Invited to be an AI, but...

[stelladoro]

Twenty years out of college, I'm pretty happy with my life. I have a great husband and daughter, have been involved with various social groups and have built a decent business. My best friend of many years was in a certain sorority and today said that she'd like to have me be an AI. I feel very honored but I'm also a bit nervous about whether my explanation about why I didn't rush the first time is valid.

It's actually a combination of several things.

1. I had a very full course load and had the impression from movies, etc. that Greek life was all about partying - not something that would mesh with my serious outlook at the time.

2. I'd also been told by a friend in a fraternity that dues were expensive. Maybe it was only a few hundred a year, but as I was working my way through college, every dollar counted. (I'm still very frugal, but saving/spending, say, $300 isn't the burden it was back in 1990.)

3. A Greek-hating boyfriend (who was older and ostensibly knew about these things) told me that a sorority would require me to date guys only in a certain fraternity. (To be honest, "date" wasn't the word he used.) I eventually figured out that he was a jerk, but by then it was too late.

4. In my first year I bit off more than I could chew and ended up with a low GPA from sheer exhaustion, and so my grades weren't high enough for me to rush anyway. I eventually rebounded and did well, but that first year showed me how low I could go.

I made some great friends in college, some of whom were Greek and, surprise surprise, good students who went on to have fine lives (and even - gasp! - marry non-Greeks). I like the idea of being a part of a large organization with a long history and wide support system, and I like the idea of mentoring a young woman who might be confused about starting her adult life - although, I've got to admit, in no way could she be as rudderless as I was at that age.

I think I have a lot to offer as an AI, but am a bit concerned about being shot down before I even have the chance to pass the test.

Thoughts?

[dreamseeker]

[QUOTE=stelladoro;1928430My best friend of many years was in a certain sorority and today said that she'd like to have me be an AI. [/QUOTE]

i know next to nothing about AI so i'm just going to wait and see if the friend was just talking or if that's an actual offer...

[AOII Angel]

Wait and see what they actually ask you. They may not want to know why you didn't go through recruitment in college but rather what you have to offer now. It is an honor to have someone nominate you for membership. It's a long process, and you'll have time to think through these things. I think the best thing is to not make excuses. Sororities are looking for accomplished women to add to their membership, not to berate women for not joining as collegians once a member had identified them as candidates for membership.

[SWTXBelle]

I doubt the reasons you didn't pledge as a collegian are going to be much of a factor.

[pbear19]

I can honestly say that no one in almost three years has asked me why I didn't go through rush in college. I've sometimes shared, but no one has ever asked that I can recall.

[violetpretty]

If the sorority is inviting you to become a member, I doubt they care why you didn't go through recruitment in college. On the other hand, if you are approaching the sorority about AI, they may be interested in that.

[ree-Xi]

Twenty years out of college, I'm pretty happy with my life. I have a great husband and daughter, have been involved with various social groups and have built a decent business. My best friend of many years was in a certain sorority and today said that she'd like to have me be an AI. I feel very honored but I'm also a bit nervous about whether my explanation about why I didn't rush the first time is valid.

It's actually a combination of several things.

1. I had a very full course load and had the impression from movies, etc. that Greek life was all about partying - not something that would mesh with my serious outlook at the time.

2. I'd also been told by a friend in a fraternity that dues were expensive. Maybe it was only a few hundred a year, but as I was working my way through college, every dollar counted. (I'm still very frugal, but saving/spending, say, $300 isn't the burden it was back in 1990.)

3. A Greek-hating boyfriend (who was older and ostensibly knew about these things) told me that a sorority would require me to date guys only in a certain fraternity. (To be honest, "date" wasn't the word he used.) I eventually figured out that he was a jerk, but by then it was too late.

4. In my first year I bit off more than I could chew and ended up with a low GPA from sheer exhaustion, and so my grades weren't high enough for me to rush anyway. I eventually rebounded and did well, but that first year showed me how low I could go.

I made some great friends in college, some of whom were Greek and, surprise surprise, good students who went on to have fine lives (and even - gasp! - marry non-Greeks). I like the idea of being a part of a large organization with a long history and wide support system, and I like the idea of mentoring a young woman who might be confused about starting her adult life - although, I've got to admit, in no way could she be as rudderless as I was at that age.

I think I have a lot to offer as an AI, but am a bit concerned about being shot down before I even have the chance to pass the test.

Thoughts?

Either do it or don't. We can't answer that question for you.

As for "mentoring a young woman," find out if that is something that the local alumnae chapter do. Some alumnae associations/chapters are not very hands-on with a particular collegiate chapter. Some don't even have a collegiate chapter nearby.

If this was indeed an invitation (and I am sure that IF it is, the friend will follow up with you), do you plan to participate in the alumnae association/chapter? Ask what kind of activities they do. Since you haven't been through pledging, if you proceed, it would help to learn as much as possible about the national organization.

Alumnae experience is 180 degrees from collegiate experience, but you do have similar goals - to grow, support and represent the organization. Talk to your friend - who knows you - and make your decision from there.

Your reasons for never rushing may or may not matter, but I would phrase them in general terms, such "I didn't fully understand the process" - though Rush would have been the time to learn about it.

We cannot tell you what you should do.

[33girl]

My best friend of many years was in a certain sorority and today said that she'd like to have me be an AI.

What she would like is not necessarily what the alumnae chapter, the collegiate chapter whose name you will bear (if this particular sorority doesn't have a special designation for AIs), the regional directors or the national council of the sorority would like.

Quite frankly, she should have sounded this out with all those people I mentioned above and given them a rundown on your life, accomplishments, background, yadda yadda before bringing it up to you, and seeing if any of the things you mentioned (like not pledging in college) would be a negative factor. Has she introduced you to any of her sisters? Has she asked you to any of the events they have?

I might be completely off base, but it almost sounds like she's at sea in an alum chapter full of unfamiliar women and wants someone in her corner.

[stelladoro]

What she would like is not necessarily what the alumnae chapter, the collegiate chapter whose name you will bear (if this particular sorority doesn't have a special designation for AIs), the regional directors or the national council of the sorority would like.

Quite frankly, she should have sounded this out with all those people I mentioned above and given them a rundown on your life, accomplishments, background, yadda yadda before bringing it up to you, and seeing if any of the things you mentioned (like not pledging in college) would be a negative factor. Has she introduced you to any of her sisters? Has she asked you to any of the events they have?

I might be completely off base, but it almost sounds like she's at sea in an alum chapter full of unfamiliar women and wants someone in her corner.

Thanks everyone for your great replies!

She and I live a couple of hours away from each other, but she is very active and well-liked in hers and has been for many years and so wanting someone "in her corner" doesn't seem to apply. I do know that there are local collegiate chapters in my area and she already checked and there is an AI chapter here too, which would work.

My friend's reasoning was this: she says she always thought of me as someone who is (sorority) material, and this way we really can be sisters. I don't know to what extent she discussed this with her local sisters, but she did say that her chapter is considering two other AI candidates right now and so I believe she has a pretty good handle on what it entails.

I'm happy to hear that it doesn't matter so much where I've been but where I'm going.

[ree-Xi]

Thanks everyone for your great replies!

She and I live a couple of hours away from each other, but she is very active and well-liked in hers and has been for many years and so wanting someone "in her corner" doesn't seem to apply. I do know that there are local collegiate chapters in my area and she already checked and there is an AI chapter here too, which would work.

My friend's reasoning was this: she says she always thought of me as someone who is (sorority) material, and this way we really can be sisters. I don't know to what extent she discussed this with her local sisters, but she did say that her chapter is considering two other AI candidates right now and so I believe she has a pretty good handle on what it entails.

I'm happy to hear that it doesn't matter so much where I've been but where I'm going.

The sorority has a physical chapter just for Alumnae Initiates (and not just a chapter Letter designation for initiation)? Or do you mean Alumnae Chapter?

Forgive me, but I have never heard of this.

[33girl]

Ohhhhh boy.

So she wants you to AI, but the chapter you'll be active with (ree, I'm guessing she meant alum chapter and just mistyped) is not hers? She wants to just kind of plop you down into a chapter where you won't know anyone and where she may not know anyone either?

UNLESS she knows the women in the chapter you would be active in fairly well (through national volunteering or something), UNLESS she's been corresponding with them about this for a good while, and UNLESS the women in the chapter you would be active in are very, very, VERY open-minded about the idea of AI (and want to take some time to get to know you) I would tell her to drop it.

[ASUADPi]

To the OP: I would just go with the flow, if joining this particular sorority through AI is something you are interested in, because as others mentioned, it is a long process.

To everyone else: remember we aren't getting the whole story. We don't know exactly what the OP's friend has and hasn't done. Whatever your individual feelings are on AI, I'm sure if there was someone you were good friends with and you felt they were "worthy" of being a member of your given chapter, you would do some of the leg work.
One thing to also remember is that not a lot of alums, know about AI. In my sorority alone, not alot know about it. The truly 'active' alums know a bit about it. I know a bit more because I went to an AI training at a convention. This isn't to say all do.
The reality is we really don't much of the situation, other than what the OP has divulged, which hasn't been alot (which to the OP, I think is the best).

[33girl]

To everyone else: remember we aren't getting the whole story. We don't know exactly what the OP's friend has and hasn't done. Whatever your individual feelings are on AI, I'm sure if there was someone you were good friends with and you felt they were "worthy" of being a member of your given chapter, you would do some of the leg work.


But that's what she said in her last post - that she WOULDN'T be a member of her friend's chapter because her friend is several hours away. I, too, am hoping that her friend has taken care of all the things I'm bringing up before just throwing her into the maelstrom.

[ASUADPi]

But that's what she said in her last post - that she WOULDN'T be a member of her friend's chapter because her friend is several hours away. I, too, am hoping that her friend has taken care of all the things I'm bringing up before just throwing her into the maelstrom.

That has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm saying (her friend living hours away).

What I was saying is that we don't know the whole situation, we don't know what the friend has or hasn't done. Only the OP and the friend know this.

[myopicsunflower]

What she would like is not necessarily what the alumnae chapter, the collegiate chapter whose name you will bear (if this particular sorority doesn't have a special designation for AIs), the regional directors or the national council of the sorority would like.

Quite frankly, she should have sounded this out with all those people I mentioned above and given them a rundown on your life, accomplishments, background, yadda yadda before bringing it up to you, and seeing if any of the things you mentioned (like not pledging in college) would be a negative factor. Has she introduced you to any of her sisters? Has she asked you to any of the events they have?

I might be completely off base, but it almost sounds like she's at sea in an alum chapter full of unfamiliar women and wants someone in her corner.

Like others have said, we don't have the full story here, but keep in mind that each organization that does AI has its own process. Because the OP's friend approached her about AI, her process may be different than that of someone who initiated her own AI process by cold-calling a sorority's national office or alumnae chapter.

[33girl]

Like others have said, we don't have the full story here, but keep in mind that each organization that does AI has its own process. Because the OP's friend approached her about AI, her process may be different than that of someone who initiated her own AI process by cold-calling a sorority's national office or alumnae chapter.

Or the friend may be super gung ho about it for her own personal reasons, and her opinions are not necessarily those of anyone else in her alum chapter, or her sorority for that matter. The way that the OP's worded her posts just gives me pause on that score. Not to mention the whole joining an alum chapter that is not the recommending friend's chapter. As I said, I hope I'm incorrect but it would behoove the OP to have the WHOLE story before she proceeds.

[ree-Xi]

Like others have said, we don't have the full story here, but keep in mind that each organization that does AI has its own process. Because the OP's friend approached her about AI, her process may be different than that of someone who initiated her own AI process by cold-calling a sorority's national office or alumnae chapter.

Hence why coming here with a very specific issue or problem, regarding people and circumstances which we don't know and cannot possibly give an informed answer to the question, "Thoughts?", is not the best of ideas.

This type of question, following a few select details, is prevalent on forums and message boards all over. I belong to a specific diseased-focused medical forum, and people come on there asking about a new medication.

Instead of looking for manufacturer information or asking for people to share their own experience, people come on to ask "I heard about X medication. Will it work for me?" Even if they had come on and given more details such as their ABC levels or specific clinical manifestations (or symptoms), no one there can tell them if they should take the medication. They don't ask look up manufacturer info (which tells them all about side effects, rates of success, etc.), they don't ask their doctors. Despite countless attempts to inform these people that the forum is not to diagnose or treat any condition (rather, share experiences), and that one's physician is the only one who can adequately answer the question, they just keep on coming.

Is it a generational thing? The wealth (not necessarily quality) of information online? People wanting the easy answer instead of doing the work themselves?

Excuse the rant. I know that I can simply close a thread or not take the time to reply, but I don't understand this phenomena. Before the internet, we asked the experts - or the people who presumably had the answers. Yes, sharing experiences and developing camaraderie is great, but no internet forum can tell you what others are thinking, what your odds are, or see the future.

[33girl]

Is it a generational thing? The wealth (not necessarily quality) of information online? People wanting the easy answer instead of doing the work themselves?


I don't think it's a generational thing in this case as the OP is past 40. ;)

But re your question in general, I do think it partly has to do with getting so overwhelmed w/ information and opinions you just don't know where to begin.