Originally posted by ForeverDiamond
Well MY take on what NOT to do or say...

You shouldn't come on GC and bash the chapters at your school (especially when someone on here is a member of one of them) and get a bunch of people mad at you, then disappear, then come back the next summer under a different name like nothing happened, once again giving away very obvious clues as to who you are and where you go to school.

Indie_Superstar/Mermaidgirl/EMILY, I mean YOU. Please find something better to do with your time.

LMFAO. Quoted for posterity.

KSUViolet06

08-07-2005, 06:14 PM

* BE ON TIME to your parties! If you are late/don't show up, obviously the chapters miss an opportunity to get to know you. And if they can't get to know you, they don't know if they want to invite you back.

AXOhottie

08-07-2005, 10:01 PM

Originally posted by JocelynC
* BE ON TIME to your parties! If you are late/don't show up, obviously the chapters miss an opportunity to get to know you. And if they can't get to know you, they don't know if they want to invite you back.

On the same token, don't feel like you have to skip class to attend a recruitment party. If you have class, go to class. One of the things sororities want to see is a commitment to academics. We are in school to get an education. If you have to leave a party early or be late to a party because of class, the sorority should understand. Be sure to let your Rho Chi/Pi Chi/Rho Gamma know about your conflict and they will be able to let the sister at the house know.

If you get invited back to the next party, you could ask about whatever was covered the night before. If you continue to show interest in the sorority, at least at my school it wouldn't matter that you had to go to class.

KSUViolet06

08-07-2005, 10:33 PM

* A word of advice on the same token, DON'T NEGLECT YOUR SCHOOLWORK during the rush period. It can be overwhelming, but definitely don't forget to do your work.

*TAKE NOTES or something between/after parties. It will be hard to remember some things that might be helpful to you. If you jot down the things that stood out to you about each sorority, it will make things less stressful.

*KNOW HOW TO REACH YOUR RECRUITMENT COUNSELOR! These women are here to help at all times, so get her phone number and e-mail so that you have them if something urgent should occur (i.e. illness, an accident, family emergency) that would have an effect on your attending rush parties. Or if you are having a tough time or need someone to talk to, you can talk to her.

* GET TO KNOW THE GIRLS IN YOUR RECRUITMENT COUNSELOR GROUP! It's nice to have girls to talk to about the experience. Some of your best friends could end up being these girls. Many times, even if you all end up in different places, you'll all stay friends.

KSUViolet06

08-08-2005, 05:30 PM

*DON'T choose your sorority based on the one you THINK your recruitment counselor might be in. That's a little silly.

aephi alum

08-08-2005, 07:30 PM

Originally posted by JocelynC
*DON'T choose your sorority based on the one you THINK your recruitment counselor might be in. That's a little silly.

As part of our rho chi training, we had to do mock counseling sessions. For one of my sessions, I had to counsel a "PNM" who came in saying that she wanted to be in the same sorority as I was in and that she was convinced I was an AEPhi. My answer: "If you think I'm an AEPhi, you have a one in seventeen chance of being right. And whether I am or not, I'm just one sister out of many. Look at the entire sisterhood, and think about where you feel at home and comfortable."

(As it so happened, my PNMs were convinced that I was an XYZ. I don't think any of them had me pegged for an AEPhi.)

Along these lines: DON'T choose a sorority because you have a friend who's a sister, if you don't feel comfortable with the other sisters. Think about all the members, not just one.

KSUViolet06

08-08-2005, 07:44 PM

*DO NOT LIE. Whatever you lie about will most likely be found out and YOU WILL GET CUT FROM THAT CHAPTER. If the lie is serious enough, it might cause you to get CUT COMPLETELY. Just don't do it. In the grand-scheme of things, it's not worth it. If you feel like you have to LIE about yourself or your accomplishments, you need to do some work on yourself before you try to join any group.

*If you have a difficult name, don't get offended if your rusher doesn't say it right the first time. Just politely correct her and continue the conversation.

*DON'T ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT BIDS. If you have a GENERAL question about bids, ask your recruitment counselor. Some might disagree with me, but nothing is worse than a PNM who asks you through the entire rush process, " How do I get a bid?", "How high am I on the bid list?", and "How do you figure out who goes on it?"

K-ThetaGrl

08-09-2005, 10:08 AM

This was a problem for us last pledging...

Dont come completely wasted. I know alcohol can be liquid confidence but coming to a pre-pledge completely trashed and falling over is not a good first impression. We want to get to know you as a person and not by what your puke looks like. If you're priming with your friends or coming for another groups event keep in mind the amount you're drinking please!

adpiucf

08-09-2005, 11:02 AM

- Don't burn your bridges-- keep an open mind and keep your options open

- Be nice

- Have fun

- Don't listen to gossip "on the street" from other PNMs or allow others to influence your decision (and vice versa)

- Don't ask pestering questions about the Bid List or make assumptions "When I join XYZ"

- Be a gracious guest in your hostess's home

- This is an INTERVIEW-- be prepared with questions to ask about membership and some anecdotes or replies to common questions you might expect

- Smile and relax

- If you don't join a sorority, it's not the end of the world. And yes, you can still post on GC!

OtterXO

08-09-2005, 11:11 AM

Originally posted by adpiucf
-
- Don't listen to gossip "on the street" from other PNMs or allow others to influence your decision (and vice versa)

This is HUGE!!! One year almost an entire Rho Chi group went to XYZ house at my school. We were all so confused (because some of the girls didn't really "fit" with that chapter) but then we remembered one loud mouthed girl who was in that group who had dropped out of rush the year before because she was cut from everyone except for one house.

We found out later (after about half of them de-pledged) that this girl had convinced all of them to go XYZ. Half of them hated it and ended up having to rush again.

Moral of the story: don't listen to the loud mouthed girl in your rush group about ANYTHING. She is NOT an expert on anything, and if she knows a lot about the houses on campus then that probably means she has already been through the process...and look how well that worked for her.

Trust yourself during this process because you're the one who has to live with your decision! :)

AXiDTrish

08-09-2005, 12:35 PM

DON'T rely solely on a groups colors to make sure you have the right one.

DO learn the names of the sororities you are visiting....at least towards the end of recruitment.

Example: My sister when through recruitment and for preference cut the wrong group because she used their colors instead of their names when remembering them....unfortunately their colors were virtually the same as another and when she went to pref the next day....she realized she cut the wrong sorority!!!

lilsunshine214

08-09-2005, 01:48 PM

Originally posted by AXiDTrish
DON'T rely solely on a groups colors to make sure you have the right one.

On that note, DON'T use mascots or symbols as a way to judge a sorority!

*DON'T judge a sorority by its size! It's not the size of a sorority, it's how you use it! ;)

Unregistered-

08-10-2005, 05:14 PM

Before rush:

Do not solicit for recs in the LJ sororitygirl community (http://www.livejournal.com/community/sororitygirl/522301.html) and not expect us to figure out who you are. If it wasn't hard to figure out who you are, what makes you think the Greeks at your school won't do the same?

jharb

08-10-2005, 05:49 PM

Originally posted by OTW
Before rush:

Do not solicit for recs in the LJ sororitygirl community (http://www.livejournal.com/community/sororitygirl/522301.html) and not expect us to figure out who you are. If it wasn't hard to figure out who you are, what makes you think the Greeks at your school won't do the same?

I would have to second this hard-core. You should go about things the proper way by contacting a local panhellenic if you don't know a woman in a particular group. Don't contact people through LJ where the average age of posters is 15!

KSUViolet06

08-13-2005, 08:53 PM

*If there's a chapter that you honestly do like alot and really feel comfortable, DO let them know by listening to your rusher talk and commenting on what she says. Engage in the conversation, and honestly show interest. Example: If you like ABC's philanthropy event, say so. But do so TACTFULLY.

On the same token,

This does happen so I'm going to say this:

*DON'T BE SO OVERZEALOUS ABOUT A PARTICUALR CHAPTER THAT YOU BECOME A STALKER! There are contact rules between sorority members and rushees during this time, so the 32,343,323 random house drop-ins, e-mails, IM's and phone calls about how you "Can't wait to be an XYZ!" will go unanswered, be seen as very creepy and possibly hurt your chances. Casual hello's and small talk (unrelated to rush) are perfectly fine. Most people know the limits of overzealous/borderline stalker behavior, so use your better judgement there.

lilsunshine214

08-13-2005, 10:22 PM

*DO NOT walk into recruitment acting like you know everything!

*DO NOT be afraid to ask questions! (Corny as this may sound) You're probably doing someone a favor by asking that question!

*DO NOT ignore your recruitment book!

KSUViolet06

08-15-2005, 08:54 AM

*DON'T go into recruitment ONLY WANTING XYZ and letting EVERY OTHER CHAPTER KNOW IT. You could be shooting yourself in the foot. If you tell EVERYONE, that you're "Going to get a bid from XYZ b/c blah blah blah", other chapters will think you're not interested and cut you. That puts you in a very tough spot if XYZ chooses not to invite you back. You'd have no invites. So keep your mind open about other groups.

*Don't insult other PNM's. That's just rude.

*The internet is a great tool, but DON'T JUDGE A CHAPTER BY IT'S WEBSITE.

*While it's AWESOME to have some prior knowledge about the sororities, don't be a "know it all".

*DON'T FORGET to have a support group. Whether it's a friend or your family, have someone you can talk to about your experiences during this time. If you get cut heavy or don't get a bid at all, it's nice to have people to comfort you. If you do, then you have people to share the news with!

lilsunshine214

08-15-2005, 09:18 AM

*DO NOT stress over this! It can be a stressful time, but RELAX! Stressing does nothing but bad so RELAX AND HAVE FUN! :)

*DO NOT let recruitment determine the rest of your life! If you don't end up going Greek, it's not the end of the world!

KSUViolet06

08-16-2005, 07:35 PM

*DO NOT CHEW GUM DURING PARTIES. How is anyone supposed to hear/understand you when you're chomping your Winterfresh like a horse?

*DON'T ATTEMPT to leave in the middle of a party. No matter HOW much you just aren't feeling the chapter. That is INFINITELY rude to the sorority.

honeychile

08-16-2005, 11:57 PM

One exception to the above: if you are about to be sick to your stomach or have severe intestinal distress, quietly ask to use a bathroom due to "extreme sickness". You may have to ask your Rho Chi/Gamma/whatever, but PLEASE make sure you leave the bathroom looking as good as it was when you entered it, and if you continue to be ill, again, tell your Rho Chi.

Yes, we once had this problem.

WVU alpha phi

08-17-2005, 01:01 AM

I'm not sure if this has been said already.. just kinda skimmed the thread so sorry if this is a repeat!

To all PNMs, from my experience, do NOT listen to what other PNMs are telling you about the houses. Every night at the end of rush, I'd end up going back to the dorms with a group of other PNMs, and every night I'd hear the same thing: "Oh they told me tonight not to worry, I already have a bid." or "The girl that rushed me told me I'm pretty much in already." I used to be worried sick because I was never told any of that, and then I'd be convinced I wasn't going to get into my first choice. Well, come bid day, I received a bid for Alpha Phi (which was my top house) and quite a few of those girls that had been talking about their "guarenteed" spots at various houses didn't get bids there. So my point is, so much you hear during rush is just hear-say, and it's no point getting worked up over like I did.

OmegaPiSister

08-17-2005, 09:53 AM

*Dont act desperate. You should show that you are interested in joining not that you NEED to join.

KSUViolet06

08-17-2005, 02:19 PM

* If you make philanthropy related crafts during rush, DON'T freak out if you don't finish it or it's not the prettiest thing in the world. The chapter could care less. :)

Jhawkalum

08-18-2005, 05:15 PM

If your rusher offers to carry your drink as you walk to your seat or around the house, accept this. They want to carry your drink because they know you may be nervous and spill. If they spill, they aren't going to get flustered if they spill punch on the white carpet. They want to avoid all situations that would make you feel bad or uncomfortable.

I didn't understand this when on the first, and I wondered if they thought I was uncoordinated. Then I looked around and realized everyone was doing this for the PNMs.

KSUViolet06

08-19-2005, 04:53 PM

*If you're a legacy and you happen to be released from your legacy group. Do not have your mom/sister/aunt/grandma CALL THE CHAPTER to ARGUE OVER IT. Don't have them visit the chapter house either. That's rude.

*DON'T have them visit the Panhellenic office either. That's stupid because they have NOTHING to do with individual chapter decisions and you'll be wasting their time.

CarolinaDG

08-20-2005, 09:22 AM

Originally posted by JocelynC
*If you're a legacy and you happen to be released from your legacy group. Do not have your mom/sister/aunt/grandma CALL THE CHAPTER to ARGUE OVER IT. Don't have them visit the chapter house either. That's rude.

*DON'T have them visit the Panhellenic office either. That's stupid because they have NOTHING to do with individual chapter decisions and you'll be wasting their time.

And don't tell the chapter that you do end up going, "Yeah, I was a legacy of XYZ... My mom was pretty mad that they didn't accept me." Not cool.

lagirl33

08-22-2005, 07:09 PM

Also, don't take it personally if your legacy house doesn't invite you back. Just because your mom/sister was a ABC at one school, does not mean that you will fit in well with the ABC chapter at a different school. One girl who I rushed with last year was extremely upset when she was cut from her legacy house, but she really didn't fit with the girls in that house.

But, don't be afraid to tell a chapter that you got interested in Greek Life because of a friend/cousin/sister in that chapter at another school. My cousin is a DG at UCSD, and when I was rushing and asked why I chose to rush, I talked about her. It turns out that a girl from UCSD had just transfered to UCLA (who was a DG) and ended up knowing my cousin well. It was a fun convo, and we got to talk about the different schools, San Diego vs. LA, etc. Nice icebreaker.

LionTamer

09-26-2005, 01:16 PM

DO think twice before joining as a pair or trio. Be sure you're joining because it's a good fit for YOU and not just a good fit for "the gang".

CarolinaDG

09-26-2005, 07:12 PM

What not to say:

"Hold on for a sec, I've got a gnarly booger that I need to pick."

CarolinaDG

09-26-2005, 07:13 PM

Originally posted by LionTamer
DO think twice before joining as a pair or trio. Be sure you're joining because it's a good fit for YOU and not just a good fit for "the gang".

When I went through, several of my friends got cut from the sorority that I preffed. Why, I have no clue, but they did. As much as I feel like my chapter was a great fit for me, I would be lying if I said that part of what swayed my decision was the fact that I would have had to pledge the other one alone.

ZetaHoney13

10-02-2005, 09:54 PM

Recruitment can be tricky, and it's hard to know what to say. The whole process can be kind of intimidating, but just be yourself as much as you can. Some things to keep in mind...

*If you are a legacy PLEASE don't assume that you have a spot. In my opinion, legacies are an outdated and rather ridiculous reason to keep someone, because if a girl doesn't fit there is no reason we should have to take her in as a sister.
*If you have been trying to get in a certain group, by all means talk to them and get to know them, so you will already feel comfortable by the time parties start OR you will know that you don't fit in there, and won't make the wrong choice.
*Don't do what we call "playing hard to get". Every year we have some girls come in and ask us to sell our sorority to them, and they pretend like they don't care about anything we're saying. Many times those same girls are disappointed when we don't invite them back. There is no better way to get cut than to act like you're doing us a favor by going to a recruitment party.

Some good things to avoid in general are boys, parties, other sororities/fraternities, and your beliefs.

By all means be yourself, but remember that if you are a freshman going through fall recruitment, then it is a SUPERFICIAL process. Your first impression can make or break your chances, so basically think of it as a job interview, and treat it as such.

gwen1982

10-13-2005, 04:00 AM

This may be a repost, so sorry...

While you don't want to be saying "I hear you're the best chapter" or "Aren't you the top group on campus", and you definitely don't want to be a know-it-all, you can do you homework. GLOs with the highest chapter GPA average are proud of it, so it's okay to say "I see your chapter has the highest GPA on campus. I'm glad academics is important to you. Can you tell me about that." The same goes for philanthropies. Din't be afraid to ask why a chapter supports a certain philanthropy.

DO pay attention to dress codes. If your Rho Chi tells you events are dressy, jeans and heels ARE NOT proper attire. It gives the impression 1) that you don't care, and 2) that you can't dress yourself.

AChiOhSnap

10-15-2005, 02:39 AM

I know it's past formal recruitment for most universities now, but I *have* to relate this story....maybe it can help out the guilty parties in time for deferred recruitment! It's also kind of funny, in retrospect, although I was really kind of creeped out at the time.

When I went through formal rush there was one house that was really "in my face" about how involved and scholarly I was. The girl who was rushing me just went on and on about how she knew about ALL these campus activities I was just SO successful in (I really wasn't all THAT involved) and she introduced me to everyone in her house with "Hi, this is Emily, and it's just so amazing how she does A, B, and C activities and STILL manages find time to get AWESOME grades!!!!" I guess she knew about my grades from my grade release form...maybe? I'm still a little sketched out about how she knew my exact GPA.

On top of that, all the girls in the house were instructed to get really close to the PNMs because the girl talked literally two inches away from my face. I don't have an aloof or cold personality by any means but I definitely kept POINTEDLY backing away from her because I felt my personal space was so violated. Eventually I was backed up right against some furniture and I had nowhere else to go. I was SO uncomfortable that I could barely focus on the conversation, but I guess the girl didn't really catch on. Later on, other PNMs were complaining about how XYZ sorority is the one that "stands WAY too close and talks WAY too loudly." The latest I've heard is that XYZ is STILL taking this closeness approach...a friend who is a few years younger than me went to one of their COB events and mentioned how the girls were practically cuddling with her on their couch and it freaked her out.

Seriously, one time a sister of XYZ bragged about their "awesome" rushing approach and said "Yeah we stand really close to the PNMs so they feel safe and welcomed... kind of like they're an old best friend!"

Bottom line for PNMs and sororities: If you're invading someone's personal space even just a little bit, all they're going to remember about you is that they were uncomfortable when talking with you. So stand arm's length away and keep in mind that you are not a police detective... so don't interrogate! :)

KDlady04

11-17-2005, 04:46 PM

A lot of things you wouldn't say in a job interview, don't say in rush. Not that rush is a job interview, obviously! lol i just thought of it since I'm at work(I work in the admissions office at our business school).

ADqtPiMel

11-17-2005, 11:19 PM

Originally posted by ZetaHoney13

*If you are a legacy PLEASE don't assume that you have a spot. In my opinion, legacies are an outdated and rather ridiculous reason to keep someone, because if a girl doesn't fit there is no reason we should have to take her in as a sister.

I hope you still feel the same way if your own daughter gets dropped from your sorority. :rolleyes:

AChiOhSnap

11-18-2005, 12:28 AM

You think this one would be common sense, but judging from an open house we had last week (everyone on campus is invited over for desserts, but a lot of PNMs show up to get to know the sisters better) I should probably reiterate this one.

Please don't swear at a recruitment event.

Especially loudly.

Especially so loudly that everyone turns to stare.

Even if you are saying "YOUR HOUSE IS F-ING SWEET!!!!!!"

No matter how nice the intention, it won't win you brownie points. :rolleyes:

CarolinaDG

11-18-2005, 07:49 AM

I did. I didn't mean to. But I did. :( And for the record, I got cut after that.

(But it wasn't "f" and I can't remember the context, but I think I said "hell")

FreeBecky

11-18-2005, 01:42 PM

Originally posted by CarolinaDG
What not to say:

"Hold on for a sec, I've got a gnarly booger that I need to pick."

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D :eek:

AChiOhSnap

11-18-2005, 08:41 PM

Originally posted by CarolinaDG
I did. I didn't mean to. But I did. :( And for the record, I got cut after that.

(But it wasn't "f" and I can't remember the context, but I think I said "hell")

Aww,

Well, hell isn't really bad! I guess it just depends on the tolerance level of the sister you're talking to.

I'm really not going to pass judgment on her though b/c I swear like a sailor.......I just don't normally drop the f bomb at sorority events. ;)

honeychile

11-18-2005, 09:06 PM

Originally posted by Alpha Chi Emily
You think this one would be common sense, but judging from an open house we had last week (everyone on campus is invited over for desserts, but a lot of PNMs show up to get to know the sisters better) I should probably reiterate this one.

Please don't swear at a recruitment event.

Especially loudly.

Especially so loudly that everyone turns to stare.

Even if you are saying "YOUR HOUSE IS F-ING SWEET!!!!!!"

No matter how nice the intention, it won't win you brownie points. :rolleyes:
In all honesty, a PNM who dropped the F Bomb tore our chapter apart. Enough sisters liked her to give her a bid, but it made things SO tense, we went from the second largest sorority on campus to half its size after Ms. Potty Mouth depledged. Had I to do it all over again, I would have definitely voted FOR the chapter on this one (and against her) - and so would many others I've sinced talked to.

Lesson learned: Never say anything that you wouldn't say in front of an alumna, as one may be standing just behind a door!

ASAlady

11-27-2005, 10:45 PM

Originally posted by JocelynC
*If you're a legacy and you happen to be released from your legacy group. Do not have your mom/sister/aunt/grandma CALL THE CHAPTER to ARGUE OVER IT. Don't have them visit the chapter house either. That's rude.

*DON'T have them visit the Panhellenic office either. That's stupid because they have NOTHING to do with individual chapter decisions and you'll be wasting their time.

One thing about this is that all sororties have different policies on this. For example, ASA has a specific policy regarding legacies. I don't think legacies are outdated like someone said on this board, but if you are a legacy, you should ask your relative what the policy is. If the sorority does not follow the legacy policy you do have the right to follow through with this.

KSUViolet06

11-28-2005, 12:03 PM

Originally posted by ASAlady
If the sorority does not follow the legacy policy you do have the right to follow through with this.

Following up, after recruitment is pretty pointless because arguing with the chapter won't change their decision, and arguing with Panhellenic is REALLY pointless because they have ZERO say in any chapter's selection decisions.

kddani

11-28-2005, 12:03 PM

Originally posted by ASAlady
One thing about this is that all sororties have different policies on this. For example, ASA has a specific policy regarding legacies. I don't think legacies are outdated like someone said on this board, but if you are a legacy, you should ask your relative what the policy is. If the sorority does not follow the legacy policy you do have the right to follow through with this.

Does ASA's policy specifically say that the legacy and her family have a right to follow up on this if she was cut? Being a legacy in any group does not guarantee membership. Generally it equates with a courtesy invite back to the first invitational round.

Maybe because you're an AI and haven't been through rush as an ungrad chapter member it's harder for you to see. The girl would end up looking like a crybaby. If you're cut, the group obviously didn't want you. Having your relatives bug the chapter is going to make you look like a tool and isn't going to accomplish anything. Membership selection is private ritual in ALL of the NPC groups. Nothing leaves the chapter room, so Auntie Alpha isn't going to be able to find out anything or change anything. And Auntie Alpha has to accept the decisions of her sisters that her darling niece was just not a good fit for the chapter. It doesn't mean she's a horrible person, she just wasn't a good fit.

PenguinTrax

11-28-2005, 01:10 PM

Unless you know the legacy policy of every NPC group, you cannot make this blanket statement.

Regardless, if a legacy is cut, there is no fighting it. A group cannot take very legacy out there - this has been discussed MANY times in the Rush forum. I recommend that everyone use the Search function to read up on the topic.

Originally posted by JocelynC
NO sorority has a legacy policy that guarantees PNM's a bid, most only require you to keep a legacy up until the 1st round of invite only parties.

honeychile

11-28-2005, 01:42 PM

Good work, Barbara!

I know someone who was a triple legacy to a chapter (her grandmother was a FOUNDER!), and was cut after 2nd round. This woman is attractive, intelligent (4.0 in high school), made her debut, and enjoys a great reputation. They felt she hadn't travelled enough, as she had only been to Europe once. :rolleyes: And I'm not talking about one of those mega-rush universities!

On the other hand, we DID have to take a legacy who nobody wanted (including the PNM). I think everyone's heard me talk about her, but briefly, she was a 5-generation legacy, with one being an Adelphean, but she just did not want to be in a sorority. She pledged, got initiated at Convention, and transferred to a college without a greek system.

The only absolute that you can say about Legacy Policies is that there are NO absolutes!

ASAlady

11-28-2005, 02:23 PM

Originally posted by kddani
Does ASA's policy specifically say that the legacy and her family have a right to follow up on this if she was cut? Being a legacy in any group does not guarantee membership. Generally it equates with a courtesy invite back to the first invitational round.

Maybe because you're an AI and haven't been through rush as an ungrad chapter member it's harder for you to see. The girl would end up looking like a crybaby. If you're cut, the group obviously didn't want you. Having your relatives bug the chapter is going to make you look like a tool and isn't going to accomplish anything. Membership selection is private ritual in ALL of the NPC groups. Nothing leaves the chapter room, so Auntie Alpha isn't going to be able to find out anything or change anything. And Auntie Alpha has to accept the decisions of her sisters that her darling niece was just not a good fit for the chapter. It doesn't mean she's a horrible person, she just wasn't a good fit.

Maybe I don't understand it as well since I am an AI, you are correct. I am not saying the PNM should ask their mom or whoever to call and ask, I know that won't accomplish anything. I was just saying the PNM should ask their relative what the policy is. I know of specific chapters that do not follow through with the policy, sometimes because they don't even know of it.

AlphaFrog

11-28-2005, 03:21 PM

Originally posted by kddani
Does ASA's policy specifically say that the legacy and her family have a right to follow up on this if she was cut?

It might, you never know.;)

Tom Earp

11-28-2005, 07:06 PM

Legacies have a preference, but doe not mean they have a Right!

We as Greeks Have a right who to choose.

But if Daddy Or Mommy Might Mean a Little Difference especially If There is alot of Money Envolved!:D

xoheatherxo

12-15-2005, 03:25 AM

i think that this thread is a little contradicting. yall are telling these pnms to be themselves, but also restricting what they can talk about. so what happens when they get a bid and accept...then the chapter finds out all of these things about them?? i think its better to be yourself totally...if the chapter doesnt like you then they dont have to extend a bid. but being fake is going to come back in the end. if you cant be real with these people during a party, then how are you going to be real and talk to them about real issues once youre pledging??? im not saying to go tell them how many people youve slept with, or how much you can drink before you pass out, but you shouldnt hide that you do drink and can have a good time. obviously you want someone fun in your organization, so if you dont think these girls can have a good time because they arent allowed to talk about it during rush according to this thread, then why would you want them in your group?? there are a lot of other topics to talk about during rush parties, but these girls are going to be so nervous that they say something that someone on gc told them not to that they arent going to be themselves at all.

KSUViolet06

12-15-2005, 04:29 AM

Originally posted by xoheatherxo
i think that this thread is a little contradicting. yall are telling these pnms to be themselves, but also restricting what they can talk about. so what happens when they get a bid and accept...then the chapter finds out all of these things about them?? i think its better to be yourself totally...if the chapter doesnt like you then they dont have to extend a bid. but being fake is going to come back in the end. if you cant be real with these people during a party, then how are you going to be real and talk to them about real issues once youre pledging??? im not saying to go tell them how many people youve slept with, or how much you can drink before you pass out, but you shouldnt hide that you do drink and can have a good time. obviously you want someone fun in your organization, so if you dont think these girls can have a good time because they arent allowed to talk about it during rush according to this thread, then why would you want them in your group?? there are a lot of other topics to talk about during rush parties, but these girls are going to be so nervous that they say something that someone on gc told them not to that they arent going to be themselves at all.

Yes it's important to be yourself, but it's also important to be APPROPRIATE when dealing with people who don't KNOW you from a hole in the wall. You wouldn't get into a conversation with someone you don't know, about how drunk you were last night.

Face it, during rush, it's all about first impressions. Upon first meeting a girl, if all she talks about is how she parties all the time, that's NOT a good impression. It's something that is fine to discuss with people you know. But it's not appropriate conversation for a room full of sorority women that you've never met.

Think about it, we have a few rounds of parties to get to know these women, how is discussing their partying/drinking going to tell us how she'd contribute to the group?

There are MILLIONS of other things to talk about during rush. If a girl can't keep from discussing her wild partying, drinking, sex, or whatever for a few days, then I don't think I want her in my chapter anyway.

MSKKG

12-15-2005, 07:15 AM

Originally posted by xoheatherxo
but you shouldnt hide that you do drink and can have a good time. obviously you want someone fun in your organization, so if you dont think these girls can have a good time because they arent allowed to talk about it during rush according to this thread, then why would you want them in your group??

Drinking is not the only way to have a good time. Someone can be fun and not drink alcohol. As long as "drinking" and "having fun" are synonymous, we are going to continue to see underage drinking being a problem.

FSUZeta

12-15-2005, 08:48 AM

you should be yourself, but temper that with common sense. just as you would not go into your interview with the admissions officer to your top college choice saying that you are so f-ing hungover, and are so tired because your boyfriend kept you busy in bed all night, you would not want to share such personal information during recruitment OR on a job interview. these are things that we do not need or want to know.

if you decide to share intimately personal stuff like that during recruitment, do not be surprised if you are dropped like a hot potato at a lot of the chapters! if you cannot keep your own secrets, how can you be trusted with a sorority's?

xoheatherxo

12-15-2005, 02:29 PM

im not saying that drinking and having fun are synonymous. but if a rusher asks a rushee what they do for fun what is the rushee supposed to say? im not saying that the rushee should tell the rusher that she goes out every night and parties, but even saying that she hangs out with friends could be taken the wrong way according to yall. and what happens then if the girl does go out and parties every night or is involved in a lot of activities that has nothing to do with going out but keeps her busy and acts like the she doesnt cause shes scared to tell a rusher anything about her life because it might not be ok to the rusher, and then the rushee gets a bid and then the chapter finds out??? the girl would then have no time to devote to her chapter or to getting to know the girls. but the chapter wouldnt have known that because the girl is putting on a front acting like the perfect little rushee. thats all i was saying...not that drinking and partying is the only way to have fun. trust me--i had a lot of fun in college that didnt involve partying, but it is college and thats what college kids do. acting like you dont go out ever is not going to impress an active. acting like you have no opinions about anything is not going to impress an active. im really glad that i went through rush at the school i did, because i couldnt deal with not being able to be myself around girls that i one day want to be my sisters. these girls need to know that they can bring up important topics and view their opinion but not to debate anything with a rusher. voicing an opinion should be ok though.

_Lisa_

12-15-2005, 02:39 PM

Originally posted by xoheatherxo
im not saying that the rushee should tell the rusher that she goes out every night and parties, ...

Thats pretty much what we're warning PNM's about...

Originally posted by xoheatherxo
...but even saying that she hangs out with friends could be taken the wrong way according to yall.

And no one said anything even remotely similar to this.

The problem here is that you are taking everything everyone says & are blowing it out of proportion. We want rushers/rushees to be themselves but we want them to do it in a respectful way. Its just that simple.

33girl

12-15-2005, 02:51 PM

Originally posted by crzychx
And no one said anything even remotely similar to this.

The problem here is that you are taking everything everyone says & are blowing it out of proportion. We want rushers/rushees to be themselves but we want them to do it in a respectful way. Its just that simple.

I agree. You can say "we like to go out" and unless the rushee is dumber than a post, if drinking is part of the culture of that school she'll know that you ocasionally drink. If the chapter really DOESN'T drink at all, they will put that across.

By the same token, the rushee can say "I like going out with friends" rather than saying "I like drinking until I spew" and rattling off a list of her favorite beers.

tunatartare

12-15-2005, 03:10 PM

I agree with Heather on this one. I've seen girls come through recruitment that have talked about where they like to party, what they like to drink, getting written up, etc. and you know what? no one seemed to have a problem with that. And yes all of those girls did get bids, most to their first choice sororities. Recruitment is an awkward time for both the PNM and the rusher and I just feel that if girls are being real with me rather than thinking that this is a job interview, I can get to know them better and can better see if they're a good fit for my sorority. I would much rather prefer it for a girl to be up front and talk about how much she likes to drink than to have a girl come in and act like Mother Theresa and talk about how much she loves community service only to later find out that she doesn't do much of it but only wanted to join a sorority so she could party and meet guys.

xoheatherxo

12-15-2005, 03:56 PM

thanks masha...its nice to know that someone understands what im talking about :)

Buttonz

12-16-2005, 02:24 AM

Masha is right. I hate giving a bid to a girl and then finding out that she is nothing like what she pretended to be during rush. I rather have a girl be honest with me about liking ot party and have a good time then to say she doesn't do it nand find out she is a big party person.

_Lisa_

12-16-2005, 07:41 AM

Originally posted by Buttonz
Masha is right. I hate giving a bid to a girl and then finding out that she is nothing like what she pretended to be during rush. I rather have a girl be honest with me about liking ot party and have a good time then to say she doesn't do it nand find out she is a big party person.

No one is saying that the girls shouldn't be honest! But instead of saying it this way:

"I love to go out every fucking night man, & do 18 jager bombs, 30 shots of tequila, 12 come-fuck-me's & get fuckin' trashed with 100 of my closest girlfriends!!!"

We would prefer she says:

"I love to go clubbing, & to party, drink & hang out with my friends."

See, I don't think anyone would even mind if she listed a few of her favorite drinks, but I don't want to hear of her latest puke-inducing conquest to the bar. We don't even have time for that during recruitment!

FSUZeta

12-16-2005, 07:53 AM

okay rushees, we have three members from three different schools who say that being indiscreet will NOT work against you at their schools.

the majority of posters to this thread say that at their school(or former school) it might. if i was going thru recruitment now, i would ere on the side of caution. like i said before, if you would not share it in a job interview or at your college admission interview or with your fiance's parents or your parents, don't share it with your sorority hostess.

KerriMarie

12-16-2005, 08:17 AM

Telling me during prefs how you got SO trashed last night that you passed out at a fraternity house ("I'm not sure which one... I think it had Phi in it...") will not impress me.

Thanks.

AUDeltaGam

12-16-2005, 10:14 AM

Originally posted by FSUZeta
okay rushees, we have three members from three different schools who say that being indiscreet will NOT work against you at their schools.

the majority of posters to this thread say that at their school(or former school) it might. if i was going thru recruitment now, i would ere on the side of caution. like i said before, if you would not share it in a job interview or at your college admission interview or with your fiance's parents or your parents, don't share it with your sorority hostess.

Absolutely. If I had talked to a girl who started listing her favorite drinks, I would not have been impressed AT ALL. When going through Rush, girls should not mention alcohol at all!

Buttonz

12-16-2005, 11:00 AM

Originally posted by crzychx
No one is saying that the girls shouldn't be honest! But instead of saying it this way:

"I love to go out every fucking night man, & do 18 jager bombs, 30 shots of tequila, 12 come-fuck-me's & get fuckin' trashed with 100 of my closest girlfriends!!!"

We would prefer she says:

"I love to go clubbing, & to party, drink & hang out with my friends."

See, I don't think anyone would even mind if she listed a few of her favorite drinks, but I don't want to hear of her latest puke-inducing conquest to the bar. We don't even have time for that during recruitment!

That I'm not gonna disagree with you on. There is a way to say it. But I want the PNM to be honest and say that she does like to go out and drink and stuff...to say that she doesn't and then to find out she did is not being honest.

kddani

12-16-2005, 11:05 AM

Originally posted by Buttonz
That I'm not gonna disagree with you on. There is a way to say it. But I want the PNM to be honest and say that she does like to go out and drink and stuff...to say that she doesn't and then to find out she did is not being honest.

Has anyone said that a PNM should lie? No XYZ sister is going to ask, "so, do you like to party and drink?", at least any chapter that has semi-prepared its members about appropriate questions. The old "3 B's" you shouldn't talk about- boys, booze, and the bible. At least that's what I think it is.

Though sometimes it is good if a girl says some of this stuff, because its easier to cut her now for risk management issues than revoking her pledge later. ;)

aephi alum

12-16-2005, 11:12 AM

Originally posted by Buttonz
That I'm not gonna disagree with you on. There is a way to say it. But I want the PNM to be honest and say that she does like to go out and drink and stuff...to say that she doesn't and then to find out she did is not being honest.

There are plenty of other things to talk about during rush, besides booze. I don't walk up to people and introduce myself by saying, "Hi, I'm aephi alum and I drink." If someone asks me point-blank if I drink, I'll say yes. If someone sees me at a party, they will most likely see me with a drink in my hand. But I wouldn't bring up the topic out of the clear blue sky, as a sister or as a PNM. You don't want a PNM who lies and says she doesn't drink and party when she does, but you don't have to grill every PNM about her drinking habits.

Little E

12-16-2005, 11:24 AM

Don't you think any woman worth having as a member would have the common sense to know the culture on her campus before discussing this?
At Ole Miss, it's a no-no.
At Beloit College, we wouldn't really care.

I mean people choose their college for a reason, they have a pretty good idea of the culture of the school and can probably figure out appropriate vs. not. We are talking about supposedly educated women...

33girl

12-16-2005, 11:48 AM

Originally posted by Little E
Don't you think any woman worth having as a member would have the common sense to know the culture on her campus before discussing this?

If she's rushing before her freshman year, before she's even had one class, no, maybe not.

I think the reason some people are saying "don't mention alcohol at all" is that there are some people who don't understand MODERATION and if you tell them it's OK to talk about it, they'd go on about it for 20 minutes.

KerriMarie

12-16-2005, 11:50 AM

Originally posted by kddani
The old "3 B's" you shouldn't talk about- boys, booze, and the bible. At least that's what I think it is.

I'd throw "bank" in there as well... No "What does your daddy do for a living?" or "What kind of car do you drive?"

adpiucf

12-16-2005, 11:58 AM

Like it or not, recruitment is a job interview. You are trying to fill one of several spots, and you have to meet certain criteria to be given that offer. One of those includes clicking with the members of that chapter. If you're a partier and they're more into Bible Study, that's going to be a clear decision that it's not the right place for you. You're going to learn during recruitment week about the "flavor" of each chapter through indivdual conversations, slide shows, videos or skits, and more. You're not going to know every woman inside and out, but you'll have a good feel for the collective group and be able to determine if that is something that makes you comfortable or not.

The trouble arises when someone can tell from her gut she doesn't like the place yet takes the bid because of the chapter's stellar reputation on campus and wanting to be associated with that class. In the long run, you won't be happy posing as something you're not.

And I have yet to meet someone who within the first 5 minutes starts to share intimate details of her private life... unless she is completely socially inept or is really trying to pull your leg because she is bored and doesn't want to be at your event.

You should be yourself at recruitment. But you should also know that being yourself includes being a gracious guest-- some topics aren't appropriate in some settings... and that is a lesson to follow throughout life in any social, service or work group. If a PNM struggles with this concept of conforming to a group norm, than that PNM should reassess what attracts her about joining a group. Being part of a family, a company or service association will follow those same expectations. Heavy duty bonding, memory making, going out, etc., come later after the groundwork has been laid for the relationship.

CarolinaCutie

12-16-2005, 12:14 PM

Originally posted by 33girl
If she's rushing before her freshman year, before she's even had one class, no, maybe not.

I think the reason some people are saying "don't mention alcohol at all" is that there are some people who don't understand MODERATION and if you tell them it's OK to talk about it, they'd go on about it for 20 minutes.

Yeeeeeeeeeeppp. We all know the Recruitment Babble, where a girl latches onto a topic that she thinks is OK to talk about and won't shut up about it.

My POV from a Southern but small-rush school is that the topic of alcohol should be avoided. If you say, "I like to go out a lot," I'll know what you mean. Heck, I've probably even seen you already that semester around town if you're big on going out. You just being there won't prevent you from getting a bid... but your behavior when I see you will, and the extent you talk about it during rush will.

Surely we can find something else to talk about.

During rush, there are two kinds of PNMs who ask about alcohol and drinking and going out: the ones who think that drinking is what sororities DO and are trying to make themselves look cool, and the ones who think that drinking is what sororities DO and they are terrified that they won't fit in if they like to stay at home. I always stress to sisters that they need to play up the diversity in our chapter, saying, "We have some sisters who love to go out with each other, and some sisters who would rather stay on the hall and watch movies together. Whatever you're into, there's a place for you in Phi Mu."

Little E

12-16-2005, 01:29 PM

All I'm trying to get at is that we will never find one sentence that will summarize what to say about alcohol at rush. There is a point where pnms have to decide if it is ok or not and then take that chance if they think is. This thread is enough to make a nervous pnm even more nervous about rush, though it also does a very good job of showing how diverse chapters truly are. While, yes, rush is an interview, these are the women you'll come home to after a break up or when you get into grad school, that, imo, is what we should stress.

KDMafia

12-16-2005, 04:06 PM

This post has come around to the same arguement and problem that all of us rushers have at a certain point. Unfortunately, there isn't a clear cut answer.

There are ways to project your social behavior, by talking about social mixers you have, talk about how it's great always having girls around so for whatever mood you're in (watching movies, going out, etc) there is always someone to hang with..

Restrictions like this are designed to keep recruitment honest. They don't want girls joining a sorority because they're the "partiers" they want them joining because of the great sisterhood.

I never looked down on a PNM that slyly asked about going out and whether we drank. However, since they also know the rules of what not to talk about, a girl that obviously has no disregard for them either would not work well with a group and their responsiblities (dont lie, all of your organizations have had one ) or a girl that is obviously mistaken about what rush is about. The first is a lost cause, the second girl is just misguided.

PNMS: use your discretion, if you want to make sure that they're aware that you're social, mention that you enjoy going out with your friends on weekends(they'll pick up on what you mean) Dont mention that you and your friend have done 17 beer bong sin one night.
If you're concerned that they won't like you if you're not social that is usually an acceptable concern to voice. Just stress that you're not against drinking, it's just not yoru personal thing. We had a girl last year that didn't drink but she went out with us every weekend and had a blast (plus: sober driver).

DISCLAIMER: I went to a small, uncompetitive rush, so keep in mind where my advice is coming from.

one last notice to PNMs: Don't set your heart on one sorority before recruitment even starts. We had a horrible recruitmetn last year(my school). we lost almost half of the girls because somehow only one sorority was viewed as the "one" to be in. So girls that got cut from them all dropped out or suicided and there were a lot of broken hearts going around.
Also, dont tell someone from another sorority (before recruitment starts especially) that they're the only sorority you're interested in joining. They WILL tell other girls and honestly, you dont know what may happen. Say they warn the other sororities, the rest of that sorority meets you and perhaps you're not a good fit and they cut you, as well as the other ones you never gave a chance. You end up really sad and with a reputation for the next time you rush

AChiOhSnap

01-20-2006, 02:56 PM

Originally posted by KDMafia

Also, dont tell someone from another sorority (before recruitment starts especially) that they're the only sorority you're interested in joining. They WILL tell other girls and honestly, you dont know what may happen. Say they warn the other sororities, the rest of that sorority meets you and perhaps you're not a good fit and they cut you, as well as the other ones you never gave a chance.

KDMafia, that's such excellent advice. I'm sure the sentiment has been repeated over and over on GC, but cannot stress this enough -- especially with the spring recruitments underway. I already have girls coming up to me and saying that they are only interested in AXO and then proceeding to trash the other sororities. PNMs, listen up. I have close friends in EVERY SINGLE sorority. So do most of my sisters. Yes, even the one a lot of the freshmen this year think is "undesirable."

I love hearing that you're interested in AXO. I do not like hearing you trash the organizations that I have best friends in and that it's AXO or nothing -- you end up looking catty and closeminded. I've found that a lot of women coming into college have a notion that there are huge rivalries between sororities. This, at least on the vast majority of campuses, is simply not true. And while if you come up to me and say "I hate XYZ, they're easy" I PERSONALLY may not say anything to Mary XYZ, a lot of my sisters would be on IM instantly saying "Watch out for this one." You never know who you're dealing with. Either way, I don't want a woman in my sorority who starts drama and gossip about other sororities. It shows a lot on your part if I think you would be thrilled and honored to be extended a bid to any of our 8 fine sororities. So be nice.

One last caution (based on a true story)...I had a girl in my dorm come up to one of my sisters BEFORE recruitment to say that she was not interested in Kappa Kappa Gamma b/c they were "all tennis players" and she "knew" that they would not want her because she doesn't participate in athletics. Her statement was entirely false -- these women are not judgmental by any means -- and the impression of this PNM that I walked away with was that she was selecting chapters based on "images" and not her own judgment... and before recruitment even started, no less! The moral of the story is say NOTHING even remotely negative about other sororities. If asked, say something like "Everyone seems really nice, and I love the excitment of recruitment" and leave it at that.

PS: I spoke with this PNM after rush and she ended up loving Kappa. She went to another house, but had preffed Kappa second (a long and agonizing decision, she said). Just goes to show you how important a positive attitude and open mind is in the recruitment process!

trideltrockstar

01-20-2006, 04:51 PM

I definitely agree with not bashing other sororities. EVEN the one that is considered (aka: stereotyped) as fat/ugly/etc. This puts the rusher in a very awkward situation - what do you say when a PNM says something like "Oh yeah I love your house. God, I just came from XYZ - what fatties! I definitely am going to be cutting them blah blah blah"? I would hope people would use more discretion.

Also, my sisters would not want a PNM that bashed others so openly. I have friends in every sorority, as do many girls on my campus. I would hate to have a sister talk trash about sororities that my friends were in.

KatieKD

01-20-2006, 08:04 PM

To add on to that: don't be nice to someone just because they're in the sorority that you like. For example, I had girls in other sororities tell me that they would sometimes find themselves in this awkward situation: a PNM would be kindof rude or not so nice, but they'd find out that they were in XYZ and the PNMs would all of a sudden be dripping with sweetness and the'd say things like "Ohh you're in XYZ?? I LOVE XYZ!" It's great that you like us and everything, but we want people that are nice and considerate to everyone around them. It just looks bad to only be nice to someone because they're in the sorority you want and be snotty to everyone else. Don't do that!

sbelle223

02-25-2006, 02:06 PM

DO NOT COMPLAIN!!!! This is one of my bigest pet peeves ever! We know its hot/cold outside, we know that you're tired (believe it or not, so are we), we know your feet hurt, we know that you're stressed and worried and nervous etc., we know that you're tired of being asked all the same questions (we're tired of asking but we have to inorder to get to know you better)... If you come into the house and all you do is complain we're going to get the impression from you that you're a very negative and unhappy person. Stay positive and upbeat and excited and we'll be able to get a much better impression of who you are as a person and we'll like you alot more and you'll have a better shot of being invited back. No one likes a complainer.

Don't wear black to prefs ceremony...Everyone wears black to prefs ceremony, so why not be different and stand out from the crowd?!

Don't feel like you are obligated to join the sorority you are a legacy to! I'm a legacy to a sorority on campus and knew from the start that they were not the group for me....There was nothing wrong with them, it just didnt click. I kept the sorority for 3 days out of respect for my mom but ultimately droped them because I knew I belonged somewhere else. Don't let your mom/grandmother/sister's sorority be your choice just because they were in XYZ too. Choose the one that fits best for you. They'll understand, trust me.

33girl

02-25-2006, 05:01 PM

Originally posted by sbelle223
Don't wear black to prefs ceremony...Everyone wears black to prefs ceremony, so why not be different and stand out from the crowd?!

I agree with this. On the other hand, if the dress that is your favorite and that you feel the prettiest and most confident in happens to be black, don't NOT wear it just because it's black, unless the rush booklet says black is prohibited for rushees.

KSUViolet06

02-28-2006, 10:14 AM

Originally posted by sbelle223
DO NOT COMPLAIN!!!! This is one of my bigest pet peeves ever! We know its hot/cold outside, we know that you're tired (believe it or not, so are we), we know your feet hurt, we know that you're stressed and worried and nervous etc., we know that you're tired of being asked all the same questions (we're tired of asking but we have to inorder to get to know you better)... If you come into the house and all you do is complain we're going to get the impression from you that you're a very negative and unhappy person. Stay positive and upbeat and excited and we'll be able to get a much better impression of who you are as a person and we'll like you alot more and you'll have a better shot of being invited back. No one likes a complainer.

I agree so much with this. Across the board, big school rush, small school, competitive, non competitive, whatever the situation- NOBODY wants to hear someone complaining. Even if you aren't a negative person, complaining will make you look that way.

OhioCentaur

02-28-2006, 10:27 AM

how long is a typical "rush" process??

I_Love_Penguins

02-28-2006, 12:44 PM

Originally posted by OhioCentaur
how long is a typical "rush" process??

At my campus, spring rush was a week long. I'm not sure about how we do fall rush. I'm assuming same length. I would think this is a campus to campus factor though. I would say our school definitely didn't do as extensive of rush as some other schools do judging by what I've heard on here.

Anyway, I figured I'd contribute with my tips on what not to do or say during rush:

I agree with those who have already said don't ever utter the words "When I am a sister at XYZ I will...." I never did this to my memory, but my friend went through rush with me and she talked about the sorority banquet and getting her letters as if she had already been in. She was even convinced that someone who asked her to add her as a friend on Myspace was a member of the sorority she wanted. I looked at the profile and disagreed, but she pretty much ignored my advice saying that she thinks this girl might've been in her top choice sorority and that the add on Myspace was a way of looking into her. I think this killed her. She got way too hyper about the whole thing, then didn't get a bid and ended up upset.

So overall, I'd say...DON'T act like you are guaranteed an in to the sorority no matter how much you click with the girls and don't take every little thing during rush so seriously. You'll end up let down, in my opinion.

The other tip I have comes from a mistake I made during rush that may have hurt me. (I cannot prove that it did; I am just saying it's possible.) On my way back from opens and informals, I said some bad things about the sororities I didn't click with. The girls weren't mean but I did say some things about how I feel like I didn't fit in with ABC and LMN as I was leaving parties. I wish I hadn't opened my mouth while walking back to my room, LOL. I admit I made a mistake...I wish I had waited until I was back in the privacy of my room on the phone or something to give off my impressions instead of opening my mouth on the way back from parties.

Lastly, no matter how much you don't click with a sorority, stay polite. I noticed at our open round that there was a girl in my group who wasn't smiling and looked miserable. I was pretty shocked. I met a sorority I didn't click with but I still did my very best to pay attention to the girl speaking to me and participate in the icebreakers without looking so unhappy. It's really rude when you look like you can't wait to leave the party. Just grin and bear it!

adpiucf

02-28-2006, 01:58 PM

OhioCentaur

02-28-2006, 02:02 PM

Originally posted by I_Love_Penguins
At my campus, spring rush was a week long. I'm not sure about how we do fall rush. I'm assuming same length. I would think this is a campus to campus factor though. I would say our school definitely didn't do as extensive of rush as some other schools do judging by what I've heard on here.

Anyway, I figured I'd contribute with my tips on what not to do or say during rush:

I agree with those who have already said don't ever utter the words "When I am a sister at XYZ I will...." I never did this to my memory, but my friend went through rush with me and she talked about the sorority banquet and getting her letters as if she had already been in. She was even convinced that someone who asked her to add her as a friend on Myspace was a member of the sorority she wanted. I looked at the profile and disagreed, but she pretty much ignored my advice saying that she thinks this girl might've been in her top choice sorority and that the add on Myspace was a way of looking into her. I think this killed her. She got way too hyper about the whole thing, then didn't get a bid and ended up upset.

So overall, I'd say...DON'T act like you are guaranteed an in to the sorority no matter how much you click with the girls and don't take every little thing during rush so seriously. You'll end up let down, in my opinion.

The other tip I have comes from a mistake I made during rush that may have hurt me. (I cannot prove that it did; I am just saying it's possible.) On my way back from opens and informals, I said some bad things about the sororities I didn't click with. The girls weren't mean but I did say some things about how I feel like I didn't fit in with ABC and LMN as I was leaving parties. I wish I hadn't opened my mouth while walking back to my room, LOL. I admit I made a mistake...I wish I had waited until I was back in the privacy of my room on the phone or something to give off my impressions instead of opening my mouth on the way back from parties.

Lastly, no matter how much you don't click with a sorority, stay polite. I noticed at our open round that there was a girl in my group who wasn't smiling and looked miserable. I was pretty shocked. I met a sorority I didn't click with but I still did my very best to pay attention to the girl speaking to me and participate in the icebreakers without looking so unhappy. It's really rude when you look like you can't wait to leave the party. Just grin and bear it!

LOL... i'm sorry i wasnt asking for real thats just something i know i've heard asked by people trying to become delts and they were turned away lol.

kchaptergphib

03-08-2006, 02:34 PM

At Minnesota, we as sorority members were ABSOLUTELY NOT ALLOWED to discuss those famous B's:
Bible (religion)
Booze (drugs of any kind)
Bank (how much/little money your family has)
Bed (sexual habits)
Bush (politics)
Bash (dirty rushing/dissing other sororities)

If topics like this were brought up, we were to skirt the issue, refer them to their Rho Alpha, and change the subject. If we were caught breaking the rules, we could get recruitment infractions from fines to not getting to participate in events like homecoming!

Obviously, this made recruitment conversation pretty PG, but hopefully it wasn't uncomfortable for the PNM's and we all presented ourselves well.

KpTridelta

06-07-2006, 11:25 PM

my advice for someone going through rush is dont try to impress, just do it. If you are ment to be in a chapter they will see that! Really try to get to know the women you talk to, dont wear to much makeup and NO tounge rings!!! i had a girl with a tounge ring talk to me and it was soooooo distracting!!!! if you are ment to be in a chapter you will be there...dont worry! Make sure you can see yoursef hanging out with these girls at the house or at a party or something, if you cant, its not the house for you. good luck!!!

PhisigWarner

06-07-2006, 11:45 PM

DO NOT use profane language! Have a little respect.

Scandia

06-13-2006, 10:23 AM

If I knew then what I know now.

But then, it was an extremely competitive SEC school with a huge Greek system.

I wonder if at my graduate school, or at this other state university where I took some courses, I would have had a higher chance. That, and by then I was more polished socially.

tunatartare

06-15-2006, 10:18 AM

This was posted in one girl's recruitment thread already, but I feel that this should be posted on here to serve as a caution to all PNM's:
If you were affected by a tragedy such as Katrina, have a relative or friend serving in Iraq, etc. I would avoid talking about it unless someone asks you about it or brings it up first. You don't know what other peoples' experiences have been in the same situation, and you don't wanna bring up bad memories or look like you're playing the pity card.

JMackGPD4Life

06-16-2006, 10:30 PM

What do...do your research. Learn the history, principle and founding mission of the organization.

ATTEND EVERY EVENT OR MEETING of your prospective organization & be early!

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER wear your prospective organizations colors! I get soooo heated when I see interests rocking my colors.

Never say, anything with soror of xyz org met with me. Always says, "I met with a member of XYZ organization".

Be cool, make friends with at least one ACTIVE member in your organization's chapter. Sororities are in the business of making future sisters and if you can't take the time to say hi, ask how your day is, learn what type person does, then it says something about what you will be like as a member.

Never disrespect the members (curse, yell, talk down, show up late). They ARE members, you are NOT.

If you are late, then let the ONE person you're cool with know before the meeting starts.

NO EXCUSES!

And never give up on becoming a member. Anyone can be interested in an organization, but following up and being persistent (not annoying) will set you apart from all the others.
~Member of Gamma Phi Delta Sorority, Inc. since FALL 2003
"Bringing GPD back to NYC."

SigKapCoug

06-17-2006, 06:15 PM

Don't spill glue on the house's dining room table to ensure you won't get invited back after philanthrophy day. Everyone WILL hear about it, and everyone WILL talk about what a bitch you are.

adpiucf

06-20-2006, 12:00 PM

* Don't be rude or negative.
* Don't let other people's ideas influence your decision (IE: PNM's, the sorority you believe your Recruitment Counselor to be a member of, your legacy status, recs, etc.).
* Don't be late.
* Don't be afraid to tell a sorority you're enjoying getting to know them.
* Don't bring up topics that deal with alternative behavior or controversial topics. Learn about the sororities and the chapter members as individuals. Stick to why you want to join a sorority and why you would be a good fit at that sorority.
* Don't deviate too far from the dress code.
* Don't refuse offers of food or refreshments. You can politely hold it if you don't want to eat it.
* Don't lose your smile or enthusiasm!
* Don't forget to be yourself!

tunatartare

06-20-2006, 12:03 PM

AlphaFrog

06-20-2006, 12:07 PM

Don't spill glue on the house's dining room table to ensure you won't get invited back after philanthrophy day. Everyone WILL hear about it, and everyone WILL talk about what a bitch you are.

:eek: :eek: At first I thought you meant the girl did it on accident, and I wondered why everyone would think she was a bitch. Then I read it again and I was:eek: :eek:

SigKapCoug

06-23-2006, 12:34 AM

:eek: :eek: At first I thought you meant the girl did it on accident, and I wondered why everyone would think she was a bitch. Then I read it again and I was:eek: :eek:

yeah. Luckily, the table was glass, so it was an easier clean up that if it had been wood or something.

kiteflyerzl

06-28-2006, 09:53 AM

1. If you go to a school where they haven't moved to "no frills" recruitment - ie they still do skits, event decorations are elaborate - do not let the event itself be the reason you choose the group. Just because a group has a talented cast of actors and can decorate a room like it's the Taj Mahal does not mean they will be the best sisters FOR YOU! Choose the group where you feel that the women will be the most accepting of you. These are the women you'll want to lean on when you've been up all night studying, you're homesick, your boyfriend dumps you for the cute blonde in his psych class, etc. If they can't help you then, who cares that they qualify for an academy award or could give MarthaStewart a Run for her money!

2. I know someone said this before but don't let a roommate pressure you into joining a group together. In many cases you've just arrived at school and your roommate is the only person you know. You probably don't even know her very well but it's easy to cling to the one familiar thing. Keep in mind that you'll soon have a whole new group of friends and the group your roommate would choose may not be the best fit for you in the long run.

3. Don't be afraid to report recruitment infractions. If you are the victim of a recruitment infraction that negatively impacts your experience, know that you are not alone and also realize that the group has probably been operating that way for a while and will continue to do so until someone steps up and says something. If the infraction positively impacts you (like bid promising) stop and think for a minute - yes you may have just been promised a bid to a group that you really thought you wanted to be a part of, but do you really want to join a group that doesn't play by the rules or believe in treating people fairly?

4. Be yourself! Any good rush hostess will be able to assess whether or not they can find common ground with you. They want to be able to make you feel at home. If you are honest in your conversation with them you'll either really hit it off with her or she'll realize she needs to introduce you to SuzySister because you and she would have xxx in common. If you eventually do not meet anyone you have anything in common with then the group is probably a bad fit for you but if you hadn't been yourself you would never know for sure!

ThetaPrincess24

07-12-2006, 07:53 PM

4. Be yourself! Any good rush hostess will be able to assess whether or not they can find common ground with you. They want to be able to make you feel at home. If you are honest in your conversation with them you'll either really hit it off with her or she'll realize she needs to introduce you to SuzySister because you and she would have xxx in common. If you eventually do not meet anyone you have anything in common with then the group is probably a bad fit for you but if you hadn't been yourself you would never know for sure!

I cant stress this enough. Most sorority members will be able to pick up on this as well......Not being yourself is no different than lying. Members will be able to smell this lie like a fart in a car.......so make it easier on yourself and the members and BE YOURSELF!

sbelle223

07-14-2006, 07:57 PM

I cant stress this enough. Most sorority members will be able to pick up on this as well......Not being yourself is no different than lying. Members will be able to smell this lie like a fart in a car.......so make it easier on yourself and the members and BE YOURSELF!

ThetaPrincess is absolutely right...In the end, you don't really want to pretend to be something you're not because you might end up in a chapter that thinks you're one person and you're really someone else...And you'll probably end up really unhappy because you'll have nothing in common with any of the girls. Do yourself a favor and just be the polite/kind/fun/outgoing person you know you are.

brittai927

07-26-2006, 12:29 AM

Last year I had a PNM basically complain to me for a whole party about College Station and how much fun she had at a party the night before but how too many freshman pre rushees there were. She went on and on. PNMs are not supposed to go out during rush week, and I'm sure she knew that.

No talk about Boys, Booze, Bible (religion), Bank, or Bad News (talking about other chapters)

cutie_cat_4ever

07-31-2006, 09:52 PM

SmartBlondeGPhB

07-31-2006, 10:49 PM

Here's an interesting story that I encounted when rushing for this one sorority (which is a true story). And I wonder how to deal if such thing does happen to a rushee (though most likely it won't happen I assume)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was rushing for XYZ this one fall and met this one active who was really nice to me. Then we talked and became slightly closer. One day, she called me up to have lunch and we sat down and chat. All of a sudden she was trying to persuade me not to rush for XYZ because she knew XYZ was not for me. XYZ is a social based sorority, which I already knew, but I was also interested in the community services they did, and most of all, their sisterhood bond.

I was shocked later on when she was telling me some negative stuff that's going on, and I didn't know how to response. I really wanted to rush for that sorority, but I didn't know why she approached me in this way. She tried so hard to persuade me not to rush.

So I responed her, "if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be; I would still like to continue on the process and try my best."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

So how would you deal with this situation?

I would seriously question whether I wanted to be there.

1) She should not have been telling you any of that. It's sorority business and not yours. What else is she going to spout off?

2) She could have been looking out for you. Maybe she really did feel that her house wouldn't be a good fit for you. I have come across many women rushing at a school that has a very good Gamma Phi chapter and while I often think they would make great Gamma Phis, I usually also think "at any other school". They just wouldn't fit into THAT chapter.

KSUViolet06

08-14-2006, 04:34 AM

*Because it's that time of year again, I have to add this precaution to PNMs.

If you attend more than one chapter's Preference (final round) party, sometimes you might feel stronger about one than you do others, but take this advice:

Think really hard and talk to your recruitment counselor before you make the decision to only list ONE chapter on your final ranking card (what's known as Intentional Single Preference or "suicide").

When you only list ONE chapter, you significantly decrease your chances of getting a bid. You are basically saying that you are SO SURE that this one chapter is going to bid you, that you don't even need to list the others. This is incredibly risky, since you can't guarantee that.

If you list ALL of the chapters you attended, chances are VERY good that you will get a bid on bid day. Listing all chapters you pref maximizes your options and gives you more than one chance to be placed in a chapter.

If you only list one, you basically need to be 100% sure that this sorority is going to give you a bid. If they don't-- you'll get the dreaded phone call from your Rho Chi/Rho Gamma letting you know not to bother showing up for bid day because "you were not placed".

AlphaFrog

08-14-2006, 07:35 AM

I would still say though, if you absolutely know that you would not pledge a chapter, don't put them on your bid card. Let another girl who liked that chapter have that spot. It does them and you no good if you're bound to them for a year and you don't want anything to do with them. This is ONLY though, if you KNOW you WOULD NOT pledge that org. If you're not sure, still put them and try them out if you are bid.

jessicaelaine

08-15-2006, 09:09 AM

i have something to add about something a member should not do or say.

when i was rushing, i was hanging out with some other girls and the members of a sorority after an event in a dorm room. a few of the current members starting talking about a party they went to the night before and instead of trying to get the girls rushing involved in the conversation by explaining who so and so was that they were talking about or even where and when the party was they talked about it as if they were all alone in the room. it was very rude and made the sorority seem cliquish. it almost made me not want to join.

i know this may seem like a given rule to a lot of people, but to them it wasn't. so keep in mind to explain simple things to make sure everyone feels involved and wanted.

AlphaFrog

08-15-2006, 09:14 AM

MSKKG

08-15-2006, 09:22 AM

This should not be an issue, as sorority members should not be hanging out with Rushees during rush outside of rush parties.

I was wondering about that, too. Could it have been a COR event?

jessicaelaine

08-15-2006, 02:36 PM

well, at my school, it being so small we have very informal rush. we hang out with rushees all the time because we set up booths in the atrium of one of the main buildings that have couches and tables and chairs to sit at. at least one member is there during the day so just anyone can walk up to us and ask us questions and hang out. i like it better because it seems a lot less stressful and not so demanding with your schedule. and i hung out with a girl who is rushing this year all last year, so it's kind of hard to say it should never happen. there are always exceptions. and i also believe the moral of my story was to explain things that may seems simple to you so that everyone feels involved and wanted. i didn't say that could only happen in that type of situation. it could happen anywhere.

Munchkin03

08-22-2006, 10:41 PM

Keep your nose clean on the internet-- don't join any groups on MySpace, Facebook, LJ, etc., that would portray your character as questionable. Same goes for your language and wording on message boards and blogs. In the summer before recruitment, you may not have communication with the sorority women at your university regarding recruitment.

TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN.

Also, pictures. Remove the questionable ones, or make your MySpace private for the month up to Recruitment...especially if you're at a competitive school. Plus, alumnae are becoming more websavvy than we have in the past, and it's not really hard to drudge stuff up.

KSUViolet06

08-23-2006, 12:38 PM

Do not put anything on your Facebook/MySpace that you wouldn't want sorority members to see/read.

Whatever you put out there is public knowledge, and anyone can see it.

There was a girl in fall 2006 recruitment who wrote a MySpace blog about the sororities on campus saying that "most of them are for losers and ______ is the only sorority I want to join."

Some sorority members found it and passed it on to their friends in other sororities. This girl ended up being cut from all sororities after 3rd round because of it.

So I would refrain from putting anything out there that might affect your recruitment.

grkfuture10

12-04-2006, 01:46 PM

Wow, this is so helpful to me! I'm glad that there are greek ladies who are so helpful to young ladies like me trying to learn all they can to be a prospective addition to a sisterhood!

pssgirl83

12-12-2006, 01:16 AM

AChiOhSnap

12-12-2006, 01:29 AM

One on the biggest don't do's we had is do not ever under any circumstances is to not say anything that has to do with legacy, esp. if the PNM is a younger sibling of an active. We had one of the girls do this. they were twins and one had joined in the fall and the other did spring informal, she did not get a bid just for the fact that she thought we "owed" it to her because her sister was already a member.

This is good advice. Even though we had a fairly competitive recruitment at my school, girls would always go through that didn't know better and assumed they would get a bid to XXX sorority for whatever reason. Acting as if you're owed a bid to a certain house is a great way to get yourself cut from ALL the sororities after the first round.

KSUViolet06

12-12-2006, 01:50 AM

I agree. If you are an "in house" legacy to a chapter (meaning your sister or other relative is currently in that specific chapter), chances are good that the entire sorority already knows that you are a legacy. You don't need to remind them. It sounds presumptuous.

There is also no need to let EVERY OTHER sorority know that you have a sister in XYZ. The more you mention it, the more sororities might think you're not interested in them and drop you. If your legacy sorority cuts you, that puts you in a tough spot.

tunatartare

12-12-2006, 09:02 AM

There is also no need to let EVERY OTHER sorority know that you have a sister in XYZ. The more you mention it, the more sororities might think you're not interested in them and drop you. If your legacy sorority cuts you, that puts you in a tough spot.
We had a girl come through one year who not only did this, but also told the other three sororities that she's a legacy to EFG through her sister and that it's "taken care of."

Jill1228

12-12-2006, 10:38 AM

so was she dropped like a bad habit? It woulda served her ass right! :p

We had a girl come through one year who not only did this, but also told the other three sororities that she's a legacy to EFG through her sister and that it's "taken care of."

adpiucf

12-12-2006, 10:50 AM

tunatartare

12-12-2006, 10:58 AM

so was she dropped like a bad habit? It woulda served her ass right! :p
No she got in, albeit by a technicality that prevented the girls from dropping her. They were not happy about it.

novaread

01-20-2007, 08:54 PM

Unregistered-

01-20-2007, 08:58 PM

Hi,
I don't know if I am on the wrong website or not but I wanted to ask a question about membership. How do you go about become a part of a graduate chapter? I am interested in becoming an AKA, I live in Georgia.

novaread

Alpha Kappa Alpha Pearls of Wisdom (http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/announcement.php?f=47)
How to become an AKA (http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=81059)

The search function is a wonderful tool.

Trisana58

01-21-2007, 12:50 PM

UGAalum94

01-21-2007, 02:52 PM

What are some service sororities that are really involved with helping children (education)?

Oh, and this question has probably been asked already, but I havent seen it, so: Can you join a sorority at another university?

I'm not sure you are posting in the right place because this thread, I think, is for examples of what not to say.

Do you really want answers or are you giving examples of what questions not to ask?

Trisana58

01-21-2007, 03:52 PM

I'm not sure you are posting in the right place because this thread, I think, is for examples of what not to say.

Do you really want answers or are you giving examples of what questions not to ask?

My bad... Didnt know where else 2 post this... but yes, its a real question.

Unregistered-

01-21-2007, 04:00 PM

My bad... Didnt know where else 2 post this... but yes, its a real question.

The search function is your friend.

UGAalum94

01-21-2007, 04:03 PM

The search function is your friend.

No doubt I'm going to get flamed for my stupidity on this, but I get a lot of lame results when I use the search feature. I'd say only about 1/10 of the returns seem to be about the topic I searched for.

The links at the bottom of the page are sometimes good, and sometimes too dated to be of help.

Do the rest of you get better results? I've tried the advanced search too, but it tends either make it so narrow as to yield no results or give me hundreds of useless posts.

Ayana: I pmed you.

Stef the Pef

01-21-2007, 06:59 PM

Don't ask if your GPA, age or class rank will hurt you in membership selection. That's an awkward question that puts your rusher on the spot. It is ok to ask about scholarship and membership requirements for GPA, however. It is also ok to ask about the general make-up of the chapter (approx. how much of the sorority is currently made up of sophomores, etc.).
For real. Plus, it kind of makes you come off like you're worried that you won't be able to make the grades to stay in. If you're doubting your grades and you're really concerned about that, that same doubt might just pass on to the member you're speaking with and make her less sure about inviting you back.

ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl

01-23-2007, 09:27 PM

We had a girl come through one year who not only did this, but also told the other three sororities that she's a legacy to EFG through her sister and that it's "taken care of."

She should've been dropped for that! And it's so bad for her too...what if she in the end decides she wants to join another chapter after all? They won't want her.

tunatartare

01-23-2007, 09:49 PM

No one could drop her. At my school we weren't allowed to cut anyone before pref.

VeniceIsSinking

01-24-2007, 08:19 PM

I really can't say how wonderful all you girls are for taking time to give your input and experience in this thread.

This is absolutely a great way to learn more about rushing. I'm already nervous about formal fall rush all of the posts in this thread really calmed me!

I do have a question, since this really wasn't a topic I saw discussed already, about some of your past rushing experiences:

Last year I had a few run-ins and I'm wondering what your personal take would be. First off I had some words with a member of panhallenic regarding my grades. I felt like I was being discrimnated slightly and I let her know. Everything seems fine now and that particular member seems fine towards me. To top that off after paying my Rush fee, rsvp'ng etc.. at the last my minute the job I had at the time refused to let me leave. I let my boss know way in advance and he decided to just not fufill my request at literally the last minute (literally!). I had no way to reach my Gamma Chi and she ended up contacting me after check-in. I let her know what happened and how horrible I felt etc..

So, if I am rushing at your school after, all of that ^^^, would you look past it after meeting me? Or would it already have a large impact on your impression? I'm just wondering how to handle it when I get there in August (I'm a planner...and a rambler....).

kddani

01-24-2007, 08:38 PM

Last year I had a few run-ins and I'm wondering what your personal take would be. First off I had some words with a member of panhallenic regarding my grades. I felt like I was being discrimnated slightly and I let her know.

You had a run-in about grades??? Why do you say you were discriminated against? Yes, sororities do look at your grades, and if you don't make the minimum they can't take you, and if there's another girl with higher grades, they may take her over you. So i'm a bit confused about this....

UGAalum94

01-24-2007, 08:38 PM

If the person you had the run-in with at panhellenic was a personal friend of mine or a sorority sister, then I'd want to hear about it. I can't figure out why they would know about your grades or how you'd be being discriminated against. Without knowing more, I can't say, but if you were a jerk to someone I liked, then I might not want you as a sister.

I may be misunderstanding the situation.

But even so, where I went to school, a lot of people would be unlikely to even know this occurred, unless it happened in front of a lot of people. If the woman you had the run-in with isn't talking about, it wouldn't be a problem.

If your Gamma Chi hasn't told you that there was a problem, then I guess you're okay there. If you'd broken a rule, I think you'd know by now, and in my opinion, as long as you were really nice to her and she doesn't have to penalize you, she won't. But of course, I don't know.

AChiOhSnap

01-24-2007, 08:49 PM

You had a run-in about grades??? Why do you say you were discriminated against? Yes, sororities do look at your grades, and if you don't make the minimum they can't take you, and if there's another girl with higher grades, they may take her over you. So i'm a bit confused about this....

Yeah, if you could please explain a little better...how did she know your grades? Why did you two have a "run-in" about them?

VeniceIsSinking

01-24-2007, 08:51 PM

AChiOhSnap

01-24-2007, 09:01 PM

Well here's the deal with the grades:

I was forced to leave high school because of my horrible health at the time. When my health stablized, I got my GED. I scored waaaaaaay above average scores (aka kicked serious butt). I also took the ACTS and got really high scores in everything but math (I had a terrible math score, but hey you kinda forget that stuff after 3 years!). I had a 34 in reading ;) Anyway, the girl was trying to tell me that they had to have my hs transcript and that the test scores just weren't good enough. I told her I didn't have access to it because my HS is 1400 miles away, and will take quite some time for them to process a transcript of a student that didn't even graduate from there. She pretty much acted like I shouldn't have even bothered trying then b/c of something out of my control; even after I exlained why I have a GED vs. a HS diploma etc.

I was never rude to her, I never threatened her... I was just "professional" about it. If schools like LSU, LATech, NSU were able to look over the previously stated academic information to accept me as a student, why was I being treated that way (i never said that, but that's how i felt)? But since then she has written me a few emails, even congratulated me on my wedding, that's why I kinda assumed she's alright with me.

It seems like things are ok with you and panhel girl and I can't imagine the Gamma Chi thing really working against you, especially since it was before recruitment even started.

It's important to note that just because the schools decided to accept you after looking over your information does not mean that sororities will offer you the same consideration based on your extenuating circumstances. It's a whole different ballgame. However, if you got it all figured out with panhel and they let you go through recruitment then it's all good and you might as well try again. It sounds like the panhel member seems like she's on decent terms with you if she sent you a congratulatory email after your wedding, so there's no sense in worrying about it.

VeniceIsSinking

01-24-2007, 09:07 PM

I honestly didn't really know what to expect. I had never known anyone in a sorority, I've never had exposure to them etc. Being around a lot of the girls in my glasses has given me some idea, but you never really know until you go through it yourself!

Thanks for the insight AchiO! Once I re-read, I realized it really isn't a big of a deal as it sounds in my head. ha. Silly perfectionist me :rolleyes:

UGAalum94

01-24-2007, 09:08 PM

I have no idea what will happen; I can't tell the future. When you go through rush and you join a great group, feel free to come back and tell me what a jerk I am.

But here's the deal as I see it: you may feel that you made the best decision that you could to drop out and get a GED, but it's not the typical decision for most girls who rush.

My guess, although I can't know for sure, is that it's going to hurt you unless, by now, you have a college GPA that you can use and it's good.

The information that the group is seeking is more than are you smart enough to get through college; they want to know what kind of student are you overall. (The colleges that admitted you, while selective, aren't probably as selective as the groups you want to join.) Are you hard working? Are you responsible? Are you going to make good grades in college? Will you represent the group well academically?

Your not having a transcript and being reluctant to call up your high school (no matter how far away) and request that they fax or mail you one, makes you look a little weird. (BTW, almost all high schools and districts will maintain records on all students maybe forever. Even when they send them away from your school because they don't store them there forever, they keep them someplace. With a couple of phone calls, you could find out where and get a copy.)

The fact that you've been out of school for three years (I'm going by your saying that you haven't had math in three years) but that you are just getting around to completing school is also going to seem a little weird. (If you were only a sophomore or something when you got sick, why wouldn't have you gone back to finish?)

I'm not trying to get into your business. You made the decision you wanted/had to make. But in general being a high school drop out is going to hurt you during rush and having an attitude about getting your transcript isn't likely to get people helping you to figure out how best to handle your situation and put it in the best light.

It may go better than I think. I may assume that the interaction about the grades was worse than it was; I as said, I have no idea what will happen. I hope it goes well. I'd like to think that having bad health when you were in high school wasn't still causing problems for you years later. Once you meet the groups, you'll have a much better idea, and they can see the person you are now. Good luck!

AChiOhSnap

01-24-2007, 09:46 PM

Yes, Venice, you definitely are a "non-traditional" student in every sense of the word. You indicated that you go to school in LA, and the schools to which you applied are rather traditional (especially LSU) in terms of Greek life.

Because you are married, an upperclasswoman, and you didn't have the "traditional" HS experience, you'll probably have a more difficult time being placed than a freshman with a decent GPA and HS diploma.

If I can be perfectly frank, the more I read about you in your posts, the more I wanted to point out that the disagreement with the panhel girl and the work-recruitment mixup won't probably be the biggest deal -- but your being married/upperclass/no HS diploma might be a big deal to some organizations. I'm honestly not trying to be mean or rude, but I know you wanted to be totally prepared. And who knows... my good girlfriend goes to LSU and gave me some input on what it's like there...but if you go to a different school the Greek system might be completely different. Either way, there's absolutely no harm in trying as long as you're prepared for any obstacles you may face given your status.

VeniceIsSinking

01-24-2007, 09:51 PM

Well I left HS in 2003, that summer I got my GED and that fall I went to college for half a semester. I had to leave that as well beacuse my mother was diagnosed with an incurable heart disease and it was my responsibility as her only child and only family to take care of her. So I spent 3 years doing that until she became stablized. I have medical documentation for all of that ^. The minute I could break free, I did.. then I moved and started at my school this fall.

btw, regarding the HS transcript. I did try to obtain one, but it was my HS that said it would be several weeks until I would get it. Simply because of their clerical organization. It would have been too late for Rush, so that's why I couldn't get it.

I am a freshman at my school, I'm 20 and yes, I am married (with no kids). I have already accumlated an excellent GPA (3.57), I ran for fresh. president and am currently being trained to become a mentor for local high school students. I never thought being married would effect rush....

UGAalum94

01-24-2007, 10:04 PM

Well, all you can do is try, right? I hope it goes well for you.
It appears that you've done everything you can do to make yourself a strong candidate as far as grades and involvement.

If it turns out that the groups are looking only for 18 year old recent high school graduates, then try not to take it personally. You know that you've spent your time in a worthwhile way and that you've made the most of a tough situation.

I think most people value a happy marriage and family better than they do their GLOs, so if one "cost" you the other, you got the better end of the deal.

AChiOhSnap

01-24-2007, 10:13 PM

I am a freshman at my school, I'm 20 and yes, I am married. I have already accumlated an excellent GPA (3.57), I ran for fresh. president and am currently being trained to become a mentor for local high school students. I never thought being married would effect rush....

You sound like you've compiled a fantastic "resume" of experiences since you've started college. That's a really, really strong GPA and the fact that you volunteer and are involved in campus leadership activities are very, very beneficial attributes in terms of recruitment.

The married thing though...yes, it most definitely could affect your recruitment (unless there is a LARGE number of married/nontrad. students at your school.) There have been several threads on bidding married women before and it varies from school to school. The general idea seems that the more traditional the school (or the more competitive the recruitment) the more difficult it is for a married woman to receive a bid. The reasons for this vary. However, the same concern keeps popping up: "How could a married woman find time for 15-20 hours a week for a new member program on top of her classes when she has a husband?"

If you and your husband have discussed recruitment and he's fully supportive of you going through and understands the time committment then more power to you. You should absolutely go through recruitment in the fall. I'm just saying that being married can -- and has -- affected PNM's recruitments before.

VeniceIsSinking

01-24-2007, 11:56 PM

AChiOhSnap

01-25-2007, 12:03 AM

My husband is incredibly supportive and is encouraging me to do it. He was part of a professional fraternity when we were engaged and I supported him through it. Plus he works a lot and I always have free time to dedicate to something like this ;)

Well based on the rules of conversation that many of you ladies posted, I would imagine this marriage thing will never come up. Sure it's a part of me, but it's not who I am entirely. Anyway, I just found my soulmate early and honestly if a sorority is going to say I'm not a good fit based on my marital status, then that's not a sorority I want to be a part of. Ya hurrd?

That's a very refreshing attitude. :D There's no reason in any circumstance -- from sorority recruitment to a job interview -- to offer up personal information if not asked. If you can show that you're going to be a dedicated, responsible new member then that's all you can do, regardless of your marital status.

Congratulations on being a newlywed (as someone who will join that group in a little over a year) and good luck with recruitment. Feel free to post your story in the fall if you feel so inclined.