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greekstreak
10-04-2011, 12:17 PM
I recently rushed as a junior at my small, private school in California (I transferred in the previous semester, spring of my sophomore year). Despite our school denouncing any ties with fraternal organizations (and thereby denying them any funding or recognition or affiliation with the school), we have four sororities and a few fraternities. Of course, one of these sororities is the "weird girl" sorority. The "fat girls," the "weird girls," the "ugly girls," the commuter students, etc. My roommates are all in the top sorority on campus, and have said terrible things about and made fun of this one sorority, and I'm trying not to let it influence my decision.

This is the only sorority I got a bid from (it was REALLY hard to rush as a junior), and now I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons. Thoughts??

DeltaBetaBaby
10-04-2011, 12:22 PM
OHNOES! You better not accept a bid! The second you do, you will immediately gain at least 100 lbs. and be cursed with a horrible disfigurement!

PhoenixAzul
10-04-2011, 12:24 PM
Thoughts:

Your friends are really immature, un-Panhellenic, and need to grow up.

What are your thoughts? Do you like the women in the chapter you've been invited to join? Do you see them as sisters? Would you want to be "sisters" with your friends if that is how they talked about other women? What kind of environment do you think exists in a "top" chapter where it is OK to tear down other women based on their weight, personality or appearance?

Jill1228
10-04-2011, 12:35 PM
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y132/APHIJill/blinkies/yeahthat.gif
I couldn't have said it better myself

Mevara
10-04-2011, 12:49 PM
Why wouldn't you want to be sisters with people who can look beyond your physical appearance and like you for who you are?

psusue
10-04-2011, 12:55 PM
My question is, what other time in your life would you ever be choosing friends based on what they look like? It's not like you're dating them, what they look like is no reflection on you. Even if every woman in the chapter was unfortunate looking, you do not change if you were to associate with them. So the question remains, do you like these women? Are they funny, kind, honest, whatever you are looking for in a group of sisters? Can you be yourself with them?

These are the questions you need to be asking yourself. If you are joining a sorority to give you letters that affirm your beauty and worth just by virtue of them being ABC and not XYZ, you might not get that with the sorority that bid you. But if you are looking for (literally) lifelong sisterhood with abounding leadership and character building experiences, I can almost guarantee this sorority to that them. So the question is, what are you searching for?

southernbelle14
10-04-2011, 01:20 PM
I've never posted on this site before, But I've been reading posts on here for a while. People here seem to like to pretend reputations don't matter at all, but they do. I have many good friends in the "worst" sorority on my campus. While they are great, there are a lot of girls who will talk bad about every other sorority to try to make themselves feel better. They have a serious inferiority complex, which makes a lot of them rather difficult to be around. So if the girls in this sorority are similar, I can honestly understand being hesitant about accepting the bid. If, however, they do not act like this and you enjoy them and fell comfortable around them, then don't worry about the reputations.
Good luck!

KSig RC
10-04-2011, 01:24 PM
Why wouldn't you want to be sisters with people who can look beyond your physical appearance and like you for who you are?

Because they're fat?

KSUViolet06
10-04-2011, 01:29 PM
You could:

a.) depledge and not be Greek at all.

b.) take the bid and ignore what other people say.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen girls depledge from chapters for dumb reasons then kick themselves when they see everyone else being Greek and having fun.

Ask yourself: "Would I rather not be Greek at all than be in this sorority?" If that's how you feel, depledge. Just know that as a junior, you probably won't have another opportunity to be Greek.

Something else to consider: people in other chapters typically have bad things to say about EVERY OTHER chapter except their own. I'm willing to bet that there's a negative name for every sorority on your campus

If you were in Top Sorority, there would be people calling it "the bimbo sorority" or "the I spend daddy's money and am shallow sorority." If you were in another one they'd be calling it the "drugs and coke sorority." So no chapter is exempt from that.

This is of course, up to you. Good luck with whatever you decide.

AlphaFrog
10-04-2011, 01:39 PM
Hey...at least girl is laying it all out there and not giving us the "I didn't feel the connection" line. Points for honesty, and I respect that.

To say that reputations don't matter is a lie, but as KSUViolet said, do you want to be Greek or not? Can yiu look past the reputation enough to give these women a chance?

DubaiSis
10-04-2011, 02:19 PM
Do your friends know that this is the only bid you have? You may find them eating their words mighty fast if you said you were offered a bid and have decided to accept. Girls can jump on a snotty bandwagon and when pressed really not mean any of it. It's easy to say you should do it and damn the consequences. That's going to be for you to decide, but I'd really hate for you to miss out on some great times while you're still in college because your friends said some less than kind things that they might not really even mean.

There are people in the world who are uncomfortably unattractive, who you really wouldn't want sitting next to you in a bar. If this is how you feel, then it's an unfortunate reality. But a lot of sororities are deemed the dog house when if you took off their letters and mixed them in with the hot house, nobody could pick them out of the crowd.

Best of luck to you. I hope your friends have an attitude adjustment.

crescent&pearls
10-04-2011, 02:33 PM
My roommates are all in the top sorority on campus, and have said terrible things about and made fun of this one sorority, and I'm trying not to let it influence my decision.

I note that you did not call these women your friends. They are acquaintances. People you know and are friendly with are not necessarily your friends. Sisters are for life. Choose your own path based on your own values, and you'll never look back on your decisions with regret.

rockwallgreek
10-04-2011, 03:19 PM
I knew nothing about recruitment. I knew nothing about sororities. Can you say 1974, transfer from California to a Texas school. I went through Spring Rush. Didn't get a bid from anyone but, the "yankee" sorority. I chose to accept. My senior year the chapter closed. Not the best of circumstances, but and it's a big BUT. I decided not to be like the alumane in the city. I decided I wouldn't want a chapter to resolve if I could help it. I decided to be very active in the Alumnae portion. I am still there. I also have 4 daughters who are not only my daughters, but my sisters. I have friends from their alumnae chapter who are always there for me and my girls. My sorority has meant far more to me as an alumna than it ever did as a collegiate. That may be bad to say, but it's true. I was looking through memorabilia the other day... my 5 year old daughter (she's now 29) gave me a homemade card with a squirrel on it. If a 5 year old grasps that significance, I know I've made a difference. My daughters knew from day 1 that I was an Alpha Gam and I made sure that they saw how important it was to me.
I get really frustrated when these girls think it's only about today. Sorority life is forever and I'll guarantee that's it's what happens AFTER your Collegiate years is what's really important.

summer_gphib
10-04-2011, 03:28 PM
I note that you did not call these women your friends. They are acquaintances. People you know and are friendly with are not necessarily your friends. Sisters are for life. Choose your own path based on your own values, and you'll never look back on your decisions with regret.

This is great advice. :)

ComradesTrue
10-04-2011, 03:29 PM
I knew nothing about recruitment. I knew nothing about sororities. Can you say 1974, transfer from California to a Texas school. I went through Spring Rush. Didn't get a bid from anyone but, the "yankee" sorority. I chose to accept. My senior year the chapter closed. Not the best of circumstances, but and it's a big BUT. I decided not to be like the alumane in the city. I decided I wouldn't want a chapter to resolve if I could help it. I decided to be very active in the Alumnae portion. I am still there. I also have 4 daughters who are not only my daughters, but my sisters. I have friends from their alumnae chapter who are always there for me and my girls. My sorority has meant far more to me as an alumna than it ever did as a collegiate. That may be bad to say, but it's true. I was looking through memorabilia the other day... my 5 year old daughter (she's now 29) gave me a homemade card with a squirrel on it. If a 5 year old grasps that significance, I know I've made a difference. My daughters knew from day 1 that I was an Alpha Gam and I made sure that they saw how important it was to me.
I get really frustrated when these girls think it's only about today. Sorority life is forever and I'll guarantee that's it's what happens AFTER your Collegiate years is what's really important.

Love. Thank you.

CougADPi
10-04-2011, 03:42 PM
I knew nothing about recruitment. I knew nothing about sororities. Can you say 1974, transfer from California to a Texas school. I went through Spring Rush. Didn't get a bid from anyone but, the "yankee" sorority. I chose to accept. My senior year the chapter closed. Not the best of circumstances, but and it's a big BUT. I decided not to be like the alumane in the city. I decided I wouldn't want a chapter to resolve if I could help it. I decided to be very active in the Alumnae portion. I am still there. I also have 4 daughters who are not only my daughters, but my sisters. I have friends from their alumnae chapter who are always there for me and my girls. My sorority has meant far more to me as an alumna than it ever did as a collegiate. That may be bad to say, but it's true. I was looking through memorabilia the other day... my 5 year old daughter (she's now 29) gave me a homemade card with a squirrel on it. If a 5 year old grasps that significance, I know I've made a difference. My daughters knew from day 1 that I was an Alpha Gam and I made sure that they saw how important it was to me.
I get really frustrated when these girls think it's only about today. Sorority life is forever and I'll guarantee that's it's what happens AFTER your Collegiate years is what's really important.

With a few tweaks here and there, I could have written this story! So true (especially the bolded portion)!

shadokat
10-04-2011, 03:57 PM
Totally agree with rockwallgreek!

All that being said, the one issue I have is looking at yourself and saying, I won't be Greek if I don't accept this bid. This is NOT a reason to accept a bid. You should WANT to be a part of this sisterhood, because more than likely, these women are proud of their chapter and who they are, despite folks talking shit on them. If your only reason to take the bid is that you won't be Greek otherwise, spare the chapter your lack of desire and don't join.

Just my .02!

Jen
10-04-2011, 03:59 PM
What kind of environment do you think exists in a "top" chapter where it is OK to tear down other women based on their weight, personality or appearance?


YES. I think people forget to look at who is doing the gossiping. Those gossips probably have targets in their own sorority they attack. There are probably girls in that top house that feel like they can't do anything without being judged, attacked, gossiped about by their own sisters within the house. So to think you'd join that chapter and everything would be rosy likely isn't true.

AOEforme
10-04-2011, 05:34 PM
YES. I think people forget to look at who is doing the gossiping. Those gossips probably have targets in their own sorority they attack. There are probably girls in that top house that feel like they can't do anything without being judged, attacked, gossiped about by their own sisters within the house. So to think you'd join that chapter and everything would be rosy likely isn't true.

Totes agree.

Also, you need to look at who told you which sorority is "Top". I'm betting if it's mainly from your roommates, they've been exaggerating their social status a wee bit, or at least making the social gap seem larger than it actually is.

Eightisgreat
10-04-2011, 06:00 PM
I think when a bid is issued it can sometime be just a numbers thing, BUT I also think a chapter has seen something in you they can relate too. One of my favorite sayings I have ever read about recruitment is "We are not who you think you want to be, we are who you have always been."

33girl
10-04-2011, 06:10 PM
My roommates are all in the top sorority on campus, and have said terrible things about and made fun of this one sorority, and I'm trying not to let it influence my decision.

This is the only sorority I got a bid from (it was REALLY hard to rush as a junior), and now I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons. Thoughts??

Your roommates sound like a bunch of rhymes with punts. (Nice of them to pull for you and get you a bid in their "top" sorority. Not.)

Apparently, rushing as a junior, this is the only sorority that was un-shallow enough to see past your class status and let you in. Accept the bid, begin pledging and try getting to know the girls for a couple weeks. If you still are hiding your letters every time someone walks by, then drop out and don't initiate. If you keep an open mind, however, in a few weeks you may be saying "yeah, I'm in the FAT GIRL sorority - and I'm happier than I've ever been. You got a fucking problem with that?"

P.S. You might want to delete the second sentence of your post, as it's pretty distinguishing. Just sayin.

AOII Angel
10-04-2011, 06:13 PM
Your roommates sound like a bunch of rhymes with punts. (Nice of them to pull for you and get you a bid in their "top" sorority. Not.)

Apparently, rushing as a junior, this is the only sorority that was un-shallow enough to see past your class status and let you in. Accept the bid, begin pledging and try getting to know the girls for a couple weeks. If you still are hiding your letters every time someone walks by, then drop out and don't initiate. If you keep an open mind, however, in a few weeks you may be saying "yeah, I'm in the FAT GIRL sorority - and I'm happier than I've ever been. You got a fucking problem with that?"

P.S. You might want to delete the second sentence of your post, as it's pretty distinguishing. Just sayin.
Bravo.

*winter*
10-04-2011, 06:29 PM
In the heirarchy of Stupid Rankings That Don't Mean Anything In Real Life, the service sorority is wayyyyyy down there. But I joined that group, I had a ton of fun, I loved the girls, and I rocked it. Were there people who probably thought "that's not a REAL sorority" or "all the losers join that group?" Probably. Did anyone ever say it to my face? No.

If you like the company of the girls, once you join (if you decide to do so) it won't matter what other people think- you'll be having a good time and making friends. What really matters, as OPs have said, is that YOU like the girls. It's okay if you don't, and really don't want to take the bid because you genuniely didn't click with the group. But don't let "potential" judgements by people who don't matter affect your opinion of the group if you enjoyed meeting them and think you'd like to become a member.

DGTess
10-04-2011, 07:15 PM
Remember, to the chapter that gave you a bid, they are the best sorority. The rest of the campus may not recognize it; other sororities may not recognize it. But I can almost guaran-damn-tee you the women in that chapter believe it is the best place to be.

Do you want to add to that, or not?

ASTalumna06
10-04-2011, 07:50 PM
Hey...at least girl is laying it all out there and not giving us the "I didn't feel the connection" line. Points for honesty, and I respect that.


She's not giving us that line because I think she DOES feel a connection of some kind and isn't willing to just turn her back on this opportunity. This may have been the only bid that she received, but I don't think she'd consider taking it and having her roommates think she's lame if she felt absolutely nothing for this chapter. If she was in fact like those other PNMs that "didn't feel a connection" and she was honest, she would be saying, "I got a bid from the fat sorority.. I refuse to accept it! Give me advice on how to get the top sorority next semester.. Please!!!"


I agree that she deserves some credit, because I do think she sounds mature enough to recognize that even though this is the "fat sorority," she shouldn't just dismiss them altogether... especially if she really wants to be Greek.

My advice would be to accept the bid and see where it goes. If you find that you're not feeling it after a few weeks, you can drop. However, whatever you decide to do, don't let your roommates' opinions affect your decision! The girls in this sorority (both on a local/collegiate and national/alumnae level) could potentially be your best friends.. don't give that up because a few people choose to put them down for no reason whatsoever.

KSUViolet06
10-04-2011, 08:22 PM
This strikes me like a HS scenario.

Becky is in the Science Club. She likes it and has fun in it. Her friends are in the Cute Girl Group who thinks Science Club is social suicide. Becky doesn't know what to do because she likes it, but doesn't want to be viewed as uncool.

violetpretty
10-04-2011, 09:09 PM
She's not giving us that line because I think she DOES feel a connection of some kind and isn't willing to just turn her back on this opportunity. This may have been the only bid that she received, but I don't think she'd consider taking it and having her roommates think she's lame if she felt absolutely nothing for this chapter. If she was in fact like those other PNMs that "didn't feel a connection" and she was honest, she would be saying, "I got a bid from the fat sorority.. I refuse to accept it! Give me advice on how to get the top sorority next semester.. Please!!!"


I agree that she deserves some credit, because I do think she sounds mature enough to recognize that even though this is the "fat sorority," she shouldn't just dismiss them altogether... especially if she really wants to be Greek.
Maybe. I think the fact that she's a junior and recognizes this is her only chance to be Greek is A reason, if not the only reason, she is on the fence and hasn't dismissed the chapter altogether.

Then again, in California, "fat" is probably 135 pounds or more.

KDCat
10-04-2011, 09:20 PM
I recently rushed as a junior at my small, private school in California (I transferred in the previous semester, spring of my sophomore year). Despite our school denouncing any ties with fraternal organizations (and thereby denying them any funding or recognition or affiliation with the school), we have four sororities and a few fraternities. Of course, one of these sororities is the "weird girl" sorority. The "fat girls," the "weird girls," the "ugly girls," the commuter students, etc. My roommates are all in the top sorority on campus, and have said terrible things about and made fun of this one sorority, and I'm trying not to let it influence my decision.

This is the only sorority I got a bid from (it was REALLY hard to rush as a junior), and now I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons. Thoughts??

Forget your room mates and their nasty comments.

Do you like this group? Can you make friends there? Do you enjoy being around those girls? Do you share interests with them?

If the answer is "yes," then I'd take the bid. Real friends are way more important than your roommates' opinions. None of my friends and I went to the same houses when we rushed. We all listed different groups as our #1. We were different people with different needs and personalities.

Old_Row
10-04-2011, 09:34 PM
If your roommates' opinions are so important to you that you will do anything you can to impress them then you should definitely stay a geed. Letting other people dictate what you do with your life is an awesome way to live so this will be a good start.

KSUViolet06
10-04-2011, 11:14 PM
Then again, in California, "fat" is probably 135 pounds or more.

I think it's hilarious when a chapter is referred to as "fat" but when you look at them, the perceived "fat girls" are maybe size 10 max, there are like 3 of them, and the rest of the chapter is maybe a 6ish.

The way people refer to them you'd think that everyone in the chapter was Jabba The Hut.

It's sad and funny at the same time.

Xidelt
10-04-2011, 11:28 PM
I love how the OP's roommates are talking shit about 3 of the 4 sororities on campus, none of which they are in. I find it highly unlikely that 75% of the girl Greek scene on this campus is made of complete and total rejects. These girls' perspective of themselves and their sense of self-importance must be seriously skewed. Take the bid and get some new roommates.

Optimus Prime
10-05-2011, 12:01 AM
Every sorority will have a reputation of some sort given by some other group. At least this is what I've experienced on my campus. Non greeks always labeled each sorority/fraternity and it was always something bad or negative. You just have to try to ignore them if you can, and enjoy your sisterhood.

FleurGirl
10-05-2011, 08:06 AM
People here seem to like to pretend reputations don't matter at all, but they do. I have many good friends in the "worst" sorority on my campus. While they are great, there are a lot of girls who will talk bad about every other sorority to try to make themselves feel better. They have a serious inferiority complex, which makes a lot of them rather difficult to be around.

This is very unfair. I know a lot of girls in the "top" chapters who say very negative (usually very public) things about the "bottom" chapters. There's going to be some level of cattiness no matter where you go I think, but to go ahead and say "oh, they're an ugly chapter? They must be miserable and talk smack to make themselves feel better," is INSANELY unfair. Stuff like that is just as likely to happen in the "best" chapter on campus as the "worst". (Note the quotes, since I think ranking chapters is the most ridiculous thing in the world.) I would HOPE that if the girls in the chapter the OP is thinking of joining are nasty people, it wouldn't even be a question as to whether to accept a bid.

AXOrushadvisor
10-05-2011, 10:37 AM
I think you have gotten some very sound advice here. I just keep going back to you have pros- there are things you like about this group. You have nothing to loose by taking the bid and getting to know your new sisters and pledge class. There may be some real opportunity here for you to grow, get involved and make a difference. Like one of the other posters said if you get close to initiation and it is not for you then you just turn in your pledge pin and walk away. I do want you to remember that you only have 2 years left at University and membership is for a lifetime. Some of my closet friends are not girls I pledged with or even lived with in the sorority house they are from the local alumni group in my home town- who would have known?!

ForeverRoses
10-05-2011, 01:35 PM
oh, come on. No one has given her the worst advice ever with the "maybe you should look into AI"?

DubaiSis
10-05-2011, 02:22 PM
Um, it's a local. I can't imagine a local having an AI program. But yes, that WOULD be the worst advice ever.:p

Jill1228
10-05-2011, 03:15 PM
Um, it's a local. I can't imagine a local having an AI program. But yes, that WOULD be the worst advice ever.:p

These are NOT locals. These are NPCs (their recruitment came a little earlier this year)...
Yes, I know the school well

crescent&pearls
10-05-2011, 04:25 PM
The point is that whether you accept a bid from a "top" chapter after a "perfect" rush or a bumpy, emotional one, or a bid from your second fave, or a bid from you least favorite that you thought you "didn't connect with" or "couldn't see yourself there" or a bid offered from a chapter during informal recruitment...YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW THESE WOMEN, AND THEY DON'T REALLY KNOW YOU. Taking that bid and trying to make a go of it is a leap of faith. They are taking a chance on you, and you take a chance on them. You could do yourself a favor and do some research on the national organization and learn something about what it has to offer you outside the bubble of your "on campus" experience and maybe that might a difference to you..maybe not.

On the other hand, the OP lives with a bunch of girls who have proven themselves to be twits with their catty, juvenile and unbecoming behavior.

Hmmm...two options: take a chance on lifetime of opportunities waiting for you or let yourself be influenced by twits. Such difficult choices!

amIblue?
10-05-2011, 04:51 PM
I think it's hilarious when a chapter is referred to as "fat" but when you look at them, the perceived "fat girls" are maybe size 10 max, there are like 3 of them, and the rest of the chapter is maybe a 6ish.

The way people refer to them you'd think that everyone in the chapter was Jabba The Hut.

It's sad and funny at the same time.

I often wish that I were just as fat as I used to think I was when I was in college and a size 6-8.

scrapcat
10-05-2011, 08:47 PM
funny thing about "labels". My eldest daughter joined the "real girl" sorority. They had every shape, size, color of girls. Were they the top house? Nope. but guess what.. In 4 small years that "average girl" house went from zero to hero. This year they took in 42 pnms! Making them one of the top houses! Go figure.

jenidallas
10-05-2011, 09:33 PM
I often wish that I were just as fat as I used to think I was when I was in college and a size 6-8.

+1

Gosh, I really WAS a twit when I was 19. I could kick myself now.

amIblue?
10-05-2011, 10:01 PM
+1

Gosh, I really WAS a twit when I was 19. I could kick myself now.

I claim twit-iness until I was 25. I often wonder what I could have accomplished if I only had had my thirty-COUGH SNEEZE year old brain in my teenage/early 20's body.

DubaiSis
10-06-2011, 01:12 AM
These are NOT locals. These are NPCs (their recruitment came a little earlier this year)...
Yes, I know the school well
Sorry, my bad. I read no official connection to school as NPC not allowed, but I can think of 1 school (not this one) that works that way so I suppose there are more.