changing your name?

[valkyrie]

I started wondering about this while reading the "wedding dates" thread. If you are a woman and you are married, did you change your last name or not? If you're not married, what do you think about the whole name changing issue? Guys, what do you think about it?

[KillarneyRose]

I took my husband's last name when we married. If I had been planning to stay in the same city and continue to work there in my field, I would have considered keeping my maiden name because that is the name by which my corporate and media contacts knew me. But I've always been fairly traditional regarding marriage rules and have always wanted to take my husband's name.

Plus, I've moved up the alphabet from a "Y" to an "A" which I rather like! :D

[TechAPhi]

When I married, I kept my last name. I did so mainly because I was a reporter at the time and all of my clips and contacts knew me by my maiden name.

It's been six years and I have not changed my name. To those considering not changing--it has caused me innumerable headaches over the years. Society really doesn't embrace this choice and, I've found, some people actually seem to get very upset when they learn I kept my maiden name (especially here in Georgia), though I have a hard time understanding why they care so much. ;)

Jen

[aggieAXO]

If I like his last name I will change it, if not then I will keep my own-shallow I know but that is the way I want it

Many of the women I work with keep their maiden names-very acceptable here.

My mother divorced my father 15 years ago and still keeps his name-just easier than having to change all the impt. documents I guess.

Sometimes I think I would not change my name at all-too traditional and I am all about not being traditional.

[amycat412]

I was married very briefly a few years ago and kept my name--mostly because 1. we were married so briefly I hadn't had time to decide how I felt about it and 2. My last name is so much better. :D

When/If I marry again, I will keep my own last name. I am a writer and it doesn't make sense to me to change it when for the past 10 years of my career I've been known as Me.

[Shelacious]

Well, legally I will probably keep my current name and add his. For business purposes, I will probably use my maiden name. For personal, I'll use my maiden and husband's name (like Hillary RODHAM CLINTON instead of Hillary Clinton). My boyfriend seems agreeable as long as I'm willing to use his name somewhere in my configuration (to use my maiden and his name makes our initials similar which he seems to think is rather cute. :rolleyes:

[UMgirl]

Like IowaHawkeye, I plan on doing the hyphenated thing.

[LexiKD]

It would all depend.

My last name is really hard to fit well with another and Lexi doesn't sound great with just anything. I am Greek and feel that Greek names sound better with other Greek names, doesn't make it easy...never dated a Greek guy so I will most likly keep it. Unless it's Mrs. Brad Pitt or something similar...

[AngelPhiSig]

For me it depends on the guys last name, I really want to carry on my last name... and especially if my husbands name is a Y, S or Z.... Then my initials will be:

ARMY
ARMS
ARMZ

It would just be fun to initial something!

[SigkapAlumWSU]

Haha.. ok, here's my situation. When my parent's got married, they had already been maried before, but obviosly, my dad had kept his name, Bennett. I don't know if my mom ever changed hers, but when she met my dad, she had her maiden name, Cumming. Neither wanted to lose the name, so the hyphenated it, Bennett-Cumming.
Now here is me, engaged. I decided a long time ago that unless his name was longer than mine, or I hated it, I would just take his. And I love it and it's much shorter. Besides, could you really see Bennett-Cumming McFarland?( maiden, last) I mean, what kind of a middle name is that?? or wose yet, hyphenating it all!! No way! I have a lil brother.. he can carry on the name! :D

[DeltAlum]

When we were married years ago, we talked about hyphenating both names -- but never got around to it, so my wife took my last name.

It really didn't make much difference to me.

Our oldest daughter is divorced and re-married. She took her first husbands last name. She also does a lot of acting and singing professionally. When she got divorced, everyone knew her with her ex's name.

I suggested she change it back to her maiden name -- which she did.

Then when she got married again, I suggested she keep her maiden name -- at least professionally.

Well, she took her new husbands last name. Go figure. At least he's an actor also, so the name is recognized.

Of course, the other thing to consider is the legal hassles of changing names when you are divorced. It's amazing how many things have your name on them. And, if you change back, you have to change them all. To me, that's another valid reason to keep your maiden name if you are so inclined.

[Siobhan]

Unless my future's husband has some totally whacked last name, I plan on changing mine.

[AOIIAngel]

I would change my last name, just because to me it is the traditional thing, and I am all about tradition!! Also, if/when my sweetie and I get married, I will go from a W up to a C!! I have always wanted to be at the top!!! :D

[aopirose]

I am the last of my line so keeping my maiden name was important for a lot of reasons. When hubby and I were engaged, he was all about changing his name or hyphenation. He actually changed his mind right before the wedding. Turns out he was really attached to his name. ;)

I use a hyphen professionally and it can be a tongue twister. I am Mrs. Him socially. I have a Russian but really common first name; yet, people can't pronounce it if they read it off a page. I always felt saved because my maiden name is English. People had no problem with it so at least they got half my name right. I was hesitant to switch to my husband's last name, which I just love, but it is French. People can't pronounce it either if they read it off a page.

I also can’t tell you how disappointed I was to learn about names and marriage laws. :( For years, I always thought that my name change, or not, was my choice and that I wielded some kind of power. :cool: However, in Louisiana, a woman's name automatically (legally) changes to her husband's unless she signs formal papers to the contrary. I didn't know that until we bought a house 3 years ago and was going over the contract with the attorneys.

My son has my maiden name for his middle name, so the name does carry for another generation. :D

[aephi alum]

When I got married, I tacked my husband's name onto the end of my own - so officially I have two middle names - my original middle name and my maiden name. In legal documents, I have two middle initials. When I can only provide one (like on my driver's license) I use the initial of my original middle name.

I prefer to be addressed in correspondence as Ms. Hisname. I don't particularly like being called Mrs. Hisname (because Mrs. means "wife of" implying I have no identity of my own), but I've kind of gotten resigned to it :( What really irks me, is when people use "Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname" - hello?? I have a name of my own!! I usually hand any mail addressed like that to my husband - "it's got your name and not mine on it, so it must be for you" ;)

[succubus2636]

I would keep my last name professionally, because whatever advanced degree I obtain, I'd like for it to be attached to *my" family's name moreso than my husband's if I'm the one who did all the work to earn it! Besides, my current boyfriend's last name is Howard, and if I ever married him I'd hate to be referred to as Dr. Howard over Dr. Holmes...my own last name suits me better, and I'm pretty much an only child, and being a girl, there's no other way for me to carry the name forward!!! now, outside of my profession, i suppose it's open for discussion! BTW, Im new to posting on this site, but have been checking it out for over a year!

[SoTrue1920]

I unofficially changed my name when I got married, but so did my husband. My last name became my middle name, and I added his name to it. I use all three names -- think Mary Tyler Moore or Courtney Cox Arquette. No hyphens here. I also don't like being referred to as Mrs. -- to me it feels too much like property. I use Ms. just like I did before I was married.

My husband kept his middle name, but only the initial. He also plans to use all three names.

I haven't officially changed my name yet because I didn't have enough time after the wedding what with packing and relocating to a different country. Hopefully we'll both get to legally change our names soon!

[SoTrue1920]

Originally posted by aephi alum
What really irks me, is when people use "Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname" - hello?? I have a name of my own!! I usually hand any mail addressed like that to my husband - "it's got your name and not mine on it, so it must be for you" ;)

Ugh, aephi alum... I know how you feel. This happened to me at my father's funeral earlier this year. In the funeral bulletin they listed me as "Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname of Vancouver, BC." I was LIVID! :mad: I kep thinking "Hello! I'm Cecily _______ of Atlanta, GA, thank you very much!" What's more, I know my father wouldn't have wanted me listed that way!

[lifesaver]

Several Observations...

In texas its common for kids (primarily in the hispanic culture) to hyphenate their last names. If the last name is Arellano (dads), and the moms maiden is Torres, Yhe kid will often go by Dax Arellano-Torres. Very common.

Secondly, We have a NM this semester who all the ladise are after because he has that "mediterranian look." Hes half-Lebanise, but has the last name of Parker. Turns out his mom and dad got divorced when he was really little so his mom not only changed her last name back to her maiden, but changed his to her maiden as well. I just cant see Parker as Ryan Abu-Kemise (his real birth name).

Finally I am getting my middle name legally changed. I hate it, I have always hated it. It is my mothers maiden name, and sounds OK as a last name, but BLOWS as a middle name. I am in my mid 20-s and still get $hit for it. Quoting my mom when I was in 2nd grade, "Oh honey, when you get to the third grade, they wont tease you anymore. " yeah. right. Sell it to someone whos buying, mom. A few months ago my BOSS was teasing me about it. I am sick of it. THE WORST is when someone tells me, "Oh, but it so fits you!" GRRRRRR. :mad: I am looking at 3 family names, Nathan, Tyler or Clarke. I myself like Mykul (a brother in the house's name, just think its cool spelled that way.) But have agreed to use a family name. My fam is really big on that crap.

So I'll share. If I hear shrieks of laughter in the still South Texas night tonight, I'll know what it is.

Prepare knees for slapping...

Jolly

SEE my social shame.

Good news, its only $120 in Texas to do it and you just have to swear before a judge that you arent doing it to run from the law or debts. I swear in front of everyone, so a judge shouldnt be that hard. ;)

[aggieAXO]

Can you hear me laughing? he he he he, I think it is cute!!



Originally posted by lifesaver
Several Observations...

In texas its common for kids (primarily in the hispanic culture) to hyphenate their last names. If the last name is Arellano (dads), and the moms maiden is Torres, Yhe kid will often go by Dax Arellano-Torres. Very common.

Secondly, We have a NM this semester who all the ladise are after because he has that "mediterranian look." Hes half-Lebanise, but has the last name of Parker. Turns out his mom and dad got divorced when he was really little so his mom not only changed her last name back to her maiden, but changed his to her maiden as well. I just cant see Parker as Ryan Abu-Kemise (his real birth name).

Finally I am getting my middle name legally changed. I hate it, I have always hated it. It is my mothers maiden name, and sounds OK as a last name, but BLOWS as a middle name. I am in my mid 20-s and still get $hit for it. Quoting my mom when I was in 2nd grade, "Oh honey, when you get to the third grade, they wont tease you anymore. " yeah. right. Sell it to someone whos buying, mom. A few months ago my BOSS was teasing me about it. I am sick of it. THE WORST is when someone tells me, "Oh, but it so fits you!" GRRRRRR. :mad: I am looking at 3 family names, Nathan, Tyler or Clarke. I myself like Mykul (a brother in the house's name, just think its cool spelled that way.) But have agreed to use a family name. My fam is really big on that crap.

So I'll share. If I hear shrieks of laughter in the still South Texas night tonight, I'll know what it is.

Prepare knees for slapping...

Jolly

god I hate my life sometimes.

Good news, its only $120 in Texas to do it and you just have to swear before a judge that you arent doing it to run from the law or debts. I swear in front of everyone, so a judge shouldnt be that hard. ;)

[KappaStargirl]

I am a traditionalist here...

I'm changing my name. I like his better anyway. With my last fiance, I would have either kept my name or hyphenated it because his last name rhymed with my first. Yuck! And I don't mind being called Mrs. Joe Smith. I'm just strange or something that way, I guess.

[AlphaChiGirl]

I'm a traditionalist, too...I like my last name, and I will probably use it professionally--unless I get married young before I establish myself in a career. But socially I would use my married name (unless it was just weird and freaked me out), and when I have to sign report cards, and stuff for my children, I will probably use Mrs. Hisname Hisname. I know that often, teachers/administrators "assume" things regarding a child's home life based on who's signing the papers, and how.

[carnation]

When I got my doctorate, I was still unmarried and performed tons of research under my maiden name. Then I got married and decided to hyphenate because I didn't think others in the field would recognize my new last name...also, my mother-in-law worked on campus and our husbands had the same first and last names and that would be confusing!

However, my hyphenated name was a mile long and it kept causing problems--it wouldn't fit on nameplates or parking spaces or certificates, etc., plus it was a mouthful so after about 3 years, I just started using my husband's last name...it was easier because the kids had started coming by then, too. I was pleased to realize also that because of the 3 years of hyphenation, people in the field were still able to remember me as the researcher.

I still only use Dr., never Mrs. First, my in-laws with the same name still live very close and participate in lots of the same activities and second, I earned it!:)

[aggieAXO]

so Carnation is it Dr. and Mr. Carnation?

I Have pondered the wedding invitation if I were to marry a Mr. and not a Dr. It is going to be weird hearing Mr. and Dr. so and so or what if he is a Dr. then Dr. and Dr. so and so???
Though again I am not a traditional person and will probably get married in Vegas:D .

[SoTrue1920]

Originally posted by aggieAXO
so Carnation is it Dr. and Mr. Carnation?

I Have pondered the wedding invitation if I were to marry a Mr. and not a Dr. It is going to be weird hearing Mr. and Dr. so and so or what if he is a Dr. then Dr. and Dr. so and so???
Though again I am not a traditional person and will probably get married in Vegas:D .

When I was filling out wedding invitations (hard to believe it's been a year since did that!), I read that the proper way to address an envelope if the man was a doctor was "Dr. and Mrs. So-and-So". What's funny is it didn't mention what to do if the woman was a doctor, so I'm assuming that the same rule would apply.

[Sisterplum]

I never even gave it any thought....I've always known that when I got married, I would change my name....not that I don't like my maiden name, but it's just something I never gave a second thought about!

I went from my maiden name of Hartling (easy to pronounce!) to my married name of Bialowas ( bee-a-lov-us) which is Polish (my husband was born there). It took my mom a year of us dating to have her even pronounce it right!!! LOL!:D

[carnation]

Okay, assuming we are Bill and Mary Smith, the most proper way to address an envelope is Dr. Mary and Mr. Bill Smith, though who cares about the order? It's okay with me if envelopes say Bill and Mary Smith or Mr. Bill and Dr. Mary Smith--just not Mr. and Mrs. Bill Smith!

[BrownEyedGirl]

This is a bit random, but if your husband was also a doctor, Carnation, would you have envelopes addressed to: Doctors Smith or Dr. and Dr. Smith? It just occurred to me that having only one doctor (either spouse) in the fam wouldn't be too complicated, but two might throw me off!

Congrats, by the way, on finding a way of keeping your name and then transitioning into something that worked for you and your family!

[Wine&Blue]

Mind if I jump in? With all the invitations I'm doing right now, I could probably answer any question you have.

In this case it would say "Drs. Mary and Bill Smith." I don't so much care whose name goes first either, but the etiquette gods say her name goes first.

Incidentally, I'm taking his name and bumping my name to middle. So I'll be Firstname Maidenname Marriedname. Like Courtney Cox Arquette.

Originally posted by BrownEyedGirl
This is a bit random, but if your husband was also a doctor, Carnation, would you have envelopes addressed to: Doctors Smith or Dr. and Dr. Smith? It just occurred to me that having only one doctor (either spouse) in the fam wouldn't be too complicated, but two might throw me off!

Congrats, by the way, on finding a way of keeping your name and then transitioning into something that worked for you and your family!

[BrownEyedGirl]

Thanks for the etiquette info, Wine&Blue!! When are you getting married?

[Wine&Blue]

May 25, 2002

[newbie]

When I get married, I hope to hyphen my name. It shouldn't be too painful, since my last name is only 3 letters anyway. :) Or, I might just take my husband's last name. I still have a lot of time to decide, though! lol

My kids will take my husband's last name.

[aephi alum]

Back when I was planning my wedding, I did a lot of lurking on alt.wedding and similar newsgroups. The topic of how to address someone on an invitation came up a lot.

Generally, the word "and" indicates marriage.

If she's a doctor and he isn't, it's:
Dr. Mary Smith and Mr. John Smith
(If a long last name is involved, you can get away with Dr. Mary and Mr. John Smithxxxxxxxxxxx)

If he's a doctor and she isn't, you can use:
Dr. and Mrs. John Smith (traditional)
Dr. and Mrs. John and Mary Smith (less traditional)

If both are doctors:
Drs. Mary and John Smith (as in Wine&Blue's example)

If she kept her maiden name:
Ms. Mary Jones and Mr. John Smith

If she changed her name:
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith (traditional)
Mr. and Mrs. John and Mary Smith (less traditional - and what I prefer :) )

If the couple is living together but not married (whether engaged or not):
Ms. (or Miss) Mary Jones
Mr. John Smith
(separate lines, no "and")

If a couple is engaged but not living together, each member of the couple would get a separate invitation.

Traditionally, a widow is Mrs. John Smith, and a divorced woman is Mrs. Mary Smith. So you only get your first name back if you get divorced. :rolleyes:

And just to throw something else into the name mix, both my parents are doctors, but my mother earned her degrees and did her internship and residency before she got married - and she and my dad worked at the same hospital. So, professionally, she went by her maiden name, but she used my dad's name on all her legal documents. I remember that she had to double-endorse her paychecks b/c they were made out to her in her maiden name and her bank account was in her married name. Socially, though, she's Mrs. Hisname.

[TechAPhi]

aephi alum: This is great info! Thanks for posting it. :)

[aggieAXO]

Yes, Thank You for the info. now if I can only find a husband this would come in handy (not that I am looking:D )

[lilsnakeyk]

Lil Snakey K

[bruinaphi]

A very smart woman I know started a web page that takes care of all of the pain in the butt aspects of name changes. I am not sure if she just does CA or if she does other states but you should check out her page at www.enamechange.com. A couple of my friends have used her services and found them very helpful.

My second year of law school my journal published an article on the laws surrounding name changes. It was so interesting to learn about other country's traditions as compared to the US traditions. It was also interesting to learn how backward so many state laws were until quite recently. If you are dorky, like me, or a lawyer, you can check out the article at 7 So. Cal. Rev. Law & Women's Stud. 1 (1997). The article is called The Beginning of Wisdom Is to Call Things by Their Right Names by Kif Augustine-Adams.